Chapter Two
That evening, after Ben and I had spent an hour in our childhood home—perched on the worn leather sofa, awkwardly engaging in stilted conversation with our parents, pretending that everything in our lives was grand—I stared out of his passenger-side window and pondered whether or not to ask the question that had been hovering in my mind since I’d gotten in the car. The question I knew Ben didn’t want me to ask. Ben was terrible at keeping secrets and I had a feeling he was holding on to a pretty significant one.
“So…is tonight the night Kate is finally going to ask me to be her maid of honour?” Ben had dropped Kate off at home after lunch, ostensibly to prepare for the long-overdue dinner they had invited me to a month ago.
“I’m not sure what you’re talking about.” Ben cleared his throat.
“Why are you holding the steering wheel so tightly?”
“I’m not,” he said as he flexed his fingers. “I’m just being a safe driver.”
“Of course,” I said. “I mean, studies have shown that strength of steering wheel grip is directly correlated to the frequency of car accidents.”
Ben’s eyes narrowed.
“I mean, obviously I’m going to be her maid of honour. We’ve been best friends for over thirty years.”
“Just let her do her thing,” Ben said with relief, dropping the fa?ade. “She has a whole presentation planned. She’s very excited about it. It’s actually pretty adorable.”
“Of course I will,” I said, an unexpected lump in my throat. I loved them both so much.
We drove the rest of the way in silence, giving me time to prepare for whatever Kate had in store. As much as she loved weddings, I despised them. I used to be a big fan of cheap drinks and a good excuse to party, but now I would prefer to pretend they didn’t exist.
“I refuse to spend my hard-earned money on funding a misogynistic social construct,” I’d say when nosy friends and relatives would ask why I hadn’t yet walked down the aisle. Or, if I was feeling more generous: “I haven’t met the right person yet.” But deep down, I knew why I would never get married. Even if I did find the right person, which seemed less and less plausible every day, they wouldn’t be the right person forever. They would learn what I was really like. And they would eventually leave.
We pulled up to the front of their apartment, which had once only been Kate’s, and I looked at it with new eyes. It wouldn’t be long until I would be parking in their guest parking stall for the last time. Another thing Ben and Kate had recently announced was that they had started looking for a house. Now that they had a double income, and Kate had a full freelance roster of PR clients, they both felt comfortable taking on a mortgage payment.
“It’s actually cheaper than both of us paying rent,” Kate had said the night they told me. “We’ll be saving money.”
Of course I was excited for them, but I couldn’t help but feel a bit sad. Kate had lived in this apartment since we were in our early thirties. Since way before Ben had finally worked up the nerve to tell her he’d always been in love with her. Since she’d realized she felt the same. I had spent many a night sleeping on her comfy couch after we’d had one too many bottles. I was going to miss this place.
“Remember,” Ben whispered as we walked up the stairs, “pretend to be surprised.”
It turned out, I didn’t have to pretend. There was nothing that could have prepared me for the sensory explosion that Kate had so lovingly—and aggressively—created.
As I walked into the kitchen, precisely timed to my entrance, the melodious rhythms of New Kids on the Block’s “The Right Stuff”burst out of her unexpectedly powerful iPhone speaker. She was dressed to look like Donnie—my favourite “kid” in our favourite boy band—navy bandanna wrapped around her head, sleeveless jean jacket over a white T-shirt, ripped jeans tucked into chunky white running shoes, and lip-syncing the lyrics with such passion that I had to put my hand over my mouth to force the laughter back in.
As the chorus got closer, I knew what was coming. And she didn’t disappoint. Hand on her pretend belt buckle, feet kicking out to the side, arms crossed at her chest, face bobbing up and down. Just like we’d done hundreds of times as we watched the video in high school. Laughing each time twelve-year-old Joey McIntyre drove away in the stolen car.
So, I did what was only natural. I enthusiastically joined her. And we danced and laughed and played the song over and over, just like when we were young. Before any of the bad stuff happened. Before we had to grow up.
After we were done, I sat on the kitchen chair, exhausted.
“I probably should have stretched before I started.” Kate wiped her face with her sleeve. “I’m going to feel this tomorrow.”
“I can’t believe I remembered it all,” I said, trying to catch my breath. I looked around the room, which was decorated in posters from our old teen magazines, cassette tapes set up in a row on the counter. “I can’t believe you did all this.”
“Julie.” Kate knelt in front of me, taking my hand. “Girl, you’ve always had the right stuff. And while you don’t turn me on, you’ve been my closest friend for decades. I would be so happy if you would be my maid of honour.”
I laughed and was startled when it turned into a sob.
“Oh, shit, are you okay?” Kate jumped up and grabbed a Kleenex from the box on the counter.
“I’m more than okay.” I sniffed and looked at Ben, whose eyes had widened to an equally concerned expression. “I’m just so happy for you both. Of course I will. I would be honoured to be your maid of…wait, is that why they call it that?”
My final words were muffled as Kate jumped into my arms and squeezed. Ben, not knowing what to do, put his hand on my head and patted it a couple of times.
