11. Reiana
Reiana
By the time Rhyse and I made it over to Mona’s, he barely acknowledged me before disappearing toward the back of the house to find Quaylon.
Quentin was somewhere outside doing whatever the hell Quentin did when he had free time, so that left me and Mona in the kitchen with a bottle of wine and the food she had ordered before I got there.
I grabbed one of the containers and opened it before looking over at her. “You could’ve at least waited until I got here before you started eating,” I complained as I noticed half of the spinach dip was already gone.
“Nobody told you to take all damn day. Bitches be hungry,” she shrugged.
“Hell, I’m bitches and I’m hungry, hoe.” I frowned.
“Mhm,” she hummed as she poured more wine into my glass. “Now sit down and tell me what the hell been going on because Tay called me yesterday talking in circles.”
I laughed because I already knew Taryn had called Mona so they could compare notes and try to figure my life out like I couldn’t do the shit myself. I took my plate and sat across from Mona while she did the same.
“Taryn runs her mouth too fucking much,” I said as I picked up one of the wings.
“She didn’t tell me everything,” Mona replied as she dipped a wing into some ranch dressing. “She just said Dorian still acting weird and you were getting tired of his shit. He still giving you that bullshit ass excuse about business?”
“Every fucking time, and I’m not about to let him keep playing I my fucking face. One nigga doing it was enough.” Every time I suspected Dorian of doing some dumb shit, Lennox’s bitch ass always seemed to creep into my thoughts whether I wanted him to or not.
“That would piss me off,” Mona responded as she shook her head. “Especially when you’re asking him straight up.”
“That’s what I’m saying,” I agreed as I picked up my glass. “I’on even need to know every detail about whatever he’s doing. I just know when somebody is lying to me, and Dorian has been lying his stupid ass off.”
The more I talked about it, the more irritated I got all over again. I wasn’t interested in following him around or trying to catch him doing something. If I had to work that hard to trust a man, there was already a problem.
Mona took a sip of her wine before setting the glass down. “So why are you still with him?”
I looked down at my plate before answering. “I’on know. I guess I’m trying not to make some impulsive decision when I still don’t know what the hell he’s hiding.”
“You’on need to know what he’s hiding to know you’on trust him,” Mona pointed out as she leaned back in her chair. “Those are two different things.”
“I know,” I admitted as I reached for my drink again. “And that’s what’s bothering me.”
For two years, Dorian’s and my relationship had been easy. I never felt some overwhelming need to build my whole life around him, but I enjoyed being with him. That was enough until lately. Now, every strange call and vague answer made me look at him differently.
“And then this nigga brought up marriage when he took me and Rhyes to breakfast,” I added as I put my glass down.
“Marriage?” Mona repeated.
“Yep,” I confirmed as I grabbed another wing. “Me, him, and Rhyse were sitting there eating, and out the blue he starts talking about how he’s serious about me and wants to make me his wife eventually.”
“What did you say?” Mona asked as she stopped eating and looked directly at me.
“I told him we’d talk about it later,” I replied as I shrugged. “Rhyse’s bad ass told him he didn’t need a daddy. I swear that little boy gone make me knock his teeth out and he’ll be waiting for them to grow back,” I complained as I shook my head.
“You act like you’on know who his daddy is.” She smirked.
“Bitch you tried it,” I countered as I pointed my freshly manicured nails at her.
“I’m just saying,” Mona replied. “You’ve been with that man two years. If him mentioning marriage got you looking like somebody asked you a trick question, that means something.”
“I never said I didn’t want to marry him,” I reminded her as I sat back in my chair.
“You never said you did either,” Mona countered as she watched me. “So how do you feel about it?”
“I’on see it with Dorian,” I admitted as I looked back at her. “I care about him, but when he said that shit, I didn’t get excited. I just wanted to get through breakfast without the conversation continuing.”
Mona nodded.
“The only man I ever actually pictured marrying was Lennox,” I continued as I reached for my glass.
“Back then, I thought that was exactly where we were headed. I could see the house, kids, marriage, all that shit with him. Then his ass fucked all that up, and I stopped looking at relationships like that.”
“That was different for you,” Mona said as she rested her forearms on the table. “You loved Lennox.”
“Exactly,” I agreed as I took a sip. “And that’s the difference. I’m not in love with Dorian.”
Saying it out loud didn’t shock me because I already knew it. I had known it for a while and just never had a reason to say the words. Dorian told me he loved me, and I never questioned whether he meant it. I just couldn’t give him the same thing back because it wasn’t there.
“Does he know that?” Mona asked.
“He should.” I shrugged. “I’ve never told that man I loved him… not once.”
“Damn,” Mona muttered as she shook her head slightly. “Two years, Ree?”
“I’m not saying it just because he wants to hear it,” I replied as I frowned. “That would be worse than not saying it at all.”
“I agree with that,” Mona assured me as she picked up her glass. “But if you already know you’re not in love with him, and now you’on trust him either, what are y’all doing?”
“I’on know,” I admitted as I looked toward the hallway when I heard Rhyse and Quaylon yelling. “Maybe I got comfortable. He didn’t require much from me emotionally, and I think I liked that more than I realized.”
“Until he started talking about forever,” she added.
“Pretty much,” I agreed. “Now this nigga is talking about marriage while I’m sitting here wondering if anything coming out his mouth is true. For all I know he could be using marriage as a distraction, but he should know that I’m not a bitch who can be easily distracted.”
