Love Lessons

Chapter Fifteen Winter Squash

Chapter Fifteen Winter Squash

Andrew

“You missed your baby shower. But everyone said they’d throw you another one when you got out of the hospital. I’ll send you

photos,” Andrew said through FaceTime from the teachers’ lounge.

“Aww. Tell everyone I say thank you.”

“I already did.”

“Good luck with the finals. I’m so proud of the kids for making it this far in the spelling bee. I want a play-by-play.”

“Will do. Call you later.”

Valerie had been in the hospital for two weeks, and her pressure had fluctuated, but it hadn’t gone above 140 again. Plus, the baby was now thirty-seven weeks and the chances of survival were great. In fact, Andrew had learned that some babies didn’t even have to spend time in the NICU at the thirty-seven-week mark. But emergencies with preeclampsia were dangerous, and he felt as if she were a ticking time bomb. He wanted to tell her everything but was scared to make her too happy or too worried or too sad.

He was on his way to the University of Miami with the entire class for the national spelling bee. The parents would meet the

class there. There were five chaperones on the bus with him. Only four of the students would actually participate, because

they’d made it into the finals. The rest of the class were there to cheer them on. He knew that Valerie would have loved to

see them all looking so cute in their tiny suits and formal dresses.

Valerie texted every few minutes asking for an update. When the first student went up, he texted her the word, and when they

passed on to the next round, he told her. This went on for a few hours. At the end there was only one of his students left,

Georgianna. The word was “gnome,” and he laughed out loud and sent Valerie a text immediately.

Andrew: Thank you thank you thank you. Your tantrum on silent g’s is going to help win this competition.

Georgianna spelled it perfectly, and the crowd cheered.

Andrew texted Valerie and then texted Carmichael, letting him know the results and sending the photo of the class with the

big trophy.

Carmichael: That is amazing. Five years in a row. Wow. Come see me when you return to the school.

Andrew: Will do.

Andrew sent Valerie and Anabel a text.

Andrew: I might be a little late to the hospital today because I’m just heading back to the school now and Carmichael wants to talk.

Valerie

Andrew wasn’t a little late. Andrew was very late, and when he finally walked in the hospital room, he seemed off.

“Everything okay?” she asked.

He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Yep. Everything’s good.”

“What did Carmichael want?”

“He just wanted to congratulate me on the win,” he said, fussing with his gym bag. “How are you feeling?”

“Same. Bored. Anxious. Uncomfortable.”

“Did you eat?”

“Yes,” she said, and squished her face up. “Very bland hospital food. After this baby is born I will never eat Jell-O again.”

“Your mom left?”

“Like five minutes before you walked in. Want to help me with the Wordle?”

It was something they’d been doing together since she was admitted to the hospital.

“Sure,” he said, toed off his shoes, and slid in beside her in the small hospital bed.

After they finished with the game, Andrew showed Valerie all the photos of the spelling bee, and they talked about the children

until it was lights out and bedtime.

The next day there was a slight knock at the door, and then it opened. “Yoo-hoo, up for some company?” It was Monique.

“Absolutely!” Valerie said excitedly. Monique was always a great distraction.

“No Andrew?” she asked as she set her purse on a chair and looked around the small hospital room.

“He went downstairs for some food. Should be up in a few minutes.”

Monique sat in the chair by the bed and scooted it closer. “So, you look terrible,” she said with a wink, and Valerie laughed.

“How do you feel, friend?” She took Valerie’s hand in hers. “Everyone’s asking about you. I’ve been so worried.”

“I’m okay. Just hanging in there. Bored outta my mind and worried about keeping this baby inside my body as long as possible.”

“And your blood pressure?”

“It’s not horrible, but it’s not great. But everyone keeps telling me that every day the baby stays in my belly is a good

day, so I’m just taking it day by day. So, tell me the gossip. Anything interesting to report? GPA surviving without me?”

Monique chuckled and then sat back. “It’s hard, of course. You know, with all silence now that there’s no one playing drums

or singing, it’s hard to think.”

Valerie laughed just as the door swung open. Andrew was carrying a cupful of ice in one hand and a half-eaten sandwich in the other.

