Chapter 14
fourteen
. . .
Miles
Vicky Lazzara was going to be the death of me.
That was the thought running through my mind the last forty-eight hours. I had no idea what possessed me to behave the way I did a couple days ago. Leaning in (something I’d seen in Hitch) whispering, and confirming to her that I wanted to kiss her last Saturday.
Who am I?
When Hildi from my coding department passed my open office door, she asked, “Boss? You okay?”
Must have been the way I was clutching my hair that revealed my current state of mind. I grunted, and she scrambled away.
Nathan passed as well, looking into my office with a suspicious look on his face before disappearing. He opened his mouth then snapped it shut without a word. Watching his retreating back, I knew exactly what was wrong with me. He was what was wrong with me. He and that Gio from the pizzeria.
“Never going back there with Vicky again, that’s for sure,” I mumbled to myself.
As always with Vicky, I was relieved to find she’d left my house before I got home from work yesterday, but also disappointed that I’d missed her. The painters had painted the largest wall in MJ’s room with the chalkboard paint and installed some of the new lighting.
MJ was over the moon. We made her a fort in the living room to sleep in while the paint dried, when she insisted she didn’t want to sleep at Mom’s or in my room. It was just as well. If I’d slept on the sofa, I’d have kept us both up with my pacing and talking to myself.
As I leaned my head in my hands, I tried to figure out how to fix this. My possessive side had surfaced and reared its ugly head even though I’d firmly decided last week to just pursue a friendship with this woman.
When a call came in from my dad, I answered it quickly.
“Hey, just the guy I needed,” I answered, getting up to close my door.
“Always happy to hear that from my favorite son,” he joked. Dad was quiet, but he had a dry sense of humor and was one of the best men I’d ever known.
“Bet you say that to all your sons,” I quipped, my usual answer to his joke.
“You know it. Just wanted to see if you and MJ wanted to try golf again with me.”
Chuckling, I answered, “Dad, I know you’re hoping she’ll be a child prodigy in your beloved game, but you know what happened last time.”
“That wasn’t her fault,” he said, quickly coming to her defense. “She just forgot to yell ‘fore’ is all.”
“Yeah, tell that to the poor caddy that had a goose-egg on his head and a broken toe from diving over the golf cart. Your granddaughter is brilliant, but we haven’t found a sport she’s good in yet.”
He laughed loudly at the memory. “You might be right. Just didn’t want her to give up if she was still interested.”
“Right now all she’s interested in is kintsugi classes ever since Vicky gave us that gift.” My leg started bobbing up and down furiously. The familiar thumping sound did nothing to calm my thoughts.
“Ah, yes. That’s who you wanted to talk about then,” he said knowingly.
“How’d you know that?”
“Might be because I can hear your leg bouncing from here,” he said, his voice colored in amusement.
I instantly stopped, the silence echoing in the office.
“Never could keep anything from you.” My father was not as verbose as my mom, so when he spoke, it usually held weight, and I was always glad to receive his brand of no-nonsense advice.
“Tell me what’s bothering you.”
Giving him the highlights of my interactions with Vicky, leaving some things private, he listened without interruption.
“Hmm. Seems to me you’ve got to make a choice. Do you think there’s a possibility for more with her? And if so, what does that mean since she may not be here permanently?” he asked with no judgment in his tone.
“That’s the thing. I don’t know. I was a bit cavalier with my actions when I saw her last. I don’t want to lead her on, but when I’m with her...it’s hard. I want to honor her commitment to her career. She’s so young, Dad.”
“Eight years isn’t so bad, son. But I don’t have to tell you that you have MJ to consider. I saw the way she looked at Vicky. And rightfully so. She’s a wonderful woman.”
The scene emblazoned in my head of MJ and Vicky together dancing and painting was bittersweet. Vicky’s attention to my daughter, her apparent care for her, was both an answer to prayer and a dangerous possibility. My chest constricted with the thought of MJ losing another woman in her life.
