Chapter Nine
I stuffed the remaining slice of pizza in my mouth. “So, whaddya think?” I chewed a few more times, the cheese sticking to my tongue. “Do you agree?”
“That you’re a pig who shouldn’t be allowed to leave the trough? Yeah, I agree.”
I opened my mouth wide, showing him just how much of a pig I could be before swallowing.
Stu threw an olive at me. “Nasty girl.”
I gulped down some soda. When I caught the woman at the table over drooling, I wanted to tell her to save her spit. “You have an admirer,” I said, nodding in her direction.
“How rude.” He took a peek, and she didn’t bother hiding her stare. “For all she knows, we’re here together. Like on a date.” He stuck out his tongue, and I flicked the olive back at him. We were like a couple of frickin’ kids .
“In her defense, she probably thinks we’re brother and sister.” We got that a lot. With his long dark hair and similar coloring, we could easily pass. Once we were even asked if we were twins. Considering how hot he was, I was going to take that as the ultimate compliment.
Stu grabbed me and pulled me onto his lap. “You’re too far away, snookums,” he said loudly. “I miss you when you’re on your own chair.”
He covered my face in kisses. The woman turned her head. “Snookums?”
“Would you prefer honeydew muffin? I’m not sure what the girls like to be called nowadays.”
“Definitely not that.” I laughed and slid off his lap, then checked my phone for the time. My lunch break was half over. “So, about what I told you. Crazy, huh?”
I’d been dying to talk about it since Friday, this whole thing with Stephen. I guess I couldn’t call him Thor anymore, even if he still looked like him. I wished I had a picture; Stu would freak.
“Oh, I don’t know, Perry. Maybe it’s not so much as crazy as it’s fate.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You two must’ve been brought together for a reason. It could be written in the stars.”
I rolled my eyes. “Now that’s some crazy shit.” Christa would agree with me. Too bad I hadn’t been able to tell her yet. She was in her room all weekend sleeping, saying she was coming down with something. She’d called in sick that morning. I was starting to worry about her. If she wasn’t back on her feet by the time I got home from work, I was going to have to do something, whatever that may be.
He shrugged. “What are you going to do? We’re all pawns in the game of love. We go wherever we’re moved.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Is this about me or you now? Any new developments on the Kenny front I should know about? ”
“My balls are still a raging shade of blue, if that’s what you’re asking. But no, we’re not talking about me here. The guy you can’t stop thinking about suddenly turns up at your new job? Sounds like it’s fate to me.”
“No, it’s a coincidence. And I never said I can’t stop thinking about him.”
“You didn’t have to. I know you like my own dick, Perry.”
“Uh, thanks?” I grabbed our trash and got up to throw it in the bin. It was a gorgeous sunny afternoon for the end of March, nice enough to finally eat outside. Too nice for a Monday—although, I didn’t so much mind Mondays anymore.
“When can I meet him?” Stu asked.
“Meet him? Why the hell would you meet him? There are thousands of people in this company. Am I supposed to introduce you to every one?”
“No, just Stephen.”
“He doesn’t even work in the same office. His building is on the other side of the city. Who knows when I’ll even see him again.” His blue eyes popped in my mind and my stomach fluttered.
“You look constipated. You must be thinking of him right now. Is he giving you that special funny feeling?”
I slugged his arm. “Shut up. It’s the pizza messing with me.” God, what was wrong with me? “And why are we even talking about this anyway? You know I’m only with Dre now.”
“Don’t remind me.”
“Can’t you just pretend to like him for my sake?”
“No. You deserve more than just eye candy. It was one thing when you two were just screwing, but he’s not good enough for you to have a relationship with.”
“Then we’ll just have to agree to disagree.”
“Sure thing, sugar.”
We never got anywhere talking about Dre. Stu never liked him but couldn’t give me a concrete reason why; he just had a feeling . Since his intuition was freakishly close to a woman’s, I usually believed him, but I had a hard time hopping on board with this one.
“All right,” I said, standing up. “I probably should get heading out.” I had about a block to walk to get back to work. “Thank you for meeting me.”
