Chapter 13 #3
The day’s events replayed on a loop in my head for my entire drive back to my house.
I stared off into nothing as I showered, handled my hygiene, and grabbed a quick snack before I settled into my room for the evening.
I was bursting at the seams to speak to someone, so before I lost my shit, I grabbed my phone and called the first number in my favorites.
“Hey girl?” Mona answered, sounding like she had been in bed all day.
“Chase told me he wants to be with me!” I blurted out. I was trying to take the secret to my grave, but I was going to explode if I didn’t get that shit out.
“He said what? Why the fuck would he say that?” she shrieked.
“Because I fucked him.” I bit my lip nervously as I waited for her justified freak out
“You did what?! Oh my God! I fucking knew it!”
“Not helping, MoMo.”
“I just—fuck… you’ve done some reckless shit, but this? What are you gonna do now?”
“I mean obviously I can’t fuck him again, or be with him… but he is convinced that after this, I’m gonna give his ass a chance.”
“Why wouldn’t you? Are you scared?” she asked.
“I mean, no… The case is almost over, and as long as there’s no proof that we—”
“Not about the work part, Amaya. I know you don’t give a fuck about that. Are you scared of him?”
“What? Hell no! Why would you even ask me that?!”
“Because you like him,” she huffed like I was getting on her nerves.
“I don’t!” I shot back.
“You do, and that’s okay. You can deny it all you want, and I’m not gonna push it anymore, but I know you.
You like him and you’re scared to let him in, which is understandable.
Take it from me though, letting your guard down, and letting somebody love you the right way is so worth the risk,” she said dreamily.
“Girl, shut up!” I laughed. “You just over there all in love and shit, and want everyone to be like you!”
“I am not!” she argued, while laughing at me.
“Yeah okay. You can deny it all you want, and I’m not gonna push it anymore, but I know you, Mona,” I said, doing an exaggerated version of her voice.
She politely told me to go fuck myself and we chatted a little more.
I made sure to keep it light because she let me know Tahmir was back in the room.
“Mona… MoMo, hello?” I asked when the line went completely silent.
“Hello?” I heard Tahmir’s voice come through the speaker. “My fault. I gave this girl an edible and she passed the fuck out. I’ll have her call you back tomorrow.”
“Thank you. Good night, Tahmir.”
“Goodnight.”
I smiled to myself as I hung up the phone. If anyone deserved that happiness, it was Mona. She was one of the purest souls I knew and it really warmed my heart to see her in a healthy, albeit slightly obsessed relationship.
I laid in bed, rolling around like a damn hedgehog for at least an hour before I sprung upright. The conversation with Mona only slightly distracted me from the shit show that happened at the stadium.
Amaya… he's not yours to save! Leave it alone.
But I couldn't. Before I knew it, I was out of bed, throwing on a pair of leggings and hoodie, grabbing my keys, and rushing out the front door.
The whole drive to his house I tried to talk myself out of it.
I fucking knew better, but the look on his face when we parted ways had me swerving in and out of traffic to get to him.
I was still trying to talk myself out of it when I reached his front door, and when I rang the doorbell.
The moment he opened the door, shirtless, sweaty, and out of breath, I wanted to kick myself for at least not calling.
“Chase… W-What are you doing?” I asked, looking at him like he lost his damn mind. Was he with someone? Was it Chanel’s ass? I knew I had no right to be upset, but I was also prepared to put both of their asses in a woodchipper if I walked in there and saw her.
“Working out… Sprinting,” he said, still catching his breath as he let me inside.
“At midnight?” The tightness in my chest released once I knew that he wasn’t knee deep in somebody else’s coochie.
“Can't sleep.” He shrugged hopelessly while locking up behind me. “What are you doing here? I take it this isn't a work visit?”
“I just wanted to check on you… After what happened today. You wanna talk about it?”
“I'd rather do something else,” he gruffed as he slid his hand under my hoodie and rubbed the bare skin of my waist.
“Nigga! I didn't come over here offering you pussy!
I came to offer you friendship. Now go wash your ass, I'll make us some snacks, and we can talk,” I said with an eye roll as I pushed him away.
As tempting as it was to let him take his frustrations out on me, I knew that wasn't what he needed.
He sucked his teeth and stubbornly stomped off to his room as I went to his massive kitchen.
For a moment, I just stood there, biting my lip as I remembered the nasty things we did right next to his fancy blender.
I had to squeeze my legs together at the flashback I had of him pinning me up against the wall and making me cum on his face.
That is not why you’re here!
But I mean you are here, though…
By the time he made it back, I had us a cute little spread of popcorn, fruit, and chocolate ready, along with a headful of nasty thoughts.
“Why do you have a fridge full of fruit if you don’t even eat it like that?” I asked.
“You do,” he said simply as he leaned over me and used his mouth to steal the strawberry I held between my fingers. I froze, watching him grab the tray of snacks and walk off towards the living room.
