Prologue #2
I don’t know what’s possessed me. And I’m not an idiot. I hear the snickers when I move further into the room, the barely-concealed laughter at my presence, and the likely look of terror on my face for all to see.
Amber’s smirking, as though this is a cruel trick. And maybe it is, but my legs disobey my brain, the part that’s still thinking coherently.
When I reach Amber, there’s whooping. Or maybe it’s jeering. That would be more apt. ‘Have you ever even been kissed?’ Ambers sneers at me under her breath, so at least a few others can hear her.
My heart starts to pummel my ribs. No, I haven’t, I want to tell her, but I don’t. The next thing I know, I’ve been thrust inside the walk-in closet, and the doors are slammed shut behind me.
My cheeks burn hot as I hear every single partygoer in the room behind me laughing and baying. I hear them counting down too. One minute. Panic wells in my chest. I’ve kissed my pillow a few times and the back of my hand in my bedroom. That’s the extent of my experience.
It’s a big closet. There’s a light on inside. AJ’s stood there in his shredded, distressed Levi’s, fitted black T-shirt covering broad shoulders and scuffed biker boots, his hands pushed inside his front pockets. Blindfolded.
‘Well, come on over, don’t be shy,’ he says to me in a low voice.
Fifty! Forty-nine! Forty-eight!
He takes a slow step forward. Mine is more guarded. To my alarm, AJ reaches out his right hand and blindly finds the cotton material of my top, just below my breasts, gripping it in his fist and tugging me further toward him.
My heart races. His scent fills my nose, laced with the aroma of engine grease. He always rides his motorcycle to school.
He dips his head, and instinctively, I pull back.
Thirty-seven! Thirty-six!
‘Relax,’ he says. ‘I won’t bite.’
One hand goes to my cheek, slides up to my ear. I feel it everywhere. He runs his fingers along the rim of my glasses. It occurs to me that now he knows I’m wearing them. A shiver goes down my spine, and his fingers grip my chin.
This time, when he lowers his mouth, I don’t pull away.
At the first touch of his lips, I’m stunned.
I think I worried too much about whether I would know what to do.
But kissing AJ Callahan feels instinctive, my mouth moving against his.
I don’t know that I ever thought the feeling would be this glorious.
AJ kisses with confidence, his lips soft, tentative at first but then assertive, as though kissing isn’t meant to be this passive pastime for him.
I like the feel of his firm hands on my hips too, the way he deepens our kiss when I don’t expect it, as though he’s finally comfortable.
I no longer hear the countdown outside. My body is on high alert for him. I’m silent for the duration. The only sound I make is when his tongue tastes mine, sending a fizzing sensation through my veins and the smallest whimper fleeing my mouth.
Then we’re pressed against one another. Like this isn’t a game anymore, and he’s pulling me to him, because, like me, he knows this feels way better than it should.
Four! Three! Two—
I’m the one to break the kiss. Not that I want to, but I know that I don’t want the cooler members of my senior class witnessing this moment, which in my mind, is already sacred.
I don’t want their distain to spoil it for me.
And so, I step back, out of his reach. In the dim light, I see him suck on his bottom lip.
The door opens and light floods the interior of the closet. I’m practically dragged out by Amber. Perhaps she thought we wouldn’t even share a kiss, the look she gives me oddly envious.
She dismisses me with a wave of her fingers. I ignore the disdainful looks, the sniggering, and go back to my isolated spot beside the door, still buzzing on the inside.
I watch as AJ Callahan is led back out of the closet. He removes his blindfold, his gaze scouring the room. My heart pounds, though I keep my expression passive.
‘So, AJ.’ The tone in Amber’s voice has shifted gears again. She’s back to being flirtatious. ‘Who’d you kiss, huh?’
‘I, uh…’ I hear him say. His gaze isn’t even remotely near my part of the room. He shrugs. ‘I have no idea.’
‘Take a guess, dummy. Or it’s a shot of tequila for you.’
She reaches for the bottle and dangles it under his nose. He takes it and presses the top of the glass neck to his lips.
‘She was wearing glasses, I think,’ he says before he drinks.
Nobody bothers to look my way. But I watch Amber pull down her sunglasses from the top of her head. She offers AJ a wicked grin.
‘Al-oha!’ she exclaims and moves closer to him.
My skin prickles. The envy I just assigned to Amber is now mine. I can’t hear what’s being said over the whooping and whistling. The others don’t seem to care that she’s underhandedly taken my place, and it’s apparent that I don’t exist to anybody in this room.
I stand there, speechless, AJ unaware that it was me who he kissed, and not her.
My cheeks are warm. It’s humiliating, accentuated by a stabbing sensation in my chest.
And so, moments later, I slip away and leave them to their stupid game.
I stumble on my way back downstairs. Nobody notices, and I try to find Marcie. I want to tell her my tale, but when I finally locate her, she’s making out with science club guy outside by the pool.
I want to go home. But I stay, hug my waist, and try to fight this feeling that I don’t belong here. That this was supposed to be fun.
The next time I see AJ Callahan, a half hour later, is downstairs, where he’s in a corner, French kissing Amber Bradshaw, his arms wrapped around her.
Once more, I find myself backing away, wondering if I imagined the whole thing.
Outside the house, I reach for my phone. I send a message to Marcie to tell her that I’m going home.
As the noise from the party fades into the distance behind me, I’m confident I’ll probably never see AJ Callahan again.