“Your favorite ice, madam,” he said with a bow, and placed the cup of crunchy ice in front of Valerie. She craved ice, and

even though the doctor warned her about chewing too much and the possible damage to her teeth, she also said it was completely

normal. Apparently pregnant women craved all sorts of oddities.

“Hey, Mo, glad you came by,” he said, and gave her a warm kiss on the cheek.

“I missed my girl. Wanted to check in on her. See how she was feeling. I got her a present too,” she said, and reached into

her oversize purse. There was a bundle wrapped with colorful string. “Hope you like it. I wanted to be the first to congratulate

you.”

With a smile, Valerie pulled the string and a shirt unrolled. It read, “I’m not yelling, this is my musical director voice.”

Valerie looked at it with her brow furrowed. This wasn’t a normal baby present. Andrew read it and then took it away with

a smile. “Cute. Hey, um... you want some orange juice, baby? I can go downstairs. They have freshly squeezed. How about

you, Monique? The food in the cafeteria is surprisingly good. Why don’t we go—”

He was flustered.

“Are you okay?” Valerie asked.

He waved dismissively. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

Monique looked between the two of them, and then something flashed across her face, and Valerie instantly knew that there

was something amiss. Andrew had kept something from her. She sat up a little higher in the bed.

“Shit,” Monique whispered under her breath.

“What is it? What aren’t you telling me? Tell me,” Valerie said to both of them.

“Valerie—” he began.

Andrew’s eyes pleaded with Monique. “Uh, I think I’m going to head out. Just came by to say hi real quick.” She gave Valerie

a kiss on the cheek and then almost imperceptibly mouthed sorry to Andrew before she left.

“Talk. Now,” she said to Andrew.

“They don’t need two kindergarten teachers anymore,” he began as he reached for her. “And—”

“No!” she said, pushing him away. “You promised. Is this what Carmichael wanted to talk to you about?”

“You need to calm down, baby. Your blood pressure.”

“Don’t fucking tell me to calm down.”

“Okay,” he said, holding his hand out and trying to calm her down. “I didn’t want to upset you. You’re on bedrest and you’re

in a hospital.”

“I’m already upset. You took my job, didn’t you? This was all a ploy to get my job?”

“Have you lost your mind? Of course not. You really think that I knocked you up, fell in love with you, and then I swooped

in and took your job? That was my master plan all along? Is that really what you think of me?”

Somewhere in the crevice of her mind, she heard “love,” but she also heard a lot of beeps going off around her.

Andrew’s attention shifted to the machines. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Shh... relax. Listen. I promise you. I swear. You didn’t lose your job. I swear, baby. I swear. You have a job. But right now, fuck the job and fuck everything else. You need to calm down.”

First one nurse rushed in, and then she called for additional nurses. “The baby is in distress. Page Dr. Bakshi.”

Valerie reached out her hand. “Andrew?” Tears ran down her face. “Don’t go, stay here,” she begged, but the nurses pushed

him aside. Dr. Bakshi rushed in while putting on gloves. She looked at the monitors and felt Valerie’s belly, then looked

again at the fetal monitor. “Valerie, we need to get the baby out. We need to do a C-section right now.”

“Now?”

“Right now.” Dr. Bakshi directed the nurses to do a bunch of things that Valerie didn’t understand.

“Andrew?”

“I’m right here, sweetheart. I’m right here.” He appeared beside her and grabbed her hand and squeezed.

Then she felt his hand slip away as she was wheeled out of the room. She’d lost her job—now would she lose the baby? She couldn’t

keep the panic at bay.

Andrew

Andrew had never been more scared in his entire life. His hands shook as he called his mother and Anabel. He wasn’t even certain

what words came out of his mouth or how Anabel knew where Peggy lived, but they came into the waiting room together less than

thirty minutes later.

“Any word?” Anabel asked, looking like she’d been run over, twice.

“No,” he said, his voice cracking. “It’s my fault,” he said, and he burst into tears. Loud, sobbing tears. He hadn’t cried

like this ever, not even when his father had died and he thought his world would crumble. This was a different kind of pain.

Both women held him. “No, it’s not. This is not your fault.”

“It is. She got upset because she thought I took her job, and I should’ve told her the moment it happened. I shouldn’t have

kept it from her, but I didn’t want to upset her, and I upset her anyway.”