Don’t fuck him, Amaya! No, bitch!
I got my shit together and grabbed our drinks before following him to where he was already sitting on the couch.
I tried to keep it platonic and sit as far away from him as possible, but his ass literally got up, moved everything to my side and pulled me onto his lap.
Our bodies fell in sync with one another as I started rubbing his waves and beard and his hands once again found their way under my clothes to my waist.
“You wanna talk about it?” I asked.
“I hate that nigga,” he grumbled, grabbing a chunk of watermelon and offering me a bite before he popped the rest in his mouth.
“He seems… easy to hate,” I answered, doing the same with the popcorn.
“I lived down the street from him growing up… Do you know how fucking shitty of a parent you have to be to live in the same city as your own seed and still not have a relationship with him? I got the whole hood telling me how I look just like my pops and shit, and how much of a legend he was… they knew more about the nigga than me.”
“I'm sorry,” I settled into his hold and continued to rub his head. “Some people are just shitty, parents or not. He doesn't deserve an ounce of your time or energy. That was his mistake, not yours, and clearly he feels dumb as hell thinking about the shit he put y'all through.”
“Only because now there's money and fame involved.
He never gave a fuck until I started getting looks for college, then he tried to hop on board for a meal ticket.
For maybe a year, I knew what it was like to have an actual father, but the shit was all fake.
I had a phase during my freshman year where I wanted to quit.
Trying to balance school and football got to be too much for me and I wanted to give it up.
He told me to quit school instead and enter the draft.
When I said no, the nigga cut me off again.
Said he couldn't fuck with someone dumb enough to throw away a goldmine for an education. Yes, I was technically an adult, but I was still his child. That nigga said that to his child.”
“Fuck him!” I spat, mad enough to smack the fire out of that man if I saw him again.
“The worst part was that in trying to have a relationship with him, I brought up old trauma for my mom. Part of me has never been able to forgive myself for that. My first memory I have of that nigga was him putting his hands on her. He smacked the shit out of her, and I cried for an hour seeing her hurt. I guess that was the wakeup call that she needed and we left that night—went back to my grandparent’s house.
I was maybe three or four, but I can still see that shit vividly.
I think that’s why I lost my shit today…
I couldn’t protect her because I was little, but now I’m strong enough to protect everyone that I care about. ”
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered, placing a gentle kiss on his forehead. I lost myself in my thoughts for a moment because was he saying that he cared about me too?
“I'm over it,” he shrugged, looking off, but the expression on his face made me want to cry.
“You're not,” I said, pulling his face to look at me. “And that's okay. You don't have to be strong all the time. I see you.” We stared at each other until the eye contact got uncomfortable, then I quickly looked away.
“That's wild coming from you, Toni.” He let out a low grumble, pulling my chin back to where my eyes were on him.
“What does that even mean?” I asked, brow raised.
“You won't let me close to you because of what that nigga did.” I frowned, wondering if he and Mona had been plotting against me, or if I was just that obvious.
“That’s not why,” I shook my head before lying through my teeth. “I told you, I can’t risk my career for something that probably won’t even last.”
“It will,” he argued, squeezing me tighter. “And I’d never ask you to risk anything. Just let it cool off, then we pop out. We don’t have to answer any questions about any timelines. Let people think what they want. I got you.”
“You’re persistent as hell,” I said and giggled.
“I’m determined. I'm tryna’ build something with you, and you runnin’,” he whispered, putting his lips to my neck and planting a kiss there before taking a deep inhale, like I was his favorite smell.
“We can't build, Chase. I work for you. Even if we came out after the case was over, that would still look crazy as hell.”
“I don’t give a fuck how it looks. I’ll go on record to say whatever I need to say to make sure you’re good. I just want a chance, baby.”
“No,” I moaned softly. I wasn’t sure whose name he was writing behind my ear, but he had me melting, and my brain was completely mush. I immediately recanted my previous statement.
“I... I’ll think about it. We can't have sex until it’s over though. It's already fucking up my head.”
“If by fucking up your head, you mean it’s making your mean ass a little more tolerable? Then I agree,” he mumbled in between more kisses, this time attacking my lips.
“Tolerable… Nigga, you just begged me for a chance. Keep playing with me,” I warned, pointing a finger at him.
“You got it, baby… I can still eat it, right?”
“Oral sex is sex, Chase!” I laughed, pushing his head away.
“Fine, but this is okay?” he gently pushed me down to my back and kissed me slow and deep. The taste of his mouth mixed in with the fruit he swore he didn’t like was giving me the best sugar rush.
“This? This is okay, I guess,” I answered between slow, languid kisses that made my panties wetter by the second.
I knew we were pushing it, based off what we agreed on, but after I told him no, he never even tried again…
even when I secretly wanted him to because I would have folded like a tv tray.
He just held me, squeezed me, and kissed me while we talked until we fell asleep in the earliest hours of the morning.