30. Cherry
Things with Jake and I are perfect. I’ve never been happier and that in itself is a little scary. Since the gala three weeks ago, we’ve been wrapped in a perfect bubble. We spend every night either at my place or his, and every weekend has been at the new house I’m helping him renovate. In the week he works, doing whatever it is corporate lawyers for huge companies do, but he never fails to let me know he’s thinking of me.
I get regular text messages from him, like the one from ten minutes ago.
Jake: You make my heart beat fast.
or,
Jake: Every thought I have these days, always circles back to you.
It makes me feel happy in a way I haven’t felt since we were together before. Being loved isn’t something new to me. I have people who love me, I ha ve people who need me, but Jake worships me. He shows me what it is to be loved and have someone to lean on. He lets me be me without the mask of strength.
No promises have been made and I’m okay with that. He’s told me how he feels, and I know this thing between us has some kind of future, but I still haven’t told him I love him yet. I know he feels that, even though he says he’ll wait forever if that’s what it takes.
Now, though, I have a different conversation to have and that’s the one I’ve been avoiding with my best friend. Lexi hasn’t pushed me, but I know she has questions about me and Jake and the past we clearly share.
I step out of my car and onto the drive of the home she and Hunter have just closed on, which is two minutes away from the one Jake bought. The only real difference is that this one is new and built to her and Hunter’s design plan.
“Hey, you!”
Lexi greets me with a hug as I tap the door and enter. “Hey, I brought strawberry tarts from that bakery you love.”
Lexi takes them and I follow her into the perfect chef’s kitchen that opens up into the family room behind and an informal dining table to the left. Beyond that is the huge garden that sweeps into an orchard with a gated pool and patio area for entertaining.
“You trying to butter me up, Cher?”
“Me? No, of course not.” We both know I’m lying. This conversation is going to be tough but it’s long overdue. “Where is my gorgeous godson?”
“Out doing some errands with his gorgeous father.”
I wrinkle my nose and she squints at me in warning. “I mean he’s okay looking, but I wouldn’t say gorgeous.”
“Oh, yeah, I forgot. You like your men with green eyes, and thick brown hair, and a jaw line that would make an artist weep.”
Her eyebrows rise and I swallow. “I guess we’re doing this now. Going straight in without any lube or anything? ”
Lexi stomps, yes stomps, her foot at me as we face off across the kitchen of her dream home.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Tell you what?”
Lexi throws up her hands. “How the hell should I know? You won’t fucking tell me.”
Lexi isn’t known for her potty mouth, she’s the good one of our little duet, so her breaking out the F-bomb is a testament to how pissed she is with me.
“Okay, let’s grab a drink and go outside and I’ll tell you everything.”
“Fine, but I’m holding these strawberry tarts hostage until you tell me every detail.”
“Gee, Lex, I didn’t realize you had such a kinky side,” I tease.
She pokes her tongue out at me and that’s when I know it’s going to be okay. Whatever I tell her today will have no bearing on our friendship. It never would have, I was just too insecure to see it.
The sun is warm on my skin as I take a seat beside my oldest friend on the lawn chairs that look out over the orchard. The birds chirp, the fluffy white clouds floating in the sky giving the blue a much brighter color. Something about this place is so peaceful and I envy her living here. Soon Jake will move here too, and I want to think one day so might I, but first I need to get over my own fears and get out of my own way.
Lexi reaches out and takes my hand. “Talk to me, Cher.” Her voice is soft and comforting but with a hidden strength now after what she’s been through this last year. I see my friend in an entirely new light and have gained such admiration for her.
“Jake and I met at Harvard.” I pause, waiting for her to speak, but she just squeezes my hand. “We literally bumped into each other my first day. I knew even then, Lexi. I knew he’d be my ruin in some way, and I was determined to stay away from him but he was so persistent. We became friends. He’d take me out on his bike, we’d watch movies together and eat pizza, and then it evolved slowly over time. He’d send me a good morning t ext every day before I woke and I fell so hard for him.”
I choke down the emotion as the memories of the past are so clear in my mind. I see the way he looked at me, the gentle touches, the protective way he held me in his arms.
“What went wrong?”
I glance across at my friend who is patiently waiting to hear my story. “We became us. We went from friends to so much more. I loved him like I’ve never loved anyone and he felt the same way. We’d whisper about our plans for the future, the places we’d go, the things we’d see and then one day, just the day after I finally told him I loved, him he broke my heart.”
“I swear, Cher, if he cheated on you, I’m taking a baseball bat to his balls.”
I laugh at the thought of my beautiful friend going all crazy on Jake but shake my head. “He didn’t cheat. At least not with a girl.”
I go on to tell her exactly what happened, giving her every detail of the break-up that shaped my life. Her hand stays in mine as I give her everything and she never falters.
“Wow, that’s a lot to process.”
“Yeah, I know.”
We sit in silence for a bit, sipping our iced tea and letting the beauty of the garden wash over us.
“Can I ask you something?”
I turn to Lexi and see sadness swimming in her eyes as I nod. “Of course.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? Was it because I was a horrible friend, too wrapped up in her own bullshit with Dean to notice?”
