Chapter 15
Ethan texted her his address, and because it was late and he had plenty of cat food on hand, they agreed to meet up Wednesday after work.
Cali recognized the street from his address, not too many blocks from both City Hall and the library. No wonder he’d become a regular at Minka’s café each morning and seemed to know everyone in this small town already. He lived—at least for now—right in the heart of it.
The string of townhomes was quaint and unassuming.
Brick and pale blue exteriors. Small front porches.
Potted plants. Several of his neighbors had decorated for autumn and Halloween, with large spiders dangling in open windows, ghosts and witches staked into their front lawns.
Carved jack-o-lanterns, glowing faintly as the sun began to set, seemed to be a popular thing here, too.
But not for Ethan. She easily spotted his house number because his old truck was parked in front of the garage.
But nothing else gave away that the unit was occupied, except the shadow of a chubby cat with a curiously curved tail in the second-story window.
She pressed a finger to his doorbell, and he opened it before the sound stopped, as if he’d been waiting there for her.
Before she could say a word, he scooped her toward him, a hand pressed into her lower back, and kissed her.
He was warm and familiar and a welcome contrast to the cool air and the frustration of the workday.
In addition to searching for Max all day yesterday, Cali returned to the library to discover the staff had let the interlibrary loan requests be sent to the wrong branches and had devolved into a little spat over who was in charge of what for the day, which resulted in one of the volunteers quitting after feeling overwhelmed.
They’d told her they had things under control, but she found herself losing all of Wednesday to getting the library back on track.
It was the worst possible timing, too, given she’d only have Thursday and Friday to regroup around the Banned Books Week displays and scavenger hunt. Things were starting to unravel.
He pulled her into the townhome, and she was met with some unexpected charms. The living room was dressed in books and old records tucked beside a speaker.
He had a hand-built coffee table in the center, bearing the inner rings of a tree under its glossy topcoat.
Sure, the gray sectional had a standard bachelor pad feel, and the kitchen in back was nothing but a few cabinets, a fridge and an oven pressed against a wall.
There wasn’t even enough room for a proper dining table.
Still, it smelled faintly of wood polish and freshly baked bread.
“Watch out for Kicky Minaj,” Ethan warned, pointing at the fuzzy-tailed, giraffe-patterned plush toy at her feet. “If Catsby sees you step on that, she’ll hold a grudge. She might even cut you.”
Cali chortled. “I’d expect no less from one of the Barbz.”
She slipped off her ankle boots and glanced around, expecting to see Max or at least the cat tree from the photo Ethan had sent.
“They’re upstairs,” Ethan admitted. “Both probably asleep. Have you had dinner yet?”
She shook her head no, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. “You don’t have to—”
“I know. But I want to.” He gestured to the sofa.
“Sit. I’ve got leftovers,” he said, heading toward the fridge.
“Coq au vin. The famous one. But this was the trial batch, so it might not be as good. I made some tweaks at your place Monday night. Still, couldn’t let something that good go to waste.
” His eyes flicked toward her. “Guess I’m guilty of that in more ways than one. ”
Cali felt a swirl of nerves in her stomach, but not over what Ethan had said.
She didn’t sit and instead stood there, wringing her hands together.
The quiet hum of the fridge, the lingering aroma of his leftovers, the little tufts of cat hair along the carpet.
It all felt too intimate, too safe, for what she was about to do.
“I think I just want to see Max,” she said, voice soft but clipped.
Ethan’s smile faltered for the briefest second.
He didn’t push, but something in his expression shifted.
A flicker of recognition that something had changed since the last time he’d touched her.
She hadn’t leaned into his kiss. She hadn’t asked about his place or joked about the mix of décor.
It was like someone had dimmed the light in her.
“Sure,” he said finally, turning back toward the stove. “Let me just set this down, and I’ll grab him. Maybe you’ll be hungry after you see he’s safe and sound.”
He turned the knob on the stovetop down to simmer and disappeared to the second floor. She heard them before she saw them, the faint thump of feet on carpet, the low rumble of a purr.
