Chapter 65
It was twenty-four hours before I was supposed to meet the dental board, and the day started much like the rest of my week—trying to stay distracted.
But then, when three o’clock rolled around, I got a text message.
MACEY: Thinking about you.
MACEY: Are you okay?
I stared at the screen, and a wave of guilt washed over me.
I hadn’t answered her or Tyler since leaving Big Bear.
I’d let the messages sit unanswered for so long that it felt extremely weird to respond now. Surely they thought I was a horrible friend.
But something in me longed to reply. I wanted, for a moment, to believe that maybe they’d forgive me for not replying after so long.
MACEY: You don’t have to explain why you’ve been gone. I just miss you.
My throat tightened. I really did miss her and Tyler.
I didn’t have plans for the rest of the day, and the fear and stress about the interviews were only going to build if I didn’t distract myself with something.
I reached for the phone. My fingers hovered, and then finally moved.
HOPE: I’m actually in Big Bear.
HOPE: Do you want to meet up?
Three dots appeared immediately, and her text arrived a few moments later.
MACEY: STOP RIGHT NOW.
MACEY: You really are?????
MACEY: I’M CALLING TY.
A second later, I got another text in our Flossy Posse group chat.
TYLER: Hope! Are you back in town?
TYLER: We should meet up!
I felt something in my chest go warm. I’d responded, and they really didn’t hesitate to reply.
I felt something sting in the corners of my eyes. I reached up to wipe at the tears that had sprung, a little caught off guard.
HOPE: I’d love to see you both.
MACEY: Velvet Anchor for Karaoke night????
MACEY: We can meet you around 6:00?
HOPE: I’ll be there.
The snow was coming down pretty hard that evening. The whole drive to Main Street, I gripped the steering wheel. My heart was doing huge jumpstarts when the tires on Mason’s crappy Honda hit patches of ice, and I went sliding for a second or two until I gained traction again.
I hated driving in the snow. And I hated parking.
The Velvet Anchor was packed despite the horrific weather conditions. Cars lined the street, and I had to park farther away than I wanted, which immediately made me grumble.
I sat in the driver’s seat for a moment, hands still on the wheel.
I forced myself out into the cold when I could no longer justify just sitting there.
Snow whipped against my cheeks and stung my eyes. I tugged my coat tighter around me and moved as quickly as I could.
Ten minutes later, I was finally stepping into the warm bar where laughter and music greeted me.
For a second, I just stood there, taking in the warmth as my bones thawed.
Then I spotted them.
When I made it to their table, Macey practically launched out of the booth.
“Hope!” She threw her arms around me and gave me a huge bear hug.
“I can’t believe you’re here,” she said into my shoulder. “I’m going to cry. I’m literally going to cry.”
“I’m so sorry I haven’t messaged you,” I said.
When she pulled back, her eyes were glossy. “It’s okay! I’m just glad you’re okay.”
Tyler also reached out and gave me a small side hug.
“It’s good to see you,” he said quietly. “Really.”
My throat tightened again, and I hated that I’d been such a horrible friend.
“Yeah,” I said, “You too.”
Macey shoved me into the booth beside her before I could overthink what was happening.
“You want something warm?” Macey asked. “Hot cocoa? Coke? Emotional support fries?”
“Hot chocolate,” I said easily.
“Yes,” Macey declared, waving down a server like she owned the place. “Hot chocolate for our missing woman.”
I flinched at the wording. But Macey didn’t seem to notice; she was quick to continue the conversation, filling what could’ve been an awkward moment.
For the first thirty minutes, it worked.
She told me about her most recent dating experience. Tyler told me about his classes. I laughed at the right places.
And then the easy topics ran out.
Soon they were both looking at me expectantly.
Macey, in particular, was giving me a look I couldn’t ignore.
“Okay,” I said, exhaling. “I’ll tell you.”
Macey’s whole body sagged with relief. “Thank you, I was going to explode.”
Tyler’s expression didn’t change, but his voice was careful. “You don’t have to explain what happened if you don’t want to.”
I nodded once. “I want to.”
So I started at the beginning. I told them about coming to Big Bear. I even told them about Pike. Then I told them about Jay, and how he hadn’t told me he knew my dad. I finished by explaining the dental board complaint and how we were trying to get his license suspended—or worse.
Saying it out loud felt strange. But I didn’t really see the point in hiding anything anymore. I’d left them in the dark for so long that it only felt right to give them the truth as an olive branch.
Macey’s eyes were huge by the time I finished. Tyler looked a little stunned.
“Okay,” Macey said, leaning in. “I will admit. I wasn’t expecting that.”
Tyler’s brow furrowed. “Are you okay?”
It was such a simple question. It almost made me tear up again.
“I think so?” I said, though it didn’t sound very convincing.
Macey sobered. “I can’t believe you’ve been carrying all of this alone. I do wish you’d told us sooner, but I understand why you felt the need just to leave.”
“Thank you,” I whispered. “I feel horrible that I didn’t respond for so long. I was just trying to cope.”
“We understand,” Tyler said gently.
Macey reached over and pulled me into a hug. “We love you, Hope. We just want to make sure you’re okay.” She paused. “Also, I will totally go kick Jay’s butt for you if it will make you feel better about what he did.”
I let out a small chuckle. “Thank you, but I don’t think that’ll be necessary.” I sobered, a small truth bubbling up inside me. “I hate to say it, but I think I’m starting to understand why he did it.”
Macey nodded slowly.
“Love blinds us sometimes. It can be as intense as fear, or anger, or even anxiety. And sometimes they all tangle together if you’re unlucky enough.
I think he just desperately didn’t want to lose you.
And can you blame him?” She turned to look at me, more serious than I’d ever seen her. “You’re amazing, Hope.”
I went still.
The walls I’d built around my heart over the last three months—desperately fighting not to forgive Jay for what he’d done—cracked a little.
He didn’t want to lose me. And I never considered that maybe it was also because he’d already lost so much.
He’d lost everyone—his father, his mother.
Maybe I needed to consider for just a moment that he was reacting to everything he’d been through.
I wasn’t perfect either. My past had led me to do all sorts of things I regretted.
In fact, I knew my past had caused me to do things that weren’t exactly right or kind. But Jay had been patient with me.
And now I needed to give a little.
I needed to accept his apology because if it were me, I’d want that.
I’d been denying it for weeks, but the truth was simple and terrifying:
I was in love with Jay Alarcón.
And I didn’t want to spend another second without him knowing.
“Thank you,” I said. I reached out to hug Macey again, and she let out a surprised noise but hugged me back. “I needed this.”
“Of course—wait,” she pulled back slightly. “Where are you going?”
I slid out of the booth and grabbed my purse and coat. “I have something I have to do.”
Tyler and Macey exchanged knowing smiles.
“Good luck,” Tyler said.
“You’d better text me,” Macey threatened.
I slapped a few bills down on the table and shot them both a quick smile before hurrying out the door and into the cold, wintry night.