Chapter 26
Until You Found Me
RAVEN
The first thing I do in my official role as leader is realize I have a really big fucking issue.
Ah Ma breaks the news to me over the phone. ‘Maria moved all our moonstone stashes.’
My heart drops. ‘What?’
‘After you killed Lune, Maria went with a few Nagas into hiding, and they’ve moved all the moonstone stashes. She has cut off contact with us. You need to find them.’
‘Of course.’ I pause. ‘Ah Ma, did you know? About the contract with Ferrix?’
A pause. Too incriminating.
‘Ah Ma, we can’t. It’s so dangerous. Why did you let her?’
‘The Foxes need moonstones. That’s all that matters to me.
’ Ah Ma harrumphs. ‘You’ve changed. You may be the rightful leader of the Foxes, Raven, but you’ve really been testing the Elders’ patience the last few months.
We are having a moonstone supply crisis, and it was Maria who tried to help, not you.
If you can’t figure out where these moonstones are, we’re going to consider replacing you. ’
The line goes dead, leaving me alone with the brewing sky.
Okay. If you were a vicious, back-stabbing ex-girlfriend, where would you hide?
I drop by Maria’s flat, but it’s dark, and I flip everything for a clue and find nothing.
Still, I hover at the door. Not because I think Maria will appear – I know she won’t.
But because I practically lived here when I dated her, and the walls are haunted with memory.
We made a home in shared wardrobes and slept in the same room.
Her parents would make me sleep on a mattress by her bed, but she’d sneak down countless nights to curl up beside me.
Before Maria began controlling my time outside our relationship, before she’d begun dismissing my growing magic, we’d been happy.
In hindsight, I should’ve caught the way she watched me practise, the way she began trying a little too hard when we sparred in empty basketball courts.
Should’ve realized her lingering looks weren’t just because she liked me, but because for at least several months she must’ve been imagining how she could . . .
Fuck, I can’t believe this is how Tia felt. My chest aches with guilt.
Part of me considers staying, just for a few nights and a roof over my head. Her parents would let me, I think. But the ghosts of our rocky relationship intensify into poltergeists here, and it’s too suffocating to bear.
So I leave.
I prowl the city at night and tuck myself into the shadows during the day.
Planning has never been my strong suit, but I try to sweep the city as systematically as possible, starting north-most and slowly working my way south.
Every warehouse I know the Foxes have, every hideout I know Maria’s ever used, every warehouse of the Nagas that I’m aware of, I make a list and go through it carefully, keeping an eye out for Nagas in case any of them decide to take revenge for the one I stabbed.
I nab snacks from a couple of chain stores to keep myself going. By the fourth day, though, I’m barely a third through Singapore and I’m exhausted.
That night, I perch on the ledge of an HDB flat, letting the wind riffle through my hair.
It’s been a while since I’ve felt like a Fox, but sleeping under the open night sky for the past week has tied the Earth to me, her innate magic breezing my cheek – any descendant knows the Earth carries her own aura.
Premonition aches in my bones – there’ll be a storm tonight. Another wet night alone.
What a dream. It was just last week I was falling asleep with my lover in my arms, and waking up to hot breakfast and sleepy housemates who bugged me and hogged the butter and pissed me off.
There’s too little left of me to process the loss. As of now, Harper Raven Leong is nothing but a love-hollowed husk.
Armed with a bottle of apple juice and a packet of crackers, I sit on the cool tarmac and look into the thundering sky, a purring beast curling within itself, towering into the sky as the air begins to reek of wet dirt.
When rain finally kisses the ground, my eyes prick with tears.
The drizzle laps it off my cheeks, nature disguising my grief with what little grace it can offer.
My phone rings, and I pick up without looking.
‘Harper?’
Kiran.
I cough. ‘You’re going to have to keep it short. I’m busy.’ My clothes weigh down on me and rainwater stings the cut near my temple, eliciting a sharp hiss I have to suppress.
‘I saw from the news. You do realize the government has been forcing us to keep an eye on you, right? You’ve been spotted so frequently they’re afraid the Foxes are planning something huge.
’ There’s a smile in his voice, but it’s also tense.
He clears his throat. ‘What I’m trying to say is that you should come back. ’
‘I told you, I’m busy.’
‘When’s the last time you had a proper meal?’
I glance down at the rain-soaked crackers. ‘Don’t know.’
‘Your metabolism needs much more than that. Come back to Lain.’
‘You heard Niko. They don’t want me around any more.’
‘I don’t care. Tia—’
‘Died because of me.’
