Chapter 35
THIRTY-FIVE
Jane sat on the couch, too stunned to move or speak. Matteo had left in an ambulance half an hour ago, unconscious and with barely a pulse. She had no idea if he was okay or if he…
She squeezed her eyes closed.
Ed had shown up moments after the first responders, and once Matteo was in the back of the ambulance on the way to the hospital, he had asked her and Mom some questions, but he’d only seemed worried about them, not suspicious. And why would he be suspicious? Never in her wildest dreams would she have imagined that Mom would be capable of poisoning her husband.
Poisoning Matteo.
Every part of her wanted to reject the thought. There had to be some other explanation. But given Mom’s admission in the kitchen, Jane had no idea how it could be anything else.
She finally managed to turn her head to glance over at Mom, who sat calmly beside her, hands folded in her lap. “Is it true?” Jane whispered. “Did you really do this? Did you really—” She coughed. “— murder Dad? ”
Mom’s hands tensed, the white skin on her knuckles the only sign she was affected by the question.
“And—” Jane could barely get the words out. “Did you really try to do the same to Matteo?”
Mom remained silent, her head nodding almost imperceptibly, as if she were running through a dozen responses in her head, trying them out until she landed on one that felt right.
Jane waited, breathless.
Finally, Mom turned in her seat and looked Jane straight in the eye. “What choice did I have?” She paused, straightened her shoulders, and continued. “What choice do any of us in that situation have?”
Jane stared at the worn indents on the floor where Dad’s recliner used to rest. Those marks were probably permanent. They should have ripped out the whole damn carpet. Set fire to it on the lawn.
“Could I have found a way to run?” Mom gave a slow shrug. “Maybe I could have. But I would have spent the rest of my life living in fear. Every time I left the house, I would have worried that he was there. Waiting. Every time I turned off the light, I would have wondered if that was the night he would finally find me.”
The words were as familiar as those old family photos lined up on the mantel. How many times had she thought of leaving Matteo, only to spiral through the exact same thoughts?
Most women who are murdered by their abusers are killed after they leave.
“Your father took everything from me. My independence, my dignity, my self-worth.” Mom took a breath, and the slight hitch at the end finally gave away a hint of emotion. “He took three decades of my life and, eventually, he took you . My daughter. My baby .” Her voice shook now. “Do you understand that there was only one way to take it all back?”
Jane slowly took in the steel in Mom’s eyes and the rigid set of her spine. And, just like that, Jane’s whole life shuffled and then slotted into place like those puzzles they used to do right there on the coffee table. She’d had no idea how strong her mother was, how much courage it took to say no more .
A series of loud thumps carried in from the porch outside, followed by the swoosh of the front door. And then Nik appeared in the living room, his chest rising and falling with each breath. “Jane.” He kneeled on the ground by her feet as his gaze raked over her. “Are you okay?”
Jane froze at the sight of his wrinkled blue scrubs, face mask hanging around his neck, Linden Falls Hospital ID badge swinging on a clip by his hipbone.
Though Nik had wanted to call in sick and stay with them that morning, Mom had insisted that he go in to work at the hospital. It all made sense now. Otherwise, how would Mom have gotten Matteo alone? But now Jane realized, in horror, that it meant Nik must have been at the ER when they’d brought Matteo in. That he might have been the one to treat him.
“Jane, I need to tell you something,” Nik said, the tension in his voice confirming her suspicions. “It’s about Matteo.”
An entire lifetime of emotions hit her in a single breath.
Fear. Hope. Terror.
What if Matteo was still alive?
What if he wasn’t?
“Jane.” Nik leaned in, taking her gently by the shoulders. “Matteo came into the ER in cardiac arrest.”
She nodded. She knew. Of course she knew.
“He didn’t make it.”
And then came a wave of relief so seismic it nearly pulled her under. “Oh my God.” It was all she could manage. “Oh my God.” If she weren’t already sitting, if Nik hadn’t been holding her up, she would have collapsed.
“Jane, I’m so sorry.”
Sorry. Jane turned that single word over in her head. Sorry. That was right. That was what she should feel. She should feel sorry. Matteo was dead. The man she’d cared about and slept with and spent ten years of her life next to. The man she’d called the father of her child. He was… gone.
But all she could think was that he would never hurt her again. He would never take Scarlett away. They were finally safe. Really and truly safe.
It’s over.
“Are you okay? Are you hurt?” Nik slid a hand across her cheek, his eyes seemingly searching her face for signs of bruises.
More bruises , Jane thought, remembering staring in the bathroom mirror at the purple marks blooming under her eye. The very last bruises. They would fade, and heal, and soon, those bruises would be in the past.
Just like Matteo.
“I’m not hurt,” Jane said. Not anymore.
Nik turned to Mom, who shook her head. “I’m fine,” she said.
“Can you tell me what happened?”
Jane took a deep breath and looked at the man kneeling in front of her. The man she’d loved for her whole life. They’d lost so much. The years they could have been together, the life they might have had. And Scarlett.
This will be the last secret I ever keep from him , Jane vowed. The very last secret. “Matteo just—” She lifted a shoulder. “He collapsed.” She felt movement to her right as Mom slowly reached over to squeeze her hand. “We called 911,” Jane continued. “And the ambulance came right away.”
It’s over.
The pain, the terror, the decades-long nightmare. Over. From now on, there would be no more fear. No more running. Her shoulders would never tense when he walked in a room, her eyes would never search his face to gauge his mood, her heart would never slam in her chest at the first sign of his anger. She hadn’t wanted Matteo dead. But if it hadn’t been him, it would have been her. Or Scarlett.
Dear God, it might have been Scarlett.
He took everything from me , Mom had said. There was only one way to take it all back.
Jane’s only regret was that Nik had been the one in the ER when they brought Matteo in. That he had to go through the trauma of losing a patient to cardiac arrest, his worst nightmare. But… sorry . No, she wasn’t sorry. She’d never be sorry.
Her gaze found Nik’s. “We did everything we could.”