Stu gave me a tight hug. “Lunch with my best girl? Wouldn’t miss it.” He grabbed my hand and walked me out, kissing me goodbye. “Make sure to pass that on to Stephen now, you hear.”
“Shut up.”
I smiled the rest of the way back. It was probably one of the best Mondays I’d had in a long time. I didn’t know why I’d been even a little worried when I’d come in that morning. Mr. Krismer hadn’t come out of his glass bubble or even given me a second glance when I walked in the room. I wasn’t sure if I was expecting to be terminated on the spot, but I did have a few nerves jittering around when I’d badged in the door. Turned out that all was fine. Neither my swearing at one of the bosses nor acting foolish at a work function had hurt my employment status. I’d even talked to Adam about it and he said everything was cool. No problems.
I got back to my desk with a few minutes to spare so I checked my e-mail. There were ten new unread messages, but none of them meant anything to me. Except one.
RE: Company-wide Dating Policy. Flag: High Importance.
I’d like to take a moment to remind all employees and supervisors of FiTech, Inc. of the fraternization policy that is currently in effect. Dating, romantic involvement, and sexual relationships are prohibited between managers and their staff. Failure to uphold this policy can result in disciplinary actions up to and including employment termination. I would strongly advise all new hires to familiarize yourself well with this policy and for all experienced supervisors to review. If said policy is violated, expect stern consequences to follow.
S. Davidson
Head Director of Software Development
I keyed my front door open and stepped inside, shutting it quietly behind me. “Christa,” I called out. No answer. I’d texted her earlier to see if I could bring her soup or something bland, but she said she’d rather sleep than eat.
What I needed was a stiff drink. Something strong as hell that made my throat burn and my eyes water. Too bad I’d gag before I’d be able to choke it all down. Somehow I didn’t think a shot of peach daiquiri would have the same effect.
For the rest of the day at work, I’d been unable to get that stupid policy out of my head. I’d asked Kate if they routinely sent them out and she said no. Which just confirmed that Stephen had a message behind it. But was that message meant for me and Adam, or me and him?
“Christa,” I yelled a little louder, rapping on her bedroom door. Yeah, she was probably sleeping, but I at least had to find out if she was sick enough to warrant a visit to the emergency room before I could leave her alone again.
“In here, Perry.”
I whipped around to the bathroom on the other side of the hall. The door was slightly open. “Are you okay?” Her voice had sounded faint.
“Define okay.”
I peeked in to see her sitting on the floor with her back propped against the wall. There was a bottle of vodka on one side and on the other…. Holy fuck!
“Christa? Ohmigod, ohmigod, ohmigod.”
She held out her hand. “Don’t freak out. Please. I’ve been doing plenty of that already.”
Okay, deep breath. I couldn’t help my reaction; I felt like this might as well have been happening to me. I couldn’t imagine anything more terrifying. I took her hand and sat down, pushing aside the… unopened boxes?
There were three total and I picked them up one at a time. Yep, all unopened. “You don’t know yet?” I whispered.
She looked at me with puffy eyes and shook her head. “I can’t.”
All right. We would deal with this. Together. I rubbed her hand. “How long have you been in here?”
“All day. Right after you left for work, I went down to the drugstore and picked up the tests and the booze.” She snorted. “You should have seen the look on the cashier’s face.”
I reached over for the vodka and noticed that it was also unopened. “What is this for?”
“To celebrate if I’m not. Or chug it all down if I am.” A tear rolled down her cheek, followed by another.
“Oh, Christa.” I ripped off a wad of toilet paper and wiped her face. “How late are you? ”
“About a week.”
“Why didn’t you say anything sooner?” I hated the thought of her going through that alone.
“I didn’t want to think about it. I kept hoping…. Then when the weekend came and went, I got really scared.”
“So, a week. Are you sure? Maybe there was a chance you messed up your dates and—”
“No. Remember at your sister’s last weekend? I was supposed to get it around then. I felt like I was going to get it at any second while sitting on that damn couch.” Her voice was picking up, sounding panicky. “In fact, I’d never been so sure in my life that I was going to get it. It felt like my fucking uterus was being used as a bouncy house.”
