Chapter 5
JACKIE
Sarah and I strolled into the steak and seafood restaurant she wouldn’t shut up about, not that I minded her chatter.
I was more of a listener than a talker, and she filled the space perfectly.
We approached the podium where the staff member greeted us with a genuine smile.
A smile that turned brighter when she saw Sarah.
Peculiar. Even more so was this niggling thought in the back of my mind that rose to the surface.
“Friend of yours, Sarah?” I didn’t mean to have a “tone” with her, but it happened.
“Why? Are you jealous, Jackie?” She winked mischievously and let out a boisterous laugh.
I returned her laugh with a smile that I knew didn’t reach my eyes.
I couldn’t comprehend what was happening with my thought process right now.
Sarah and I had just reunited, and I wanted her all to myself to make up for all the lost time we had.
That’s all it was. I’d wasted fifteen years of my life without her in it, and I wouldn’t let that happen again.
She was such a bright spot in my life, and I wanted to keep her around.
Her own grin faltered a little, and she glanced back in the direction of Stella, the employee with the glowing grin.
“Hi again,” she spoke as she made eye contact with Sarah. I felt something in the air between them that was souring my mood even more.
“Can we get a table for two please,” I spoke up. I knew if I wanted to break out of my shell, being more assertive was a good place to start.
“Oh, sure,” Stella gazed down at the seating chart on the podium. “It’s going to be about a ten-minute wait. Is that okay?” I’d made her nervous. I needed to fix that.
“Yes, that’s fine. Thank you.” I then smiled at her genuinely, and hers reappeared.
She handed us a square electronic device that would buzz when our table was ready.
After being seated, we ordered drinks—water for me and a sweet tea for Sarah—and perused the menus in front of us.
After snacking throughout the day, I wasn’t particularly famished, but I wanted to try the food since Sarah had raved about it.
A gentleman named Steven was our server, and when he returned with our drinks, we proceeded to give him our picks from the menu.
Sure, the food was delicious, but what was even better was the conversation. Even though we’d spent all day laughing and carrying on, I never wanted it to stop. I regretted missing this connection all these years.
When I asked Sarah about work, though, the mood changed dramatically. I sensed it in her facial expression and body language. Her posture became rigid, and I noticed a few droplets of sweat gathering on her forehead and temple. It wasn’t a topic she wanted to touch on tonight.
“I’m sorry. I know you mentioned earlier today that work has been a struggle for you lately. If you don’t want to talk about it right now, I completely understand.”
She sighed heavily. “It’s just that this trip was supposed to be a time for me to relax and clear my head.
I finally gave myself permission to take a break and not think about what I was leaving behind while I was gone.
The permission thing was something I’ve been working on as advice from a coworker.
I knew I was overworking myself and needed an outlet for the stress that was going to help me cope so I opened up to her about it.
Dr. Thompson helped me realize that a few days of them missing me was a million fucking times better than burning myself out.
‘The work will still be there.’ She’d said.
‘But if you push yourself too hard, will you? As a medical professional, you already know what high levels of stress can lead to, so I don’t need to tell you that.
You just have to bring yourself to a point where you feel okay with allowing yourself to break away from the day to day and enjoy something just for you.
’” It took me a couple more months before I finally got to that point she coaxed me to before I told myself I couldn’t go on like that anymore. So, here I am.”
I reached across the table and took her hand in mine. She gave me a sad smile and blinked back tears. I felt like an asshole.
“Hey, please don’t cry. I’m so sorry Sarah.” Seeing her light dim hurt my heart.
“Jackie, babe, you don’t have to apologize. I’m being emotional, because I’m proud of myself. These are happy tears, sort of. Or maybe relief. I don’t know. But I do want to get out of here. What do you say to a movie night in? Or we can put on one of your nostalgic shows. Whatever you want.”
Her eyes were drying up, and I felt the tension in my body leave.
“You know, that sounds perfect to me. And maybe we can look at some activities for tomorrow. Day one of Project Crack Jackie Open!”
Sarah giggled, and the sound warmed my entire body.
On the way back to our rooms, we agreed to have a slumber party style hang out, trying to fit as much of the last fifteen years into this trip as possible, so I went through my nighttime routine, including taking my insulin.
I tried not to skip as I moved in the direction of Sarah’s cabin.
I was legit excited. Things were going a lot smoother than I could’ve imagined in the friendship department, and a night in was more my speed.
I knocked playfully, and Sarah flung the door open immediately, her smile radiant as always.
“Are you ready?” she asked with one eyebrow raised. “I have some info pulled up to see what we can get into tomorrow. We’ll ease you into this whole ‘new Jackie’ mission.
We decided on a few water activities but also an indoor show for nighttime that would allow us to dress to the nines.
Sarah had it all written down in the notes app on her phone.
I was glancing over her shoulder as she typed and saw messages from a group chat pop up.
I quickly looked away, not wanting to intrude on what could be a private conversation.
“Sorry,” I apologized nervously.
“Oh, don’t be. That’s just my friend group back home.
It consists of Jesse, my bestie, their girlfriend Sakora, and Sakora’s coworker Gina.
We’re all queer and Jesse is nonbinary, going by they/them pronouns.
Just letting you know so that when you meet them everything goes smoothly.
” She expected me to fit right in, and I could only hope.
“They’re a fun bunch. One of our favorite things to do is going to drag brunch once a month.
You don’t have to drink, and the performers are wildly entertaining.
” Her eyes were wild with excitement, and I could tell these were her people.
Her found family since she didn’t talk to her parents anymore.
It pained me to hear about her awful family experiences, but blood didn’t always equate to loyalty or unconditional love and acceptance.
Sarah did some channel surfing with the TV and landed on an old rom-com from the early nineties. We got comfortable on her bed, sitting up against the headboard.
“Did you want anything to drink or a snack?” She offered.
“No, I’m fine. Thanks for asking though.”
The ray of sunshine sitting next to me leaned over and rested her head on my shoulder. The contact made me shiver, and Sarah noticed.
“Are you cold? Feel free to get under the covers.” So hospitable.
“Definitely not cold.” I was still trying to figure out my body’s reaction to her touch. Back in the day, I don’t remember ever having this type of reaction.
Before the movie had even ended, Sarah had fallen asleep against me. It was adorable watching her sleep. She looked so peaceful. It was probably the only time she really slowed down.
I woke up the next morning snuggled up next to her.
I was spooning Sarah. She was the little spoon to my big, and I didn’t mind it one bit.
Without knowing how she’d react though, I slowly created distance between us, trying not to wake her.
Her breathing was deep and even, so I knew she was still knocked out.
I carefully extracted myself from around her and crawled out of her bed.
She stirred, gradually waking with a smile on her face.