Chapter 29
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Don’t say it. Don’t say it. Don’t say it.
Rafael looked over at Grace again like he was trying to read her mind, and thank goodness he couldn’t or he would just hear her brain screaming that she was in love with him, and that was the information she was trying to keep to herself at all costs.
This was his first fucking relationship, and she wasn’t going to ruin it by telling him she loved him on day one and freaking him out so much that he immediately started to push her away.
She had to keep herself in check so this whole thing didn’t fall apart before it had even started.
So she sat on her stool in his kitchen keeping her lips firmly pressed together except for the brief moments when she allowed herself to sip from a glass of water.
Rafael refilled her glass, but instead of sliding it back across the counter toward her, he walked around and stood beside her as if waiting for something.
She turned toward him slightly and reached out her hand, but he put the glass firmly on the counter before spinning her stool and slowly easing her legs apart with his thigh.
The black fabric of her dress slid up bunched against her belly, leaving her almost bare underneath except for the silk of her underwear.
Then, Rafael positioned his entire body right in front of her and slid his thumb against her neck. She eased her head back until her eyes met his and she swallowed.
“You haven’t even kissed me yet,” he said.
She didn’t reply but held her position, waiting as his head tilted down toward hers, his lips inching closer and closer with every breath. “Is that something you might be interested in?” he asked.
She smiled and strained toward him, straightening as much as possible until finally, his mouth was against hers.
It felt very possible that she might just topple off the stool altogether, but maybe he could sense that, because his arm wrapped around her back, pulling her even closer toward him and holding her firmly in place.
She felt him smile against her lips, and her heart seemed to bounce in her chest like her lungs were a trampoline.
She loved that smile. She loved that it was meant for her. She loved him. Shit.
Rafael raised his head so they were making eye contact again.
Her body had tensed without meaning to, and of course, he’d noticed.
He seemed to be so aware of her, which wasn’t exactly helpful when she was trying to go on with their date and pretend like she wasn’t totally obsessed with him in a way that might send him running for the hills.
“What’s wrong, Graciela? Just tell me.”
“It’s—” What could she possibly say? She decided to try as much truth as possible without giving him everything. “You make me nervous. I know this is new for you, and I want it to go perfectly, but that feels like a lot of pressure.”
He eased back from her, giving her more space. “You feel pressured by me?”
She grabbed his hand, keeping him from going too far away. “No. Of course not. I feel pressured by me. I don’t want to mess this up.”
He scoffed. “That’s not possible.”
Grace bit her lip. She wanted him to understand, to know everything she was thinking. It all just felt too precarious, like they were standing on the edge of a cliff and one gust of wind in the wrong direction could topple this whole thing. “Maybe you don’t think so now…”
“Grace. I know you said you wanted to take things slow, and I can respect that, but don’t forget that I know you.
I know the little sounds you make when you’re about to come.
I know you can ramble on about Picasso for hours and somehow make it the most interesting thing I’ve ever heard.
I know you stand up for people when it matters, and you’re the most loyal friend I’ve ever seen.
You keep saying this is our first date, and maybe it is, but I’m already yours. ”
Oh, wowza. Something was happening in her stomach.
Not butterflies, exactly. More like a plague of locusts beating their wild wings.
“Well, that’s—” she faltered. “That does make me feel better. I’m just trying to navigate how we do this whole thing when we have lived together, and your Alma’s brother, and I already… ”
She clamped her stupid mouth shut. She should just go back to kissing him to keep from spilling her secret, but before she could even pull his face toward her again, he was already leaning in to kiss her—a fierce, hungry kiss that made her clench her thighs around him.
“It might take some getting used to,” he said, breaking away and pressing his forehead to hers. “Maybe we don’t have it all figured out yet, but the thing is, Grace…”
He paused for so long that she pulled away to get another good look at him. Now she was the one trying to figure out what the hell he was thinking. He brought his hands to the sides of her face and cradled her cheeks in his hands, and she relished every moment of it.
“You’ve been through a lot recently,” he continued. “And like I said, I don’t want to put any more pressure on you or make you think you need to feel a certain way. This is all new to me.”
“I know,” she said. “That’s why I thought it would be good to take things slow.”
His brow furrowed. “You mean that was for my sake?”
She chewed her lip. “It was for both of us. It just seemed like the practical way to go about this, and I know you haven’t really had this kind of relationship before.”
Rafael hung his head. “You’re killing me, Graciela.”
“What?” Her eyes scanned his face, searching for clues as to what she’d done wrong.
“Sure, this is my first serious thing, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know when I’m in love. I’m not a total gillipollas, despite what my sister might have you believe.”
Grace cocked her head to the side, considering him closely again. She could feel her heartbeat. She could hear it ringing in her ears. “When you’re in love?”
“I didn’t mean to say that,” he grumbled in a low voice.