I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to voice it out loud, but I was even more scared shitless for her. I recalled Sam telling me that when she was pregnant, she’d felt the same way. She was never more sure that she’d be getting her period that month, then surprise! Fuck .
“But maybe I was feeling that way because my body sensed that Dickhead was near. My ovaries were probably trying to self-destruct.” She tried laughing but failed. It came out as a ragged noise.
“I’m here for you now, okay? And I’m going to stay right here, so let’s just figure this out. You need to take one of these tests.” She didn’t say anything. “Which one do you want to start with?” I picked up the light purple box and scanned the directions. I didn’t know what the fuck was what. I’d never taken one of these things before.
“I can’t,” she said. “Not now.”
God, my heart squeezed for her. “You have to know, Christa,” I said softly. “Once you do, we can figure out where to go from there. I’ll help you. But we can’t do any of that until you know for sure.”
“I want to stay in this moment for as long as I can. Right now, the cat is both alive and dead. I’d prefer never alive to begin with.”
“What? ”
“Schrodinger’s cat. Physics class. Mr. Thompson.”
What the fuck? Okay, I vaguely remembered that, but we were not back in high school and…. “Christa, what—”
“I just want to keep believing that I’m not pregnant for as long as I can. Once I take that test, both possibilities will no longer exist.”
“But what if it’s negative?”
“What if it’s not?”
“Then we’ll go from there.” I felt so fucking sick for her. “Do you know whose it could be?” Silence. I took that as a no. Fuck . “Can you at least narrow it down?” Silence. Fuck .
Fuuuuuuuuck . I dropped my chin to my chest. How could this happen? Unlike me, she wasn’t on the pill. It caused her too many problems. But like me, she used condoms. Or at least I thought she did. It wasn’t like I was in the fucking room with her holding a clipboard and checking to make sure she was safe every time she screwed some guy.
“I’m a fuckup, Perry. I guess I’m not as responsible as you think I am.”
“Stop it, Christa. You are not a fuckup, not even close.”
“I’ll take a test soon. Promise. Just not yet, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Don’t leave me, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Promise?”
“Promise. I’ll stay as long as you need me.”
She rested her head on my shoulder, and I stroked her hair. I hated this uncertainty, but I understood her point. Denial was a lovely place to live sometimes.
We sat like that with her huddled against me until the room went black and I could no longer see the clock on the wall. Then we remained there for God knew how much longer. I had no idea what time it was. I thought she’d fallen asleep, but she wasn’t breathing heavily enough for that. She was just silent.
“Do you want the light on?” I whispered.
“No.”
Her stomach growled loudly. “When was the last time you ate something?”
“I don’t know.”
“Christa, don’t do this. You have to eat. No matter what the situation.”
“I’m fine. I don’t want to.”
I sighed and reached out my leg to kick over my purse. I’d have to force something down her throat, but I couldn’t leave her to go into the kitchen. It wasn’t ideal, but at least I had my emergency sugar stash in the bathroom with us.
“How are you and Dre working out?”
“Fine, I guess.” I plopped the purse on my lap and dug out my king-sized candy bar and a bag of gummy bears. “Chocolate or chewy?” I asked her.
“Neither.”
“Force-feed it is. Not my method of choice, but—”
“Just give me the damn chocolate.”
“Well, if you insist.” I handed her the bar and waited until I heard her munching on it before giving her a hard time again. My stomach rumbled as well, but I could wait. Since I had my purse, I checked the time on my phone. Almost eleven. What? Where in the hell had the time gone? There was a text from Dre, but I put it away unread. I was there for her, not myself.
She crumpled up the wrapper and tossed it towards the wastepaper basket. It hit the wall and bounced to the floor. My eyes were becoming somewhat acclimated but not enough to see a pregnancy test result, and I really hoped she’d want that damn light on soon.
“Thanks,” she said .
