Chapter Fourteen
Zamora
I kissed my mom and sister goodbye, and then I headed for my ride. We had a beautiful brunch and great conversation. I was happy to be getting back to some kind of normal. My mom kept asking me over and over how I was, and I kept reassuring her that I was okay. I hadn’t seen them since the day I went over to tell them the sad news about losing their first grandchild, and I knew my mom just wanted to pull me into her lap and hold me until my pain went away.
Before I could leave the parking lot, my sister called my phone, and I hit the accept button on the screen to take her call. “What’s up?” I answered. I had just walked away from her and my mother less than six minutes ago, so I had a feeling she was calling to gossip about something that she did not want to discuss in front of our mother.
“Have you left yet?”
“Yes, pulling out of the parking lot, now.”
“What do you got going on for the rest of the day?”
“Nothing too much, a little more packing and I may move a few more boxes to the hotel, why?” I questioned.
“I just need a little more outdoor time. I am not ready to go home,” she said.
“What, you not wanting to hurry home to, Josh. What gives?”
“Are you heading home?” she returned instead of answering my question.
“I am, sis, but what’s up?” I inquired.
“I’ll meet you at your place,” she replied. Whatever she had to say or wanted to talk about wasn’t going to happen on that call, so I decided to wait.
“Okay, sis, drive safe,” I said.
“Wait, do you have liquor?” she asked in a rush.
“Ummmm, I’m sure Ev has plenty, but I’m sure it’s dark liquor.”
“Fuck, I need a cocktail, so I’ll be there after I stop.”
“Okay, see you soon.”
I hung up, wondering what in the world this chick had to lay on me now. Zar was the absolute opposite of me. I believed in the Word, the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, but she believed in science. I was careful, and she was carefree. When I got home, I was more than anxious to hear what was on her mind.
I went to my bedroom to change into some loungewear, and then grabbed a box to throw more of my clothes in. I honestly hated moving, and was thankful that there was not a hard move-out date to get the rest of my things. Evan and I were as normal and pleasant as we could be. Seeing him daily made me anxious because he’d try to talk about starting over or just trying it one more time. I’d shut that shit all the way down.
He tried to ease up in my bed two nights before, and I slapped his face so damn hard that I had to apologize to him. He claimed that it wasn’t intentional because he was drunk. He said that he was trying to go to bed and forgot that his bed was in the guest room. He seemed sincere, but I did not believe his ass. I just told myself that I needed to get out of there sooner than later.
After I slid the filled box to the side, I went for another box, and then my doorbell chimed. I knew it was my sister, so I rushed down to let her in. When I opened the door, she had two bags in hand. I grabbed one and shut the door when she walked past.
“Damn, Zar, how many cocktails are you planning to make?”
“As many as I can, you hear me,” she said, heading towards the kitchen. We both put the bags on the counter and immediately began to remove the contents.
She had limes, salt, tequila, vodka, cranberry, mango, and strawberry juice. She quickly washed her hands, tossed the limes into the sink, squirted a little dish soap, and washed them. She tossed them into the dish rack on the counter and then went for the cutting board and a knife. I sat and just let her move around without words as she filled two glasses with ice from the fridge dispenser and made vodka and mango for me and vodka and strawberry for her. She sat, took a gulp, and then blew out a breath.
I was so anxious to hear what the hell it was, and as soon as I lifted my drink to my lips and took a swallow, she finally spoke. “I want to have an open marriage, but I don’t know how to tell Josh.”
Her words made me spit out the contents of my drink. “Now what?” I asked, clearly confused. First, why did she think it was okay to talk to me of all people, and how could she desire anyone other than her husband?
“I love Josh, Zee-Zee on everything I do, but I am bored. This monogamous setup is so damn stupid,” she said and downed her drink. She got up, made a refill for herself, and then topped my glass off before she sat down.
I made an adult decision not to choke her with my beliefs and hear her out. I took a cleansing breath and then asked, “Sis, tell me, what exactly do you mean? And I want you to keep it real. I won’t judge you,” I express, praying that my always-got-to-try-to-be-righteous self-dealt with her as my sister and friend.
“I just see other men that I find attractive, and I want to share a little time with. I don’t love Josh any less, but I want to do something different some of the time with men that enjoy different things,” she said.
“Like?” I quizzed.
“Playing pool, going to the casino or just going to a lounge to drink and step to a couple of songs. Josh is an amazing husband and provider. He is always present and makes it all right, but he has transformed into this, ‘You go on baby, I’m just going to chill here at home.’ I am so bored sis, and when I step out and hang out in the presence of other men who want to vibe like me, I want them to be in my life, in my circle. I want Josh for all he offers, but I want to share time with other men who enjoy the things that I can’t enjoy with Josh,” she expressed and then took a swallow of her drink.
“So, are you sexually attracted to any of these other men?”
She paused, took a sip, and answered. “I can answer honestly and say yes, but I’m not at the point where I want any parts of that. It would destroy my heart if Josh wanted to be intimate with another woman. I just honestly want to date other men without any guilt. I don’t want to keep secrets from Josh, nor do I want to hurt him. I just like the vibe and the attention when I’m out. I love flirting, but I also love Josh.”
I could feel what she was saying, and I was so relieved that she didn’t have a desire to sleep around with other men behind her husband’s back. I polished off my drink and gave her the soundest advice that I could muster up. “Listen, I know that you love Josh and you also miss the fun side of him. I just think that you need to be honest and share with him how much you miss the things that y’all used to enjoy together. Be honest in letting him know how you feel and give him the opportunity to fix it.
“Let him know the things that you need to be happy, and if he doesn’t budge, let him know that you will be making new friends, and some might be male. Just don’t be dishonest and disloyal.
“I’ve never loved Evan as deeply as I loved Marcus, but I had mad love and respect for our marriage and for him to betray me hurts so much more than the love loss. I would have given him a divorce and his out if he had just said he was no longer happy with me, sis. The pain that Evan put me through was more about the betrayal because I trusted him, so don’t betray Josh, just talk to him and be real, and let him know what it is. Don’t make him suffer later because of your selfish actions. No one deserves that bullshit.”
She nodded. “You’re right, and I don’t want to hurt, Josh. That man has been too good to me, but the last year and change, he has just fallen off his game, and I need something to keep me excited,” she expressed. She got up to refill her glass, and I didn’t reject her refill. I had to be there, and the tipsier I got, the less preachy I’d be.
She ended up staying late to help me pack more of my things and load them into my SUV. By the time she left, she was a bit more sober, and she made sure she called me when she got in. Before I was about to call it a night, I heard the garage door open, and I knew it was Evan. I cringed because I wished I had gone to sleep before he got in. He had gotten so bold that he’d walk around the house talking to women on speakerphone as if I cared.
He’d do annoying shit like leave a mess in the kitchen after he’d have friends over like I was his gotdamn maid. Some nights, he didn’t come home, which didn’t bother me one bit, and I was happy to be moving on, and I couldn’t wait to be gone for good.