“I’m so happy you’re going to be a part of our wedding!” Kate pulled away. “And, no rush, but do you have anyone you think you might bring?”
Ben stifled a cough and I saw him subtly shake his head out of the corner of my eye.
Kate sighed. “I know we weren’t going to ask yet, but it’s coming up in less than a year and I know that seems like a long time, but it really isn’t when you think about it. And we’ll need, among many other things we don’t have, an accurate idea of numbers.” Her voice started to both rise and speed up and Ben looked at me and shrugged like this was basically his life now.
“Easy there, Bridezilla.” I put my hands on her shoulders, gently pushing them down. “Deep breaths. I don’t have anyone in mind now, but I promise I’ll let you know before June, okay?”
“Okay,” she said, her breath slowing. “But I’d really be more comfortable if you could let me know by the end of November.”
“If I fall madly in love with someone by the end of November, I’ll let you know,” I said. “I promise.”
She visibly relaxed, my sarcasm not registering. “Sorry,” she said, not sounding sorry. “We just have so much to do and neither of us has time to do it. It’s causing me a lot of stress, which, in turn, is causing Ben a lot of stress.”
“No, it isn’t, it’s totally fine.” Ben pulled her into a hug while mouthing to me, “It’s not fine,” as his eyes bugged out of his head.
“Why don’t I help?” I said before I could stop myself.
“What?” Kate looked at Ben both of their expressions skeptical.
“You’re both really busy, right?” What am I doing?
“Right,” they said in unison.
“So busy,” Kate added. “I’m barely home. Mittens hates me right now.”
“Hey, I’m here.” Ben tried to look offended, but he knew Kate’s cat would always be just that. Kate’s.
Actually, I thought, whatever irrational brain break that had caused me to suggest helping plan an event I dreaded in the first place could be just what I needed. Planning an amazing wedding for Ben and Kate would be the perfect way to show them that I had my life together; that I was not going to be a mess forever. Not only would this challenge keep me occupied, but if I succeeded at this, I could succeed at anything. I could finally prove to them that I could be more than a burden.
“Well, guess who’s not busy?” I said. “And guess who needs something to keep her mind off drinking?”
Their faces were blank.
“Really?” I held my hands up in defeat. “Me! Who else do you know who’s trying not to drink?”
“Lots of people, actually,” Ben said.
Kate nodded. “The sober-curious movement has really taken off.”
“I hate you both.” My eyes narrowed then softened. “Seriously though. I could do it. I would have something to do and the two of you wouldn’t have to add anything else to your already full plates. It’s win/win.”
“But, and how do I say this gently?” Ben started. “You are, without hyperbole, the most unorganized person I’ve ever met.”
“Not that we don’t appreciate your generous offer.” Kate shot him a warning look.
“Of course, yes, very generous,” Ben said, backtracking. “And we do appreciate it.”
“I can handle it,” I protested. “I can. Really. Just give me a chance. Please.” My eyes lowered. “I already ruined your engagement party by getting embarrassingly drunk; the least I can do is plan you an amazing wedding.”
I could feel them looking at each other over my head, silently communicating in the irritatingly adorable way they always did.
“Okay,” Kate said.
“Okay?” Ben’s eyes widened. “That’s not what I was—”
“We trust you and we know you’ll do a great job.” Kate took my hand, ignoring Ben, who seemed to be having a mini-stroke.
“What about Hudson?” he yelled like a man gasping out his final breath before drowning.
“Hudson?” Kate looked confused. “What about him?”
“That guy you used to hang out with at university?” I was also confused. I knew of Hudson but had never actually met him, despite the fact that he’d moved to Regina from Toronto the previous year. I knew he had helped Ben with his anxiety a lot in university, but I guess I hadn’t realized they were still close. Time flies when you’re trying to stay sober.
“Yeah,” Ben said. “I asked him to be my best man. It was either that or Dad. And, you know—” he shrugged “—Dad would probably just be uncomfortable.”
“Why is this the first time I’ve heard you mention Hudson in relation to your wedding?” I looked at him skeptically. “And, yes, good call about Dad.” He and Mom, while supportive, would definitely be more relaxed on the sidelines.
“You’ve had a lot going on.”
Fair.
“Anyways.” He took a deep breath. “What if Hudson helps? He still doesn’t know many people here and he offered to lend a hand. And, best of all, he’s a project manager. I mean, this is a no-brainer, right? Right?” He looked back and forth between me and Kate frantically.
“I hate that phrase. ‘No-brainer’,” was all Kate said. But then she shrugged. “Makes sense though.”
“Sure,” I said. I knew this was the only way I was going to be able to plan the wedding without causing my brother to have a nervous breakdown. “Hudson can help. But I get to make the decisions. Remember that wedding we went to when we were kids and everyone had to get their picture taken in KITT, the car from Knight Rider, before going into the church? I guarantee you a man planned that.”
“I thought it was pretty cool, actually,” Ben said quietly.
“Exactly.”