31. Henry
“Thank you two for coming over.”Mom smiles gratefully from her seat on the couch next to my dad.
Mack and I are sitting next to each other on the loveseat across from them. Tension ripples off of Mack’s body like heat waves. When the text came through our family group message, Ian begged off, saying he was too busy with school right now to make the drive out here again. Art just said that the conversation he had with our parents was enough, and he trusted them.
So it’s just me and Mack. I don’t even know why I came. I’m not part of the business, and I don’t have any issues with their bringing Cam and Gia on to help. That’s all Mack.
“First and foremost, we want to apologize. I didn’t think that the other night would go the way it did. Clearly, there were a couple of things that contributed to everything going sideways, but we know we should have told you kids sooner what was going on,” Mom starts, biting her lip and looking at dad.
“Yeah, no kidding,” Mack mumbles under her breath, staring daggers at the floor.
“We know that we miscalculated,” Dad says. “Your mom and I just didn’t want anyone worrying, especially since we were trying to find a solution.”
“Okay, but how did we get here? Things were fine before Art left and now things are slow and we’re hiring help?” Mack”s eyes widen, shaking her head.
“Ah, well, things seemed fine, that”s for sure. It”s been a rough couple of years on the back end of things. We’ve made some decisions in the last ten years or so that have caught up to us.” Mom sighs, her lips turned down.
“Isn’t that something that Art or I would have picked up on?” Mack’s face scrunches as she clearly tries to think back.
“No. Because we didn”t want you to.” Dad takes a deep breath. “Which, we can admit, was probably not the right move. We’ve made some of those. We”re only human.”
“Sure, but the solution was that…that guy? And his little girlfriend?” Mack bites out.
“Uh, they’re not dating. Not even close,” I interject, feeling oddly protective of both Cam and Gia. “And Cam seemed to have his shit together. I’m sure he knows what he’s doing.”
“And what exactly was your deal with this Gia girl?” Mack turns her eyes on me, but I feel my parents staring too.
“We’ve been hanging out,” I answer simply, not wanting to get into all of that right now.
A knowing look crosses Mack’s face, a sardonic smile on her lips. “Right, of course.”
The teasing tone of her voice grates on me and I react. “No. Not like that. We’re friends. We’ve been friends for the last few weeks.”
“Nothing more?” This question comes from my mom, who sounds quietly curious.
“I mean, yes, but only recently. We’re still figuring it out. She wasn’t exactly honest with me, so we have some stuff to work through.” I don’t say anything else because this isn’t why we’re here.
“Well, I love her. That’s great, Hammer.” Mom beams at me and I want to smile back, but my mind catches up to hearing my nickname, and it makes me want to scream.
Before I muster up the courage to tell them all the things I’ve been meaning to tell them for ages, Mack speaks up.
“Will you hear me out about this whole situation?” Mack asks our parents, legs crossed and eyes hard.
“Of course, that’s why we wanted to talk. But you’ll hear us out too.” Dad agrees, arm slung across the back of the couch to curl around mom’s shoulders.
“I don’t understand why we’re bringing these outsiders in to fix a problem that you didn’t even let me try my hand at. What the hell does this Cam guy do anyway?”
“He’s a business restructuring consultant, and he has an impressive track record of bringing business back to life,” Dad offers, eyes wary.
“That doesn’t even sound like a real title. What did Art have to say?” Mack asks, clearly hoping our eldest brother felt the same way she does.
“Well, first he wanted to fly home.” Mom presses her lips together, clearly not a fan of that idea. “Between your father and I and Natalie, that was shot down fast. He wants to be kept updated on how things progress, but he’s still planning on returning in two months at the end of April.”
Looking defeated, Mack shifts and crosses her arms. “So what exactly is going to happen? This stranger is going to just waltz in and change everything to be the way he thinks it should be? Who’s in charge here?”
“Make no mistake, Mackenzie.” Dad pulls out her full name, and my eyebrows shoot up. “The purpose of everything Cameron wants to do is to make sure we don’t have to sell the lodge and the barn and all of the property surrounding it. We trust him to make decisions that align with what we want for the future. We’re in control, but we’re giving him a lot of leeway to do as he sees fit.”
Properly chastised, Mack pouts like she used to when us boys outvoted her on what to play for game night. The conversation seems to be coming to an end, and I consider whether I should take advantage of this opportunity to talk to them about…me.
When Mack moves to stand, speak up. “Hey, while we’re here, could we talk about something else real quick?” I ask, sweat breaking out at the nape of my neck.
“Sure thing, is it about Cam and Gia?” Mom leans into Dad’s side.
