15. Lucienne
Monday, October 23rd
Before I went to bed last night, I texted Colette to let her know I’d be taking the day off.
Then, I had what one may consider a conniption in my bedroom for hours before I exhausted myself and fell asleep. Jude told me he’s falling for me and passed out on my couch, hopped up on pain pills.
I stayed there for twenty minutes and watched him sleep. I was scared of him going to sleep after getting hit in the face so hard, but I was also too stunned to move.
He was so out of it, slurring his words and snuggling up to my throw pillows like a child with a stuffed animal. It was heartbreakingly adorable and funny. Watching this bearded man smile to himself as he rubbed his face into my hand made my heart ache. His eyes were so soft, overflowing with sincerity, but it could have just been the drugs talking.
Gideon and Greta are rustling around in their cage as I lie in bed, too nervous to walk out into my living room and face Jude. What if he doesn’t remember what he said? If I thought he had embarrassed me before, that would be the ultimate humiliation. I can’t bring it up to him because if he has no memory of saying it, things could get unbelievably awkward. I’ll just pretend it never happened. I’m usually very good at that. I sigh, running my hands through my hair, splayed around my head on my pillow.
Wheek! Wheek! Wheek!
“Okay, you two. Chill out please. Mommy is having a crisis,” I whisper. They’re going to get louder if I don’t feed them soon. Those little buggers demand sustenance the second they know I’m awake.
I throw my covers back and walk down to the kitchen. Near the end of the hallway, I slow my pace and tiptoe to the wall, peeking around the corner to see Jude on my couch, his long limbs draped over the arms.
He’s too big for it. Now I feel bad.
His breathing is quiet and he doesn’t stir as I carefully open the fridge. Because I’m uncoordinated, I knock over a container of blackberries and they fly across the floor.
“Shit!” I whisper.
I am crouched down, trying to collect the escaped berries, when Jude takes a sharp breath. I snap my head to him. His eyes are open. His black eye doesn’t look nearly as bad as it did last night, and the swelling has gone down significantly. Whatever the heck was in those pills did wonders for him.
“Good morning,” I smile.
“Come here, beautiful,” he beckons.
His voice first thing in the morning is now my favorite thing. It’s gruff and gravelly, thick with sleep. Heat swirls in my lower belly. I abandon my blackberry rescue and walk over to the couch, sitting on the edge. I have to remind myself to stay calm. Maybe he won’t remember, and part of me hopes he won’t.
He wraps an arm around my waist, nuzzling his face into my thigh as I run my hand through his hair.
“How bad is it, doctor?” he mumbles.
I caress his temple with my fingertips and he doesn’t wince. Instead, he leans in to my touch, making my heart somersault in my chest. “You didn’t yelp in pain and it doesn’t look as bad as it did last night. I’d say you’re on your way to a full recovery.”
“Thank goodness for that. It means I could probably work today, but I’d rather cuddle with you and watch Halloween movies all day. What do you think?”His breath is warm on my thigh, the tantalizing angle of his bearded jaw drawing my eye. I’ve changed my mind. And before I can change it back—
“Jude, I think I’m falling for you too.”
My heart is hammering against my ribs. Now is my cue to run away and lock myself in my bedroom until he leaves. His gaze snaps to mine, swimming with disorientation.
Maybe he’s not as lucid as I thought. He’s probably still feeling the effects of his medication. That was so stupid. I jump from the couch, Jude’s arm falling to his side with a thud.
“I’m—I’m so sorry. I don’t expect you to say it back, I mean—last night you were—” I can’t string a coherent sentence together as I pace back and forth in front of a dazed Jude on my couch. His mouth is pulled into a thin line and he’s watching me intently.
“I told you I was falling for you last night, didn’t I?”
I stop in my tracks with one hand on my hip and the other raking through my curls to gape at him.
He remembers. Fuck.
“Lucienne, come here.”
He sits up, extending a hand and beckoning me to him. My feet are cemented in place. I’m trembling and if I take a step, my knees might buckle. Instead, I lean against the wall behind me, my eyes locked on him.
