Chapter Eighteen
Brent
I was in disbelief that our Missouri reunion resulted in us being in each other’s arms.
“This feels nice, Renny,” I said, trying to hold back tears I felt coming as I thought about being this close to my guy again. “Lying here with you, like we used to back in college.”
Emotionally satisfied and physically spent, I stroked Renny’s back as he lay on top of me, as he and I gained composure after our second first time.
We were hot, sweaty, and sticky, Renny’s load binding our upper bodies.
I loved being caught up in the rapture and basking in the moment of our tender embrace in this hotel bed.
If invited, I looked forward to staying overnight in Renny’s room, holding each other under the covers, reminiscing on the past and, maybe, dreaming of what could be.
“Now that we got that out of our system,” Renny said, as he dismounted and rolled beside me. He stared at the ceiling. “I guess we can start packing for our respective next stops or trips.”
Wanting to revel in the moment a little more, I wasn’t ready for Renny to put distance between us so quickly.
“What? Is this some kind of fuck ’em and chuck ’em plan on your part, Renny?”
“Not at all. I didn’t plan on this happening.”
“Then what?”
“I guess this is what can happen when two horny gay guys who haven’t seen each other in twenty years end up alone in a hotel room,” Renny said, matter-of-factly.
I tilted his head toward me. Renny looked as handsome as he did in college, just with a little more grown man on his face. Time looked to have treated him well. But that mouth and his way with words peeved me, much like they did in college.
“You and that mouth, Renny,” I said. putting a finger lightly on his lips.
Renny reached up and grabbed my hand. “Curiosity killed the cat.”
“But satisfaction brought him back—brought us back.”
We chuckled. I, like Renny, could be quick on the tongue, too. Sometimes.
“This wasn’t planned, Brent,” Renny said with a sigh. “Seriously.”
“Wasn’t planned for me, either, but I’m glad it did.” I looked down at the condom on my now flaccid dick, unlocked my hand from Renny’s, and carefully pulled it off. “Fuck, I came hard and came a lot.”
“Like you used to. That happens when two horny guys…”
“That happens when,” I said, mocking Renny.
“I’m just teasing.”
“You put it on me good, Renny,” I said, thinking about how much more sexually confident and assertive Renny had gotten since our college days. “It’s like you went on offense and didn’t let me defend myself.”
“You and your basketball talk.”
“And your body is still hot as fuck to me.” I smacked the top of one of his thighs. Renny was tight in all the right places. Muscle tone. Balance. Rhythm. “Not bad for a professor and novelist.”
“Well, I paid attention to Kelly’s verse in ‘Cater 2 U,’ ” Renny said, accompanied by a small giggle. “Yours, too, Mr. Brent. No surprise, though, for an athletics director.”
“I try to do some kind of exercise daily, whether it’s at the gym on my campus or at one of the fitness centers Macy and I own,” I said. “But the way you drove the ball to the basket, so to speak—fuck.”
“Stop with the compliments, Brent. But thanks for the validation, though. I needed it.”
“I needed this, too, obviously,” I said, jiggling the used condom. I tied the top of it and tossed it in the wastepaper basket a few feet away from the bed. “How’s that for a long shot?”
We laughed.
“You still know how to make the basket.”
After a beat, I grabbed one of his hands. “Macy and I haven’t been sleeping with each other for a few years, and I haven’t been with anyone since Macy and I separated. Haven’t wanted to. Well, until you.”
Silence for a few seconds.
“It’s our lifelong storyline,” Renny said with a chuckle, our fingers intertwined. “From Macy to me, back to Macy, then back to me. It’s so Beyond the Gates .”
“What’s that?”
“Soap opera with a predominantly Black cast. Surprised no one’s made the connection with your, I mean Macy’s last name. Their family name is DuPree, too, but without the capital ‘p.’ Love that show.”
“I will check it out.” I looked over at Renny, who was still staring at the ceiling. “Enough small talk, Renny. What’s on your mind?”
He laughed. “That we need to clean up this pretty little mess we made. I am all over you.”
“True. What else, Renny?”
“What’s that Deborah Cox song say? How did you get here?”
“I could ask the same thing,” I said. “Definitely wasn’t expecting or planning to see you. Or to get a chance to have sex with you again. Never in a million years.”
“Not at all.”
“I’m glad we got to see each other again, planned or unplanned. I’ve wanted to apologize and make things right with you for a while now, Renny.”
“It’s just sex,” he said.
“And good sex, I have to say.” I leaned over to place my head on Renny’s chest. Draped one leg over his, not caring about where or how Renny’s release slid down my torso or onto the sheets.
He rubbed the fuzz on the top of my head.
The closeness and intimacy of it all felt so romantic, in a grown man kind of way.
“Someone’s taught you a thing or two over the years. ”
“I been a lot of places, Brent. The songbook of Lil’ Kim.”
“You’re funny.”
“I know.”
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure. But don’t get serious.”
“Is this how this guy shit works when you come out in your forties? Sex first and then figure it out?”