‘No.’ Kiran’s voice cracks like lightning, snappy and furious at once. ‘It’s not your fault.’
‘I’m the reason she died, Kiran.’
Silence. Wind chills my exposed skin as the gentle dark of night rolls in on evening gusts. I shiver. Did Kiran hang up? I’m about to end the call when he speaks.
‘Losing Tia was enough for all of us. We can’t afford to lose you too. Don’t do this to us. Come home.’
Home. Kiran’s always looked out for us all, but concern still sounds like a warmth I’d long lost and forgotten.
‘What about Niko?’
‘Stay right there.’ Kiran hangs up.
Some part of me wants to leave, but I recognize it vaguely as self-sabotage and force myself to stay put, gripping the side of the building as clouds trundle over me.
The whoomph of feet landing and sharp snick of metal wings retracting behind freeze me in my spot.
‘Harper.’
Niko. My gut lurches on instinct, remembering the last time we spoke.
‘I’m staying away from your house,’ I say without turning round. I’ve been avoiding them for the past week, but having them this close, when I’m vulnerable without the bluster of battle, rips up the feeble tissue I tried to stuff into my jagged wound of loss.
‘Harper, can you look at me? I know it’s awful how we left things, but please.’
I sigh and turn.
Niko stands there, arms spread as though in apology or forgiveness or both, their eyes sad.
Rain plasters their black hair to their forehead, softening their face.
‘Look, I was scared, okay? You know how much Tia means to me. I trusted you and you lied to me about your identity and your parents and you hurt my daughter.’
‘I know.’ The steadying drizzle washes the tears off my face. I pray for the clouds to take me and put me in a parallel universe where I don’t have to run the raw edge of pain every time I see someone I love, but they remain silent. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘I know she made that choice herself. I heard you tried to stop her.’ Niko takes a step closer. ‘I lashed out at you because I was angry, but I forgot you’re grieving too. You’re both kids. You shouldn’t have to be experiencing any of this trauma.’
‘No, you’re right.’ It’s hard to look at Niko when I’m taking words from my heart and leaving it like easy prey in the rain, so I speak to the distant horizon instead. ‘I lied to you and I’m a criminal under your roof. You have the right to be mad.’
Niko’s lips twitch. ‘Hey, I’m okay with what you do. I know Raven doesn’t hurt anyone she doesn’t have to, and the Fox clan helps other Foxes. We’ll need to speak about it, but I’d be open to an alliance for the moonstones.’
I fidget with my daggers. ‘I tried calling the blueprints and moonstones back, by the way. I can’t find them. I’ve been searching for the last week, but they’re with Maria and I can’t find her. Sorry.’
‘No, I’m sorry for making you feel like you have to solve all these huge problems yourself.’ Niko tilts their head and shifts to catch my eye. ‘What do you say? You want to come home and we can figure it out together?’
Home. That word again. Before I can register it, salt fills my mouth and a sob escapes me. Nothing’s been home since my parents died.
It’s so embarrassing to be crying in front of Niko. ‘My parents . . .’ I try to explain. ‘I think “home” is a real trigger word for me. Ever since Mama and Papa died, I’ve never really . . . I mean, home—’
‘Yeah, I know.’ Niko crushes me into a hug. ‘I know. But you’re safe with us, so stay with us, okay? We want you. We love you.’
I elbow them away. ‘Now you’re trying to make me cry.’
‘Just because you hate affection doesn’t mean you have to blame me for trying to offer it.’ There’s levity in their voice, but I see the dark circles under their eyes. ‘Let’s go. I have a surprise for you.’
When we reach Lain, Niko orders me to take a hot shower, and when I’m done I see there’s a small portion of fried rice on the table. I move to wolf it down, but the lift door dings and Niko steps through.
They’ve also changed from their rain-soaked suit, their hands working to dry their hair with a towel when they spot me. ‘Don’t eat too fast.’
‘You’re not my boss,’ I retort, but I oblige reluctantly. God, real food tastes so good, and I close my eyes to savour it. When I open my eyes again, Niko sits across from me, their gaze soft.
‘How’s Kiran?’ I say, shovelling rice into my mouth.
As I chew, Niko shrugs. ‘Stable, much better.’ They fold their arms and watch me eat for several stilted minutes. ‘How serious were you and Tia? As a couple.’
The next mouthful I swallow is dry in my throat, and I have to swig water to wash it down. ‘Enough that it hurts all the time now.’
I see it click in Niko’s eyes. ‘You love each other.’
Love. ‘I think we hurt each other.’
Niko shoots me a long, searching look. ‘Sometimes it only hurts because you love someone.’
Oh.