Chapter 23
Laurel gave me no time to enjoy or explore the castle’s surroundings as she held me by my hand and pulled me inside, Mr. Crinkles hot on our heels.
She walked me up the large staircase just inside the entryway and then turned toward the hallway on the left, not stopping until we got to a large door. She pushed it open and yanked me inside. Mr. Crinkles barely managed to make it inside before Laurel slammed the door.
“Whose room is this?”
“This is Maddock’s room.”
Of course it was.
“Laurel, I really don’t want to intrude on his space. Where will he sleep?”
She waved a hand dismissively and turned to jump onto the large bed at the back of the room. “He won’t mind at all. He can stay in Paton’s room until he gets back with Mom and David. After that, we will figure out something else.”
Laurel looked as happy as I’d ever seen her as she sat cross-legged on the bed. She motioned for me to join her.
“I think this time suits you, sis.”
She beamed and reached for my hand. “I think it’s going to suit you, too. What do you think of Maddock?”
I knew she only asked because it was obvious that I’d spent more time with him than anyone else I’d met so far, but the question made me self-conscious.
“What do you mean?”
Laurel shrugged. “Nothing. I just wondered if you two were getting along. I think he’s great.”
I nodded and tried not to act squirmy. I didn’t succeed. “I agree. He’s…he’s great.”
Laurel gave me a quick knowing glance, and then reached for Mr. Crinkles as he jumped onto the bed. “Okay, I can see something’s going on there, but I’m not going to push. Just so you know though—I’ve gotten to know Maddock very well. I promise you, he’s one of the good ones.”
I already knew that. “I know.”
She raised her brows and nodded. “You want to change the subject?”
“Yes, please.”
She laughed. “All right. How did Mom and David take the news about the time travel, the magic, my engagement?”
I smiled thinking back on their casual, carefree reactions thanks to Morna’s magic elixir.
“About that…I don’t want you to get angry, but I had a little help from Morna. She came by the apartment before you called me for the first time after traveling back here.”
“What?”
If Laurel was that surprised by that, I couldn’t imagine how shocked she’d be when I told her about our mother and David.
Before I could continue, Laurel interjected once again. “Please tell me you’re joking. She was there, and she wouldn’t do anything to help me?”
“She couldn’t.” I went on to explain to her all that Morna had told me—the reasons why Morna couldn’t provide more help or intervene any more than she did. As I told my story, she visibly relaxed.
“Well, at least her lack of assistance wasn’t because she doesn’t care. So, how did she help you tell Mom and David about everything?”
“She sent a potion that I put in their coffee before we got on the plane. So, remarkably, they seem pretty cool with everything. Although…I have one other doozy of a bomb to drop on you.”
“Oh yeah?” Laurel looked intrigued.
“Mom and David…they’re um…they’re dating or something?”
Her eyes just about doubled in size. “Shut up.”
“I’m totally serious, Laurel.”
“What do you mean or something?”
“Well, I haven’t really had a chance to visit with either one of them about it.
I only found out because I walked in on the two of them naked.
Then Mom and I had a big blow up that caused me to not speak to her for the better part of two days.
By the time I’d cooled down enough to get curious, I was too sick to think coherently. ”
Laurel shook her head and grinned. “Marcus is gonna freak.”
I agreed. Not that Marcus would mind it any more than we did, but there was no way he had even the slightest clue.
“I’ll let you be the one to tell him. Each time I bring it up, flashes of Mom’s bare breasts and David’s hands splayed over his crotch fill my mind.”
Laurel made a gagging expression and shook her head. “Ew. Just ew. Can I ask…what did you two have a fight about?”
“I broke up with Dillon several weeks before we left for Scotland. Mom convinced him to fly out to Cagair Castle to try and get me back.”
Laurel covered her face with her hands. “Oh my gosh, Kate. I’m so sorry.”
I shrugged. “It shouldn’t have surprised me.”
“Maybe not. It’s still not okay.” She paused and bit down on her lower lip nervously.
I could tell right away there was something else she wanted to say. “What is it, Laurel?”
“I’m surprised you broke up with Dillon.”
I was still kind of surprised myself. “Why?”
She hesitated and crawled off the bed so she could stand and look down at me while she spoke. “Look. I don’t want you to take this the wrong way. I love you, and I swear, I’m not trying to be like Mom, but sometimes it’s hard for us to see things when we’re in the middle of them.”
I exhaled and waved her on with my hand as I prepped for unwanted feelings. “Just get on with it, Laurel.”
“Dillon didn’t challenge you. It was easy with him. You’ve had so much to deal with since the fire, so it’s not as if I blame you, but you do like to take the easy route now.”
“Easy?” I exploded off the bed, and Laurel stepped quickly away. “I’ve done nothing but work my ass off since the fire. I’ve spent every single day trying to learn how to live with this.” I pointed to my missing arm.
Laurel looked at me sympathetically, keeping her calm despite my sudden anger.
“I know that. When it comes to your health, your mobility, your independence—your determination has been astounding. You know that’s not what I meant.
I meant that when it comes to dealing with the tough stuff—your emotions—you’ve become a pro at checking out.
Dillon made it easy for you to do that.”
I knew she was right. It didn’t make it any easier to hear—even if it was coming from the one person I knew I could be honest with.
“Laurel.” I started to cry as she moved toward me and wrapped me up in her arms. “I don’t know if I can handle it. I’m so scared that I’m not strong enough.”
She gently kissed the top of my head as she stroked my hair. “Strong enough for what, Kate?”
“To feel anything again. To stop distracting myself with everyone else’s problems. If I feel anything, I have to feel everything.
I’m still so angry about what happened. I don’t want to feel that.
I’m afraid that anger will eat me up if I let myself feel it.
I don’t want to think about how heartbroken I was when I woke up.
I don’t want to feel that way again. Right now I have a wall up, but each day it’s crumbling a little more.
If it falls and I can’t keep the feelings at bay anymore, I’m not sure I can come out the other side of that. ”
She squeezed me even tighter and then pulled away to hold me at arm’s length.
“You are the strongest person I know. You put up that wall to help you survive, but your life is no longer at risk. What you feel can’t kill you, Kate.
Those emotions, when you decide to let them in, will make you stronger than you ever thought you could be.
And whoever said the whole dam has to break at once?
When you see an opening to try, just try a little.
And when you survive that feeling, the next one will be a little bit easier. ”
“Just try, huh?”
She smiled and let go of my arms. “Yes, Kate. Just try.”