“I have no idea, especially since I came out in college and have lived a very full Black and gay life, but I can imagine it’s even more complicated as a grown-up with adult problems and situations. All of us.”
I tilted Renny’s face toward mine and kissed him. “I’m willing to learn with you,” I said. “If you’re willing to be patient with me all these years later.”
Renny unraveled from under me and sat up against the upholstered headboard. He looked pensive, and I wondered if I’d crossed the line in assuming our time together meant more than it did.
“Look, it’s just sex,” he said. “We had our little reunion and reminiscing time. Even a few laughs. Don’t read anything more into it.”
“This sounds like a breakup. Before the makeup.”
“Like desperate and disgusting? No, I still haven’t forgotten. Not that it matters anyway. Another twenty years could pass and—”
“Something I’ll apologize to you about for the rest of my life. Something I want to make up to you for the rest of my life,” I said.
“Anyway, it was definitely nice seeing you again after all these years.”
“Same.”
“Random thought. Funny how the kids who were born when we were in college here are in college or finishing college now,” Renny said. “In other words, we are old.”
“Hey, forty-something is not old.”
“Just kidding.”
We lay in silence for a bit, a million little thoughts floating in my head.
“I just want to say that if you think I’m trying for us to get back together, I’m not.” I lied. So much for radical honesty. Then I clarified, with more honesty. “If you said something about exploring the possibility, though, I wouldn’t mind.”
“Brent. I might be a mess, but I’m not crazy enough to spin the block with a guy who dumped me mercilessly in college.”
“Crazier things have happened, though,” I said, pointing to Renny and then to myself. “Look at us in bed together now at our alma mater, where we all began.”
“You know, people who read my novels always have something to say about so-called instalove and second chance romance stories,” Renny said. “Imagine me, IRL, doing the same?”
“Imagine.”
“Come on, Brent. I’m in Michigan. You’re in California. You’re getting divorced. I’m getting—I’m a mess.”
“Radical honesty, Renny. I’m willing to be there for your mess.”
Renny paused. “How about we start at maybe being friends? Or staying in touch. Maybe.”
I leaned over and kissed the side of his torso and chest.
“I’m cool with that. No pressure for anything.
My life is in transition, too. I’m beginning the divorce process.
I’m still figuring out who I am and how I’ll be at this stage and age of my life.
I’m not looking to get back into anything yet.
And I’m not trying to be community dick like I was back in high school and college. ”
“No shit. You mean there were more than me and Macy?”
“Let’s just say that that before you and Macy, everyone had them some B.D. King back in the day.”
“Just kidding. I remember. The rumors, anyway.”
“As if there were no rumors on campus about you back then,” I said as another memory from college popped into my mind. “Besides, you had Diego and your roster rotating in and out of your single room, from what I heard.”
We laughed at the memory.
“Everyone’s a ho in college,” Renny said. “That’s ancient history. Let’s just exchange information and see where we go from here.”
“That would mean a lot to me. Even just being in touch with you again would mean a lot at this point in my life.”
“Really? Why? You haven’t seen me or heard from me in years. You really don’t know a lot about me now.”
“You and I both might look a little different now. But your essence and being? They’re both still the same.”
“I’m a mess, Brent. Not exactly damaged goods, but not exactly ready to meet someone’s parents or family.”
I caressed Renny’s face. I didn’t know what had brought him to the point of speaking so low about himself, but based on what I heard about him at the Black Alumni event, he was living quite a golden life. I wished he’d stop calling himself a mess, but we’d have that conversation in time.
“Speaking of family, I wish you had some free time to come to St. Louis with me this week. I think you’re far from a mess, Renny, and I’d love for you to meet Jewel and Wanda. I don’t remember if I told you about the Black lesbian couple that once fostered me?”
“I remember you telling me they were your favorites. I don’t think you told me their names.”
“Well, I’m going to see them for a couple days after this and help them with a few summer chores around their house and yard that they can’t do now that they’re in their seventies. I’d love for you to finally meet each other. I think they’d love you and wouldn’t think of you as a mess.”
“They know about me?”
“Yeah,” I said, rubbing Renny’s face again. “I told them about how scandalous and twisted you had me in college.”
“Wow, for real? Ha. That’s embarrassing.”
“They’d love to know we’ve reconnected.” I paused in case Renny thought I was jumping to conclusions about us. “I mean, not in that way because I know we’re just keeping it friends. But about us being honored and being reunited at the awards banquet.”
“I wish I could meet them. But I’ve got book stuff in Kansas City and then Oklahoma City before I head back to Detroit. Maybe another time.”
I was just fine with that because it meant there was a possibility for us to connect in the future. That was enough for me to keep hope alive.
“I can’t wait to see you again, Renny.”
“Same, Brent.”
After gathering and putting on my clothes, we tapped our phones to swap contact information with each other. We hugged, gave each other a small kiss, and promised we’d stay in touch to see where this unexpected reunion would take us.