Chapter 17
Banned Books Week kicked off with less fanfare than Cali expected.
But after a day or two of dedicated marketing by the front desk staff, whispers of the scavenger hunt and questions about the LED pointers circulated the library faster than the books.
Cali was relieved the town’s focus was finally on something important for a change, not whatever was or wasn’t happening between her and Ethan.
Just like all small-town gossip, they were already onto the next big (or little) thing.
Still, her mind kept returning to the last book club gathering and how Ethan’s hand so effortlessly reached for hers while they talked.
Had it been sign of understanding? Like he didn’t want to deal with Nine Lives Club drama, so he’d leaned into anything that made it look like they were still into each other?
Or had he been reaching out because he hoped there was still a chance between them?
And she hadn’t done anything but freeze.
He said they’d make it work. But what had he meant?
The gala preparations or something more?
She wished he’d stayed afterward so she could ask.
And each time she thought to text him that question, whatever she typed on her phone sounded so weird when she read it back to herself that she never pressed send.
Even during work, she shook off the temptation to reach for her phone when that question resurfaced.
It was better to let it be. What she needed was a distraction.
So she kept texting Minka instead, who was full of stories about Purrcy’s shenanigans at the café or the latest gossip she’d overheard.
Tom the realtor’s son had been suspended from school for cursing.
The owner of the Round Barn had been asking around about catering services, even though they didn’t host events.
And there was a rumor everyone was going to meet up at Lynne’s bar this Halloween again to celebrate Leo’s birthday.
Life seemed back to normal.
Minka even suggested they venture out to Candlewick Orchard over the weekend, something they’d done a few times since Cali moved to Autumn Ridge.
It was just the kind of apple picking, maple smelling, farm animal feeding diversion she could sink her teeth into, and suddenly there was something to look forward to again.
Every time someone asked her about Max, she deflected, saying he was “fine” or “great” or “hanging out with his friend Catsby”. Eventually everyone moved on from wanting updates, too.
Then Ethan stopped by the library. She caught him unannounced at first, searching through the stacks with his own UV pointer in hand. Then later, while she was hidden in her office, he knocked on the door. He wasn’t supposed to look that good under fluorescent lights.
“Hope this isn’t a bad time,” he said. “Russell said you’d be back here.”
Cali nodded. “Come on in.”
They pulled up seats opposite of each other at her desk. He smelled of sweat and cedar and a hard day’s work under the falling leaves. A faint fleck of white paint ran along one of his cheeks. He must’ve just gotten off work and headed right over.
He reached the arm with the tattoo sleeve into his pocket. “I brought the initial list of auction items I’d secured,” Ethan told her, handing her the list. “I wanted to make sure those are the kinds of details you need or if I should be recording something else.”
Item names, descriptions, quantities, and fair market values were scrawled across the page.
“This is a really good start,” she said.
“But I think, if you know them, add the donor contact information, display needs—like props, signs, or special space requirements—and maybe the pick-up or delivery details.” She squinted, analyzing.
“Oh, and I don’t see any on here now, but I expect we’ll have donations of tickets or services or experiences.
If we do, we should mention if there are any expiration or blackout dates. ”
She looked up to find Ethan gesturing to the cup of pens on her desk. “Could you, uh, repeat that?”
“No, it’s okay. Sorry. I was already drafting up the spreadsheet. Let me just print you a copy with several blank rows. It’ll be easier.”
“Or how about you just send it in a shared note?” he suggested. “That way you could update it in real time, whenever you got an alert something was added.”
“Great … great,” she said. “I’ll just message you when I have all the columns finalized. There’ll be a few for post-auction tracking. Winning bid. Who won. Thank you note sent. So just ignore those.”
God, this sounded so formal all of a sudden, like she was talking to an attorney or a teller at the bank instead of the only man in Autumn Ridge who knew what she tasted like under her skirt. Her body shuddered at the memory.
“So what did you think of the scavenger hunt?” she asked, changing the subject.
“Just as fun as expected,” he offered.
His smile was unreadable. She wasn’t sure if he was being polite or if he just looked tired after a long workday. It looked like he might be trying to gauge her reactions, too, and coming up short.
“That boring, huh?”
He chuckled, and it was like a spark igniting the air in the room. “Not at all. It was very …” He chose his word carefully. “Educational.”
“Well, that’s the point, I suppose,” she conceded. What on earth was going on here? Something was off. She felt that question gnawing at the back of her throat as Ethan shifted uncomfortably in his chair.
“I hope you don’t hate me for this, but …
” Oh no. She tried to prepare herself for the next words he uttered.