Grace tried to keep her voice steady, but she felt like she could scream. “So you didn’t mean it?”
He frowned at her like he was disappointed. “Of course I meant it. I just didn’t mean to say it yet. I guess it’s too late now, though, so I might as well tell you properly. Should I?”
Grace sucked in a breath and nodded. Fireworks seemed to be going off inside of her, in her head, in her belly, sparking through her blood like it was the Fourth of July in her veins.
Rafael tilted her chin up to him. “I love you, Grace. I’ll do whatever you want to do in this relationship.
If you want to just go on dates, if you want to stop sleeping together, if you want to move in tomorrow.
I don’t care what it looks like or if you want to go slow or fast or whatever you need.
None of it will change the fact that I’m in love with you.
None of it will change that I want to spend every moment with you, making you laugh.
No matter how you want this to look, I’ll do anything.
I’ve never felt this way about anyone else, I guess I can’t help wanting you to know that, even if it’s too soon to say it. ”
Grace opened her mouth and then closed it again. An overwhelming wave of warmth seemed to flood her entire body.
“Sorry.” Rafael ran a hand through his hair, his fingers twitching.
Grace shook her head as a disbelieving smile spread across her face. There was no holding it back now. She tried not to shout at him. “Rafael, I love you,” she said, her voice scratchy, the words almost catching in her throat.
“You do?” He already looked so smug about it, and it might have been the hottest look she’d ever seen.
Grace almost laughed, the relief of saying the words aloud coursing through her. “Yes, that’s why I’ve been acting like a weirdo, because I’ve been trying so hard to keep my mouth shut.”
Raf’s eyes went wide. “Why would you want to do that?”
“Because it’s so soon. And I didn’t want to freak you out. I thought maybe if we could just date for a while, then in a month or so it wouldn’t be totally crazy that I’m completely in love with you.”
The grin that flashed across his face almost made her heart stop. “Well, that makes everything a hell of a lot easier,” he teased. “I’m glad it’s out in the open. Then he lowered his voice and his tone became more serious. “I’m really, truly glad, actually,”
He pulled her against him again, and Grace let the revelation of it all sink into her skin. He loved her. It seemed almost unfathomable, but also, it felt incredibly natural and right.
“Does Alma know?” he asked.
“No, I didn’t want her to think I was completely crazy either.”
“We’re both crazy, then,” he said. “How long? When did you know you loved me?”
She pulled at the fabric of his shirt. “Don’t go getting all cocky—”
“It’s been a long time for me, Grace, just so you know. I’ve been a lovesick little fool, even though you were barely even speaking to me.”
“I guess I’ve been a fool, too, since you were all I wanted. It didn’t matter that I promised Alma I wouldn’t go falling for you. I couldn’t stop it.” Grace nuzzled into his chest, aching to have him closer to her.
Apparently, he felt the same way because in an instant Rafael slid his hands down her back to her ass and lifted her right off the stool. Grace wrapped her arms around his neck and clung to him with a little squeal of delight, and he carried her through the apartment.
“Can we agree that you’ll be staying here tonight?” he whispered in her ear as he walked. “And any night, as many as you want.”
“Yes,” she said. “Can we agree that we won’t leave this bedroom for several hours until I’ve thoroughly had my way with you?”
Rafael pressed his lips to her neck. “I absolutely agree. Can we agree never to speak of the embarrassing time I tried to kiss you ten years ago, and you completely rejected me?”
Grace laughed. “Oh no, I think I’d like to talk about that quite often.”
He bit at her earlobe. “I was an asshole.”
“That’s why I didn’t kiss you,” she said, turning to kiss his cheek.
He grinned. “You’re kissing me now. You love me.”
“And what a surprise this would be for young Grace,” she said, before Raf threw her onto the bed and dove to join her. “Honestly even old Grace is kind of surprised.”
“You’re surprised at how you feel about me?”
Grace considered that for a moment. “I’m surprised this is real,” she said.
And she meant it. After everything she’d lost, all the pieces of herself she was so sure would never fit together again.
She’d found some semblance of peace and hope—because of her job, because of her friendships, because of the art exhibit, because of him.
“This is the realest thing I’ve ever felt in my life,” Raf said.
Grace started to unbutton his shirt, drinking in the sight of his bare chest, her fingers nimbly working their way down and down.
She almost laughed when something her grandmother said jumped into her mind.
A man with a firm torso is a special kind of gift.
They’d been looking through one of Gram’s coffee table books, probably staring at a picture of a Michelangelo sculpture.
Gram had a thing for abs, and she wasn’t shy about it.
If she could see Rafael, then she would be absolutely giddy with delight on Grace’s behalf.
“What is it?” Rafael asked.
Grace ran a hand over his stomach. “You’re a work of art,” she said.
He laughed and shook his head. “You might be a little biased.”
“Maybe,” she said. “But I’m still an expert.”