Chapter 5
CHAPTER FIVE
Mike
Today had begun like most days—coffee, breakfast, feeding and walking Max, and work. Then, life as I knew it suddenly turned into a kind of rom-com nightmare.
Come fix my faucet, they said. It’ll be fun, they said.
“Unbelievable,” I grumbled as I left the cottage.
It was too late to call Niko, and I wasn’t sure he’d even know how to help. Before marrying Leyla, he wasn’t exactly a relationship expert. My Turkish friend was, in fact, the exact opposite of that. But he had won her over in the end, so there was that.
I’d gone from showing up at Grammy’s to fix a faucet, only to find out it was just an excuse to trap me into her scheme, to confessing to Renata Valenti that I was attracted to her after asking her to be my fake girlfriend?
As I spun out, I made a mental note to confiscate all the candles in Grammy’s apartment.
What was my life right now?
My simple existence had just been turned upside down, and I knew with everything in me, Ren would wake up tomorrow morning and realize that she’d made a huge mistake. There was no way I’d be able to sleep just thinking about that text that was sure to come.
I must have been driving on autopilot because before I knew it, I was in front of my house. I put the truck in park and turned it off, hoping the quiet would help.
When Vicky asked me to pick up Ren, I felt like I’d gone on back-to-back rides at Six Flags, part exhilarated, part nauseated.
But I had a plan. Act smooth. Don’t make any sudden movements.
Just have a pleasant conversation with her and try to dispel this strange attraction I’ve had to her for months now, after a sixty-second video conversation.
I had stuttered and embarrassed myself that day, and I was determined to regain my reputation as not being an idiot.
But no. That was too much to ask for, apparently.
Grammy. I blamed my sweet, blue-haired, and slightly demented grandmother entirely.
“Candles and pot roast,” I scoffed.
I still couldn’t believe she had lured me there again under false pretenses.
The phone call to Rebekah, her latest victim, letting her know that she wouldn’t be meeting me after all, was nothing short of painful.
Grammy was so excited to hear everything about Ren, that the woman was all but forgotten.
Poor Rebekah. Maybe I should send her a gift card.
I climbed out of the truck, my heart aching again, thinking about Grammy’s conversation and her tears.
Seeing her so upset had broken my heart.
I could hear Max howling the second my truck door closed.
Knowing his destructive nature, I was grateful for my neighbor, Sam, who helped me out in a pinch by letting Max out.
Rushing inside, Max nearly toppled me over with a loud whine.
“You need to go out again, boy?” I asked, scratching his head and watching his tail sweep across the floor.
I hurriedly let him out the back door, knowing the real reason he wanted out.
I felt sorry for the squirrel that just wanted to live its best life in my lemon tree.
Watching as he sniffed every single blade of grass and eyed me like I was no longer his best friend, I plopped down on the steps of my back porch.
Thoughts of Ren flooded my mind, and I was transported back to the moment I tapped her on the shoulder at baggage claim.
That video call had not done this woman justice.
Thick, curly hair flowing to her shoulders made her look heavenly.
Olive, sun-kissed skin. Eyes the color of caramel macchiato and full lips that made it hard to focus on driving.
All my earlier plans to be cool, suave, and sophisticated floated out to sea when I looked into her eyes.
There was no way I could pretend I wasn’t affected and try to save my ego. She had captivated me the second I saw her.
Her stunning beauty would’ve been enough to have me falling halfway in love with her, but knowing she was a believer made my heart thud. The way she saw my painful explanation about my grandmother and her instantly wanting to help had me thrown off kilter.
Shushing Max as he howled at the squirrel, I leaned my head on the post and sighed.
“Max, it’s late. Mrs. Baum is going to call the police again,” I whisper-yelled. Luckily, he gave up the chase and trotted back over to me with eyes so soulful, I thought he might have some advice. “Yeah, it’s okay, buddy. I don’t know what to do either.”
I’d never felt like this before. Never reacted to a woman in this way.
It was visceral, all-consuming, thrilling, and frightening all at once.
Grammy said she and Grandpa had fallen in love instantly and gotten married two weeks later.
They spent over sixty years together before he passed.
