Chapter 31
YOUR STRATEGY
“Are we going to talk about this tonight?” London demanded the second they stepped into his place.
He didn’t look at her. He yanked his suit jacket off, shoved it on a hanger, and moved to his shirt buttons without the frantic energy he’d had earlier. He was deliberately calm. The kind of calm that meant he was furious.
“There’s nothing to say,” he tossed over his shoulder.
“There is a lot to say,” she snapped, marching over to stand directly in front of him. The navy dress that had nearly made him forget his own damn name earlier didn’t tempt him at all now. His frustration had burned straight through it.
“No,” he said flatly. “There’s not. You let your tongue guide you more times than it should. My history with Ryker is exactly that—history. I know how to handle him.”
“By keeping your mouth shut?” Her voice rose. “By letting him walk all over you? That’s your strategy?”
“There is no upper hand here,” he bit out, shoving his shirt off his shoulders. “He made a business decision. Whatever his reasons were, he probably thought he was doing me a favor.”
She laughed out a sharp, disbelieving sound. “Oh, bullshit. Do you actually believe that? Are you that delusional?”
He froze mid-movement, then slowly turned to face her. “I don’t know why you’re getting so worked up about something that happened before we even knew each other. Unless you think there’s more to it.”
“Nope,” she shot back. “I believed what you told me. One hundred percent. But I also believe you never stood up for yourself.”
Of all the things she could have said, that was the one that detonated him.
“I stand up for myself all the time,” he said, his voice low and dangerous, foreign to his ears because he rarely used it.
“But I do it my way. People like Ryker get off on provoking a reaction. Everyone knows that. The best move is to not give him what he wants. But you”—he stabbed a finger in her direction—“walked right into his trap. And worse, dragged me in with you.”
She flinched like he’d slapped her.
“I dragged you down?” she said, her voice gone thin. “I’m an embarrassment to you. Just say it. That’s what you mean.”
“London—”
“No,” she cut in, her eyes blazing fire ready to light his ass up. “Say it.”
She just couldn’t control herself. She had to push and push.
“You don’t know when to keep your mouth closed,” he snapped before he could stop himself. “It’s my life, not yours. And I’m positive Ryker already knew I was working for West. Long before tonight. He would have made it his mission to find me the week I left.”
“Then what’s the big deal?” she demanded.
“You’re making it one.”
“Fuck that.” She shoved her hair back with a shaking hand. “Be honest with me if you can’t be honest with yourself. You didn’t like when Ryker brought up our relationship. That’s what set you off. I saw it. I felt it. I know you better than you want to admit.”
“You must not know me well enough if that’s how you act in public around me or in a situation that doesn’t concern you,” he snarled.
Her eyes went wide. Tears gathered instantly. She blinked them back hard and her shoulders stiffened.
He knew he’d crossed a line. And because he was already hurt, already angry, he let the worst version of himself keep talking. He lost the control he prided himself on and lectured her about.
“I know you better than you think,” she whispered fiercely. “I know you’re scared.”
“Scared?” he snapped. “Of what?”
“Of us, Spencer.” She jabbed a finger into his chest. “You have insecurities about your job just like I do. And now add our relationship. Things were going well. I stand up for the man I love and suddenly I’m the fucking villain?”
His pulse stopped. Actually stopped.
“What did you say?” he said, his voice barely there.
“You heard me!” she shouted. “But sure, act like you know everything. Guess you’re not as smart as you think.”
She spun on her heel, stomping toward the shoes she’d kicked off earlier.
“Where are you going?”
“Home. Away from you until you can calm down.”
“I’m the calm one,” he said, throwing his arms wide. “You’re the one who can’t control yourself.”
Her whole body shook. Her nose twitching, fists clenched, jaw tight. As if there was an internal vibration ready to shoot out of her fingertips.
“Feeling things isn’t a flaw, Spencer. Letting it out is better than pretending you felt nothing at all. Maybe if you let yourself feel for once, you’d understand that.”
She grabbed her purse, turned, and slammed out the door so loudly the hinges rattled.
He lunged after her, but by the time he got the door open she was already stepping into the elevator, her spine stiff, her eyes straight ahead pretending as if he didn’t exist.
And he was still half-dressed.
“Fuck me!” he roared into the empty condo.
The echo bounced back at him harsh and hollow.
Yelling did nothing but make the knot in his chest cinch tighter. It never helped.
It only made him feel like he’d just lost something he wasn’t ready to lose.
Something he maybe…loved.
She said she loved him and then marched right out the door.
Everything in him said to chase after her. But he wouldn’t.
Because they both had to calm down. They both had to gather their thoughts.
She’d go home to her sister. He was left alone.
What he didn’t want.
He went back to his room, finished changing and then called his mother.
“Spencer,” Barb Jensen said on the second ring. “I haven’t heard from you in a few weeks. Nothing more than texts. I thought for sure you’d be with London tonight.”
“We were,” he said. “At a charity event.”
“And she’s not with you now?” his mother asked.
He sat his ass on the couch, put his head back, closed his eyes and told her exactly what happened. “It’s a mess. We are night and day. I’m not sure why I thought this would work.”
“Do you love her?”
“That’s the thing. I do. I have for weeks. Then something like tonight happens and I remember everything about her that rubs me the wrong way.”
“Not everyone is the same,” his mother explained. “You know that. You’ve never shied away from a challenge in your life. Could it be that?”
He let out a laugh. “She’s a challenge, that’s for sure. And I’m willing to bet she’s thinking the same about me.”
“She’s not wrong, you know.”
“She won’t think so.”
“Get your head out of your ass,” his mother said.
“She’s right that you hold it all in. You never want the world, anyone, to know what you’re thinking, doing, or even feeling.
But if you’ve got someone important in your life, then you need to open up with that person.
Just like she’s been doing more with you than it appears you are with her. ”
His mother wasn’t wrong. “I didn’t need her to say what she did. It could come back and hurt her too. She doesn’t see that.”
“Or maybe she cares about the important things and took that road.”
“Meaning I don’t?”
“Meaning you don’t let yourself even try. Why didn’t you go after her?”
“Because she needs to cool down.”
“Or you need to,” his mother said. “I’ve seen you worked up a few times in your life. You’re the one who struggles to come down from it. You’re the one who thinks it’s a flaw to lose your patience. To fight or even yell. Everyone does. No one is perfect, and sure the hell not you.”
“I never said I was perfect,” he argued.
“Then why do you try to give off the impression you are?”
“Calling you might have been worse than going after London.”
“Good,” his mother said, laughing. “Glad to hear that. Maybe your father and I need to take a quick trip soon to meet her.”
“I’m not sure she’s going to talk to me after tonight.”
“Don’t keep lying to yourself,” his mother said, her voice carrying the clicking of her tongue as if she was shaking her head at him. “Take the night if you need it, but no more. It will only make it worse. Trust me.”
It didn’t seem like he had much of a choice, but he wasn’t so sure he trusted himself right now.