“No, son. This is not your fault,” Peggy said. “I’m sure she’s going to be fine. She’ll get through this and you’ll be able

to explain everything.”

“It’s not your fault, mijo,” Anabel said. She took him in her arms and hugged him fiercely.

How could Valerie’s mother forgive him when he was responsible for all this? What if Valerie didn’t make it? He wouldn’t be

able to survive that. He was completely in love with her, and he hadn’t even been able to tell her. Not really. Not the way

he should have said it, weeks ago. Hell, months ago. They were his family, and they were in an operating room, and he had

no control over any of it.

He paced around the room like a lion. He needed to see her. He needed to find out what was happening.

Hours. Minutes. Days. There was no concept of time as he waited an eternity for news.

Finally, a nurse came out of the double doors that Valerie had disappeared behind. She was pushing a cart. “Andrew Wexler?”

“Me!” he said, and jumped up. “I’m Andrew.”

“Congrats, Dad. You have a healthy boy. Five pounds, six ounces. We have to take him and wash him up, but I thought you’d

like to meet your baby first.”

He was utter perfection. The women behind him gasped and cried and cooed. And Andrew wanted to feel the same sense of joy

they felt, but the moment was surreal. It was both the best moment of his life and the worst. “And... V-V”—the word wouldn’t

come out—“Valerie?”

“She lost a lot of blood, but she’s okay. She’s still in recovery.”

“She’s going to be okay?”

“The doctor will be out soon to speak with you, but the fact that she’s in recovery is a great sign,” the nurse said.

His legs buckled underneath him. Anabel on one side and Peggy on the other helped to lift him up. “We have him, it’s fine.”

Anabel waved off the nurse.

“I can call for—”

“No. No,” he said, righting himself before he was also hauled into the emergency room.

“I’ll have a nurse come in and bring him some juice. Have a seat, and I’ll let you know when you can hold your baby and see

your wife.”

His wife.

She wasn’t even his girlfriend.

Andrew was so torn. He had a son whom he had to care for, and really wanted to see, but he also needed to know if Valerie

was really okay.

The baby needed his mother. He needed her. She was the one who held this little makeshift family together.

The nurse came back in. “Andrew? You can see the baby now.”

But what if Valerie woke up? What if she called for him? Worse, what if she didn’t want to see him at all? At the very least

he needed to explain everything to her.

“Son, go see your baby. If the doctor comes in, we’ll let her know where you are,” Peggy said.

“Anabel—” he began, but his voice cracked again. How was she holding herself together?

“Your mother is right, Andrew. I was a nurse for a long time. It’s not uncommon for women to lose a lot of blood during a

C-section. The best way to recover is through sleep. I trust what the nurse is saying and you should too. Go meet my grandson,

and then ask when his grandmothers can visit. If they let visitors in to see Valerie, we’ll come get you.”

Andrew nodded, and as if in a dreamlike state, he went toward the nursery. As soon as he walked in, they gave him a gown and

asked him to wash his hands. Once he was ready, one of the midwives at the hospital took his son out of the bassinet. Andrew

sat in a rocking chair waiting for the woman to bring him his baby, whom he wasn’t sure how to even hold. He’d been working

with children for a decade, and he had no idea how to hold a baby. Was that weird? He should know how to cradle a baby. He

was so ill-equipped, he was trembling. Valerie would know exactly what to do.

“Relax, Dad. They’re tougher than you think. Just put your hands like this,” the midwife said, showing him what position to take. Then she handed him his swaddled son, wearing a blue-and-white cap. “Make sure you support his head. Put your right hand right here. Perfect. See, you’re a natural. Do we have a name for this little man?”

“No. Not yet. Valerie—that’s his mom—had some names in mind, but she wanted to see him before she made a final decision.”

His voice broke again, and he cleared his throat. The midwife walked away, leaving him alone with his son.

He looked down at the tiny baby in his arms. He was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. A perfect little nose, little

bowed lips, pink cheeks. His eyes were closed so Andrew couldn’t see the color, but he was certain his eyes were as perfect

as everything else about him. Andrew gently pushed back the cap just enough to see if he had a full head of hair. He did.

It was dark, like Valerie’s.

“Hey, buddy, it’s me, your dad. Hey, I don’t know if you can understand me, but your mom will be here soon. She can’t wait

to meet you. Oh, buddy, you are so loved. I’m so happy to finally meet you.” He rocked the chair back and forth gently.

