Chapter 38
Miranda
“Come on, Miranda. You have to at least come over and try some of the goodies we baked.”
When I look into Sierra’s pleading eyes, there’s no way I’ll tell the girl no.
I assumed she had to be gone already before I decided to sit outside on my patio with a glass of wine and my e-reader.
Not that I was avoiding her. But I was definitely hoping to avoid my mother.
Sure enough, they saw me as they were exiting the barn and headed straight over.
“Okay, but I can’t stay for dinner. I have an interview tomorrow that I need to prepare for.”
It’s mostly the truth. I do have an interview with the public library in Carruthersville.
But mostly I want to get in and out before Hayden shows up.
After last night, I’m not sure I can be in the same room with him and my parents and survive it.
We didn’t speak about it directly, but something definitely shifted between us last night.
When I left his house to return home, a piece of my heart stayed behind, and I need to figure out what to do about it.
If there’s already a heaviness on my chest just from leaving him for a short time, I don’t know how I’m going to survive moving and only seeing him occasionally.
If he decides I’m even worth the hassle.
There’s no missing the look Sierra and my mom flash each other. Ignoring their exchange, I set my tablet on the table, down my glass of wine, and follow them over to my parents’ house.
As soon as I got home, I took a shower and cleaned my house from top to bottom.
Anything to keep busy so I could think of something besides Hayden and the things we did.
The way I feel when I’m with him. Because none of it matters.
There’s no way for us to be together without ruining the relationship we both have with my parents.
Now that he has Sierra, we need to consider that it isn’t just the two of us who will be affected.
My hair blows in the warm summer breeze, and the grass is cool beneath my bare feet.
I didn’t bother with shoes. One of my favorite parts of summer is freedom from restrictive clothing.
After my shower, I threw on a sundress and called it a day.
I allow the warm sunshine to boost my mood and push my worries aside.
Until I get a view of their driveway and spot Hayden’s truck parked behind my dad’s.
I don’t realize I’ve stopped in my tracks until my mother places a gentle hand on my arm before directing her attention to Sierra. “Sierra, we’ll meet you inside in a minute.”
Sierra walks off, and I finally turn to face my mother, who is smiling warmly at me. “Mom, I…”
When I trail off, her smile only widens, causing faint lines to appear beside her kind eyes. “I know, honey.”
“What?”
“You and Hayden… I know.”
All the air rushes from my lungs, and for a moment, I think my legs might give out. I suspected she might have figured things out, but hearing the words from her lips causes reality to come crashing down. I take a few measured breaths as I prepare for the conversation I’ve been dreading.
“We didn’t mean for it to happen.” My lip trembles, and tears begin to stream down my cheeks before I can stop them.
My mother’s warm expression is replaced with panic. Placing both hands on my arms, she turns me to face her. “Honey, why are you crying? And trying to explain yourself?”
My mouth drops open, and I’m sure I look like a fish out of water as I gape at her.
I’ve been feeling like the biggest liar ever since that first kiss.
Hayden is their friend. In no scenario did I see my mother not completely losing her mind over this.
Not only is he their friend, but he’s sixteen years older than I am.
“Because it’s Hayden! And we didn’t tell you. And-”
“Honey, I’m your mother. You think I bought that story of you quitting Boulder Ranch because you wanted to work at Wilber’s? As soon as I saw the two of you together before your trip to pick up Ginger and Snickerdoodle, I had a feeling I knew exactly why you’d left the ranch.”
Her lips curve into a smile, and a bit of the weight on my chest begins to lift. Even though I’m feeling a bit lighter, the guilt I’ve been carrying lingers. I’ve always been close to my parents, but have spent months lying to them, and encouraging Hayden to do the same.
“I’m sorry we kept it a secret. We tried to stay away from each other…”
“Honey, I’m not upset. And I think the only person you’ve successfully kept it from is your dad.” She pauses to laugh and shakes her head. “But we know how well he pays attention to things. I like Hayden. If he makes you happy, then who am I to get in the way of that? Do you love him?”
Once again, I find myself gaping at my mother like I’ve just landed on this planet and don’t speak the language or understand the species. Do I love him? The word “yes” is at the tip of my tongue, but I bite it back. If I say it, it’ll make it real. And that would change everything.
“I really like him,” is what I settle on. “You didn’t tell Dad?”
She shakes her head. “No. But he did notice your truck wasn’t home last night. I just smiled and gave him a shrug. You’re an adult. Your dad trusts and loves his friend. I’m sure when he does put two-and-two together, he’ll understand. Hayden is a good man, and we both just want to see you happy.”
A little more of the guilt eases from the pit of my stomach.
She’s right. I am an adult. I don’t have to answer to anyone, and Hayden truly is a good man.
It suddenly feels a bit silly that we’ve kept things a secret.
My parents are good people. They would never disown me or let anything put a wedge between us.
None of that stops this situation from being awkward as hell, though.
My mother holds onto my arm, leading me into the house. “Now, let’s get inside for some of the goodies Sierra and I worked so hard on. And hopefully we can talk more over dinner.”
As soon as I step into the living room, I find Hayden and my dad sitting down with beers in hand. My dad sits forward, and when I flick my gaze to Hayden, the intensity of his stare causes me to freeze. My dad knows. I can feel it. Hayden doesn’t have to confirm it; it’s all over his face.
“Hey, Randi,” my dad says, my childhood nickname doing nothing to calm my anxiety. “Why don’t you and your mother grab a glass of wine, and we can talk.”