Chapter 15
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Mike
Checking the time difference in Kenya, I tried my parents’ phone, knowing they wouldn’t be able to answer. Their last email said they would be off-grid for several weeks. I’d emailed them that morning just in case, and when the phone finally went to voicemail, I left a message.
“Hey, guys. I really need you to call me back when you get this. It’s Grammy. She’s in the hospital. She’s stable, but we need to talk. I’ll be waiting to hear from you. I love you.”
Hanging up, I took a deep breath, realizing how exhausted I was. My body felt like a truck had hit it. Stretching out my neck, I blinked a few times to keep awake as I drove home.
“What a day, Lord. Thank you for answering my prayer. Both of them, I guess. For giving me more time with Grammy and bringing Ren into my life.”
I swallowed and sat up straight as the adrenaline of the day wore off. As I took my exit, I continued praying.
“I’m sure it’s my pride keeping me from opening up about my depression to people I should trust. Or maybe I feel like it brings You shame so they will feel that way towards me, too.
” I rubbed my hand over my face in frustration.
“I can’t seem to release this to You. I’m so embarrassed and even more angry that I can’t beat this by myself. ”
Taking the exit to my home, I listened to the rumble of the road and shook my head to stay awake. An image of Ren’s vulnerable eyes when she said yes to me filled my heart and I had to inhale loudly.
“Father, she’s so beautiful, so perfect, inside and out.
I, I don’t deserve her, yet I know it was You tugging at my heart to ask her.
I promise to get this under control so I can be what Ren needs me to be.
She deserves the world, and I’m going to find a way to give it to her.
I told her she could trust me. Help me to keep that promise. ”
Strangely, I felt His peace cover me, just as it did when Ren prayed for me.
It solidified my belief that my prayers could still be answered even though I was struggling.
But I knew I either needed to get a hold of this depression or surrender this shame I felt to Him, but I wasn’t ready for the latter yet. I knew I could do this on my own.
By the time I got home, I walked in like a zombie, grateful that my neighbor had let Max out for me.
His head lifted when he heard me come in, and he walked as slowly as I did, his beauty rest disturbed.
“Hey, boy,” I grumbled as I scratched his head and kissed him there. “No energy tonight. I’ll make it up to you tomorrow. Go back to sleep.”
By the time I left the bathroom after a hot shower that felt like heaven, I chuckled when I saw him sprawled out on my bed.
“Move over, you big pain in my rear. No snoring or you’re banned to the living room again.” He opened his eyes and closed them right back as if I was bothering him. As I crawled into bed, my last warning came out as a whisper. “Don’t hog the covers.”
The next morning, my alarm went off at six, and I hurried to call Grammy’s nurse, who said she was feeling better and would undergo a few more tests. The doctor had asked me to limit my visits to just a few today, so I told her I’d stop by before lunch.
I had no idea I had fallen back asleep until the bright sun was streaming through my window. I felt refreshed as I stretched and laughed at my crazy dog. His head was on the pillow next to me as if he owned the house. He was about to get a rude awakening when Ren moved in.
My heart started racing at the thought. I sat up in bed, making Max grumble and jump off, side-eyeing me. I followed him out to the back door and let him out so I could think.
I’m marrying Ren. Ren is moving in here. She’s going to be my wife. My wife.
Grammy was going to be so happy. I wasn’t sure what my parents would think when I told them the news after filling them in on what happened to Grammy.
For right now, though, I had other things to attend to. I wiped my hand over my mouth and looked around my house. She was an interior designer, and I had no idea what she would think of my house.
“I mean, she is going to move in with me, right?” Man, I had so many things to talk to her about. Grateful to have taken a few personal days off, I checked the clock on my stove. I’d slept later than I had in months.
“Nine o’clock. She should be up, I guess. Probably should stop talking to myself before all this goes down.”
Starting a pot of coffee, I dialed Ren’s number. I took a few deep breaths as I waited. She picked up on the second ring.
“Buongiorno, Mike. How are you?” Her sleepy voice sent a zing down my spine. Even her voice was gorgeous.
“Good morning. Sorry, did I wake you up?” Pinching the phone between my shoulder and cheek, I poured the biggest cup of coffee I’ve ever had. I needed the caffeine for what I’d face today.
