Chapter Four
Hannah
Eliza: OMG did you hear?
Hannah: No? Hear what?
Eliza: There’s shit on the floor in the ladies bathroom!
Hannah: WHAT!!! Tell me everything!
Eliza: When’s your next break and I’ll try to meet you somewhere to tell you what happened lol
Hannah: Half an hour. Meet me near the bathrooms!
***
I log my status to “break” at 3:30 p.m. and lock my computer before heading to meet Eliza near the bathrooms for the latest bathroom scandal. Lunch with my friends and Clae’s missed calls are completely forgotten. I have to keep reminding myself to walk casually and slow my pace due to my excitement.
As I walk into the corridor, Eliza is already there, leaning nonchalantly against the wall, her golden hair cascading over her shoulders. I notice the bright yellow “closed for cleaning” sign on the front of the bathroom door as I near it.
“Oh my god, this is killing me, tell me everything,” I say as soon as I am close enough, the words practically bursting out of me.
Excitedly, she recounts the story of Sunny stumbling upon an unexpected surprise in the bathroom, halfway between the cubicle door and the toilet bowl.
“How the fuck does that even happen?” I am astounded by the audacity of someone to defecate on the floor in a workplace. We’ve had many bathroom incidents over the years, but nothing as terrible as this.
“I don’t know,” Eliza explains. “I mean, it’s too distant from the toilet to assume they just missed.”
Laughter erupts from me as I exclaim, “Who misses the toilet bowl that badly?”
With a scowl, she remarks, “I’d rather assume someone missed the toilet than think someone deliberately pooped on the floor.”
“There’s no doubt that someone intentionally defecated on the bathroom floor here,” I remark, wiping my teary eyes without smudging my makeup.
Ohh, this is just too good.
“How can someone be so repulsive to do such a thing?” she asks, worrying at her bottom lip.
“I don’t know, but I’d love to discover their identity. Do you know which cubicle it is and when it happened?” I demand as an idea comes to me.
“According to Sunny, she saw it in the first cubicle about ten minutes before I messaged you, but it could have happened earlier.”
“Okay,” I say. “I need to talk to Sunny to get the full story. I’m determined to find out who it is.”
“Do you honestly think you’ll be able to uncover their identity?” she asks with a frown. “There are numerous women working on this floor alone, but it could have been someone from a different floor.”
She’s correct; it could be any female worker at BHI. With six floors and a predominantly female workforce, we have a large pool of potential candidates. I have a suspicion that the culprit must be someone from our floor, as the bathroom incidents only ever happen here.
“We should make an effort to solve this,” I explain. “Someone has been doing things like this for months, and this is the worst incident by far. I don’t want whoever it might be to continue working here.”
“Keep me updated on your investigation,” she says, glancing at her watch. “I’m curious to know who it is, but we should hurry back before we get in trouble for being late.”
I make the commitment to keep her updated, and we go back to our workstations. Nothing beats getting lost in a mystery to solve a workplace scandal. This latest gossip is the perfect distraction from my love life disaster.
** *
By Friday, the whole sixth floor is buzzing with news of the latest incident involving the infamous “Bathroom Bandit” leaving a pile of feces on the floor. The story quickly spreads throughout the office, as expected.
Human Resources has already been informed and sent out an email to all female staff on our floor stating that they are currently investigating the matter.
I’m certain they can easily identify any potential suspects by checking who logged their computer status as “break” or “personal time,” which we use when using the restroom. However, by the end of the week, no one has been fired or called in for a meeting with HR.
I meet with Sunny to continue my investigation, but she has no new information to offer other than her belief that this was a deliberate act. According to her, it was carefully placed between the cubicle door and toilet bowl.
It’s strange that only one piece was left, leading me to wonder about the motive behind it.
I am determined to solve this mystery.
Not just because it provides a welcome distraction from my love life, but because I have so many unanswered questions. Yes, it may seem childish, but this workplace drama is what keeps me going.
My roommate Sasha tells me about employees taking “revenge shits” on their employers or companies. Some even go as far as sabotaging toilets by stuffing them with toilet paper rolls to cause blockages and force the company to hire a plumber - a crazy way to seek revenge.
The scandal occupies my thoughts and time all week, causing me to ignore missed calls and texts from my ex. This distraction is exactly what I needed. I even agree to attend after-work drinks without my friends Ruby or Hirim, in order to gather more information.