28. Reiana #2
That shit still hurt. Years had passed… I had gotten older… built a life… had a child of my own and learned how to exist without her in it, but none of that stopped those words from reaching the same place they always had.
A laugh came out of me, but it was full of anger and disbelief. “I was a fucking child.”
“You were old enough to keep asking until you got your way,” she countered like the dumb bitch she was.
“And that means I caused an accident?” My voice rose before I could stop it. “That means I killed my father because I wanted to go somewhere? Do you hear how fucked up you sound?”
“You weren’t the one who had to bury a husband,” she fussed.
“I HAD TO BURY MY FUCKING DADDY!” I screamed.
The words tore out of me hard enough that a couple walking farther down the sidewalk looked in our direction, but I didn’t give a damn. Tears burned behind my eyes, and I hated her even more for being able to bring that kind of pain back after all these years.
“You lost your husband, and I lost my father in the same fucking accident. The difference is, nobody came home and blamed you.” My voice cracked, but I kept going.
“I had to grieve Daddy while you treated me like I had killed him with my bare hands. I had to live in that house knowing every time you looked at me, you were thinking he should still be there,” I cried.
“You’on know what I was thinking.” She waved me off.
“The fuck if I don’t. You made sure I knew.” I pointed out.
Reina shook her head, but there wasn’t a drop of sympathy on her face. “You’ve spent your whole life making excuses for yourself.”
“You are one hateful ass bitch,” I snarled.
“Watch how you talk to me. I’m still your mother,” she chastised, causing me to laugh.
“Bitch, fuck you. You ain’t shit to me.” I wiped my eye before a tear could make it down my cheek.
“You stood by and watched your own child carry the guilt of an accident because you needed somebody to blame. You couldn’t blame Daddy because he was gone, and you couldn’t blame yourself, so you put it on me.
Then you treated me like shit because I had the nerve to survive. ”
She didn’t say anything, so I continued.
“You know I used to wish it was me that died instead of Daddy so you could be happy again. I loved your selfish ass that much to want to be dead instead so I wouldn’t have to be here and have you treat me like shit,” I revealed through my tears.
For the first time since we started arguing, Reina’s face shifted, but I didn’t care what she felt. She had never cared enough about what I felt.
“That is not how I felt, Reiana,” she spoke.
“Well, that’s how you made me felt, so it doesn’t really matter.” I shrugged.
She opened her mouth, but I didn’t let her interrupt me.
“I hate you for that. I hate that you took the worst thing that ever happened to me and made it worse. I hate that when I needed my mother because my daddy was dead, you were too busy hating me to be one.” The tears continued, and I wiped them away without taking my eyes off her.
“And I hate that after all these years, you’re still standing here trying to make me feel guilty for being alive. ”
Reina stared at me with that same hardness I remembered from years ago. “Maybe if you had ever taken responsibility for anything—”
“Bitch, fuck you.”
I was done going back and forth with her.
“Daddy’s death is not mine to take responsibility for.
I didn’t cause that accident. I didn’t kill him, and I’m never letting you put that shit on me again.
” I reached into my purse for my keys, but before I walked away, I made sure she heard the rest. “And don’t you ever come near my son.
I’on care if somebody tells you where we live, where he goes to school or anything else about him.
You hate me, and I feel the same fucking way about you.
My son will never be caught in the middle of whatever sickness you’ve carried around all these years. ”
Her lips parted, but I shook my head.
“Save it. I’ve heard enough from you to last another lifetime.” I walked away before she could say anything else.
By the time I got inside my car and shut the door, my chest hurt from holding so much in.
I sat there with my purse in my lap and stared through the windshield while the tears I had been fighting came harder.
Seeing Reina had taken me back to a place I hadn’t been in years, and I hated that she still knew how to do that.
I hated that beneath all the anger, there was still pain attached to the fact that my own mother had blamed me for something that nearly took my life too.
I wiped my face and tried to pull myself together, but there was no point pretending I was okay.
A few minutes earlier, I had walked out of that building excited about my new journey.
I had been ready to call Lennox and tell him I might have found the place for my new location.
Now I was sitting there feeling like I had just been dragged through every ugly year that followed my father’s death.
I picked up my phone and called Lennox.
“Wassup, baby?” He answered on the second ring.
“Hey,” I sniffed.
“What’s wrong with you?” He asked on full alert.
“Nothing,” I lied.
“Ree,” he called my name and that just made the tears fall harder.
“I ran into my mother,” I cried.
“Reina?” He questioned.
“Yeah.” I exhaled and wiped at my face again. “She started her usual shit. Brought up Daddy and the accident. She still blames me, Lennox. After all these fucking years, she still blames me,” I cried.
“Man, Ree fuck your mama,” he spat.
A weak laugh escaped me even though I was still crying.
“I’m dead serious… fuck her. You were a kid, Ree. You didn’t cause that accident, and you damn sure didn’t kill your father. She’s fucked up for ever putting that shit on you,” he corrected me.
“I know, but hearing it from her again…” I shook my head even though he couldn’t see me. “I’on know. It just brought everything back.” I sniffed.
“Where you at?” He asked.
“Still sitting outside the office,” I responded.
“Come to me,” he instructed.
“I need to get Rhyse,” I countered.
“No, you need to come here.” His voice softened, but there was no room for argument in it. “Come straight to me and let me make it better. My mama has the kids, so he’s straight.”
I closed my eyes for a second before nodding to myself. “Okay.”
“Aight. I love you,” he said.
“I love you, too,” I responded before the call disconnected.
By the time we hung up, I was calmer, but seeing Reina had added something to the move I hadn’t considered.
Cannon Hills was big enough that I could go years without crossing her path again, but today proved there were no guarantees.
I wasn’t changing my plans because of her, though.
I had already given that woman too much control over parts of my life without realizing it, and she wasn’t getting any more.
I wanted the move… I wanted the opportunity to grow RéIA here, and I wanted to build a life with Lennox and our family.
Seeing Reina didn’t change any of that. If anything, it made me more certain that I was done letting the past decide what I did with my future.
I just hoped she understood what I meant when I told her to stay the fuck away from me.
If we ever cross paths again and she came at me with that same bullshit, I might forget she gave birth to me and beat her ass.