Chapter Fifteen
Hollie
On the road out to Rapture, I think to myself, yet again, that I don’t belong in this universe.
And not only that, but I’m scared.
What kind of a person is frightened of a night out?
Our Uber driver honks his horn. Up ahead, a car has broken down, causing all the traffic behind it to grind to a halt. Cars start driving round, creating chaos along the poorly maintained road.
Aubri is here from Sunset Pines. So is Nabila, and a second nurse, Carla, who I happen to know hates both her job and the elderly. We talked excitedly the entire journey until Rapture came into view. Now, everybody’s gone quiet.
Aubri lowers her window. She looks to the rest of us with a devilish grin. ‘Y’all hear that?’ she says.
I can hear it. Eighties rock, turned up loud, filling the air. The sky is a rebellious shade of deep purple, peppered with thinning gray clouds.
It took me an age to decide what to wear.
In the end I settled on a pair of big hoop earrings, a white, strapless bandeau top and a pair of loose-fitting cargo pants in camo green, my midriff on show.
I tried not to dress with anyone in mind, and I’ve never been ultra girly, but now, the thought of AJ being at Scotch & Smoke terrifies me.
Will he be angry with me for coming out this way? I almost cancelled with the others twice today, knowing that there’s every chance Evelyn will find out I’ve been here.
The Uber drops us off about fifty meters from Scotch & Smoke and we finish our journey on foot.
I’ve not experienced anything like this. Coming out to a saloon bar that’s literally in the middle of nowhere, to a town that’s been half-abandoned and is crumbling. Yet the line going inside is orderly, the mood buoyant.
With our wristbands firmly in place, it doesn’t take long for us to get inside. I can barely move for bodies. Conversations are animated. The music is even louder inside. Everyone is having a good time.
‘I don’t even know this song!’ I shout to Nabila over the noise after we enter the bar.
‘This is AC/DC!’ she shouts back giddily. ‘This is my dad’s favorite! You Shook Me All Night Long!’
It doesn’t take long to order drinks, despite the crowd around the bar. There are plenty of staff on duty, and three tattooed heavies in leather-studded vests appear to be acting as security.
‘Is Only Rapture like a slogan or something?’ I ask Aubri minutes later, taking note of two people in yellow T-shirts behind the bar.
‘Means you have to be from around here to get served by them,’ she tells me. ‘We’re just tourists in these parts.’
I nod in understanding. The crowd here is an eclectic mix.
Biker guys and girls, college varsity students, and everything in between.
I look around me and realize that, apart from my accent, I pretty much blend in with everybody else, and it fills me with relief.
A shiver goes down my spine. Fear? Or something else.
I don’t remember ever being on a night out quite like this one.
Later, we move to the edge of a makeshift dance floor where enthusiastic patrons thrash to the beat of Guns N’ Roses. That’s when I see her, collecting up glasses and going back and forth to the bar.
Nicole Escribano.
In high school, Nicole paid me precious little attention, just like everybody else, but she was one of the few girls from Rapture in our senior class, and therefore friendly with AJ’s crowd.
She looks the same, her petite frame possibly a fraction curvier than when I last saw her five years ago.
I’m still looking at her when our eyes meet, and I instantly look away, down to the bottle of beer in my hand.
A split second later, she’s making a beeline for me.
When she reaches me, there’s a big smile slapped on her face. Her makeup is extensive. She has perfect hair and bright pink nails, and her voice is one hundred per cent Southern belle.
‘Well, I’ll be damned,’ she yells. ‘It’s you!’
‘It’s me,’ I repeat, and wonder if she even remembers my name.
She puts down her pile of empty glasses. ‘Hollie Palmer. I didn’t know you was back in town! I mean, your stepmomma’s a bitch, no offence. How you been? I love your hair!’
Absent-mindedly, I touch the tips of my fingers to the side of my head and my recently dyed hair. ‘Thank you.’
‘You get it done professional?’
I feel my cheeks flush. I can’t afford a professional dye job. ‘Actually, I just buy a box from the drugstore.’
‘You serious? It looks fantastic! I love the pink! And you lost the glasses.’
‘Eye surgery.’
‘Fancy! Really opens up your face. You know, some of the Rapture guys from high school are here tonight. You should come say howdy!’