Carl’s got the crew packing up this weekend—earlier than expected.
Or I’m seeing another woman. But instead he sheepishly lifted his gray eyes and asked “Can I show you some pictures of Max and Catsby?”
Cali’s jaw went slack.
“They’re just so cute together, and I can’t decide on which photos to send Minka for the gala social media posts. Or maybe you had an even better one of Max?”
Cali’s smile was bittersweet. “No, I forgot to take photos. He wasn’t with me for that long.” She felt a stab of grief in her chest but tried to push through. “Here. Show me.”
Ethan ended up showing her over two dozen photos he’d taken since Max showed up at his place, including the one he texted Cali the night Max was found.
Together, sharing a sunbeam then tails entwined while they practiced synchronized loafing.
Catsby alone, mid-stretch then making biscuits in her favorite blanket.
Max, glaring in judgment at the camera then donning a ‘I heard the treat bag’ expression.
It was almost too much to bear, so she stopped him, uttering “Scroll back” and pointing randomly at one photo of each.
“These? You sure?”
She nodded. “But I guess all of them are great.”
“Okay.” He cleared his throat and shrugged his shoulders. “I’ll send them to Minka.”
The chime of a successfully sent message rang, and for a moment, Cali felt the eerie silence of the library creep between them like a fog, thick and heavy.
Then Bernadette appeared in the hallway, balancing a box of donated books in her hands. When she glanced in Cali’s office, she spotted Ethan and stopped. “Ethan! Hey! That cat tower you built is gorgeous. Thank you again.”
She smiled and was gone before Ethan could even form a reply.
“I guess Mrs. E—as you called her last week—was right,” Cali said. “Word’s getting around about your services.”
Ethan smiled faintly, like he knew it was time to leave but couldn’t quite bring himself to do it. “Guess I’ll take that as a good review.” He rubbed the paint fleck from his cheek. “You want to be the first one to post? Hashtag Crosstown Repairs—‘For When Things Fall Apart.’”
Cali giggled. “Crosstown. Clever. You’ll have to run that by The Nine, though,” she joked. “I’m sure they’ll have opinions.”
“Well, I was going to go with ‘Fixing What Needs Fixing—Especially If It’s Complicated.’ But that’s a mouthful and maybe a bigger promise than I can keep.”
His cheesy grin was infectious, but she found herself unable to return his smile.
Cali felt bad now, for having made him uncomfortable, for drawing this out to the point he was improvising fake slogans just to fill the gaps in their conversation.
This wasn’t like him. His confidence waned in front of her, and she hated seeing him this way.
Her throat ached with things she couldn’t say.
That the tower he built Bernadette’s cat should’ve been a tower for Max at her place, that she was jealous he was building new memories everywhere she wasn’t.
“Anyway,” she said, clearing her throat. “You probably need to get going. If Catsby’s dinner is late, there’s no telling what wrath will befall you.”
He hesitated a moment too long, then nodded. “Yeah. Long day. See you at book club later this week?”
“Sure. Take care, Ethan.”
When the door closed behind him, the scent of cedar lingered.
She turned back to her monitor, but she couldn’t focus.
She plunked a few more titles on the columns of the auction spreadsheet and queued up a shared note for Ethan.
It took him over an hour to reply, and when he did, it was only a thumbs-up emoji.
She stared at the emoji until the phone dimmed in her hand. That was all she was going to get, she guessed.
By the time she made it home and into her comfy pants, she’d already typed the message to Minka:
Hey, could you host The Nine at the café this Thursday? Think I’m coming down with something.
She hit send before she could change her mind. She just knew she couldn’t sit through another talk about the gala preparation pretending things were normal.
Minka replied almost immediately. Oh no! Of course! But I knew this was going to happen. Too much fun during Banned Books Week.
Cali replied with a laugh emoji.
Let me know before Sunday if you still want to go to Candlewick Orchard. If you’re better, I can still get Harlow to cover me at the café.
On Friday, Mrs. Ellery also texted Cali that she’d work front entrance as one of the greeters on gala night and hoped Cali felt better soon.
But no other messages came from Ethan, and she didn’t dare send any either. If she didn’t reach out, maybe the feelings would fade. They always did, eventually.
She remembered how this whole un-tethering process started with her ex-fiancé.
The long gaps in communication, the second guessing, the sleepless nights.
If, back then, she’d been able to jump forward in time to see how much better life was after him, she would have never wasted so much energy trying to keep him.
But that wasn’t the lesson that echoed through her brain when her head hit the pillow that night.
Instead it was a heady soundtrack of questions only Ethan could answer.