Then Ethan appeared at the top of the stairs, Max perched on his shoulder like a parrot. Catsby trotted behind them, at Ethan’s heels.
“See? Told you he’s fine.” Ethan had one of those eye-wrinkling grins on his face again.
Her throat tightened. Max’s tail flicked lazily, his body relaxed, content. He didn’t even meow when he saw her. He just blinked, slow and trusting, before rubbing his cheek against Ethan’s jaw. Catsby circled his legs, wrapping her orange tail along his jeans.
She remembered Ethan’s shoulder tattoo and his story about Remy, his soul cat.
That’s when she knew she’d lost him. Not only literally but figuratively.
If Max had wanted to return to her house by the lake, he would’ve shown up there.
He knew where it was. But he didn’t. Instead, he hiked the few miles over hills and through fields in the dark back to the center of town.
He’d searched for Ethan after he’d gone missing, not her.
And Ethan was the one who found him. Fair and square.
Max had chosen Ethan. And maybe, given her lapse in judgment, Max was better off with him, too.
The thoughts kept hitting her like punches as Ethan passed Max into her hands. She squeaked out a pained “Thank you,” but couldn’t even look him in the eyes when she said it. She smiled weakly.
Cali’s arms felt too tight around him, like she might crush him or drop him if she kept holding on. Her chest ached with every purr. The harder she tried to swallow it down, the more it clawed its way up her throat.
“Cali,” Ethan whispered with concern, “what’s wrong?”
She felt her mouth, so dry, forming the words before her brain could even register them “You should keep Max.” She passed the cat back into Ethan’s hands swiftly and stepped back.
“What?” he said, his face in shock.
“For his sake,” she added. “They could keep each other company.” She gestured awkwardly at Catsby, who was also staring up at her, mouth agape.
“Like you’d wanted for her. You know? A sister or brother?
That’s what you’d said. And—and he’ll be safer here.
Maybe he won’t try to escape again. Oh! And your schedule’s more flexible.
You took him to the vet when I couldn’t. ”
The more she talked, the more Ethan looked unconvinced and confused. “But you love him. I can see it in everything you’ve said or done since we met. Nothing else is more important to you than Max.”
Max was meowing now, and squirming, begging to be let down. Ethan gently placed him on the floor, and he and Catsby scurried back up the stairs.
“I can live without him,” Cali lied. “I’ve lived without a cat before.” Her tone grew cold, insistent. She turned toward the door and started marching.
“Wait,” Ethan said, and she stopped in her tracks and turned back toward him. A sudden realization crossed his face, and his mouth turned down at the corners. “You’re not just letting him go, are you? You’re letting this go, too.” He gestured between them.
Cali knew exactly what he meant when he said this. She felt vulnerable, exposed, like an open wound bleeding out onto his carpet. She had to stop the bleeding.
“Look, Ethan. You’re not staying,” she suddenly blurted out.
“You’ll finish this project and be gone, and I can’t just …
” She inhaled, realizing she may have said too much.
“… I just can’t do this right now. Okay?
” She mocked his gesture back to him. “Just let me rip off the band-aids—you and Max—all at once, so I can go lick my wounds.”
Ethan’s tone was hurt but steady. “So that’s it? I’m just some temporary distraction with a toolbox?”
Cali felt flustered. “I didn’t mean that—I just —”
Ethan interrupted her. “Yeah. You meant it. But tell me, Cali, where do my feelings, my wants fit into this story you’ve sold yourself?” He sighed, exasperated, trying to grasp for calm again. “You have no idea how much I want to stay.”
He said it like he meant it, but Cali doubled down. “Wanting and doing are two different things, Ethan.” She started for the door and grasped the knob with a trembling hand.
“Cali!” he called after her. She turned back and saw the cats again, watching hesitantly at the top of the stairs. Ethan closed his eyes, exhaling long and slow, then lifted his hands in a small gesture of surrender. “I’m trying here.”
She nodded stiffly, stepped into the cool air, and shut the door before she could change her mind.