Chapter 14
Ilooked at myself in the mirror the next morning and blew out a heavy sigh.
I’d brushed my hazelnut hair into a ponytail and couldn't help but scrutinize my exposed forehead. I hated the slicked-back look. For so much of my life, I’d been forced to have my hair up, but I couldn’t wear it down.
There was nothing more annoying than stray hairs getting into my eyes while I was working.
The dread started as a small weight in my chest, then gradually grew heavier. The closer I got to the idea of walking into a dental office again, the more panicked I felt.
My mind began replaying images from my time at Sunshine Dentistry, and the more memories that resurfaced, the stronger my anxiety became.
The attack was swift and sneaky. It was an ambush and I was completely unarmed. My face started going numb, along with my tongue and the bridge of my nose. My pulse began racing so fast I could hear the thumping of my heart in my ears.
I felt hot all over and hurried to take off my scrub top, leaving me in just my sports bra. I needed to calm down. Now. I threw my bag back onto the couch, sat down on the floor, put my head between my knees, and struggled to regain my normal breathing.
In. Out.
In. Out.
I hadn’t had a full-blown panic attack in weeks.
And I was reminded of just how much I hated this feeling.
A bear wasn’t chasing me. I knew that. I’d seen a bear and actually thought it was going to break down my door and maul me to death.
So why couldn’t my body tell the difference between that and a normal day at work?
Ten minutes passed, and when my heart rate finally calmed, I lifted my head. So much for that. I hadn’t even made it out the front door before my body freaked out.
I stood on shaky legs to lock the front door. I planned to hide away in my room for the rest of the day in shame. Maybe I would re-read one of my favorite books and wallow with a cup of tea. Well, maybe just a hot cup of water, since that was all I could afford.
Tears burned behind my eyes as I walked to the door, ready to lock it and officially declare the day a failure. But just as my fingers touched the latch, a knock sounded.
I jumped, my heart racing all over again. Who on earth was knocking at 7:30 a.m.?
I cracked the door open and was greeted by dark curls and blue eyes. My neighbor/boss stood before me, holding a steaming cup of coffee and a poppy seed muffin.
“Morning,” Jay said. “Figured you could use these before your first day.” He held out the muffin and the styrofoam cup.
I blinked. I was half-dressed and blotchy from a full-blown panic attack. “Uh… thanks,” I said, taking the cup and muffin while trying to hide behind the door.
Jay’s smile twitched into something a little more amused as he took me in.
“Well,” he said, clearing his throat, “I did say you could wear whatever scrubs you wanted, but… maybe I should’ve prefaced that meant scrub pants and a scrub top.”
I shot him a glare. “Very funny.”
He gestured to the muffin in my hand. “Also, no need to worry about the muffin. I won’t be drug-testing you today.”
The muffin immediately brought to mind the text he sent last night around midnight. A little addicting, he’d said. What was that supposed to mean? He hadn’t elaborated, and I wondered if he regretted saying it, and that’s why he’d quickly changed the subject.
I shook my head, a reluctant laugh slipping out. “You’re ridiculous.”
“So I’ve been told,” he said easily. “Anyway, since we live so close, I thought maybe we could carpool? Save on gas and all that.”
Carpool. Great. Refuse, and I’d look like I hated the planet.
“Did you know I was gonna bail?” I blurted, setting my muffin and coffee down long enough to tug my scrub top back over my head.
“Should I have?”
I exhaled, half-laughing, half-groaning. “Probably.”
“I may have had an inkling you might try to run,” Jay said, fighting a smirk.
I slid past him through the doorway, clutching the muffin and coffee he’d gifted me. “Well, I was just about to lock the door when you showed up,” I muttered, trying not to sound defensive.
When I reached his truck and tugged the handle, it didn’t budge. Then he was suddenly behind me, reaching around to unlock it, and for one disorienting second, my brain stopped working.
His arm brushed mine, and I breathed in the scent of him again—faint firewood and pine trees mixed with the crisp scent of clean mountain air. I blinked hard, forcing myself to stop lingering on his smell, and ducked into the passenger seat before I could embarrass myself further.
Jay opened his own door and climbed in, his grin doing that maddening half-curve thing. “Good thing I followed my gut, then,” he said, clicking his seatbelt.
As soon as he started the car, music began playing through the speakers.
The lyrics were in Spanish, and the dashboard screen displayed the band name "LAGOS". The little keychain on his rearview mirror jangled as he backed out of my bumpy gravel driveway. It was a mini ball of yarn hanging from a thin gold chain. I hadn’t noticed it last night because it had been too dark then, and I’d still been in shock from the bear incident.
“So… is that, like, an aesthetic, or are you really in a knitting club?” I gestured to the keychain.
Jay’s smile widened. “You overheard that at the store, huh?”
“Maybe,” I said, taking a bite of my muffin to hide my smile.
He chuckled. “It’s true. I knit with a few ladies at the senior home in town. But I have to say—it’s actually pretty intense.”
I stifled a snort. “Right. Because nothing says ‘hardcore’ like a guy who knits.”
“Exactly,” he said with mock intensity. “We’re a dangerous group. Last week, we used glitter yarn.”
I couldn’t hold back my laugh this time.
“You’ll appreciate it when I start making custom beanies for the staff,” he assured me.