I have deep, real feelings for him and now I’ve told him.
He could run and never look back. Now that I’ve said it, he could hurt me. That’s the problem when you let someone in: They can break you from the inside out.
I blink rapidly, trying to stop the tears from overflowing because I’m scared. I’m so fucking scared that this happiness is about to slip through my fingers. That he’ll realize I’m too much, that I’m not worth his time. Maybe his love should belong to someone who deserves it.
A tear rolls down my cheek and he stands, crossing the room in two strides. One hand holds my jaw, tilting my head up, and the other is splayed across my back.
“Lucienne, look at me,” he demands.
I stop resisting and look at his green eyes, which are pinning me to the wall. He’s never looked at me so incredulously.
“I’m falling so hard for you, Lucienne Amato. I’ve been falling since we first met. I tried to slow it down, but I couldn’t, and now I wouldn’t want it any other way.”
I can’t see straight, but my hands find his chest. Feeling his heartbeat is the only thing keeping me steady. Jude presses his body against me, his mouth an inch from mine, bumping our noses together.
“You’re not—not scared?” I stutter.
“Scared out of my fucking mind, beautiful. I’ve never been so scared. I think we’re supposed to be scared though. That’s how we know it’s real,” he laughs, his breath washing over my skin.
I feel myself being pulled under; his love is crashing over me, wave after wave. Jude has consistently shown me that he’s willing to be vulnerable, willing to show fear, and he trusts that I’ll do the same. Like maybe we can be scared together and fall deeper in love. I drag my thumb down his bottom lip and stare as it springs back into place as I release him.
“I’ve never felt this way about anyone before—”
Jude’s mouth is on mine. I can taste the salt of my tears as we consume one another. He picks me up, wrapping my legs around him, and presses me to the wall, pinning my arms above my head. He’s trembling as he presses soft kisses down my neck, his free hand keeping me steady.
“Please let me fuck you, beautiful. Let me show you how much I care about you,” he pants.
I moan into his mouth, escaping his hold and grabbing his hair at the base of his neck. I want to be tangled up in him and feel him all over me.
I tighten my ankles behind his back, forcing his length against my core. He groans in response, grabbing my ass and pulling me against him with a huff. The wall is shaking with our every move; his grip tightens as he lowers his head to my neck. He takes my earlobe between his teeth as one hand grabs at my side.
“Let me show you how you deserve to be cared for, Lucienne,” he whispers, warm puffs of breath against my ear.
My body responds so viscerally, arching my back against the wall, my skin turning hot under his touch. I manage to remember the few words I need to give us permission to do what we want.
“Take me, please. Show me, baby,” I choke.
Jude reaches behind me and lifts my shirt over my head in one full sweep, leaving my breasts bare against him. He carries me to my bedroom and kicks open the door, which bounces off the wall.
He lays me down and climbs over me, his eyes hungry, his lips pink from our kiss. I’m too desperate to have him inside me, to feel him flush with my body. I reach and tug his t-shirt over his head, and I’m met with the sight of layered muscles.
I lean up on my forearms and press kisses to his chest, his stomach, catching his nipple between my lips and flicking it with my tongue.
He thrusts his body forward, pushing me into the coolness of my quilt. He catches my wrists and pins them above my head on my pillow, then kisses my temple, my jaw, the corner of my mouth.
“You’re a fucking masterpiece, Lucienne,” he whispers.
I whimper and struggle against his grip, but he doesn’t let me go. He takes his free hand and rolls one of my nipples between his fingers as his tongue circles the other. The sensation renders me speechless; my mouth hangs open. It’s so overwhelming and so perfect, I can feel my body break out in a sweat, heat consuming me.
My head is buzzing and I finally find my voice, allowing a string of moans to escape. Jude is relentless, his mouth sucking and licking at my breast as he frees himself of his jeans and his boxers.
The second I feel the warmth of his thighs between my legs, I try to roll my hips against him, and he presses me into the quilt more.
“I need to grab a condom, beautiful,” he pants.