I came to have fun. To let loose with friends. To stick two fingers up at my dad and Evelyn for making me leave my apartment.
What I really want is to see AJ. In the quieter moments, he’s all I think about.
But would he welcome my appearance after our little road trip? Or is it something he’d rather forget?
I don’t get a choice, because Nicole grabs my hand and starts pulling me toward the back of the bar, where I know the pool tables are situated.
I shout to Nabila and point. ‘High school people,’ I say and she nods in understanding.
My heart rate explodes. I panic a bit, regretting my choices. An image of Evelyn’s angry face flashes through my mind.
Before I know it, I’m being thrust in front of Nicole, under the light of the pool table.
‘Y’all, look who’s here! It’s Jenny English!’
Heat rushes to my face. I’m mortified. Three very familiar men are staring at me: AJ, Balthazar Reyes and Chase Brennan.
Balthazar has an inane grin on his face.
AJ can’t look at me.
Chase Brennan looks like somebody told him he just won a prize.
‘No fucking way,’ Chase blurts. ‘Jenny fuckin’ English?’
‘It’s Hollie, ain’t it?’ AJ says, lowkey correcting them.
‘Oh, man, I’m so sorry, I’m so rude,’ Nicole says behind me. ‘I don’t even know why I just called you that. It’s Hollie Palmer!’
‘Hey, Hollie,’ Balthazar says cheerfully.
‘Hi,’ I say, and look between him and AJ.
‘Ain’t seen you in a while,’ Balthazar adds through gritted teeth. ‘What’s it been? Four, five years?’
AJ runs one hand through his hair. It appears this is how we’re going to play it.
‘Hold up, you don’t look like Jenny English no more,’ Chase says. ‘You don’t look like a total dork.’
I see AJ wince as he looks away.
‘Duh,’ Nicole snaps at him. ‘Don’t you know everybody sheds their high school skin, Bren?’
Chase waves his fingers between AJ and Balthazar. ‘These motherfuckers sure didn’t.’
‘Girl had her glow up,’ Nicole says, still smiling at me.
To my left, a college boy in a varsity jacket approaches the group with some trepidation. ‘Uh, are you boys using the table?’
Chase snaps at him, ‘Does it look like we’re not usin’ it?’
‘Kinda looks like you’re having a conversation,’ the boy comments.
‘Fuck off,’ Chase states and the guy backs off, holding up two hands in surrender.
‘You boys go back to your game,’ Nicole says. ‘Hollie and I are gonna catch up.’
She yanks me over to an upturned barrel being utilised as a table, giving us a view of the pool game. I watch AJ carefully. He’s yet to look at my face. Regret swirls in my gut like the beginnings of food poisoning.
‘So how you been?’ Nicole asks. This is more than odd, because I don’t remember us being friendly in high school. I put down my beer and hug my waist. ‘What are you doing back in Canyon? We heard you left?’
‘I did leave,’ I tell her. ‘I went to college in the UK. I graduated last year. Came back to spend the summer with my dad then ended up staying in Canyon.’
I explain my situation, not being able to work without a green card, and the fact that I’m a candy striper at Sunset Pines.
‘What about you?’ I ask.
‘Oh, you know,’ Nicole sighs. ‘Never left Canyon. Got my own mobile salon. My momma says she’s surprised I ain’t been knocked up by now.’
I raise my brows. ‘Do you have a boyfriend?’
‘No,’ she says. ‘I mean, I want one. And a good one, you know. Not just an arrangement with a guy who’s never gonna treat me right. You know, like a proper steady boyfriend.’
While she’s talking, my eyes creep upwards toward the table. AJ is staring right at me from the other side. He looks away the moment our eyes meet. I can’t work out if he’s happy to see me, or if he’s indifferent.
‘You got a boyfriend?’ Nicole asks.
‘No,’ I say, and laugh. ‘You know any good ones?’
‘Definitely none round these parts,’ Nicole laughs and rolls her eyes. ‘Me and Reyes used to hook up, but we quit all that.’
A smile dances on my lips. I remember Noah saying something about that on the way to New Mexico. ‘You and Balthazar?’
He looks up when he hears his name. Nicole brings her lips closer to my ear, still shouting over the beat of the music.
‘He’s better in bed than he looks. But seriously?
