Chapter Thirty-Four
Isit on my balcony, enjoying the warm fall weather. I think about giving up my high-rise. I have so many memories here. It’s given me more security in the past six years than my entire life. Jack will stay with me for the next few days while we organize my move to Dupara. He went out to grab a few things to wear while he was here since he had no luggage.
Waking up with Jack this morning was heaven. The feelings of optimism and excitement rolled through my entire body. Can this be it? Have I found someone who cares for me as much as I care for them? I smile at thoughts of a future with him. But my happiness is quickly ripped away when Roxy’s words push their way in like they always do, with that gnawing reminder that no one will ever love me.
I battle with my emotions for a moment. This uneasy feeling of being content. It’s foreign. I must prepare for him to leave, for the impending doom that will find me once my guard is down. But what if he doesn’t go? What if my story is different from my mother’s? What if those beliefs and words are not mine?
I haven’t heard from Roxy in a while, and it’s oddly unsettling. I glance at my phone laying on the couch next to me. Fidgeting with the strings on my hoodie, I mentally prepare to call her. She is my mother, and I should check on her. My stomach turns with apprehension, not knowing what side of her I’ll get today.
“What’s up?” She answers the phone with a clipped tone. After not speaking with her for the last week and a half, this isn’t the reaction I was expecting.
“I haven’t spoken to you in a while, and I was calling to check in,” I say, a little unsure.
“I’m fine. Everything is good to go.”
Something is off with her attitude, and I can’t place it. I pace in the small space between the balcony doors and the couch, walking in and out through the door. “What do you mean, good to go?”
“I mean, ever since your husband gave me that check, I’ve been great.” She casually lets it slip like she believes that I’m aware.
My blood runs cold. My limbs lock into place. What did she say? “What?”
“Ugh. I’m in the mood to talk today. The check, you know.”
“My husband? What check?” I scratch the top of my head with confusion. “Are you talking about Jack?”
“Yeah, the rich guy. Great job, my little Piper Moon. But I am a little pissed you didn’t tell me you got married. But when I saw the amount he gave me—” She laughs, letting out that typical high-pitched shrill every time she feels on top of the world. It takes me back to when I was younger and struggled with something. She’d laugh at me and ask why I even tried in the first place. It sends chills up my spine. “Obviously, you were forgiven.”
Lost in my unsettling memory, I quickly put the pieces together. Jack gave her money. “He gave you money? For what?”
“You know I don’t like being told what to do, but everyone has their price, am I right?” There’s that chuckle again. “And he wanted to pay me for everything I did for you growing up. He also said in exchange for taking the money, I would have to agree never to ask you for money again.”
Oh my god.I take a few steps back until my heels hit the bottom of the couch. “How much did he give you?”
“I’m not telling you. But let’s just say I won’t need to work for a long ass time.”
Feeling lightheaded, I bend to sit but miss the side of the couch and fall to the floor. My muscles stiffen from shock over what I’m hearing. “When did this happen?”
She clicks her tongue. “He called me like a week ago—”
“A week ago?” I gasp, still sitting on the floor.
“I don’t remember! Maybe two weeks ago,” she snaps.
I’m speechless. All sorts of emotions flood my mind. “Okay.”
“I have to go, but make sure you get your own payout when he leaves you because don’t you think about coming after mine.”
The tips of my ears get hot, and everything around me becomes blurry. All I see is red. Jack loves me, and I trust our relationship. I’m tired of her ruining everything good in my life. I have to fight back against her voice inside of me. The repeated voice tells me I’m not good enough and that I’m only valued based on what I can give someone. My mother has never wanted the best for me, and she’s never been in my corner. She’s never loved me unconditionally, and I can’t take it anymore. I don’t deserve to live like this.
“Fuck you! Enjoy your sudden windfall and get the hell out of my life,” I shout before hitting the end button to hang up on her. Seething, I throw the phone across the room.
“Whoa. You alright?” Jack asks, walking in the door with bags in his hands.
As soon as I hear his voice, tears spill from my eyes. I quickly turn to face him. “Did you pay off my mother?”
His posture falls, and then he sets his bag on the floor. “I did.”
“Why?” Wrapping my arms around myself, I create some distance between us. I’m so confused.
Jack steps forward, attempting to close the divide, but stops to give me space. “Are you upset with me for doing it?”
“I—I don’t know.” I shake my head, stammering.
Jack’s face is soft but stern. “I didn’t want her to upset you anymore.”
Fuck.
I don’t answer. Jack comes closer, wearily bringing me into his arms, and I let him comfort me.
“I didn’t want her to harass you about money. I told her that if she took what I was offering, she was agreeing to never ask you for a dime again,” he tells me. As Jack speaks, I find myself conflicted. A part of me warms at the gesture, feeling grateful to have someone who might care that deeply for me, but the other side of me is overrun with panic.
Fuck.