“That’s your answer then,” Mona said as she sat her glass down. “Not saying that you need to break up with him this second, but you definitely shouldn’t even entertain marriage with somebody you’on trust.”
“And I’m not,” I assured her as I shook my head. “That’s not even an option right now. I wouldn’t marry Dorian tomorrow if he showed up with the biggest ring that ever existed,” I commented meaning every word.
I wasn’t in love with Dorian, and I didn’t trust him.
Those weren’t minor problems that could be fixed with some flowers, a breakfast date, or him telling me everything was fine.
Marriage wasn’t going to make either one disappear, and I wasn’t about to convince myself otherwise just because we had already spent two years together.
The only time I had ever looked at a man and known I wanted forever with him…
I ended up leaving Cannon Hills pregnant and brokenhearted.
Lennox made sure I learned not to build my entire future around what a man promised me.
Dorian wasn’t Lennox, and I wasn’t punishing him for what happened between us, but I also wasn’t about to ignore what was right in front of me.
I didn’t trust the man I was with, and I damn sure wasn’t in love with him.
The more I admitted that to myself, the less sense staying with him started to make.
After we finished eating, Mona started cleaning up while I stayed at the table with my wine and checked a few emails from work. I had taken the day off from going into the office, but that didn’t mean I didn’t get things done.
I grabbed my phone and called Tasha to check in before I went on with the rest of my day.
“Hey, girl… everything good over there?” I asked as soon as she answered.
“Everything is good, Reiana,” Tasha assured me. “We had one call from the Kingswell building about adding an extra service next week, but I already handled it. Other than that, everybody showed up, nobody pissed anybody off, and I haven’t had to threaten anybody yet.”
I laughed because that was about as good as a workday could get. “See, that’s what I like to hear. Did Trina’s crew make it over to the new office contract this morning?”
“Yep, and she already sent me the pictures,” Tasha confirmed as I heard her tapping at something. “Everything looked good, so you really don’t have anything to worry about today, boss lady.”
“Well, it sounds like you have everything under control and don’t need me, huh?” I smirked.
“Correct,” Tasha replied with a laugh. “We got it, so enjoy your day.”
“Alright, I’m gone let you get back to it. Call me if you need anything,” I insisted.
I heard the line beep and looked and saw that it was Dorian. I rolled my eyes because I didn’t feel like being bothered with him right now.
“I won’t,” Tasha joked as she laughed. “Enjoy the rest of your day, Ree.”
“Noted,” I replied before ending the call and clicking over to Dorian. “Hey,” I answered as I took another sip of wine.
“Wassup, baby?” Dorian greeted once our call connected. “I was just calling to check on you and see how you doing.”
“I’m good,” I replied as I watched Mona sit back down across from me. “I’m over Mona’s right now.”
“Oh, aight,” Dorian responded before pausing for a second. “That’s wassup. I’ain really want nothing. I just wanted to hear your voice and make sure you were good.”
“I’m good,” I repeated. “Are you?” I countered.
“Yeah, I’m straight,” Dorian assured me. “Just handling a few things. I’ll probably call you later.”
“Alright,” I replied as I looked down at my phone.
There was a brief pause like he expected me to say something else, but I didn’t have anything else to give the conversation. We had already been through enough talking around shit, and I wasn’t about to force small talk just because he called.
“Ok, Ree. I love you, baby,” Dorian confessed.
“Mhm… I’ll talk to you later,” I countered before disconnecting the call and setting my phone on the table.
“Was that Dorian?” Mona asked.
“Yeah,” I confirmed as I picked my glass back up. “He was just checking on me.”
“I want you to stop dragging this shit out, Ree,” Mona replied as she leaned back in her chair. “You’on trust him… you’re not in love with him, and now you sound irritated every time the man calls. What exactly are you waiting on?”
I looked at her for a second before taking another sip. Normally, I would’ve had some argument ready, but I didn’t. Everything she said was true, and I was getting tired of hearing myself make excuses for why I hadn’t ended it yet.
“I honestly don’t know,” I admitted as I sat the glass back down. “I think part of me kept waiting to see if whatever he got going on would clear up and shit would go back to normal.”
“But normal wasn’t enough either,” Mona pointed out as she raised one eyebrow. “You just said that man brought up marriage and you couldn’t even picture marrying him.”
“Ugh… I know,” I huffed.
The truth was Dorian’s weird behavior didn’t create all the problems between us.
It just made me stop ignoring the ones that were already there.
I had been comfortable with him, but comfort wasn’t love.
We had been together for two years, and I still didn’t trust him enough to believe him when he told me everything was fine.
Mona watched me for a second before speaking again. “You’on need to catch him cheating or lying about something huge before you leave. If the relationship ain’t working for you anymore, that’s enough.”
“You’re right,” I admitted. “And honestly, I think I’m done.”
“Then be done.” She nodded. “Don’t keep letting him think y’all are moving toward marriage when you already know you’on even want that with him,” she added.
“You’re right,” I agreed. “I need to talk to him and cut it off before this shit gets any deeper.”
Saying it out loud made the decision feel more final, but it didn’t feel wrong. I wasn’t angry enough to hate Dorian, and I wasn’t hurt enough to feel like he had broken me. I was just tired of being comfortable.
I had already spent enough time in one relationship wondering what the hell happened. I wasn’t doing that shit again.