Chapter 7
DO AS I SAY
“How much you wanna bet your uncle strolls in here late and doing the most?” I teasingly nudged my niece’s shoulder as we scrolled through videos on my phone on my parents’ couch.
“Nothing!” She chuckled sarcastically then continued, “I actually wanna keep my money!” She was the oldest damn twelve-year-old that I had ever met, and the most sarcastic person that I knew.
“Oh, hell nah,” my big brother AJ boomed before he swooped in and snatched the phone from my hands. “No phone means NO phone, Kadence. Your auntie’s is included in that!”
“Boo!” I fussed, grabbing it back from him.
“She’s innocent!” I instantly started pleading her case, even though I had no idea of what she had done.
She knew I would ride for her until the wheels fell off, wrong or right.
Her mom was working overseas, and my brother was doing his thing as a single father, so we all had a hand in raising her.
“Yeah, tell that to the little boy that she kneed in the balls and broke his damn nose! She’s lucky she didn’t get suspended, or worse!”
“He touched me first!” she said defensively. Her vibrant brown eyes wide and animated as she plead her case. “He pulled my hair and touched my butt! Inappropriate!” I had to stifle my laugh. My niece wasn’t nearly as unhinged as I was, until someone pissed her off, then she was hell on wheels.
“And there are rules set in place for that. Violence is never the answer. What were you supposed to do Kay?” he asked.
“Tell the teacher, then tell you,” she groaned with an eye roll that only I saw.
“Exactly!” he replied. “So I could shoot his lil’ ass!”
“Wow,” she said, her sarcasm sitting front row center. “I can’t punch people, but it’s totally acceptable for you to shoot them. Makes perfect sense!”
“I think she’s right, AJ. Violence is never the answer, give me your phone!”
“You would have to fight me for it,” he teased, playfully mushing my head as I tried to steal it from him.
“Boy, you better find you something safe to do!” I jested back. My phone lit up with a text, and I had to bite my lip when I saw Chase’s name flash across my screen. It wasn’t even on some flirty shit, but for some reason I always ended up smiling or laughing when his beige ass texted me.
Chase
I feel like we need to discuss the amount of documents you’re printing out. I haven’t had to change my ink in 3 years, but I’ve been through two cartridges and three reams of paper since we started this shit.
Me
I’m off the clock.
Chase
Just be prepared for this $394.52 OfficeBeat charge to come out of your pay.
Me
Chase, you’ll be lucky if I don’t bill YOU for texting me during non work hours! I’m getting ready for dinner. I don’t have time to argue with you about your printer paper!
Chase
You cooked?
Me
No. I HATE cooking.
Chase
So, you can’t cook. Bet.
Me
I never said that.
Chase
You don’t have to. I played baseball for one season in elementary school, sucked so bad that I never touched a bat again. I’ve hated it since.
Me
We really need to work on your correlation skills. It’s family night. I don’t have time for this. Goodnight, Chase.
Chase
Goodnight, Mufasa.
That one almost took me out, but I wouldn’t give his ass the satisfaction of making me laugh, even if he didn’t know.
In the few weeks that I’d known that man, I found out that the flip phone was just the tip of the iceberg.
He made Julius from Everybody Hates Chris look like the biggest trick with his cheap ass.
I understood being fiscally responsible, but the nigga reused everything down to his damn Ziplock bags, which directly contradicted the fact that he was a huge germaphobe.
It literally made no sense to me, and I had found a sick, twisted joy in watching him lose his shit when I did something that would run his pockets.
I had been printing out everything from copies of grocery store receipts to his damn stats, just to get a rise out of him when he had to replace the ink again.
“Who got you over there laughing?” AJ asked as he attempted to snatch my phone again, this time I dodged his hands.
“None of your damn business!” I said, sticking my tongue out at him.
We had just calmed down when we heard the front door open and a loud voice echoing off the walls.
“The Greatest Lewis is here! Let’s get this party started!”
We all rolled our eyes in unison. If there was a fool in every bunch, my twenty-three-year-old brother Amari was that fool, in every damn bunch. He strolled in, headphones on full blast and without a care in the world that we had been starving to death for almost an hour waiting on his goofy ass.
“Lil’ nigga, where the hell you been?” AJ said as he pushed him upside his head.
“Relax, I’m not that late, and I ain’t that lil’.” His goofy ass laughed like everything was okay. It took the youngest person in the room to get him together.
