CHAPTER ELEVEN
Nick
My intention in driving Marcy home the other night was simply that.
Make sure she got home safe in the rain, the thought of her cold and soaking not something I was comfortable with.
I wasn’t sure she would allow me the honor, but was pleasantly surprised when she agreed, and then completely shocked when she suggested we eat together.
I know she said she wanted to go over her ideas for improving social services, but I like to think she wanted to keep spending time with me.
Well, my ego likes to think that anyway.
The beginning of the evening was a practice in restraint.
She seemed nervous when she asked me to stay, and I couldn’t just reach out and touch her the way I normally would have on a date.
When she turned from me to unlock the back door to Harolds, it took all my will power not put my hands on her hips, and whisper some of my dirty thoughts in her ear.
I hadn’t even realized how quickly I have been going into “flirt mode,” until last night when I realized that my dick got me there on auto pilot.
With Marcy, I need my heart and my brain to be flying this plane.
Playing the long game, I kept my hands to myself, but did I flirt with her a little?
Yes I did. I am still me after all. Did she flirt back with me a little too?
Yes she did, and that felt incredible. I get the sense she doesn’t let herself do that often.
Feeling her slowly get more comfortable, made me feel more relaxed too.
Then my efforts felt rewarded when Marcy opened up about her family and her struggles as a kid.
Information I realize that I would have missed out on if I had steered the conversation to more shallow endeavors.
It's strange to feel yourself grow up in real time.
There is a part of me that wonders if our evening felt so great because of the novelty of the interaction for me.
Maybe I could enjoy the friend zone with women?
But the more time I spend with Marcy, the more I’m starting to think that’s not the case.
When I accidentally found her on my run the following morning, I had a moment of pure excitement.
There was also this underlying sensation that I can only believe is this “butterflies” feeling everyone has always described.
I am probably a little old to not know for sure, but the awareness in the pit of my stomach was simultaneously uncomfortable and addicting.
Marcy was standing there on that bridge like some sort of river goddess overlooking her kingdom.
The early morning light was catching on the dark curls in her ponytail and the sheen on her skin.
She didn’t notice me, attention fully cast on the rhythm of the river and the luminosity of the fall foliage.
She was glowing, and although I had no intention of scaring her when I tapped her shoulder, it was quite the happy accident.
Getting to catch her and feel the weight of her in my arms was shockingly comforting and strangely emotional for me.
I felt so tender toward her that it caught me off guard, realizing in that moment that of all the women I have had under me, how few, if any, I let myself hold.
Even though I could tell that the proximity made her blush, it only confirmed to me that she had to be feeling this pull to me too.
I swear her body even curled into mine for just a moment, although maybe that is wishful thinking.
Then it was just plain fun to mess with her and show off a bit.
Flexing for her was so juvenile, but watching her blush and flirting with her more just felt right.
She’s so fucking cute.
We finished our second run together this morning and it is safe to say that my crush is in full swing.
She has such brilliant ideas to improve social services in the hospital and community, and the combination of her resilience, brain, and beauty has got my blood buzzing as I drive into work and try to remind my brain that we do have important tasks to complete today.
I need do some further assessment of the staffing issues with the nurses throughout the hospital.
I’ll be meeting with the senior nursing staff, to see what they would recommend to help fix said issue, then I will be shadowing some of the staff in the emergency department, where the shortage is often the most problematic.
Marcy’s curls bouncing while she ran beside me.
Oh boy, this is going to be a long day.
The nursing leadership didn’t have the ideas I was hoping for.
They talked about offering some increased wages for certain shifts they were having difficulty filling, but that wouldn’t address the systemic issues that were clearly causing the problems in the first place.
Throwing money at the problem without a long-term plan for change is one of my pet-peeves, so I go into the shadowing session with some hope that the people working these shifts every day can offer more insight.
I’m following Lauren and Annie around this afternoon and into the evening.
They happen to be on shift in the emergency department, and it will take all the power in my being not to ask about Marcy.
I know they are good friends with her, especially Annie, but I have no idea if Marcy has shared with them that we have spent time together outside of work, and I don’t know if Marcy will be working in the ED tonight either.
Her schedule is flexible and up to her to navigate, so long as she is working enough hours each week to fulfill her contract.
I happen to know she works far more hours than she should, but that’s a problem to tackle on another day.
“Well, hello there Nick, what can I do for you?” Angie greets me at the reception desk with a warm smile, wearing her Minnesota Twins jersey and some red nails that match the stitching in the shirt perfectly.
“Hi Angie, I am supposed to find Lauren and Annie to follow them around a bit this evening and observe. Any chance they are nearby?”
“Yes honey, Annie is helping one of the regulars and Lauren got pulled to help with an issue at the birthing center but should be back shortly.” Well, the visit is already fruitful; why would they be pulling nurses to work in other areas of the hospital?
“I’ll start with Annie then, thanks Angie.
” She points me in the direction of one of the curtained bays, not far from where I spent the other afternoon talking with Jax.