A nurse came over. “Why don’t you try feeding him?”

“His mom, she wanted to breastfeed—”

“And she will. But until she’s up and ready, you should try a few ounces of this.” She held up a bottle. “He has to be hungry.”

If he gave his son formula, would Valerie be upset? What if Valerie didn’t wake up? This was his baby and he had to make a

decision. He wished they had had some sort of conversation earlier about all of this. They’d had almost nine months to plan,

and they hadn’t even figured out the name of the baby.

Andrew took the bottle in his hand.

“Try putting just a little amount on his lips and let’s see if he’ll latch on.” The nurse showed him and repositioned the baby in Andrew’s arms to make it easier. The way she moved the baby put his nerves on end. She was too relaxed, too lackadaisical with this precious cargo. She placed a cloth on his shoulder. “Keep at it, Dad. Sometimes it takes a while for them to latch on. Breast or bottle, it happens. Oh, there you go!” she said cheerily as the baby finally started to suck on the nipple of the baby bottle.

“He was hungry!” she said.

“How do I know when to stop?”

“That bottle only has four ounces. He’s not gonna drink more than one or two. Regardless, you’ll know. Trust me. I’ll show

you how to burp him in a minute.” She left him alone to go take care of another child in the nursery who had started to cry.

His son drank. He wasn’t fussy. It was slow, but there were sucking noises as if he had been ravenous. As if he had not eaten

for almost nine whole months. It made Andrew chuckle.

“Mom is up if you wanna visit her,” another nurse said from the doorway. He could see the grandmothers looking through the

glass into the nursery. Peggy mouthed, You can go see Valerie now.

Andrew asked the nurse, “Can you please tell the one with the blue shirt to go on in and see her daughter? I’ll be right there.”

“Sure.”

He saw the nurse walk out and talk to the two women, and then Anabel followed after her. He waved to his mother to come inside. He wanted to introduce his son to his mother and also switch with her so he could go see Valerie. But he didn’t want Valerie to wake up and be completely alone, which is why he wanted Anabel there right away.

Valerie

Valerie had never felt more tired in her entire life. She felt exhaustion deep in her soul. She woke up slowly, and it took

her a few minutes to orient herself.

Emergency C-section.

Baby.

“Mi amor, it’s me, Mom. How do you feel?”

“The baby? Is the baby okay?” she croaked out. She instinctively felt her belly, which was flatter and softer than it had

been the last time she remembered being conscious.

“Beautiful. Perfect.”

She felt relief, and then tears began to slide down her face.

“What’s wrong, mija? How do you feel? Are you in a lot of pain?”

Why was she crying? She just wanted to meet her son.

“No, I’m okay. I still don’t feel a lot of anything. I think I’m still a little drugged. Did you see him, Mom? How does he

look?”

“I haven’t held him. But I saw him from the nursery window. Andrew was feeding him.”

Andrew. It came rushing back. But she didn’t care about her job right now. She just wanted to see her baby. It also hurt that he wasn’t the first person here when she woke up. She knew she shouldn’t think that way, but it cemented the fact that they were only together because of the baby. It was her stupid fault for catching feelings for a man who would never love her the way she had fallen in love with him.

She also realized she was being selfish; he was with his son, which meant their baby was well taken care of and for that she

was grateful. Her mom brushed the hair off her face and the tears from her eyes.

“He’s a good man, Val. Very good man. I don’t know exactly what happened between you two, but I really hope you work it out.”

“There’s nothing to work out, Mom. He’s the baby’s dad, and he’s going to be a wonderful dad, and I’m very grateful for that.”

At the same moment, Andrew came barging in, looking worse than she did, and she had just had an emergency C-section. Anabel

immediately stood and moved out of the way. “I’ll leave you two alone. Let me see if I can have the baby brought to you, honey.”

“Thank you, Mom.”

“I’m proud of you, mija. I love you.”

Then Valerie cried harder. Her mother wasn’t someone who doled out compliments or platitudes often. So when she did, it hit

hard and right in the heart. Anabel’s eyes were as tearful as Valerie’s. “I love you too, Mami.”

