Chapter 18
THE UGLY TRUTH
Me
Amaya, I know you’re upset, but it’s been a week. Please talk to me.
Please just call me back, text me, anything.
Amaya
MSG NOT DELIVERED. Please contact carrier for more information.
NOTIFICATION: You have 37 missed calls.
The sound of my doorbell pulled me out of a deep sleep—one where I was dreaming of sweet caramel, chocolate skin, thick lips, and even thicker hips and thighs.
I made a vow to unplug that fucking doorbell, because I was tired of the shit.
“What’s good?” I asked, seeing Niko, Justin, and Johnathan standing there. Niko was also holding up a phone with Rome on a video chat.
“Nigga, are you good? We been callin’ your ass all day!” Niko fussed.
“I’m good,” I said, a deep frown settling over my face. “What the fuck is this, an intervention?”
“Call it what you want, nigga,” the tiny version of Rome said. “I just needed to lay eyes on you. I’m about to go on set. I’ma call you later, and if you don’t answer, I’m on a flight tonight to personally put my foot up yo ass. I—”
“Go to work, nigga. I’ll answer,” I promised, hitting the end call button and abruptly hanging up. The other three dramatic ass niggas bogarted their way inside, looking around like they thought I had a hostage in there.
“What the fuck are y’all looking for?” I asked, even more annoyed by this point.
“We told you, we just came through to check on you. What have you been doing today?”
“I been in the bed… haven’t been feeling that good.” I sighed and rubbed my hand over my face. From the way they were looking at me, I must have looked just like I felt—shitty.
“Y-You didn’t work out today… or yesterday,” Jonathan said softly.
I usually texted him a simple arm muscle emoji early in the morning after every workout.
I didn’t think he even paid me any attention, but clearly, I was wrong if I had the nigga ready to do a welfare check on me over a couple missed texts.
“I just told you I wasn’t feeling well!” I snapped making him immediately shut up. I walked to the living room with the three stooges on my heels.
“Yeah, we heard you, but you the same nigga who I have to force out the gym when he’s sick or injured. You don’t miss a gym day, let alone two,” Niko said.
“Whatever,” I grumbled and melted back into the couch where I was sleeping before. “I’m fine.” They all came and sat across from me and gave me a blank stare.
“Nigga, if you don’t start talkin’ right now, I’m callin’ ya mama!”
“Now why the fuck would you do that?”
“Because, if you ain’t gon’ talk to us, you gon’ talk to somebody! Clearly something is wrong!”
“I told y’all niggas that I’m fine! Why are y’all on my dick like this?”
“I just put this water on your table, and you didn’t say shit!” Johnathan said, and for the first time I noticed his water cup sitting bare assed on my coffee table. “Last time I did that, you threatened to beat my ass with a coaster. I think this nigga is dying y’all.”
I sucked my teeth before my mouth blurted out, “I’m not dying… I fucked Amaya.” When nobody in the room looked even the least bit moved, I looked around in shock.
“Y’all knew?” I asked.
“Listen, we had our suspicions, but after the camp and that last fight… it was pretty obvious,” Justin shrugged.
“Why the fuck didn’t y’all say anything?”
“Because we know how you get. When you were ready, we knew you would say something. I’m guessing after everything, she’s not really fuckin’ with you right now?
“You hit the nail on the head,” I nodded, then winced at the last voicemail that Amaya left me saying that if I didn’t stop calling her, she was gonna fly back to L.A. to shove a goal post up my ass.
“I fucking miss her,” I barely whispered.
“I feel you,” Johnathan barely whispered back.
“Nigga, what the fuck is wrong with you?” Justin asked.
“Nothin, nothing. I’m good.” He shook his head.
“So what you gon’ do?” Niko asked.
“I wanna be with her. I haven’t been able to think of anything but being with her since the day I met her crazy ass. I just need her to fuckin’ talk to me. I’m going crazy,” I said with a groan. They just looked at me sympathetically.
“And another thing, why the fuck didn’t you tell us that Chanel’s goofy ass was tryin’ to blackmail you?!” Justin snapped.
“I thought I could get past this shit. I really didn’t wanna drag her through that. She’s been through enough, and I didn’t want to be another contributing factor to her pain.”
“Nah, nigga,” Niko said with a furious expression on his face.
He looked like he was ready to drag Chanel through the mud.
That’s exactly why I didn’t tell his ass about Chanel, because he would have either insisted on going Amaya’s route and airing her out to the world, or another, darker path.