Jack runs his hands through my hair. “I told her that if she wanted to be in your life, then it should be to uplift and support, not hurt or bring you down.”
He doesn’t know that I’ve had no contact with Roxy since he made that phone call, and I don’t anticipate hearing from her anytime soon now that she has the thing she loves most in the world—money. “I don’t know what’s more painful, the fact that I feel somewhat relieved or the fact that she took it without a care in the world.”
“I wish I could tell you that you’re wrong, but she was happy with what I was offering.”
Did Jack know he loved me then? Do people who love each other do these things without anything in return? Does he love me for who I truly am? My mouth twitches, trying to hold back the tears that fill my eyes. “Did you know that you loved me when you called her?”
He leans down, brushing my forehead with his soft lips. “I think I have for a while.”
“Goddammit! I want to be mad at you for doing this without telling me, but at the same time, I appreciate it. Does that make me a bad person?”
“Absolutely not.”
I give Jack a weak smile, but I fall into myself with relief behind it. “You can’t always solve things by paying people off!”
“What do you mean?”
“Me, Steve, and Preston.” I hook my fingers between the belt loops of his pants. “Roxy.”
“Point taken. But money means nothing to me. Not when it comes to the people I love. I bought the winery from Steve for my mom and dad. I paid Roxy because I love you and tried to pay you because I was completely infatuated with you.” Jack leans forward, his forehead misted. “More than seven billion souls on earth, and somehow I found you.”
The essence of another human intertwined around me is a thick and grounding experience. To be present in this moment, not wanting time to pass into the next minute, hour, or day, is exhilarating and breathtaking.
Jack’s slick body wraps tightly around mine, so much so that I can’t tell where I end and he begins. My lungs sync into his inhale rhythm, only allowing me to exhale when he does. This is what it’s like when your soul finds its match in another.
He slips himself on top of me, caging me in with his broad shoulders. “Open your legs.”
I stare into his flaring eyes. Before I have a chance to move, he shifts one of his knees between my legs, spreading at the same time.
The corner of his mouth quirks up, making my stomach flutter. When he enters the wet heat of my core, chills span my body, and a shiver zips up my back. My head falls and a husky moan releases.
“I know you didn’t take the money,” he says between breaths, lowering his hard chest on top of mine.
I bring my hands up to his face, my fingers feeling the light stubble of his five o”clock shadow. “I couldn’t.”
“It’s a lot of money.”
“I don’t care.”
He stops his slow, deep thrusts, pinning me with his blue eyes. “I would have given you any amount you’d have asked for.”
“I fell in love with you, and that’s not something you can pay for.”
Jack and I make love in my bed for the first time. We forget about the world around us, the logistics of me moving to Dupara, the fact that his house still isn’t ready, and how I will tell my best friends that I’ll be leaving them.
Existing with him in my space makes everything so real. I still hear my mother’s words in my head, but I have to try with Jack. Life is short, and if I don’t take a chance on love, am I really alive?
Later at night, I wake from a deep sleep to a cool, gentle breeze on my shoulder. Rolling over, I notice that the covers have fallen to my waist, and Jack isn’t lying beside me. I notice a small light seeping through the bottom of the door to the bedroom. He must be in the kitchen. I lean over to turn on the lamp beside my bed, alerting him that I’m awake. I’m too tired to get up.
He walks back into the bedroom with an apple in hand.
“Midnight snack?” I sit up, taking the blanket with me.
“Always.” He grins, taking a bite of a bright red apple. “I was thinking—”
“It’s one in the morning. Seems like a good time to have meaningful thoughts,” I say.
“That’s what I do. You know that.” He lowers himself onto the bed and scoots his back to lean against the headboard.
I crawl to him and rest my head on his lap. “That’s my husband.”
“That’s only the second time I’ve heard you call me your husband.” He smiles. “You should do it more.”
“I will.”
“So, when my dad passed away over the summer, I was looking to buy a home in Scottsdale,” he picked up from our conversation from earlier.
I prop my chin in the palm of my hand, now more interested in what he’s about to share. “Okay.”
“What if we bought a house out here—together?” he suggests, with optimism in his voice.
“Buy a house here?” I arch a brow. “In Phoenix?”
“Or Scottsdale.” Jack hands the apple to me from over the top of my head. I sink my teeth into it, then hand it back to him. “A condo would be great too. It’s up to you. This way we can visit whenever we want. Northern California gets cold during the winter. It would be nice to fly here for those few months out of the year.”
“You want to be snowbirds?” I tease.
He chuckles. “Exactly. And an added bonus is that you’ll get to visit your friends anytime you want and have a place to stay.”
I slide myself over Jack’s straightened legs, straddling him. “I love you, and I think that’s a brilliant idea.”
“Yeah?” He sets the apple on the nightstand and grips my bare ass. I fall forward into his chest while a giggle slips out. Jack let out a full belly laugh, and it thunders through my ears.
I love that sound.