Chapter Twenty-One #2
Renny: Feel what you feel. What my therapist tells me.
Brent: Mine, too. Can I ask you something, Renny?
Renny: Sure, Brent…serious, with the names now? Lol
Brent: So why AREN’T you married? You’re an INCREDIBLE catch! *diamond ring emoji*
Renny: That is a complex question that no one can answer. Nor should anyone ask lol.
Brent: Got it. Say less lol. You said that brilliantly—like you’re a writer or something lol
Renny: Well, I AM a writer lol…
Brent: I would fucking marry you if you lived here
Renny: Really!?!?!? You don’t know me…now. I’m sure you got options out there in gay-ass San Francisco.
Brent: I’m sure you got options out there in gentrified-ass Detroit lol
Renny: The well has run dry. Just me and my hand. I’m on a break from dating, sex, and relationships. Besides, no one is checking for me anymore. Not when you’re gay and over forty.
Brent: Stop. I’m just now coming to terms with my sexuality. Don’t tell me there’s no hope for me.
Renny: Well, you’re tall, Black, light-skinned, athletic, pleasing to the eye, and all sorts of masculine energy. I’m sure someone special is out there for you.
Brent: I’m sure you’re as awesome as you were in college and at the Black Alumni Awards. You’ve always been a funny, smart, sexy, kind, ambitious, and nerdy jewel of a guy.
Renny: *five blush face emojis* You’re gassing me up now lol
Brent: *sends link to Mariah Carey song, “We Belong Together”* Stupid. Foolish. Lying to myself me. Too closeted to realize what I had in you.
Renny: From the book of Maya Angelou…when you know better, you do better. We were both young, dumb, and full of *three water spurt emojis*
Brent: I had butterflies every time I saw your poster on campus. Or when you’d check me in at the dorm front desk with that nosy front desk attendant.
Renny: Stoppppp. That heffa was funny and had to know what was up.
Brent: I sooooo felt butterflies every time I got to see you. I was just super scared. I had girlfriends. I was “straight” lol.
Renny: I know.
Brent: I didn’t want ANYONE to know.
Renny: I remember.
Brent: You were my secret. My guilty pleasure.
Renny: Well, I enjoyed myself, too. Even though I mostly took care of you.
Brent: If we ever have the chance to be together, I’ma take care of you and make sure you cum every day and every way you want *devil, angel, and heart emojis*
Renny: *heart emoji*
Brent: I “risked” so much to sneak over to your room after a game or practice because I couldn’t resist you. Fuck! I felt so alive when we touched each other.
Renny: I remember. I haven’t forgotten.
Brent: And because there was guilt, I hid it and kinda “hated” on you to detract attention from the fact that I had the HOTS for you. I hated myself every time you made me cum. So conflicted. Fuck.
Renny: I knew the phases you were going through when you pushed me away. I understood. At least, in hindsight, I do now.
Brent: I’m so sorry. It’s sad. We lost twenty-something years. Fuck homophobia and internalized homophobia.
Renny: Facts *100 emoji*
Brent: We should be married with kids in college now, Renny. Almost about to have some grands.
Renny: I may be from Detroit, but I’m not claiming being a forty-something grandparent lol…Not ever!
Brent: We would have been the perfect couple, then and now. The popular campus poster boy and the popular campus basketball player. Imagine.
Renny: Imagine how different life would be if we all felt free. If everyone felt free.
Renny: Random. I got an interview.
Brent: What?!?!?! Congratulations. Where?
Renny: Working with the president at C.U. Bay Area.
Brent: What?!?!?! No way. Imagine if you move out here. The possibilities.
Renny: *quiet face emoji* Keep it to yourself for now. I don’t want to jinx it.
Brent: Bet. Taylor didn’t say anything to me.
Renny: Does Taylor tell you everything about his decisions at work? He’s the campus president, after all.
Brent: Okay. Gotcha. Mum’s the word.
Renny: Thanks.
Brent: Please keep me posted.
Renny: Will do.
Brent: Omg. Just thinking about if you move out here. I’ma be like a puppy waiting by the door for you every evening after work.
Renny: So cute. I can only imagine *blush face emoji*
Brent: To sit and laugh with you and well…a few other things *mystery face and fire emoji*
Renny: We’re not going there. I’m on a sex and relationships break. And YOU are in California.
Brent: I’m manifesting chillin’ on the couch with you, rubbing your feet, kissing you on your neck
Renny: Feet and neck. What a combo! Lol
Brent: I’ma tackle you when you walk in, lol…You won’t know what got into me…or you *devil emoji*
Renny: Stoppppp
Brent: Make me stop *blush face emoji*
Renny: Guess who got a job at C.U. Bay Area?!?!
Brent: OMG, congratulations *five celebration emojis*
Renny: I got a lotta loose ends to tie up here in Detroit before coming out to San Francisco. So if I’m not as good with texts in the next few weeks, you know why.
Brent: No explanation needed. Let me know if I can help. With anything.
Renny: *heart emoji*
Brent: *two heart emojis*