“Do they come with dental-floss tassels?” I asked.
He chuckled. “Now that’s actually a good idea.”
Still smiling, I stared out the window, watching the morning sun flicker through the trees. After a few minutes, though, my smile faded, and that familiar weight of anxiety started to bloom in my stomach again.
“So,” Jay said after a moment, “you weren’t exactly excited for your first day?”
“Not exactly.” I pressed my lips together.
Jay glanced over briefly, his expression straightforward but sincere. “Hey,” he said, voice softening. “There are no strings attached, remember? If you hate it, you can walk away at any time. No hard feelings.”
“Thanks,” I said quietly, staring down at the lid of my coffee. “That… actually helps.”
He nodded. “Good. But also remember that if you decide to leave me after all, I’ll have to reschedule all my patients until I can find a temp, and that will suck.”
I laughed, the sound bubbling up before I could stop it. “Wow. So dentist of you.”
“Just keeping it real,” he said, his smile confirming his teasing.
A few minutes later, we pulled up to the office building by the lake, and looked exactly the same as the last time I saw it. Only this time, it was a little more intimidating because I knew it wouldn’t be empty inside.
Jay got out, and I followed after him.
“Good morning, Dr. Jay,” a woman at the front desk greeted us. She had short black hair and bright red lipstick on.
“Good morning, Shelby,” Jay replied.
Sitting next to Shelby was a younger man, closer to my age, with neatly styled blonde hair and spectacles.
“Shelby, Devin, this is Hope. She’s our newest hygienist.”
“Nice to meet you, dear,” Shelby said with a kind smile. The bright red lipstick made her smile pop. I had a feeling that if I needed Ibuprofen or a tampon, she’d be the first one I’d ask.
Devin gave a polite nod, but he seemed much quieter and more introverted than his front-desk companion. “Nice to meet you.”
“I’ll have Shelby show you how to clock in sometime today, and we’ll make sure to get all your hours logged. She’ll also have some more paperwork for you later to fill out for taxes and things,” Jay said, leading me to the back.
We passed the X-ray machine and the sterilization area, then came around a bend into a small room that appeared to be the break room, complete with a kitchen and storage lockers.
There was a couch on one wall and a table with a small TV.
Down the hall, there was another door that looked like it could be Jay’s office.
“Good morning,” Jay greeted someone, and my head snapped back around. In my anxious observation of the facility, I’d completely missed the other two people in the room with us.
A blonde girl with perfect curls and a smoky eye I could only ever dream of achieving was the first to respond. “Morning, Dr. Jay!” She glanced over at me, her “M” necklace glittering perfectly in the little V of her scrubs. “And who’s this?”
“This is Hope, our new hygienist,” Jay said. “She’ll be working three days a week. Hope, meet Macey and Tyler.”
My eyes shifted to a guy about my age standing by the coffee maker. He had short, dirty-blonde hair and brown eyes, and a kind, relaxed smile that I couldn’t help but immediately notice.
“Jenn and Erica are also assistants you’ll be working with, but they don’t typically work Tuesdays,” Jay explained.
“We’re glad you’re here,” Tyler commented, setting his mug down. “We thought we’d have to rearrange the schedule again today.”
“I’m glad I could help. It’s nice to meet you both,” I said, trying to sound normal and not appear like the anxious ball of energy I really was.
Jay gave me a wink and started toward his office. “I have a few charts to look at before we start, but Macey can go over everything with you before the first patient shows up.”
“Shall we?” Macey asked, already starting for the door.
I hurried to put my things in an empty locker, then followed after her.
We walked by Jay’s office door just as it closed, and I felt a little panicked that he was leaving me.
It was going to take me a second to adjust to Macey’s sunshine-and-sparkles energy.
In my experience, all the assistants I’d worked with weren’t very bubbly; most just did a lot of passive-aggressive sighing.
All my instincts told me I couldn’t trust these people.
“Okay, so here we have—masks, glasses, chair covers, gauze, polish, and, of course, floss.” Macey held up the roll. “Use it wisely.”
I managed a nervous smile. “I’ll try not to abuse the power.”
“That’s the spirit.” Macey grinned, handing me a remote from the counter. “This controls the monitor—charts, X-rays, the insurance codes. It’s not too complicated, I’m sure you’ll figure it out in no time.”
I laughed nervously.
Tyler appeared in the doorway at that moment, and a warm grin lit up his face. “Dr. Jay said our first patient is here. It’s Jonathan Wikes. Upper right molar pain, no medical alerts.”
“Perfect,” Macey said, then turned to me. “Easy start. You’ll do great.”
Easy? My stomach twisted into knots again. My brain was already conjuring up every horrible mistake I could make. It had only been a few weeks since I had worked in an office, but for some reason, it felt like a million years ago.
“Hey,” Tyler said, seeming to notice that my whole body had gone stiff. “Don’t worry. Jay’s really chill. And Mr. Wikes is super easy.”
“Just relax,” Macey added gently, laying a hand on my shoulder. “I’ll be with you all morning, and Tyler will take over after lunch.”
I nodded, trying to breathe normally, even as the familiar hum of the suction in the next room made my pulse spike. I could do this. I had to. No way was I going back home to admit defeat.
This was my last chance at starting fresh, and I had to give it my best shot.