Chapter 33
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
WESLEY
Outlaw shifts beneath me, restless and moody as hell, like always.
We’re both sweating after spending hours in the evening sun. He’s over my shit and I probably should’ve called it a night an hour ago, but I need the distraction. I need the repetition. The routine. The illusion of control. Anything to keep my mind from circling back to her. To them.
Every time I close my eyes, I see it—Sadie tangled up with Emmett—and I wonder if his hands traced the same paths mine did, if every brush of his hand over her skin erases mine.
Did she arch for him like she did for me?
Did he find that spot at the base of her throat that made her breath hitch, where I used to press my mouth just to hear her fall apart?
Did she whisper his name in the dark like she used to say mine?
The thoughts make my stomach curdle, but I can’t stop picking at it, can’t stop feeding the jealousy until it consumes me from the inside out.
Replaying her confession is the worst part of it all. How she admitted she was thinking of me while she was with my fucking brother. Maybe the honesty was supposed to comfort me. Proof that she hadn’t completely erased me from her heart—but it only adds another layer of torment.
Because if I was in her head then, I’ll never escape it now. I’ll never stop wondering why she held onto me while she was under him.
She’s woven beneath my skin, in my veins, stitched into every fucking beat of my heart. It doesn’t even feel like it’s mine anymore—it only beats for her.
I see her everywhere. In everything.
Every time I’m working on my house and pass by that fucking porch swing, I want to tear it down and burn it. But I can’t bring myself to destroy the memory of Sadie confessing her love for me while I was buried inside her.
It’s all so fucking pointless.
No matter how many hours I pour into work, no matter how many times I tell myself to let her go, it’s hopeless. I’m hopeless.
I’m hers in every sense of the word—and I’ll never be able to tell her that.
I pull the reins, asking Outlaw to turn left, but the fucker tosses his head back, turning right to spite me.
“You’re a real ass sometimes, you know that?” I ask, as if he would give me an answer.
It’s a small miracle that I’ve even managed to get a saddle on him and keep my seat. I think, despite his grumpiness, he kind of likes me.
A sudden whistle cuts through the air, and I turn my head to see Emmett leaning against the fence line. His hands are shoved into his pockets, jaw tight, and he looks a little unsure of himself.
“I thought you’d have given up on him by now.”
“The bastard’s grown on me.”
He nods, tapping his fingers against the post, eyes locked on the horse. “Can we talk?”
“Sure,” I say, taking one more lap before I dismount and gently pat Outlaw’s flank, letting him free to graze.
I climb over the fence, taking my hat off and wiping the sweat from my brow. “What’s up?”
Emmett hesitates. “I didn’t know. About you and Sadie.”
My jaw ticks at the mention of her name. At the reminder of what happened. Of everything that went wrong. But I don’t say anything. I clench my jaw and swallow the words I shouldn’t say—the words that would only shred my relationship with my brother and make everything worse.
Instead, I drown while standing on solid ground.
“I swear to you, Wes. If I had known you were—that she was—I never would’ve made a move.”
I glance at him. His face is tight, like he really hates himself for it.
Good.
“Nothing happened,” he adds quickly. “We were both drunk. We made out. It will never happen again.”
A tidal wave of relief floods over me.
She’s not with him.
The tightness in my chest dissolves for the first time in days, and for a heartbeat, I can almost breathe again.
And then the agonizing truth cuts through me, slow and merciless, like a blade slipping between my ribs.
I wasn’t just wrong. I was cruel.
And she let me. As if it was what she deserved. As if she knew it was easier for me to be angry than to admit how much it hurt.
Her confession unravels in my mind, taking on a different weight.
She thought of me.
Not because she wanted to hurt me, but because wanting me was hurting her and she was trying to forget.
My stomach rolls.
There was a part of her that still wanted me.
Still loved me.
And I destroyed it.
I ruined us.
She was drunk and sad and thinking of me—and I made sure she would never do it again.
I nod slowly, still watching him. “How’d you find out?”
“She told me.”
Of course she did. Because Emmett didn’t shut her out when she tried to talk. He made space for her. He let her speak. Let her be heard. He didn’t twist her honesty into something to regret.
My throat tightens, but I nod again, processing. “You gonna tell Dad?”
He snorts. “When have I ever narced on you?”
I let out a slow, quiet breath. “You never know.”
We stand there watching Outlaw, tail flicking as he grazes. The sky is now a deep indigo, just a sliver of golden orange on the horizon.
“Sorry for being unpleasant these last few weeks,” I mutter, scuffing my boot on the ground.
Emmett chuckles, low and tired. “You’re always unpleasant.”
I huff something that’s not quite a laugh.
He blows out a long breath, running his fingers through his hair. “You know it wasn’t really about Sadie for me, right?”
I glance at him. His gaze is far off. Distant. Like he’s talking to himself more than to me.
“It’s just hard to want something you can’t have.”
I know exactly what he means. “Yeah.” I sigh. “I get it.”
He nods once, then pushes off the post. “You okay?”
Nope.
“Yeah.”
“Alright.” He turns to leave, but hesitates. “She’s a good one, Wes. Don’t let her go without knowing how you feel.”
I swallow the lump in my throat. “She deserves more than I can give her.”
He gives me a sad smile before finally walking away.
My dad is on the porch when I finally pull up to the house. I missed dinner again. I know how much that pisses him off—how important it is to him that we sit together—but I can’t do it. I can’t pretend everything is fine. Not with her at the table.
The beautiful girl who turned my entire world upside down.
Before Sadie, I had my shit together. I had a plan. A routine. Rules that kept me on track. But then she showed up, and suddenly everything I thought I wanted stopped feeling like it could ever be enough.
Now that I’ve had a taste of a life where she exists, nothing can ever go back to the way it used to be.
I’m a little thrown off when I see Lane in the chair next to my dad. He looks…good. Healthy. Happy.
We haven’t really talked since that night outside the bathroom at Lucky’s. He’s in a program, going to meetings, and trying. I know he’s making an effort to be better, and my dad hasn’t given up on him yet. I’m trying to give him a chance and make amends.
“Hello, son of mine. Glad you finally made an appearance.” My dad’s tone is cold and reserved. Hurt.
“Sorry I missed dinner. I got carried away and lost track of time.”
“Sure, kid.” He shakes his head stiffly. “There’s a plate for you in the microwave if you’re hungry.”
“Thanks.” Lane tips his head at me as I pass. I nod back. Baby steps.
As I head up the stairs, I have to fight the urge to go straight for Sadie’s door. My fists tighten at my sides. I want to knock. To tell her how sorry I am. To confess out loud that I love her—that I’m in love with her, and have been since long before she ever said it to me.
I would do it all over again—all the stupid, reckless rule-breaking—if it meant I could spend this last night with her.
I’d give anything for that.
I’m about to give in. My knuckles are raised, ready to rap our secret knock against her door. Ready to tell her everything. To speak the words I’ve been choking back for weeks.
And then…I hear it. Her.
A soft, tipsy giggle, light and carefree, spills out into the hallway. I only catch a word or two before Lydia’s snort drowns it out.
The sound rips the air from my lungs.
She sounds happy. Without me.
My hand drops to my side, flexing over and over until my knuckles ache.
I can’t steal this from her. A moment of peace. I’ve already taken too much.
So instead of giving in, I turn down the hall and walk to my room, shutting the door behind me.
And then, I let her go.