I’d witnessed their affectionate love for one another my whole life, sometimes more than I ever wanted.
“That’s what I want, boy.” Max pushed my hand to scratch his neck. “Guess I’m forgiven then. Sorry, Max. But guess what? I met an angel tonight.”
His bright blue eyes held my eye contact, his tongue hanging out, most likely ready to eat. “I think I’m in love. Can you believe that?”
My stomach dropped when I remembered her mentioning that I was only a friend because of Vicky, and then dropped even further when I remembered her saying I should start looking for a wife for real when this was over.
Little did she know I might already have. I was certain Ren recognized my attraction to her, and frankly, I had no problem with that.
“She’s only going to be here for a month, though, boy. What do I do with that? Oh, wait, not to mention that she doesn’t seem interested in me in the least,” I said in defeat, Max laying his head in my lap, instinctively knowing I needed him.
A smile grew as I remembered her staring at the Balboa Park arches and calling my city ‘home’.
“That’s at least something, right, boy?”
I woke the next morning, immediately rooting around my nightstand for my phone. Pulling it violently off the charger, I squinted and wiped my eyes, trying to clear them.
With a heavy sigh of relief, I leaned back on my headboard when I realized there was no text from Ren. Desperate to talk to someone, I checked the time again and called Niko. He answered on the second ring.
“Hey. It’s a little early for a call. Everything okay? Grammy’s good?” I smiled at his concern. Despite his aversion to visiting because of Gemma’s grabby hands, he loved Grammy.
“All good, all good, man. Thanks for asking. Although when I have more time, I’ve got to tell you what she did to me last night. Let’s just say her last ambush paled in comparison.”
He laughed heartily, knowing exactly what I was talking about.
I heard him kiss Leyla and whisper something that made her laugh. “Bye, Mike,” she yelled, and before I could answer her, I heard a door slam.
“She’s got an early meeting downtown,” he explained. I swung my legs off the bed and stretched. “How was your ride home with Ren?”
My brilliant best friend didn’t know how to be subtle. Even though he was a bit socially awkward, we had known each other long enough that he hadn’t missed the way I made a fool of myself on that video call. He’d mentioned it a time or two, but I always blew it off. Until now.
“Well…about that.”
He started to laugh as the hiss of coffee being made filled the background. “Let’s have it.”
“I like her, alright? I really like her. But I made a fool of myself, and now I don’t know how to fix this.”
“Mike, you just met her,” he warned.
Scoffing, I asked, “Are you really going to lecture me on love at first sight. I mean not love, just like. Like at first sight.”
Who was I kidding? I was smitten.
He knew he had no room to talk since that’s exactly what happened to him with Leyla back in college. The three of us went to the same one in San Diego, and I got to witness firsthand how quickly she became everything to him.
“You’re right. Okay, but it can’t be that bad. What happened? How’d you embarrass yourself?”
I eyed my surfboard in the laundry room, wishing I had time to go out and clear my head. I stood up and started getting ready for work, putting the call on speaker. I ended up quickly recounting what happened at Grammy’s, followed by the mess I’d made, dragging poor Ren into this ridiculous scheme.
He was howling with laughter by the end of it. “I’m glad my pain is entertainment for you, dude.”
Niko finally caught his breath and said, “Leyla is going to love this. So what are you going to do? Did you talk to her this morning?”
I didn’t even bother telling him not to mention it to his wife. I told Ren to let me tell the group, so I planned to send it in our group chat when I got off with him. But right now, I needed his help before everyone else found out.
“I have no idea what I’m going to do. I was half expecting her to text this morning and back out, but nothing so far.
Niko, meeting her in person, getting to talk to her, even for just half an hour or so.
Wow, I’m still reeling.” I pushed a bit of pomade through my hair, tussling it as best I could. It tended to have a life of its own.
I could almost picture Niko nodding, his signature move. “Yeah, I understand that. But this whole fake dating thing is probably not going to go over well. You know that, right?”
Slipping on my clothes, I said, “It was definitely not the way I wanted to meet her and get to know her, but you would’ve caved too if you’d seen Grammy crying. I’m so conflicted right now. My insides feel like a blender.”