“No, no. It’s about me.”
“Is everything okay?” Dad asks, removing his arm from the back of the couch and leaning forward, forearms on his knees.
I almost say yes, but that would be a lie. I’ve been internalizing so much of what they’ve said to me over the years, how they treat me. Something’s got to change.
“No, not really.”
“What’s up, Hammer? How can we help?” Dad looks at me, open and clearly ready to do whatever he can to help.
This is why I haven’t brought up anything sooner. I know my parents and siblings love me. I know they don’t do and say the things they do to make me feel bad or inept. It’s just a byproduct, but I need them to understand.
“Well, that, for one. Do you remember the last time you used my real name?” I ask, looking at my parents, then at Mack.
“What? Of course, we use your name, honey.” Mom tries to assure me, but I watch as she tries to remember.
“Do you? Because I can’t remember the last time I heard Henry from anyone here. I know things have been hectic and busy for a while, but it’s been a long time.”
“That can’t be true.” Dad shakes his head, looking disturbed.
“It is, and I’m not trying to make anyone feel bad. I get it. The nickname stuck hard when I was young, and everyone just ran with it. But it’s not who I am, at least not all the time. I’d really like to hear my name from my family more. People in town don’t matter as much to me, but you do,” I tell them emphatically, feeling pressure start building behind my eyes.
“Of course, of course. I’m so sorry Ha—Henry. I don’t think it was a conscious thing. I love your name.” Mom clasps her hands together in front of her, eyes softening.
Before I lose my nerve, I keep going. “I also feel like you still treat me like a child. Any conversation about my business turns into questioning if it’s too much for me. If I’m capable of making things work, expanding, taking care of what needs to be taken care of. I know it comes from a good place, and you don’t want to see me fail, but a little support and belief in me would go a long way.”
I take a quick breath and plunge back in. I don”t want anyone to say anything before I can get everything out. “And when it comes to my diabetes…I just need you to trust that I know how to take care of myself. I need you to tell the pharmacy to stop calling you about my business. And yes, I already have, but no one will listen to me. It makes me feel like I’m not my own person, that I can’t function in the world as an adult. And again, I know none of this is what you’re trying to do. I know you love me, all of you.”
I make sure to make eye contact with Mack, meeting her wide eyes. “I deal with a lot of feelings of being incapable and not good enough, and I’m asking that you try not to contribute to that anymore.”
The moment I finish, my body slumps, and I swipe my hand over my face. All the steam that got me through that monologue leaves me in a deep sigh, and I fight to keep eye contact with my parents.
They look as wrung out as I feel. Mom’s eyes are watery, and it looks like she’s trying not to cry. Dad looks despondent, covering his mouth with his hand. I don’t look at Mack, but I can feel how still she’s sitting.
For a moment, we all sit in silence, letting the words that just tumbled from my mouth settle into the walls around us.
“We didn’t know. God, Henry, I’m so sorry. I only ever wanted to take care of you, to make sure you weren’t doing too much, taking on too much.” Mom swipes a hand across her cheek, catching a few stray tears.
“No, I know. I do. It’s just that in the process, you make me feel like you don’t think I can do anything myself. I don’t know how to share my accomplishments with you without worrying about someone saying something that will take my win and put a stain on it.” Speaking honestly, sharing how I feel, it feels so fucking freeing. I don’t know why I didn’t do it sooner. Whether they listen or not, I’m glad I did this.
“Son.” Dad clears his throat, raking the hand that was covering his mouth through his hair. “We never, ever, mean to make you feel like that. I promise we’ll be more mindful with what we say. I promise.”
“We might still mess up…” Mom trails off, looking almost defeated.
“I’ll speak up. I should have been saying something the whole time, setting boundaries.”
“It’s Henry from now on, then?” Mack finally speaks up, much quieter than she usually is.
“Not always, I still love my nickname. I just want you guys to call me by my real name too.” I breathe a sigh of relief that they seem receptive and not defensive. “I’m going to talk to Ian and Art, too. Let them know.”
“I think that’s a great idea.” Mom smiles a watery smile and stands. “Can I give you a hug?”
I stand, and a tear of my own escapes down my cheek as I cross the room and open my arms. “Always.” She wraps her arms around me, and my eyes drift closed. Not a moment later, my dad’s arms circle us both and then Mack’s arms trying to wrap around us all.
I imagine how ridiculous we must look, and it brings a smile to my lips. As I lean into the love surrounding me, I’m so incredibly grateful. The only thing that could make this better would be if I could tell Gia about it.
I just know she’d be proud.