5. Ben
ben
M y feet strike the pavement in a calming rhythm as my breath evens out. There is nothing compared to the runner’s high once I get going. These days, I’ve been running more frequently as part of a competition with the guys on my team at work. I’m determined to win the upcoming race.
It’s been nice to have something to focus on ever since my life imploded so spectacularly.
Though it was absolutely necessary, it doesn’t help the sting I still feel at having to walk away from Melissa.
The moment I broke off our engagement, her face contorted in a mask of betrayal, a mixture of hurt, anger, and disbelief etched in every line of her features. It remains etched in my memory.
I never should have let things go for as long as it did.
A mistake I’ll never make again. I knew Melissa and I were wrong for each other, but I was young.
And stupid. It was also easier to fall into a relationship than always putting myself out there to be rejected.
I wasted both of our time, and there is no way to take it back.
Living with Jason and Amanda has been a pleasant break from the reality of my life.
Jason has been a great friend to me since our irresponsible college days.
Though he was a couple of years older than me, he had been doing the “five-year plan” at college.
We’ve bailed one another out more times than I can count.
I like to think that if not for my help, Jason would not have graduated college with me.
He landed a job at the biggest firm in the state.
I’m sure his father working at the company helped.
Nepotism at its best, but I can’t complain.
Jason’s father’s influence at the company extended to me during the selection process, too.
I’ve worked my ass off to rise to the top of the ranks over the past decade to prove my worth ever since.
Work has been my priority for so long. Melissa working for the same company also made things easier. She knew the level of dedication that was required to climb the corporate ladder. It wasn’t an issue until I had an epiphany about how unhappy we made each other.
We had been together for years before I proposed.
For months, she’d been hinting at wanting to get married; then, after a terrible fight, I bought a ring.
I gave her the ring as a token of my commitment.
I had hoped it would make her happy. And it seemed to have worked for a short time.
My grand gesture bought me a couple of months of Melissa’s seemingly genuine happiness, but the sweetness of that time eventually faded, replaced by the bitter taste of our unresolved issues.
Melissa wanted the white-picket fence with the two-and-a-half kids and a dog. While I had known what she wanted, I mistakenly thought we also shared the same professional aspirations. The thought of having kids at our age seemed daunting. I wasn’t ready for it.
And, if I were being honest, I couldn’t see myself with her for the rest of my life. Melissa was often jealous of any woman, regardless of the fact that I would never cheat on her. She would start fights over the smallest perceived grievance, and it became exhausting.
When I didn’t show any interest in the wedding planning, we started fighting again. I reached my breaking point and called off the engagement. I moved out and into Jason and Amanda’s home by the weekend.
That’s where I’ve been for the past few months. I’ve buried myself in work and started running again.
I probably should have been working harder to find an apartment, but I didn’t have it in me to admit to my failures.
Melissa still called me, hoping I would change my mind and move back in.
Though I knew it was a mistake, I had agreed to meet her at the apartment a few weeks ago.
It had been uncomfortable at first. I tried to keep my distance, but knowing she was hurting because of me wore me down.
One thing led to another, and the next thing I knew, we were in the bedroom.
The disgust I felt at what I allowed to happen was immeasurable.
As I got dressed to leave, Melissa started crying.
I’m not sure what she had hoped to gain from us sleeping together, but I clearly wasn’t giving it to her.
I’ve been careful to avoid seeing her again despite receiving multiple calls from her begging me to come over.
I round the corner as Jason and Amanda’s home comes into view. The sun is setting behind me, and I still need to shower and get ready. Apparently, I have plans tonight with some of Amanda’s friends.
I don’t mind being social, but I’d much rather stay in and catch up on some work. When Amanda informed us about the plans, Jason’s eyes lit up with excitement when he turned to me and invited me to go. They’ve done so much for me in the past few months, and I could use a break.
It will be nice to let loose for one night.
T he bar is noisy and crowded. It feels nice to be surrounded by people enjoying themselves.
Jason is telling me some wild story about something that happened to him earlier in the week, as if he hasn’t already told me the same story at least three times since. I nod politely and look around the bar.
Amanda and some of her friends are sitting at a table in the corner.
I can see her chatting with the birthday girl, Sasha, animatedly as Sasha nods along.
The scene seems eerily similar to my current situation, and I bite back a smile.
Jason and Amanda met at a bar a few years ago.
According to Jason, it had been love at first sight.
They’d hit it off on the dance floor and have been inseparable since.
My eyes catch sight of a familiar dark-haired beauty.
I haven’t seen her in a while, but every time, I swear I feel my heart skip a beat.
Emily is standing at the doorway, looking for her friends.
I watch as her face lights up at spotting her friends.
She seems radiant tonight, with her dark hair flowing down her back.
I watch as she moves gracefully between the crowd of people and greets her friends. I’m too far away to hear them, but I imagine their excited shrieks at seeing the newcomer. It makes me wonder if she’s still with that loser. Kevin? Kyle? Some hotshot cop who thought his shit didn’t stink.
Emily deserves someone better than her loser boyfriend.
I felt it was not my place to say anything, considering I had been with Melissa ever since I met Emily.
Though I always kept a respectful distance from her, I couldn’t help but feel drawn to her.
Every time she entered the room, I felt the energy shift.
She was magnetic, and I was helpless to orbit around her.
It seems her friends feel the same shift as they all delightedly crowd around her.
I try to be discreet and not openly stare, but I can’t help but watch her every move.
She is mesmerizing to watch. From the way she shyly tucks an errant strand of hair behind her ears to the way her smile reaches her eyes, making the corners crinkle.
Finally, Jason seemed to notice where my attention had gone.
“Oh, good, she came!” Jason motions for the bartender to grab another round of beers and settle their tab.
I see Emily glance over at them a couple of times and hide a smirk behind my hand. It seems she also notices them at the bar. They make their way through the crowd to the table. I give everyone a nod in greeting and grab the seat at the head of the table while Jason sits down next to his wife.
After a few minutes, I sense Emily’s attention on me. Turning to face her, I watch as she plays with the label on her drink.
Whatever I expected, it certainly wasn’t the news of her and that loser, Logan, breaking up. Who would be stupid enough to let her go? Her next words caught me completely off guard.
“Do you… Do you want to move in with me? I mean, as a roommate?”
It seems logical she’d need a roommate, and as it helps me too, I don’t give it much consideration. I watch in fascination as a blush creeps up her neck, my eyes roaming her face as I pretend to think it over.
“Sure.” I try to play it cool.
“I mean… it would be temporary… Wait, are you sure?” Her sweet voice is the only thing I can hear despite the crowded bar.
“Yeah. I’ll move in with you.” I play it cool and shrug, though the earth feels like it is moving beneath my feet.
At best, I can move out of Jason and Amanda’s home, and they can get the nursery ready for the baby. At worst… Well, actually, I can’t think of a worst-case scenario.
“Do you… Do you want to think about it before giving me an answer?” She wrings her hands nervously.
“No, I’m good.” My voice is firm. I’ve already made up my mind.
“I have cats,” she says warily.
“I love cats.” It’s true. Melissa had two Persian cats, and I miss their companionship more than I’d like to admit.
“Well… okay then,” she says with finality.
“Okay, roomie.” I tap my beer on hers, gulping the bitter taste of it. I shoot her a playful wink.
This is going to be great. I just know it.