“No. God, no. I just… I guess I was ashamed that I’d fallen for his charm and been made into a fool. I just wanted to forget about it and move on.”
“But you didn’t, did you?”
Prickles of discomfort move over my skin, and I hate how much being vulnerable makes me want to run away. Lowering my walls isn’t easy, it never h as been. Each event in my life that caused me pain has only reinforced those walls, building them higher and thicker until I became a prisoner behind them, and that’s a lonely place to live.
“No, I didn’t. I can’t explain it, Lex. Me and Jake were so fucking perfect together. He got me. He loved every crazy part of me. No, he loved me because of them and he saw past the bullshit no one else did. He’s the first I cried over after my dad. I was so locked up over his death and after that initial shock, where I cried my heart out in front of my heartbroken mother, I never shed another tear.”
“Why?”
“Because it was my job to make sure my mom was okay and seeing me cry hurt her, so I stopped. Then it was like I’d locked it up too tight and I couldn’t cry.”
“Until Jake.”
“Until Jake,” I agreed.
“You know we all love you, Cher. You don’t need to be strong for us all the time. Friendship and loving someone is about knowing when to lean and when to be strong and you’ve taken on far too much of the strong. I need you to know that shit won’t fly anymore, okay?”
A sob tears past Lexi’s throat and I reach my arms out as tears wet my own eyes, blinking furiously. “Bitch, you made me cry,” I whisper in her ear.
“Good. You deserve it for keeping secrets.”
A watery laugh spills past my throat and I snort. “I deserve a strawberry tart is what I deserve.”
Lexi wipes her eyes and rolls them at me. “Fine, but we aren’t done.”
“Fine. What else do you need to know?”
I get up and follow her to the kitchen where she begins to place the individual desserts on a plate.
“Well, what happens now? Are you and Jake together? Have you forgiven him?”
I laugh, feeling lighter than I have in a long time, the regret for not telling Lexi any of this sooner far outweighed by the relief that I can now talk to her about it.
“I honestly don’t know. We haven’t talked about the future, but he says he loves me.”
“Duh, you’d have to be blind and deaf not to know that. He can’t take his eyes off you whenever you walk in the room.”
A blush steals over my cheeks. “That doesn’t mean we have a future.”
“So, you can’t forgive him?”
Lexi hands me a plate with extra clotted cream on the side and I smile at her. She knows I have a weakness for any sweet thing, and clotted cream is my favorite.
“I think I actually do. I didn’t think I could. What he did hurt me and, worse, it made me doubt myself, but looking back and knowing what I know now, what else could he do? If he’d told me what that prick had on him, I would’ve hated myself as much as him, so he took the only path he could in the situation.”
“Nick Kendrick sounds like an absolute asshole.”
“Yeah, and if I ever come face to face with him, he’s getting more than a baseball bat to the balls.”
“He’d be stupid to mess with Jake and Hunter now.”
“I agree, and from what I understand, he’s been taken care of. I don’t know details but apparently Hank has friends.”
“I love Hank.”
“He’s the coolest father-in-law, and I know Jake loves him like a father.”
“So, last question. Do you love him?”
Pursing my lips I nod. “I don’t think I ever stopped. Even when I hated him, I loved him.”
“Have you told him?”
I shake my head, “No, the last time I told him I loved him, my life imploded. It’s made me nervous to say it again.”
Lexi places her hand over mine in a comforting gesture. “You will when you’re ready. ”
“I hope so.”
I dig into the strawberry tart, a moan ripping from my throat just as a commotion at the front door makes me turn to see Hunter walking through with two bags, and Jake behind him carrying Theo. My ovaries almost explode at the site of my handsome Jake and my favorite boy.
“Why are there sex noises coming from my new kitchen and I’m not even in it?” Hunter demands as he drops a kiss on Lexi that makes steam cover the windows.
Jake comes up behind me, wrapping a strong arm around me as his delicious scent surrounds me.
“Missed you, Blossom.”
His lips land on mine and I sigh into him, my body a complete whore for this man.
“Can we not scar my baby son?”
Hunter takes his son from Jake with a smirk, and I allow Jake to pull me into his arms as I sit at the kitchen island on one of those stupidly uncomfortable bar chairs. They do have the advantage of putting me at the perfect height for his lips.
“What you got there?”
His eyes hold mischief that makes me want to do very bad things to him as he looks at me and then my dessert.
“Strawberry tart. Wanna try?”
I forked a small bite between his lips, and he hums his approval and chews. God, the sounds he makes should be illegal. I want to jump him right there and then. Moisture slicks between my thighs at the dark look he’s giving me, the air suddenly charged with desire.
Placing his hands either side of me, so I’m pinned against the island, he dips his head, his lips grazing my ear and making me shiver.
“You’re still my favorite dessert, Cherry Blossom.”
I grip the collar of his shirt. “Why don’t you take me home and show me?”
A glint of the hunger that simmers between us makes the dark look in his eyes so much more potent. Then before I can react, I find myself thrown over his shoulder as he marches toward the door.
“Bye, Lex, bye, Hunter.”
I lift my head to find my friends laughing at us, and it feels good. I feel happy and I push aside the fear that feeling usually comes with.