Chapter 17
I shook my head, stepping away from the computer with each thud of my heart.
Anger reared its ugly head, a boss that only showed its face now that the fear was gone.
He wasn’t dead, and he wasn’t ghosting me...
what had happened? Was I just a total loser who had panicked over nothing?
Had he and the guys forgotten about yesterday?
He wanted to chat as if nothing had changed.
The back of my knee hit the bed, and I thumped back down, bouncing on the soft bedding. The screen lit up my desk, watching me across the room.
Charisse grabbed my arm. “What is it? Is it him? Is he okay? What are you going to do? Talk to me.”
I must have looked less forlorn since she was back to her normal speech patterns.
But I really didn’t know what to feel. My worst fear had been proven wrong, and in hindsight, it seemed way over the top.
In less than a day, how could I go to he’s dead simply because he hadn’t shown up to one meeting?
Sure, he’d always made every other appointment and had only been late that one time... but dead was pretty extreme.
And now, because of that, I had to deal with the fact that I was in love with the idea of a person. How could I face him now? “He wants to talk.”
“Great! See, he’s fine. And now you can tell him how you feel. Remember? Do you want love or tragedy? Everyone is afraid of getting their heart broken, but if we don’t put it on the line, then we can never have love at all.”
Her words made some sense. But—
“We had an appointment, and he didn’t show up. He didn’t even message. You think that’s okay?”
She clicked her tongue. “Of course not. You should definitely punish him for stepping out of line. He needs to know who he is dealing with. And we need a chance to vet him. But now you have an opportunity to take this relationship to the next level.” She batted her eyes.
And I suddenly recalled...
“I can’t meet him now.” I put a hand to my head.
I was a mess. I had raccoon eyes from not sleeping well, my hair was all over the place, and my clothes...
I grimaced as I pulled the faded T-shirt away from my body.
Of course, I was assuming. The message could say that he never wanted to see me again.
“Then tell him you want to meet tomorrow. Or some other day.”
“I should make him wait. Then, he can worry. If I don’t respond when I’m obviously logged on, he’ll know there’s a problem. He might not think I’m dead, but he’ll rack his brain to figure out why I’m not talking to him, the jerk!”
“That’s right!”
I glared at my computer as the screensaver came on. A willow’s tendrils blowing in the breeze next to a babbling brook. We both jumped at the pounding on the door. Had the dragon decided to invade our cave?
Charisse shook her head, refusing to answer. But the pounding came again.
Rising, I inched toward the door, twisted the knob...and Lin stood there, arms folded.
“Did either one of you plan on telling me what is going on?”
Oops. She wasn’t happy.
I looked over her shoulder, expecting to see my sworn enemy lurking, hoping to find me at my lowest, but the hall was clear. I pulled Lin in and shut the door, then sank back down into the softness. I wanted to lie all the way back and sleep, wrung out from the emotional rollercoaster I’d been on.
Lin stood in front of us. Arms folded. Foot tapping.
I pressed my lips together and sat on my hands.
Charisse began talking. It took her less than ten minutes to fully catch Lin up. She gasped for breath. If there ever were a speed-talking contest, I was sure she would win. She’d definitely beat my computer science teacher.
Lin drilled those dark eyes into me. “So you’ve been listening to the love advice of this Shakespearean acolyte?”
Charisse’s eyes sparked with anger. Yep, she was definitely a pixie. It was just the murderous look I expected from Tinker Bell when that Wendy girl ruined all her fun. Now it was her turn to cross her arms. She stayed seated next to me but twisted her body away from us.
Great. I was caught between two angry mini-bosses. And I wasn’t in the best state of mind myself. One at a time.
“I just want to remind you that most of his plays were tragedies. And Romeo and Juliet knew each other all of ten seconds before they got married and destroyed their families’ lives,” Lin said.
“I’m pretty sure IK doesn’t know anyone in my family. Unless he is some illegitimate child of Dad or Val and we are suddenly in some weird movie plot.”
“What I’m saying is, you should probably get advice from someone who actually has a boyfriend.”
“And what is your advice, oh wise one? For this simple idiot who has fallen in love with an avatar?”
“You’re not an idiot. And you know to be aware of the inherent dangers of online relationships. So I say, trust yourself.”
I flinched at that. How did she know?
“Punishing him will only punish you. You need to talk to him. Find out what happened. Meet him online. And discover for yourself if this is something that you can continue with. Try to let go of your fears without losing your sensibility. You are a smart cookie.”