“You already know I wasn’t goin’ for that shit, and that’s exactly why you didn’t tell me.
I understand you trying to protect her, but not at your expense.
Amaya was trying to protect you and you took it out on her. ”
“I know.” I hung my head in shame. “I know it was dumb as hell, and I really didn’t even mean to get that upset with her.
It was just the fact that I was blindsided.
I should have known she would do some shit like that.
She’s so fuckin’ headstrong and stubborn.
I never met anyone as stubborn as her ass,” I said with a dreamy sigh.
I really missed the fuck out of her crazy ass.
Life felt so boring since she left and I didn’t know how I was just supposed to go back to how things were before I knew her.
Johnathan shifted in his seat, and it seemed like the more we spoke, the more agitated he got.
“Nigga,” I said with a frown. “Is you good?”
“Nah, I gotta go…” he said looking like a fiend that was three days off his last hit.
“Go where?” I asked.
“I’m over here tryna talk you down… Meanwhile, I need to go get my woman.”
“Nigga, that ain’t why we’re here!” Niko snapped, visibly annoyed.
“Excuse the fuck outta me, but listen, maybe you never been in love like I been in love!” he began as he sprung to his feet.
“Oh brother!” Justin groaned, rubbing his hand over his face.
“And maybe you never felt the shit that I felt!”
“Please nigga,” I huffed, but he continued on.
“But you know, sometimes… you get lo—”
“Johnathan! Shut the fuck up with that shit!” Niko barked just in time, because I had just sworn to myself that if that nigga broke into song, somebody was leaving with their ass whooped.
“You know what? I hope you work your shit out with Amaya, I really do… but I got a flight to catch right now. Y’all stay up though.” He literally ran out of the house, a man on a mission. I wanted to talk shit, but that’s what my weak ass should have been doing.
“What the fuck is he on?” Justin asked.
“I have no idea,” I shrugged. I didn’t feel like being the one to break the news about seeing Johnathan knocking Jocelyn out the frame—especially when Niko seemed to be feeling her too.
“Anyways,” Niko rolled his eyes. “Now that it’s out there about Chanel, you need to strike while the iron is hot. Is there anything else you got on her?”
They sat there while I told them every fucked up thing that Chanel did during our relationship, and I couldn’t even lie—the relief I felt getting it out almost made me tear up.
I thought that keeping it all in made me stronger, but I should have known better.
My people didn’t need me to be perfect, or even strong for that matter—all that they cared about was that I was okay.
The thought choked me up again as my mind stayed on Amaya because she had been trying to drill that shit into my head since I met her.
I missed the fuck out of that woman. After letting me vent to them for what seemed like hours, and making sure I was good, they finally left me alone with my thoughts.
I had just gotten relaxed again when the doorbell rang.
“Man, who the fuck?” I just wanted peace and quiet.
“Boy! I know you better watch your damn mouth!” My mama yelled as she walked into the room. She had a key, and would always ring the doorbell before she let herself in. Usually, she would call first so I knew she was coming, but my oblivious ass had no idea she was even on my side of the country.
“Ma, what are you doing here? Don’t tell me them fools called you.”
“Nobody had to call me for me to know my child needed to be checked on.” She was the only person whose calls I would accept, but apparently that wasn’t good enough because she still hopped on a plane and pulled up on me.
“I’m okay, Mama. Dang, I miss two workouts in fifteen years and y’all out here doing the most,” I chuckled.
“Chase, I need you to listen to me,” she said softly, sitting across from me. “You know I love you, right?”
“Yeah, I love you too mama,” I answered.
“Good. Now I need you to hear me. Get your head out of your ass. You know you miss that girl.”
“Who?” I damn near levitated off the couch. “Chanel? Nah Mama! I’d ne-” She cut me off.
“No! Amaya.” She looked at me with knowing eyes, and my face went sour. I didn’t even ask how she knew, because she always caught me in my shit and had absolutely no problem calling me on it.
“I do,” I said softly. “But I messed up. I was just trying to protect Chanel, and she took it as me choosing her over what we were trying to start. Now she’s not speaking to me.”
“Chase,” she said with a heavy sigh as her whole demeanor shifted. “You can’t protect everybody,” she said softly as a tear rolled down her face. “You’ve seen things that no one should have to see, and that’s my fault. I’m so sorry baby—”
“Mama, don’t apologize, I—”