Chapter 16 #2
The pit in my stomach turns into a black hole. Lane may be an asshole, but I’ve been a complete dick. We both know better than to try and deny that there’s something between us. I have no idea what that something is, but it’s there. I try to push it down, ignore it—but I know she feels it, too.
In every stolen glance. Every stretch of silence. Every time I say her name or she says mine, that something is there—reeling us in, closer and closer. I don’t want to push her away anymore.
“I wanted to kiss you.”
She looks over at me and her eyes soften.
Sadness is etched into every line of her face.
I wish I could scoop her into my arms and never let her go.
I want to be her human shield against all the bad things in the world.
I want to be the one she looks for in a crowded room.
I want to be the reason for all her smiles and laughter and happiness. I want her.
But that’s not our reality.
Sadie broke up with Lane three days ago. She’s an employee at my family’s ranch, a guest in our home, and she’s only here until the end of the summer.
A perfect combination of all the reasons we should not be together.
“I wanted to kiss you,” I repeat. “Not kissing you when I had the chance has been one of my biggest regrets ever since.”
She opens her mouth to respond but closes it again, turning her head to look back out the window. “Something in the Orange” plays quietly in the background, filling the silence between us.
“Wesley…please. Just take me home.”
Home.
With that one little word, I hold onto my last shred of hope—knowing if I ever get a chance again, I won’t waste it.
“What are you going to do about Hartford?”
It’s been six days since I broke Lane’s nose. For six mornings, I’ve asked Dad the same question. He always gives me the same answer: a few grumbled words about how he’s giving Lane time to reflect and whatever other fluffy bullshit he’s feeling.
Lane isn’t reflecting; he’s on a fucking bender. I’m over seeing his face, and I know it probably hurts Sadie too.
Summer is almost over and Sadie seems like she’s exactly where she started. Faded back inside her closed-off shell. She hasn’t come out to Lucky’s. Refuses to eat lunch in the lodge. I don’t think she’s eating at all. She just does her work and goes to bed.
She hardly comes out of her room except to sit at the table for breakfast and dinner, but I think it’s just for Dad’s sake, and because she feels obligated to. Physically she’s present, but her mind’s somewhere else, and the bright light inside her has dimmed.
I’ve been helping her with training Iris.
The little speckled puppy is growing quickly, and they’re like sponges at this age, so keeping up with training is really important.
I’ve trained all the livestock dogs since I was a teenager, and it’s really rewarding to see all the hours of hard work pay off.
But Iris isn’t going to be a livestock dog.
I haven’t had the courage to tell Sadie, but Iris doesn’t have the drive or attention span needed to be out there helping us work the cattle. Dad and I both knew that before I even went out to pick her up.
At first, he was going to say no, but I convinced him that a puppy could be for Sadie what Outlaw has been for me. I’m nowhere near done with that damn horse, but working with him has been challenging for me in the best way.
I’ve learned a lot about myself, and his resistance to everything has made me have to improvise and adapt my approach. I wanted that for Sadie. I wanted something for her to be able to work at every day, and see all that effort mean something.
Plus, I knew a surprise puppy would win me some bonus points.
Sadie and I are sitting on the floor in the barn. We just finished a little training session with Iris. She’s completely tuckered out now, splayed across Sadie’s lap with her belly up, sound asleep. We’re both watching her when Sadie’s soft voice breaks the silence.
“I never thanked you.”
“What for?”
She laughs, peeking up at me briefly before her eyes drop back onto Iris. “Um…everything.”
“Yeah, I’m gonna need you to be a little more specific,” I say, holding back a smirk.
I’m well aware of everything I’ve done for her. But I never did any of it expecting her gratitude. I did it all because I wanted to.
I needed to. It wasn’t a choice for me.
She rolls her eyes. “For spending your lunch breaks hanging out with me and Iris in the barn, for helping me with her training, for punching Lane in the face…and for trying to pull me out of a dark place. All of it. Everything.”
“It’s not a big deal.”
Except it is. I want her to see me as someone dependable. Someone she can lean on. I want her to see me.
“Well…it really does mean a lot.”
Her eyes flick over the fading bruise on the back of my hand and knuckles. One of the nasty consequences of breaking a nose.
I flex my hand and grin. “You should see the other guy.”
Sadie playfully punches my arm, holding back a smile. “That’s not funny.”
“Then why are you smiling?”
“Because you’re stupid.”
Her beaming smile breaks through and finally reveals the beauty she was trying to hold back. I wish I could take a picture of her like this: light, carefree, and happy.
“You’ve called me worse.” I shrug.
She tilts her head and hums. “I guess that’s true. Do you think we could…start fresh? Maybe try to be friends?”
Friends.
My gut reaction is to tell her there’s no way she and I could ever be fucking friends, but this is her way of extending the olive branch.
She’s calling a truce.
So I hold my hand out to shake hers, and I’m flooded with the memory of her doing the same thing when she first got here. Holding out her hand between us, trying her best to put forward a brave face.
Even now, I can see straight through the mask she wears for everyone else. It’s never fooled me. Maybe if I’d just reached out and shook her hand that very first day, we wouldn’t be standing here like this, teetering on the edge of something we can never have.
Life is cruel like that—forcing you to look back at the endless sea of what ifs and regrets.
She glances down before slipping her palm against mine. Her fingers are warm, her grip too steady in comparison to how she makes me feel.
“Friends?” she asks, and her eyes catch mine—holding them, lingering just long enough to gut me.
I’d give her the sun if she asked. I’d be anything for her. Anything.
This concession will be my grave. But I’m hers—even if this is all she’ll let me be.
“Friends.”