That last bit made me laugh. She sounded like her mom. “A fortune cookie?”
At that, Lin smiled. The toes had stopped tapping somewhere during the lecture. I patted the varied green fairy-tale forest quilt. But Lin looked past me at Charisse and didn’t sit.
Lin was right...and so was Charisse. I needed to be brave and trust myself.
I had fallen in love with him for a reason, and I was letting fear keep me from the possibility of love.
Dad had messed me up bad, but I wasn’t him.
I could control my reactions and decisions.
I’d already managed to be friendly with Ni.
I really should send him something. Maybe a grape soda.
I picked at the 3-D purple flowers blooming from the quilt as I considered my options.
Charisse didn’t kick me off her bed or Lin out of the room.
My friends let me think. They were great at that.
Silent supporters who were always in my corner.
Kind of like Mom. I bit my lip. Knowing how much IK mattered to me, and how much was on the line—just my whole heart—I needed to make a decision.
I still had a Dragon’s Eye opal to give him. And I needed to know why he hadn’t shown up yesterday. Why hadn’t he been there when I had been waiting for him? Was he as dependable as I had come to expect? But the biggest question that lurked deep within me was whether he would like me.
The reality I was finally facing was that Dad had made me feel unlovable.
He had done the same thing to Mom, and we had both just hidden our pain in different ways.
She had lashed out in anger, and I had hidden behind clothes and a giant wall of ‘don’t talk to me.
’ If I wanted this, I would have to come out of my shell.
I stood and walked past Lin. Facing the screen of my fears, I took a fortifying breath and typed.
I PRESSED A HAND TO my chest to tame my beating heart and clicked.
“Sorry. He’s sorry!” I wanted to scream.
Lin was suddenly on one side and Charisse on the other, holding me.
“Perspective. He doesn’t have any idea what you’ve been through the last day. Where’s that level head my friend Molly is known for?” Lin’s words penetrated the anger.
I took several deep breaths in through my nose and out through my mouth. It was true. My emotions were unmanageable. I was the one acting foolish. For all he knew, he’d just accidentally missed an appointment and was letting me know at his earliest convenience. Fortified, I continued reading.
“He wants to meet under the willow to chat.”
“So go. Remember, do you want this to be a love story or a tragedy?” Charisse urged.
“I can’t go now! Look at me.”
“He’s not going to see you.” Lin’s voice carried an eye roll.
“But what if he does? I was going to invite him to meet face-to-face online.” I looked at the screen as if it held answers.
“I’m going to take a shower first and calm down now that I know he’s alive. Excuse me.” I pushed past them, got out clean clothes—pretty ones—and headed for the bathroom. I turned the water as hot as I could stand and dug my fingers into my scalp, massaging away the circling thoughts.
Charisse’s fifty million bottles fell to the floor when I knocked one with my elbow, and I bent to pick them up. The shampoo burned my eyes. “Ow.” I rinsed my head. Maybe a little too vigorously.
He was fine. I was fine. Nothing had really changed since yesterday, except now I knew that I was in love with him.
How had he become so important to me without my realizing it?
I placed each bottle back on the shelf, then rolled my shoulders back and let the tension and thoughts melt with the heat.
Leaving my mind blank, I went through the steps of drying off, combing my hair, dressing, brushing my teeth, then French braiding my damp hair.
I left the bathroom feeling much more myself.
Back in my bedroom, Charisse and Lin were gone—hopefully arguing over Shakespeare or love lives or whatever Charisse was mad at, in Lin’s room.
Seeing the house divided would make Stephanie too happy.
I tossed my dirty laundry into the hamper and sat calmly at my desk.
I swallowed my anxiety and responded that I would meet him.
And I waited. And I waited. He wanted to tell me why he had missed our meeting yesterday, and now he was gone because I had made him wait twenty minutes to respond?
Yesterday I had waited for hours! Hours!
Irritated again, I stood up and went to the kitchen to make myself lunch. I wasn’t going to wait around for him again.
Lin and Charisse stood next to the stove, stirring a pot and whispering. What were they, witches? They must’ve made up.
“Don’t you two have classes or something to get to?”
“Did you already meet online? What did he say? What happened yesterday? I hope you gave him a sound tearing-into. He shouldn’t have left you hanging like that.” Charisse was off like a witch on her broom.
Lin just raised an eyebrow at me; her soda tipped against her mouth.