“You’re welcome.”
“I have a confession.”
I suddenly recalled how she’d liked to play pranks when we were younger. It’d been quite a while, but…. “I swear to God, Christa. If you are going to tell me that this was all some early April fool’s joke, I’m going to take that bottle and shove it—”
She laughed. “No, believe me. I might be fucked-up, but I’m not that twisted. Although… that would’ve been the ultimate trick.”
“Only if you were hoping for a vodka enema.”
She laughed again, and if anything, I was glad something had lightened the mood. I couldn’t imagine what the air would feel like once she finally took that test. It could either clear so much we’d feel giddy or thicken to the point of suffocation.
“My confession has to do with that night at Wengo’s a week ago.”
Shit, I’d just thought of something else—maybe the reason she’d been so whacked out was because of all those baby hormones flying around. I kept that thought to myself as well.
“And it has to do with Mr. Lucky Necklace.”
“His name’s Stephen.”
“How do you know?”
“Long story. You first.”
Holy fuck. My insides just coiled. Was she going to tell me that she really had slept with him that night? Oh my God… what if he was the father? No, wait. It didn’t work that fast. Wait again. Why did I even care to begin with? Except if she had slept with him, then it might be really awkward whenever I did have to deal with him again. But it didn’t have to be if I didn’t let it. And I didn’t fucking care anyway.
“Okay. After you left, I tried coming on to him but he turned me down. The reason he wasn’t with me that night wasn’t from lack of trying.”
Oh. Was that it? Whew. My muscles loosened. Perry: One. Potential awkward situation: Zero.
“Are you mad?” she asked.
“Why would I be mad?”
“Because I know you’re interested even if you deny it. But I swear I didn’t know how interested until the morning after when you thought it could’ve been him in my bed.”
“I’m not interested, Christa.”
“I don’t expect you to admit it until you admit that you and Dre aren’t meant to be.”
“I said I’m not interested.” I really didn’t want to start this with her, especially now of all times. “It would’ve been fine if he were the man in your bed.”
“If you say so.”
“I say so.” I scooted my butt back and forth since it was starting to go numb. “But wow, I can’t believe he turned you down.”
“I know, right? Who does that?” She giggled, then sighed. “Although, at this moment, I wish someone else had.”
I chomped my lips closed to keep from asking her if she was ready. When she was ready, she’d let me know. As long as it was before I had to go to work. I would not let her wait another day.
She shifted down and laid her head in my lap. “Thank you for being here. You’re always there for me, Perry.” I played with her hair in response. “I feel like we’re back years ago in that shitty little bathroom where I took too many shrooms and I was throwing up for hours. You stayed with me and held my hair while I puked my guts in the toilet.”
“I remember.” I was freaking out as well, thinking chunks of her organs were coming out.
She laughed softly. “I’ll also never forget in tenth grade when I went on that weird diet and ended up gaining twenty pounds instead. That stupid Dion kid called me ‘lard ass’ and you slammed his head into the locker. You were always the first to stand up for me. ”
“Impulsiveness has its perks, I guess.” I wouldn’t have done half the things in my life if I’d thought about it first. But for as much shit as it got me in, I wouldn’t change any of it. Mostly.
“I could reminiscence all night if you feel like listening to me.”
“Sure.”
Technically, we’d soon be going into morning, but I liked hearing her talk. Rather that than hearing her cry and sounding hopeless. The longer she spent in a more peaceful place, the better.
Every time my eyelids started to droop, her voice would pop them back open again. And whenever I thought she’d dozed off, she’d begin a new story. I was sure I’d gotten a few minutes of sleep here and there, but that wasn’t how my body felt.
When the sun started to peek in through the window, I knew she couldn’t put it off any longer. All three boxes were lying there in plain sight, and she couldn’t pretend they didn’t exist anymore.
“Christa,” I whispered. She didn’t answer me. “Christa,” I said again louder. I knew damn well she wasn’t asleep. She let out a whimper, then lifted her head off my lap and rested it against the wall.
“I know,” she said. “It’s time.”