Chapter Sixty-Two
“I t looks beautiful,” Katherine’s mother said from her normal spot in the sunroom. “Now, aren’t you glad I talked you into putting a tree in here?”
Katherine grinned. “I suppose.” She’d spent nearly an hour wrestling with the ancient Christmas tree her grandmother kept out in the storage shed. It had been replaced years ago with a newer, pre-lit model. But they’d never gotten around to throwing this one away.
“I’m pretty sure this is the same tree we had when I was a little girl.” Her mom grinned. “It’s hard to believe that was so long ago.” She patted the chaise. “Come sit down for a few minutes.”
Katherine stepped down from the stepstool she’d been standing on so she could decorate the top branches. She crossed the room and sat down beside her mother. “Are you okay? Do I need to call someone?”
Last week, the doctor recommended that they set up Hospice Care. Katherine had balked at the idea. She was afraid it meant they were totally giving up. “Let’s just take it one day at a time, okay?” her mother had said.
One day at a time was fine when there were plenty of days. But Katherine knew there weren’t many left. At least not many good ones.
“I feel fine. I just wanted to sit with my girl for a little while.” Her mom smiled and patted her on the leg. “Honey, I think it’s time we talk about what happens next.”
Katherine wanted to throw a tantrum like when she was a child. She wanted to scream I don’t want to talk about what happens next. Because I don’t like it. But she knew her mother’s illness had to be faced head on. She and her mother had gone through a lot together. They’d practically grown up together. They could face this together too. She sighed. “What do we need to discuss?”
“How you’re going to handle it.” Her mom grabbed her hand. “I’m not scared. And that makes me feel so selfish. I’ve made my peace with those I hurt. I’ve made my peace with the Lord. And I’m not scared any longer.” Tears welled up in her mother’s tired eyes. “But I hate leaving you behind.”
“I’m not too happy about that myself. But I don’t want you to worry about me. I’ll find my way. Especially now that I’ll have family around to help me.” Katherine held back tears. She had to be strong for her mother.
Her mom nodded. “You’ll never know how much peace that gives me. Your father is a good man. He will do right by you. I hope you believe that.”
Katherine nodded. “I do. The few times we’ve gotten together, I can tell he’s sincere about wanting to be part of my life. He’s not going to force me to play a traditional role or anything though.” She smiled. “I appreciated him saying that. It’s nice not to feel pressure to suddenly start calling him “dad” or asking him for advice or whatever it is that daughters do with their dads when they get to be my age.”
Her mom gave her a tiny smile. “I’m sure you and Eddie. . .I mean Thatcher, will carve out your own kind of relationship that will suit both of you. You’re the same age as his students, you know?”
“I know. Actually, I’m considering enrolling at his school next semester.”
“That’s a great idea.” Her mom’s eyes filled with tears again. “Sorry. I know it’s hard to have a conversation with someone who seems like they’re always on the verge of weeping.” She took a breath. “It’s just that ever since you were born, there were certain milestones I always expected I’d get to share with you. College graduation, your first trip overseas, buying your first home, your wedding, you becoming a mother yourself.” She wiped her eyes. “And only recently did I finally accept that I’m not going to be around for most of those things. Maybe none of those things.”
Katherine bit her tongue to keep from crying. She could see how hard this was for her mother, and she was determined not to make it any more difficult. “You don’t know that.”
“True. But just in case, I’ve been working on something for you.” She reached for a notebook laying on the table beside the chaise. “I’ve been making lists.” She met Katherine’s gaze. “For you. Lists of advice and opinions. On everything from love to airlines.” She handed Katherine the book.
Katherine flipped through. Nearly every page was filled. “I’ll treasure it.”
“There are even pages in there for your future husband.” Her mother smiled. “I’ve had a lot of time to think about all the things I’d want to tell you over a lifetime.” She patted the notebook. “At least this is a start.”
Katherine leaned over and kissed her mother on the cheek. “Thank you.” The tears welled up in her eyes again. This book of advice and thoughts was really wonderful. Katherine knew she’d refer to it for the rest of her life. It would make lots of decisions easier. But it wouldn’t lessen the grief.