When her mom walked out and she was alone with Andrew, she asked, “How is he? Is he okay? Tell me the truth. Tell me the truth,

Andrew. Why isn’t he in here with me?”

“He’s perfect. I can’t even put into words how perfect he is. You were just brought into this room, and you weren’t doing so hot, so they kept him in the nursery. I’m sure you’ll be able to see him really, really soon, sweetheart.”

He kissed her forehead.

“Andrew—”

“No. Please, me first. I’m so sorry that I kept things from you. But I swear I was trying to protect you. I would never take

your job. They were going to cut one of us, and I was ready to resign. I even drafted a resignation letter, but then Carmichael

said that they were growing their musical program and were looking for a music director and he thought you’d be perfect. I

agreed, and it comes with a raise and, eventually, a department. They’re restructuring the school and they want to focus on

the arts, but they also have to cut some other departments. Maybe I overstepped. Maybe you’d prefer kindergarten over being

music director of the school. But I didn’t think burdening you with that while you were in the hospital was the right thing

to do. Carmichael knows that if you don’t want the job, you go back to being the kindergarten teacher and I walk away. Sweetheart,

whatever you want to do, you can do. I don’t want you to think about my job or what’s best for me. I want you to do what makes

you happy, and if teaching kindergarten is what makes you happy, then that’s what you’re going to do.”

“I love you,” she blurted out.

“What?”

“I love you. I should have said that before I went into surgery. I should have said that weeks ago. It scares me to death that you’re only with me because we have a baby and in a few years you’ll resent being stuck with me. We don’t make any sense at all, Andrew. There are not a lot of people who have less in common than you and me, but I still love you so much. And if I had one wish in this world it would be that we could raise this baby together together. I understand that this is a lot, and I know that it’s not what we agreed on, but I just needed to say that.”

“How about the job? Aren’t you mad about the job?”

“I know that a few seconds ago you said something about a music director job... I’m a little drugged, a lot emotional,

and really, I couldn’t care less about anything right now other than meeting my baby and telling you how I feel. I did the

latter; now I hope I can meet the baby.”

He chuckled. “Do you remember what I said to you before I almost killed you?”

“Don’t ever say that again. You did not almost kill me. I’ve been staying in this hospital for two weeks waiting on this baby.

It was just time, is all.”

“He probably just wanted us to stop arguing.”

It was her turn to laugh.

“As I was saying... I told you I loved you first—” Andrew began.

“It’s not a competition.”

“Everything’s a competition. But I did not say it in the most eloquent way. Definitely not the way you just said it. I’m not

a man of flowery words. I’m a man of action. I will spend the rest of my life showing you how much I love you. This has nothing

to do with the baby. I love you for the quirky, beautiful, funny, kind woman that you are. The baby is just icing on the cake.”

There was a light knock on the door, and then it squeaked open. “Mom and Dad, there’s someone here that would like to meet

you,” a nurse said from the doorway.

Valerie tried to sit up and winced. “Ouch. There’s the pain everyone’s been talking about.”

Andrew helped her prop herself up and used the remote to adjust the bed. The nurse wheeled the bassinet right next to the

bed. “My God, he’s beautiful,” Valerie said.

The nurse doused her hands with antibacterial soap and then gave Valerie some wipes. Andrew did the same thing and then reached

into the bassinet and took out their son. It was awkward, and he wasn’t sure where and how to hold him, but watching Andrew

with their son did something to her heart that she knew would never be put to rights. Her heart literally grew in her chest,

swelling to such a capacity that she thought it would come out. Carefully, he put the baby in her arms and then gently sat

right next to her. They both looked at their son together.

“I told you he was perfect.”

“He is, Andrew. He looks like you.”

“He has your hair, though. And your appetite.”

She laughed. “You got to feed him?”

“Yes. I hope that’s okay. I know you wanted to breastfeed, but since you were—”

“You don’t have to explain it to me. Of course it’s okay.”

“Now that you’ve gotten a good look at him, what are we naming him?”

“Adam.”

“Adam? That’s my father’s name.”

“I know.”

“What happened to Axel or Benjamin?”

She shrugged. “He’s an Adam Wexler. That’s a good name.”

Andrew’s eyes misted, and he kissed her lips gently, then looked at his son. “Adam. You’re gonna have a great life, son.”