“Uncle Amari, you see this?” She gestured to my phone. “This is called a cell phone, there are lots of cool features, and you can call and text people and let them know that you’ll be late.”
“I”m sorry Lil’ Bit,” he said as he pulled her into a hug. “You forgive me?”
“My stomach is touching my back,” she said with a blank stare.
“Tough crowd,” he laughed and so did I when I watched him slide a few twenties into her hand.
“Where are y’all’s parents? I’m hungry as hell.” The three of us gave him a look that could have melted the soles off his shoes. We all had the same damn face, down to the baby, the perfect blend of our parents, all in the same chocolate skin tone.
“You took so long that they ran off to the back! Probably being nasty!” AJ said with a shudder.
“Oh no lil’ boy, now you in my business,” my mom teased as she and my dad seemed to materialize from thin air. We immediately went to grab the food from the oven where it was warming to take it to the already set table.
“Do whatever y’all need to do… As long as you don’t bring another one of these home,” I said as I rolled my eyes and gestured towards Amari.
“Don’t be a hater, May! Just because you were such a disappointment that they decided they couldn’t end the legacy with you!” he teased.
“Boy please! You were an accident! Meant to be scooped up with a tissue and discarded in the trash—be so for real!”
“Shit!” AJ laughed so hard that he damn near choked on his own tongue.
“Amaya Janae Lewis!” My mom immediately went in on me. I swear since I could talk that lady had been my personal FCC because she stayed trying to censor me. She already knew that I wasn’t going for that though.
Daddy said that my mom and I sometimes butted heads because we were opposites.
Where she had to hold her feelings in, I came out the womb letting niggas know that I was not the one to be fucked with, and I think she resented that a little bit.
She was still my girl though, and I was so grateful that we loved way harder than we fought.
“So, it’s okay for him to call me a disappointment, but when I say that he was better off being a wet stain in somebody’s draws, now I took it too far?” I snickered, making AJ damn near fall out of his chair.
“Amaya!” This time she looked like she was ready to take off her imaginary belt.
“I’ll shut up!” I surrendered, throwing my hands up like I was remorseful, then turning my head to let out a silent chuckle.
“And you wonder why your niece acts the way she does,” AJ fussed rolling his eyes like he wasn’t the loudest person laughing at my ass. I didn’t reply, instead slipping my Kadence a little something under the table that would make her punishment a little bit more bearable.
“Let’s eat before y’all get on my nerves and I have to put y’all out,” my dad fussed as everyone shuffled to grab a dish from the kitchen and meet in the living room.
“Even me, Daddy?” I asked with feigned innocence.
“No, Baby Doll,” he said, playfully rolling his eyes.
“Even me, Papa?” Kadence mirrored me, making him come over and plant a kiss on top of her forehead.
“Never, K-K,” he said sweetly, before sliding a $100 bill in her hand.
She smiled and I gave her a nudge and a wink.
If she played her cards right, she would have enough money to buy the new handheld game system she wanted.
What she didn’t know was that I had already ordered both of ours, and we would have them on release day.
It got quiet as hell as we sat down to our plates of smothered chicken, rice, and veggies.
We tried to all get together at least once a month for family dinner.
My brothers got on my damn nerves, but I was blessed to have them.
When we weren’t fighting, they were some of my favorite people in the world—after my niece of course.
“So, how’s my real sister?” Amir teased. I had to chuckle to myself as I thought about Mona and the newest round of drama that she found herself in.
“She’s good. I think she’s gonna be okay after everything that happened.”
She actually seemed to be doing more than okay.
Per our conversation at brunch, my girl had completely moved on from the dead nigga and was getting her back blown out by the dead nigga’s brother.
I chuckled to myself at the fact that she had fucked around and found love at a funeral—if anyone could, it would have to be MoMo’s ass.
“That’s really good to hear,” my mom replied. “And how is her family?”
“The same as they’ve always been,” I huffed, rolling my eyes. I couldn’t wait for the day that her foul ass stepsister and stepmom got what was coming to them, but until then, I would just daydream about dragging them by their stiff ass wigs.
“You know, I saw Georgia at the store the other day—she walked right by me and acted like she didn’t know me,” my mom said with a frown. I tried to keep it cute per Mona’s requests, but that ice was getting thinner and thinner.
“Mama, please don’t tell me that. You already know I can’t stand that lady,” I huffed, flaring my nostrils.