Chapter 28
Chapter Twenty-eight
Tomorrow was the first day of December. Hannah could finally start opening her crystal Advent calendar.
She crossed her fingers, hoping the calendar would contain a lapis lazuli, the stone of friendship.
Nothing else could be a better sign that the new year would be the best time to start her Marley Creek Community For All group.
She still wasn’t sure about the name or even if she should decide on a name and then ask people to join, or ask people to join and vote on a name.
In any case, she was glad she’d set aside the Advent calendar when she brought them to the Mistletoe Market.
They had sold out before she closed on Black Friday. The weekend had passed in such a blur.
She’d only been able to see Kate for a few minutes on Friday.
She had hoped that Kate would have asked her to come over or maybe even out for dinner, but she hadn’t.
There had been a constant parade of people with pets passing by her, so Hannah knew Kate’s pet photos were a hit.
Hannah smiled broadly–she had helped make that happen.
Hannah loved being able to help friends, and to be able to help Kate?
After all Kate had shown her? That made her feel as if she was an equal, even though Kate was practically in a different generation than her.
More importantly, Kate had made her feel like she knew what she was doing.
She’d taught Hannah not to be afraid of her own pleasure and how to give that pleasure back.
Hannah was lying in her bed watching a Christmas movie she hadn’t seen before while Smoky kneaded the blanket next to her.
Monday was a rare day off, and she planned to stay home in her pajamas all day.
The worries over Chad had been pushed into the background as she worked at the market.
Not only had the promise of snow been in the air all weekend, but she was feeling the magic of the holiday season.
It was as if the universe wanted to confirm that this was a time she should be rejoicing and celebrating.
The song “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year” began playing on the TV as the requisite cookie-making montage scene began.
“We are going to be okay, Smoky,” she said as she appreciated the soft glow of twinkling lights surrounding her.
For once, her apartment was the perfect temperature for snuggling under a blanket and falling asleep.
She drifted off to sleep thinking about shortbread cookies, only to be jostled awake by the vibrating of her phone next to her ear.
Hannah patted the bed, looking for her glasses.
She put them on and looked at her phone.
There were six texts from Kate. Hannah froze.
Was something wrong? She read through them as quickly as possible.
Her mood shifted lower and lower as she read until her heart rolled out of her body and across the floor to rest against her Christmas tree.
Tears glistened in her eyes as she reread the texts, hoping irrationally that she’d read Kate’s context wrong.
This fall had been full of new situations for Hannah, and she’d thought she was starting to really come into her own.
Now she was stuck wondering what she’d done wrong.
Why didn’t Kate want to be with her? It was too late to call Brandee, so she was stuck sitting by herself.
Tears welled up, and she wiped them away with the heels of her palms. Random moments with Kate flooded her mind.
The slope of Kate’s smooth flat stomach, the rough edge in her voice just before she came, and the way Hannah felt so safe in her arms. And now that was gone, along with her peace of mind.
Her head ached. She’d been clenching her teeth again.
She opened her mouth widely and tried to massage her jaw.
Even though she didn’t want to get up, her headache was mounting.
Hannah threw back the covers, walked to the bathroom, and found a couple of acetaminophen tablets.
She took them back and washed them down with the glass of water she always kept by her bed.
Then she crawled back under the covers and closed her eyes.
If only she could go back in time before Thanksgiving.
Everything since Thanksgiving had kind of sucked, and she was over it.
Sleeping now was no use; she threw back the covers and walked out of her sleeping area.
She might as well fold the laundry that had been sitting in a basket on her floor since Wednesday.
As she stared at the laundry basket full of wrinkled shirts, she stopped thinking about Kate for a moment and daydreamed about having a washer and dryer in her apartment.
Folding clothes and washing dishes always helped her think.
Before she could finish the basket, she’d Googled “if someone breaks up with you over text, should you call them?” Apparently, the internet thought it was a terrible idea, and it was better to go “no contact.” Hannah put her glasses on her head and rubbed her eyes.
She wasn’t even thirty yet, and she felt overwhelmed by how dating was supposed to work.
She tried a new search: “how should you respond when someone breaks up with you over text?” An AI result popped up that said to say “Thanks for letting me know. I wish you the best.” And that’s when Hannah threw her phone across the room.
Hannah welcomed the anger she was now feeling.
It was bullshit that Kate had sent her a lame “it’s not you, it’s me text.
” Hannah picked up her tiger’s eye pendant and put it on; she needed all the self-confidence she could get right now.
After she’d finished hanging up her shirts and putting everything else in her drawers, she yawned so loudly that Smoky jumped.
“Sorry, baby,” she said to her cat. Hannah still wanted to reply to Kate’s text.
She wanted to call her and tell her she was a coward.
Hannah wasn’t sure about much when it came to dating, but she knew that the connection between her and Kate was electric.
It was the kind of thing that didn’t come around often.
And sure, maybe she hadn’t been in a serious relationship with a woman before, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t feel herself falling in love, and she felt it all the way down to the marrow in her bones that Kate was falling too.
Too bad that was why she had pulled back.
A tiny bird of hope fluttered in her chest; was there still a chance for them?
Or was she just unable to see that it was hopeless?
She was back to being tired and confused. “I need a hug.” She picked up Smoky and held him close. He didn’t usually like being confined, but tonight he must have understood her sadness because he only purred as she held him and sat back down on her bed.
Tomorrow she could read the cards. That always made her feel better—well, except for the other day when she’d pulled the Knight of Swords. Finally, around three a.m., she fell asleep.
Hannah was up by eight. The first thing she did was open her phone.
No more messages from Kate. Acid began roiling in her empty stomach.
Her head was fuzzy with confusion and broken sleep.
Even though she’d planned on staying home, the idea of fresh crisp air and a peppermint mocha to start the month of December called to her.
The crystal Advent calendar was her last stop before getting dressed.
The stone behind December first was a little piece of obsidian.
She held it in her hand and thought about her own negative energy and the negative energy that could happen if Chad showed up in town.
She wasn’t above doing things that others would say were silly superstitions, so she pocketed the obsidian.
It was almost nine when she got in her car and drove over to Common Grounds.
She parked and went inside to the counter and ordered her peppermint mocha with whipped cream and extra crushed candy cane on top.
After giving the barista a tip that equaled the cost of her drink, because it was the season of giving and all, she looked for a seat.
Outside of Thanksgiving Day, which had sucked, she couldn’t remember a day all fall when she hadn’t had to work or been planning the Mistletoe Market.
The upholstered chairs in front of the fireplace were empty, and Hannah took that as a sign she should park herself in one of them and take some time for herself.
She was fighting to get out of the general state of gloom Kate’s texts had kicked off.
And if that wasn’t enough, the ghost of her Christmas past might show up in Marley Creek.
Hannah slurped up the creamy and crunchy top of her drink, and she almost snorted some up her nose when she saw Cathy from Friendsgiving walk in, wearing a llama ugly sweater and a big furry hat.
Cathy was wearing matching mittens, and she waved at Hannah.
She mimed asking if the seat next to Hannah was taken. Hannah gestured that it was open.
A small part of the gloom around Hannah lifted.
It was nice to see someone she now knew was part of the queer community of Marley Creek.
Of course, Hannah was always happy to build friendships, but it was a new and treasured thing to form these ties.
The rich taste of chocolate cut with the herbal taste of peppermint warmed her stomach and brought good memories of her first trip to the Mistletoe Market a couple of years ago.
Marley Creek rivaled any fake town she’d seen in a Christmas movie. And the best part was, she lived here.