He was admitted now and Marcy shared during our run this morning that he had been accepted to an inpatient program in the cities that he could afford with his insurance coverage.
God, she’s just amazing.
I can hear Annie giggling as I approach, and when she catches a glimpse of me through the split in the curtain, she excuses herself from her patient to greet me.
“Hey Nick, I hear you are visiting with us this evening. Are we in trouble already?” She gives me a bit of a mischievous grin, like the one she was using on Marcy at the bar. I don’t know this woman yet, but something tells me she knows a thing or two about trouble.
“No trouble, not yet any way. Just trying to figure out why there is a staffing issue in the emergency department. Honestly, I have been here five minutes and already getting a feeling I know the problem. How often are they calling you guys up to cover on other units?” Annie rolls her eyes.
“Most shifts I work, someone gets called up to cover elsewhere. It’s tough to keep track of your patients, and then they get confused about who is caring for them. It’s just messy, and honestly, I think we have had trouble keeping nurses because of it.”
“Makes sense, people want to work in their hired positions, not get jerked around.”
“Exactly.” She smiles, and I can’t help but think that a year or two ago, I would probably make a pass at her, see if we had any chemistry. But tonight? I can’t fathom the interest, and there is something liberating and scary about this realization.
I like the feeling of being in control, a gift from my parents for the lack of it they gave me as a kid. So, finally feeling like I have control over the drive to ease my insecurities with mindless female companionship is something I won’t take for granted.
“Annie, in your opinion, what’s the challenge on the other units? Why are they using you guys to fill in?” This is starting to feel like it may be a long night.
“I don’t know for sure, but I do know that there seems to be more trouble with the staffing issues when there isn’t a chief operating officer in place.
I think that the supervising nurses must rely on that one person calling the shots, and they are struggling to coordinate their needs amongst each other without that.
” Well great, Keith finding a COO that will work with him is becoming a challenge as the rumors of his shenanigans spread through the small world of Minnesotan healthcare.
“That makes sense, Annie. I was also wondering…” and I completely lose my train of thought as I catch a bundle of dark curls out of the corner of my eye.
I do not keep my cool, and spin around quickly to catch someone who isn’t Marcy but has her hair color and height.
It’s a personal care attendant going to chat with Angie, but that brief loss of my wits is damning.
“I’m sorry Nick, were you going to ask me something?” Annie is confidently twirling her blond ponytail, a cocky stance aimed at me and a glimmer in her eye.
“Yes, I uh, sorry I forgot but give me a moment and…” I stutter.
“You forgot? Because you just thought that was Marcy, right?” Shit.
“I’m sorry, who?” I know my jaw tick and flushed face are giving me away, and Annie couldn’t look more pleased.
“I knew it. I knew there was a little something there when you saw us at the bar the other night. You like her. It’s okay, she’s my best friend, so I get it.
She’s a catch.” She assures me, not that I needed it.
Every muscle in body wants to delve into this conversation; what a catch she is and how I am going to try and make her mine.
I hesitate though, I want to do this right, and I am not sure if getting into this discussion with Marcy’s friend while we are in the middle of work is how I want this to go.
“Right, we should really get back to staffing issues.” I encourage.
“Eh, I like the topic we have landed on better.” Yup, trouble.
“Marcy is a strong employee, who has a lot of great ideas about improving social services for this community.” I try on my directive tone, but something tells me that Annie isn’t going to fall for my bravado.
“She smells good, she has pretty hair and a fat rack.” She states as she glares at me. Trying to get me to react. It works, of course.
“Did you just say ‘fat rack’ to me?” Now I start laughing, because who is this girl?
“Marcy is a nice person, whom I respect and don’t want to talk about anymore.” I insist. Annie eyes me warily, she knows I am full of shit but that’s fine. I am trying to figure out how to get out of this scenario when I am mercifully saved by the call light coming from Annie’s patient.
“I am perceptive Nick, and personally, if there is something sparking between you two, then I will be supportive as long as Marcy is into it. She deserves a guy that gives her the world though, takes care of her instead of her feeling like she has to go through life on her own. It’s been hard enough letting her dads and I into her bubble.
If you get a spot in there, whether it is for a night or a lifetime, don’t fuck it up.
Treat her like a queen. That’s all I will say on the matter.
” She stares at me, waiting for acknowledgement of her statement.
I nod in agreement, and she seems satisfied with this wordless admission.
Annie is clearly a gift. I love the way she is standing up for her friend; Marcy is lucky to have this troublemaker in her corner.
I feel put in my place, but in the best sense possible.
I hope to have more friends like this someday.
“Come on, let’s go see what Susan needs.
” She says. I nod again and follow her, not wanting to give anything more away about how I am feeling.
Feeling. There’s a word my therapist wishes I spent more time pondering.
What I am feeling is the strangest bit of relief from hearing Annie say she would be supportive of Marcy and I spending time together. I didn’t realize I would care about someone else’s approval when it comes to her, but apparently, old habits really do die hard.