I can’t keep screwin’ around with a guy from high school.
What is it the bible says? Now that I am grown, I put away childish things?
Anyway, I should not be goin’ there. I should find me a college frat boy or whatnot. ’
‘Do you like Balthazar?’
‘That’s not the point! He ain’t never gonna wanna settle for a girl like me. And neither me him. That shit is unhealthy.’
I raise my chin toward the table where Chase is leaning forward, lining up his cue. ‘What about the others?’
‘Single Pringles, honey. All of ’em. AJ don’t really do girlfriends. I mean, they all been linin’ up for years but he ain’t taking the bait. Feels like nobody ain’t ever gonna crack that code.’
‘What about Chase?’
She snorts. ‘He’s a world-class a-hole and all the girls have it figured. Might as well be wearing a goddamned sign.’
That doesn’t sound inaccurate. I raise my eyes to the table. AJ’s looking my way. The same thing happens again when he looks away. I feel my skin tingle.
‘I heard about Mo Mariano,’ I say, without saying how. ‘I’m so sorry.’
‘You’re sweet, thank you. It was awful.’
Nicole tells me more details about the funeral before asking if I want another drink.
‘I can go,’ I tell her, getting to my feet.
Before I know it, Nicole has shouted ‘AJ!’ He looks up. ‘Take Hollie to the bar. Ask Nando to get us a round o’ beers.’
Nicole holds out some cash between her fingers toward AJ.
He puts down his pool cue and walks over, in no hurry, and I can’t work out what his reaction is to me being here.
It’s not what I would call friendly, and maybe he’s trying to act all cool in front of his friends.
I know we can’t talk about our road trip, but he could at least be civil.
He swipes the cash from Nicole’s fingers and suddenly I’m dreading walking to the bar with him when he can’t even look me in the eye.
I follow and question why I would have a crush on someone so closed off.
This is the AJ that I remember from high school, not the guy from our road trip, and maybe it’s clear now he was only ever nice to me because he needed my help.
This is his natural habitat, and I’m the interloper.
He elbows people out the way to get to the bar, and I take up position beside him.
I glance his way. He’s leaned his elbows on the surface, trying to catch the barman’s eye.
The barman raises his brow, and AJ holds up five fingers.
The barman gives him a thumbs up, reaching down into the fridge.
A minute later, five bottles of beer are lined up on the bar in front of us, and the barman swiftly pries off each of the metal caps with his opener.
With zero conversation, AJ holds up the bills between his fingers.
The barman takes them and disappears off to the register.
Their lack of communication irritates me.
For a brief moment, I study his profile, and wonder what he’s thinking. Whether he thinks this is as awkward as I do.
‘Echo says I owe you an apology,’ he finally says over the thumping beat of the music. ‘For leaving you behind in Roswell. Said it was no way to treat a lady. So, I apologize for being a jackass and riding off like that.’
His apology catches me off guard. I pick up two of the bottles. ‘It’s fine. Me and my shitty car made it back to Canyon unscathed.’
‘Glad to hear it,’ he says stiffly, and that’s when it hits me. We are not friends. I’m just a person who did something for him once.
‘I didn’t want you to be mad with me…’ I say. ‘That I came here tonight.’
‘Why would I be mad?’
‘I didn’t want to draw attention… because of who my stepmother is.’
‘Echo told me you’d come to see him. He would have said something. If he didn’t want you here. He has no capacity for bullshit. Just tells it like it is.’
He takes the rest of the bottles, and we make our way back to the pool table, where the college kids in red and white varsity jackets have taken over.
‘Turns out Reyes didn’t bring enough fucking quarters,’ Chase Brennan grumbles, taking one of the beers from AJ.
‘You could have brought some of your own damn quarters,’ is Reyes’ comeback as he takes another. I hand a beer to Nicole and we clink bottle necks.
I talk to Nicole after that. AJ doesn’t look my way. It seems that’s to be the sum total of our interaction for the night. I didn’t even get to ask him if he’d heard from Noah.
So, after a while, I make my excuses, and I go back to my friends.
And, just like five years ago after Amber Bradshaw’s party, maybe that’s it. I don’t have a reason to see AJ Callahan again.
I wanted to prove to them that I am different. But maybe I’m just the same.