I pull his chest flush with mine and lick into his mouth. He groans against me, gripping my hip for dear life.
“I’m on birth control; you don’t have to if you don’t want to. Last time I was tested there was nothing to report,” I moan. My fingernails dig into his back. His head snaps up, his eyes darkening.
“Same for me.”
He kisses my nose, then catches my bottom lip between his teeth, nipping at my jaw. “Are you going to take me bare?”
“Yes. Fuck me with nothing between us, baby. Please.”
He reaches, grabbing his length and pumping himself a few times before he drags the tip against my folds. I close my eyes and sparks dance behind my eyelids at the contact.
“You’re so wet for me, Lucienne. You’re such a good fucking girl, ready to take all of me so well.”
He’s up on his knees and I’m wriggling against him, trying to feel that friction I so desperately need.
Jude enters me, slowly at first, then all at once. We both gasp. He fills me up so fucking well, stretching me so wonderfully. I let out a long moan as I adjust to him. I close my eyes and bite my bottom lip.
“Look at me. Want to see those beautiful eyes of yours,” he pants. Then he thrusts gently, and I’m almost brought over the edge. Heat fills my belly and down my legs as he thrusts again, swallowing a groan as he finds a pace, an angle. He cups my jaw and drags his fingers down my body as he thrusts again, harder.
“Fuck, Jude.”
“I know, beautiful. We fit so well together.”
He collapses around me, a hand on each side of my head as he pushes himself deeper, groaning into my neck. I wrap my arms around him, leaving marks along his back as he thrusts in and out at a faster pace. He’s sweating and I lick his throat. He props his elbows above my shoulders, trying to keep me in place as he fucks me up the bed.
I can feel my orgasm building, winding me so tight, but I don’t want this moment to end. He pulls on my hair, giving him better access to my neck as he buries himself deep inside of me. He hits a spot that knocks the wind out of me. I can’t breathe as he lingers there before he pulls out of me completely.
I reach for him. “What’re you—”
I can’t finish my thought because Jude runs his hands down my body, nestling himself between my thighs and tossing my legs over his shoulders. Then, his mouth is on me, lapping me up. I’m dripping and swollen, and his tongue is fucking me just enough to make me break out in another sweat.
“I wanted to know what we taste like together. We’re so fucking addictive, beautiful,” he whispers against me.
“Jude, please. I need you.”
“I’m right here, Lucienne. You have me.”
I grind against his mouth, chasing a release to this tension building in my core. I want him inside me, but I love his mouth on me. I love everything he does to me, however he does it.
He takes mercy on me and re-enters me, hard. I scream, clutching my quilt in my fists. His hand is back on my throat as he fucks me harder and faster.
“Keep your eyes on me when you come, beautiful. Need to see it.”
He holds my gaze, taking deep, heaving breaths. His muscles flex and relax at rapid speed, as if electricity is coursing through his body. Sweat drips down his chest and gets lost in the hair on his stomach. I’m so close.
“Jude, yes, I’m—harder.”
“Come for me, beautiful. All over me. Take me with you, Lucienne.”
He dives into me hard, once, twice, three times. It’s all it takes. My orgasm erupts, making my legs tremble and I scream his name. Stars dance in front of my eyes, but I see him watch me come undone. He isn’t far behind as his body tenses and he empties himself in me, groaning and gripping my hips, holding me to him.
It’s silent around us, except for our frantic breaths. I close my eyes and Jude lies next to me. He pulls my body to him, wrapping an arm around my waist, leaving soft kisses on my shoulder and placing a hand on my forehead.
We’re both sticky with sweat, but we just hold one another closer. I wiggle my butt against him and feel his stomach flush against my back.
He laughs breathlessly against my shoulder. “I want to do this every day for the rest of my life,” he whispers. A smile stretches across my face. I’m spent, so blissfully happy.
“That long, huh?” I tease.
“You’re magnificent, Lucienne. I can’t believe I found you.”
We spend the day tangled in my sheets. Ignoring the world outside of these four walls. Jude Carr is imprinted on my heart, and I never want to let him go.