“No, he didn’t respond to my message. But he’s still signed in.”
Lin clanged her can on the counter. The hollow echo told me she must have finished it. Was she finished with me? Had I gone too far earlier? I’d tried not to make things difficult for her. Was she mad at IK?
“He might have gone to the bathroom.” Lin’s voice was level, but my reaction told me I hadn’t calmed down nearly as much as I thought I’d had.
I boiled water in an electric tea kettle for some ramen and sliced a pre-boiled egg from the fridge.
“Are you going to talk to him?” Charisse seemed afraid to ask more.
“Yes. But I’m hungry now, so it can wait.”
As the noodles absorbed the hot water and seasoning, I sprinkled some furikake, a seaweed and sesame seed seasoning, on top. Pork and the sea wafted up to my nose. Delicious. My stomach rumbled in anticipation.
Charisse’s face puckered, but I ignored her. It was my food. Not hers.
They stood at the counter silently and watched as I sat and devoured the whole bowl. The salty brine balanced with the richness of pork and egg.
“Are you going to burn your witches’ brew?” I said.
Lin cursed and pushed Charisse out of the way to turn off the burner and stir.
No sign of the dragon. Stephanie had been spending less time here with her closing date approaching.
Both my friends’ heads followed me as I stood, rinsed my dishes, and dropped them in the dishwasher. Then I went back to my room—mine and Charisse’s for the time being—and shut the door.
I organized my things. Not that they needed much organizing.
But it was something to do to delay looking at the screen again.
I even made my bed and had plenty of time to lament missing my classes today.
Plus, a realization had crept in as I replayed my behavior this morning.
Everyone was going to think I was upset about Ni.
Thinking back on it, I was concerned that he had been so badly hurt.
But football was a dangerous sport. I needed to find out which hospital he was in.
Finally, out of distractions, I collapsed into the gaming chair and woke up my computer. His message told me he was waiting at the willow.
For the first time, I hesitated about going there. My avatar opened a chest, and I put the ring in my inventory. The time it took to get there seemed to pass in the blink of an eye and take forever all at once.
IvoryKnight: Are you very mad? Im having a face off with my parents, and it isnt going well. I chewed out the guys when I found out they hadnt told you. Im so sorry.
ScarlettSaber: I was worried.
IvoryKnight: Im really really really sorry I worried you. Do you forgive me?
I’d already forgiven him. That was why I was here. It was still possible that the three of them were setting me up, but it didn’t feel like that. I liked that he could apologize. It was a good attribute to have.
ScarlettSaber: Of course. What happened?
IvoryKnight: I had a bit of an accident. But Ill be fine.
ScarlettSaber: Like a car accident?
The articles I’d looked up fled through my mind.
IvoryKnight: No nothing like that. I just couldn’t make it yesterday. Are you sure you forgive me?
ScarlettSaber: Yes I have something for you.
I set the ring on the ground between us, and he picked it up into his inventory.
IvoryKnight: The dragons eye. How did you get it?
ScarlettSaber: A little birdie told me.
IvoryKnight: I knew you could return the gesture.
There was a pause as he checked it out and probably tried it on. The noodles in my stomach sloshed. It was now or never.
ScarlettSaber: Do you want to meet?
IvoryKnight: Arent we already?
ScarlettSaber: Face to face.
IvoryKnight: You mean irl?
ScarlettSaber: Online. But maybe after.
IvoryKnight: Like a date?
Was he like me with RogueStriker? Charisse’s words about being brave whispered in my ear.
ScarlettSaber: Yes.
What was I doing? As soon as we saw each other, he would figure out we went to the same school.
ScarlettSaber: Im also at SCAD.
Nothing. Not even little dots, as if he was trying to type the right words. He really didn’t want to meet.
IvoryKnight: I have some things I have to take care of.
He didn’t want to meet. It had been silly of me to think that he felt those kinds of things for an avatar as well.
IvoryKnight: Forget meeting online. I’d rather take you to the homecoming dance.
Take me to the dance? The dance would be busy. Lots of people. Charisse and Lin could be there for backup.
ScarlettSaber: Okay.
Okay? Why had I written okay? What if he wasn’t who he said he was?
IvoryKnight: Lets meet at the dance. Ill be wearing a red rose boutonniere.
I was going to my first dance. Well, date-dance. The ramen threatened a return. We said our goodbyes. I shut down my computer and screamed.