“No, no. I was lying here…thinking.” I could hear the rustle of what I assumed was sheets. She yawned and said, “Sorry. I think I could’ve slept another four hours. Did you hear from the hospital? I was hopeful she’d had a good night when there were no messages from you last night.”
I smiled at her mention of Grammy. “I called at six, but they said she had more tests and asked me to wait a few hours since she’d need to rest after them.
They know I’d spend the day there waiting for those few minutes with her, but I’ll go around lunchtime.
I took off a few days from work so I’m free to come and go as they let me,” I said, savoring the rich taste of the coffee, wondering how Ren took hers.
“Okay, well, I’ll get ready and go with you. I can take an Uber to the hospital.” I could hear her walking, and the sound of the ocean grew louder. I could picture her out on the deck of Luke’s cottage, wind blowing through her hair.
“No, I’ll come get you. Thinking about eleven?”
“Okay, if you’d like. But I’m fine just meeting you there. I guess we do still have so much to talk about.” It was becoming more obvious how independent she was and how unaccustomed she was to someone taking care of her.
“I’ll come get you, so that’s settled. And yeah, I was thinking about that when I got up.
Thinking about how you like your coffee, if you’re a morning person or a night owl.
Ren, ah, you do want to move in with me, right?
You could have your own room. I mean, at first.” The last sentence came out lower, as I was suddenly embarrassed.
Good grief, I should have had that part of our talk in person.
The long pause made me nervous. I scratched my head and was about to say something when she answered.
“I’ve thought about that, too. A separate room is a given. But, living together seems necessary for the immigration process,” she said.
As much as I knew we weren’t anywhere near sharing a room together, her matter-of-fact tone about it stung a bit. It sounded like we were about to be roommates, not husband and wife.
“Of course, of course. No, you’re right,” I stammered.
“Well, until we can talk in person, I’ll answer your first questions.
I love espresso. Strong and creamy when done right.
No milk or sugar, since that’s an abomination to everything I believe in.
Won’t catch me drinking one of those industrial-size mugs of brown liquid Americans call coffee,” she scoffed.
I shook off my unease and made a note on my phone to buy an espresso machine. I’d even drink from those ridiculously tiny cups if that made her happy, although I had no idea how she got enough caffeine from them. I’d have to drink about ten of them every morning.
Dude, you’re going to need a pallet full of espresso beans from Costco.
I looked at my huge mug of so-called ‘brown liquid.’ “I feel very judged right now,” I grumbled.
“No worries. I’ll make you a real cup of coffee. As my Nonno used to say, it will make you a man and put hair on your chest,” she said, her smile evident in her voice.
A little flirting with my fiancé was allowed, I hoped. “Eh, we’ll see. Besides, I’m already all man and have had hair on my chest since senior year of high school.”
She answered me, but her voice was so low over the sound of crashing waves that I wondered if I was mistaken.
“What was that?” I asked.
“Hmm? Nothing,” she sang.
“Oh, also, the doctor said Grammy will need to stay in the hospital for a few more days if she continues to improve. Then we can make plans for the ceremony and for you to you know…move in.”
All my bravado was gone, replaced with the knowledge that she’d see me at my best and my worst. That’s what married couples did, I was told.
Of course, I’d have to work extra hard now to keep my depression hidden.
She didn’t need to know about that, especially since I’d promised God to handle this on my own.
“Well, I still have to call my parents. And my boss,” she answered, her voice drifting off.
“Oh, wait, I’ll have to go back and tie up loose ends.
I might also need more paperwork. I’m guessing you don’t want to put off the wedding with Grammy’s health issues, but I could go right after.
Anyway, my mind is starting to spin now. ”
“I hadn’t thought about you leaving. Is there a way to take care of things over the phone? Have your things shipped? I can take care of that expense. I’m not sure it’s a good idea with the immigration process.”
The hiss of what sounded like a coffee maker sounded in the background, and I smiled, picturing her making that dainty cup of espresso.
“Oh, no, Mike. I can take care of all that myself. I could possibly wrap up things with my landlord from here, but I don’t have friends who would be willing to go and box that stuff up,” she said, her voice saddened.
It broke my heart to think she didn’t have people she could rely on.
I’d never take advantage of my friends here again after hearing this.
I knew my guys would drop everything to help with something like that if I needed them to.