“And she’s still not saying if there’s something else besides her hip going on?” When I heard his keys jingle, I knew we would have to hang up. He’d started listening to music on the way to work because it grounded him, and I didn’t want to make him feel obligated to stay on the phone.
“No, she hasn’t. I keep praying it’s all in my head, but I can’t shake the feeling that something’s wrong. She looks more tired than usual, and she’s slowing down in every way.
“Listen, just say a prayer for me that this doesn’t backfire. And when you have more time, I need you to help me game plan this. You won Leyla’s heart after she hated you for years. Surely you can help me.”
He groaned. “Please don’t remind me.”
“But look how it turned out. You’re happily married and have a beautiful life ahead of you. I just want the same thing. Or I think I do.”
“Wow, the last time I mentioned God finding you that special woman, you shot me down.”
Taking a bite of my buttered toast, I bypassed the real reason I’d said that to him. “A guy can change his mind, can’t he?”
Niko chuckled. “Yes, that’s very true. With the right woman, it’s possible. I’ll do anything I can to help. But just be careful. This scheme of yours could be dangerous for you, Ren, and Grammy.”
No truer words had ever been said.
Just before I left the house, I bit the proverbial bullet and texted the friend group. I figured I might as well get it over with.
Me: Morning. Long story, but Grammy railroaded me last night with another setup. Panicked and told her I had a girlfriend.
Leyla: About to go into a meeting but what?? What girlfriend?
Luke: Dude. Holding out on us. Wait that sounded like you made one up
Sofia: Honey, we’re out of almond milk
Luke: Sof I hope you’re talking to me??
Sofia: sorry, husband. Wrong thread. Mike, bring her to game night. And Luke? Still out of almond milk
Luke: look behind all your jars of facial cream experiments, amore
Vicky: not sure what the wink was for. Is almond milk code for something else? I’m the youngest and I don’t get it…
Sofia: can’t a girl just want almond milk
Niko: I have no idea what is happening right now. Please explain. Slowly.
Vicky: focus, ppl! so who’s the girl? Don’t keep us in suspense or is Luke right? Making up GFs now?
Niko: he might need a moment.
Thanks, friend. Jokes. Dude’s got jokes while I’m sweating through my shirt.
Niko: And just a reminder since I’m the only one with an Android, these group chats are brutal. Just saying.
Me: you’re going to laugh. It really is pretty funny. But yes, I panicked. She’s not what you’re expecting.
Miles: Just catching up. Geez, Mike. Are you trying to tell us she has a nice personality?
Vicky: Rude, husband. Rude.
Me: She does but she’s also beautiful.
Sofia: ???????
Leyla: Meeting, remember. Come on, you’re killing me. Is she real or not
Me: I told her that Ren was my girlfriend
I hunched over like I was in the room with them, waiting for the smacks to the back of my head.
Vicky: Um, sorry what??????
Luke: who’s Ren?
Leyla: Vicky’s friend who’s here from Italy. Didn’t you see the text yesterday?
Luke: You mean the one when you girls sent non-stop reels to each other about that stupid Turkish show you watch? I muted the chat
Miles: I agree. You girls need your own chat when you’re talking about that long-haired Turkish guy. I don’t need to see all that. Does he ever wear a shirt?
Leyla: First of all. Turkish men are hot. Just like mine, right Niko?
Niko: Don’t drag me into this. But, thanks, hyatim :)
Leyla:
Vicky: Can we get bk to whatever Mike just said plz. Did you say Ren? MY Ren? Did autocorrect mess you up again
Me: Yes. I mean no to autocorrect. Yes to your Ren
Miles: Dude, you’re on your own. I’m out
Luke: me too. Nice knowing ya
Me: Guys, don’t leave me alone, please!!
Miles: left the group chat
Luke: left the group chat
Niko: left the group chat
Traitors, all of them. Can’t believe these guys abandoned me.
Me: Fine. Gotta leave for work now. Will explain later.
Vicky: You’ve got to be kidding me!! Seriously? MIKE!!
Vicky: Answer your phone.
Vicky: No, wait, I’m calling Ren
I hung my head, knowing this was all going to unravel. Letting Max out and feeding him before I left, I prayed for mercy and a miracle. I was going to need them both.