Hanging my head as I spun in my chair, I groaned. “I know, Dad. I know. Someone is bound to get hurt. There’s no assurance she’s staying, and even if she was, I will not be the cause of another woman I care about feeling held back by me.”
Dad was quiet for a few moments, long enough for me to know that he was searching for the right words, and I loved him for it.
Finally, he said, “Let’s set all that aside for a moment, Miles. What does your heart tell you?”
“It tells me that I’ve found a woman I could one day fall for,” I answered with no hesitation.
Dad huffed out a laugh. “That was quick. Listen. I know the damage Katy did to you. But watching you the other night, the way you and Vicky looked at one another, the way she was with MJ. It was good to see you both so happy again.”
“Dad, she’s amazing. She’s smart and funny. We laugh all the time. Talk about everything and anything. And yes, the way she openly loves my daughter…its overwhelming.”
“Maybe give it some more time. But you know my philosophy.”
“Don’t miss the opportunity to say the words. I know.”
Our family had adopted that truth after the loss of my grandparents.
Say the words.
“That’s right. It may not be time yet for you to say the words, may not even feel them for Vicky yet. But if you do, don’t miss the chance. I’ve got to take this call, but you know I’m always here,” he said warmly.
“I know. I love you and thanks.”
“Love you too, son.”
I let our conversation play out in my mind. There was no way I was falling in love with Vicky. Not so soon. I knew my track record proved differently, but surely it couldn’t happen twice.
Could it?
Susan knocked on my door and waited for me to call her in.
“Just letting you know. The numbers came back better than expected. The new app update is working seamlessly with our test group,” she said, tablet in hand.
This was the good news I was hoping for.
When I jumped up and spun her around, she slapped my hand away and walked out of the office, leaving me laughing. I’d get her to break someday.
Nathan walked in as she was walking out. “What’s wrong with Susan? Looks like she chewed on a lemon,” he joked.
“She’s a complex woman,” I answered, trying to be friendly. “What did you need?”
I sat back down and opened my laptop, bringing up the report Susan had just discussed, my mood brightening.
In my periphery, I saw him wipe his brow.
“Well, I had a question. It’s a little embarrassing, but I didn’t know who else to ask.”
Tapping away on my laptop, I answered without looking up, “Ask. If I can help, I will.”
“Do you think I could get Vicky’s phone number?” His question hung in the air like a wet blanket on a cold day. My fingers stilled as I fought the urge to bark at him.
“Vicky’s number?” I asked flatly.
“Yes,” he chuckled. “I think we had a…connection the other night. Or at least I know I did.”
“A connection?” I spat the words out like venom.
Over my dead body. Why was I repeating everything he said?
“Yeah. I just thought…” His words were cut off with my sudden rise from my chair. He frowned as I strode quickly past him and out of my office.
“Sorry, can’t help you,” I said over my shoulder. I didn’t even look back to see his reaction.
Passing Susan’s office, I stepped in and said, “Leaving for the day. Please reschedule anything that I had.”
Her head popped up from where she had been leaning over her desk. With a confused look, she checked her watch and said, “But it’s only 10 am.”
“Yup, something came up. Email me anything important. I’ll see you in the morning.”
Without waiting for her reply, I strode through the office, watching my team’s heads pop up like meerkats as I passed.
When I got to my car a few minutes later in the adjacent parking garage, I got in, realizing I was out of breath.
Once again faced with the thought of Vicky talking to another man, dating another man, kissing another man, it fueled a fire inside me that shook me to my core.
Say the words.
Dad’s advice came rushing back to me as I sat in my vehicle. He’d asked me how I felt about her, and I’d told him Vicky could be the kind of woman I could possibly fall for. But as I leaned my head against the seat, I allowed my heart to admit the truth. It wasn’t some far-off possibility.
I was falling in love with Vicky Lazzara.