Chapter 1 #2
Ever the calm man that he was, Adir simply replied, “You, Auntie Maddie.”
Vehemently, I shook my head as tears finally broke free. “You can’t possibly understand what you’re asking of me,” I stated.
“I’m well aware of what I’m asking. I’m asking you to do something that I know will bring some healing to ya heart.”
Face scrunched up, I glared at my nephew. “If you think that, you’re even crazier than I thought.”
He smirked and shrugged his shoulders. “Will you agree?”
Sighing, I shook my head. “I can’t, Adir. I refuse.”
Adir ducked his head and said, “Aight. Fair enough.” He hugged me just as Cooley entered the kitchen.
Instantly, my cheeks heated at the way his eyes briefly fell on me.
Next, he peered at the mess the glass made.
Without asking a single question, he proceeded to clean up the water and broken glass.
“I’m headed to the office,” Adir said. “I’ll check on you later, aight?”
“Okay,” I croaked.
As Adir passed Cooley, Adir mumbled, “She was aight, big dog.” Adir’s chuckle that followed was a rarity. Cooley grilled him and continued cleaning the mess I’d made.
“Let me help you with that,” I said to Cooley.
“Nah, I got this. Go have a seat and relax.”
“Unfortunately, I’m not sure if I can relax.”
He stood from the floor and discarded a wad of paper towels. His tall body was covered in tattoos, and I couldn’t help but notice how good he smelled or observed the way he walked. Suddenly, my throat went dry watching his slightly bowed legs move through my kitchen.
“Is everything alright, Mama?” Heir came into the kitchen and asked. Concern marred her face that was identical to mine. She’d caught me staring at Cooley. I hid my embarrassment behind a gentle smile.
“Of course, sweetheart.” Leaving Cooley to finish cleaning up, I put my arm around Heir’s shoulder and led her out of the kitchen. “How about the two of us go to brunch this morning?”
Heir made a face, and I knew that meant she was about to decline. Since losing her father and brother, and witnessing it all, Heir locked herself into a cocoon I desperately wanted to free her from.
It starts with you.
The thought gave me pause. If my daughter’s healing began with my own healing, then I was doing her a disservice.
Bottling up everything that took place a few weeks ago didn’t make any of it go away.
Pretending like any of it didn’t happen was foolish also.
There was no true healing in compartmentalizing.
“I’m not really up to it,” Heir stated.
“We’ll make it quick. Let’s just get out of the house for a few minutes. Okay?”
She groaned a little but acquiesced. “Sure. I’ve been craving a steak omelet anyway.”
An hour later, Heir and I sat rooftop at the Pensacola Tornados baseball stadium overlooking Escambia Bay.
Tornado Bistro & Wines was Heir’s favorite brunch spot.
As we waited for our meals, neither of us said anything.
Saddened by the state of melancholy we were under, I attempted to shift the atmosphere.
“It’s a beautiful day,” I said. Heir simply agreed with a soft smile.
“What did Adir want? I saw him leaving and… My mother who never raises her voice broke a glass.” She giggled a little as I sheepishly glanced away.
Really, I didn’t want to talk about Adir or what he was requesting that I do. Then again, the last time I kept anything from my child, it ended in tragedy. I’d yet to tell her the extent of what I’d faced with her father. In some ways, I was still protecting Duval and that angered me.
Taking in a deep unsteady breath, I decided to come clean. “He came to see me about the baby.”
Heir’s sharp gaze snagged mine. Tears clouded my daughter’s eyes, but she held herself together. “What about him?” she asked lowly.
Peering out over the baseball field, I replied, “The Graces are putting him up for adoption.”
“What?” Heir hissed. “They can’t do that!” Even with tears in her eyes, the conviction in her tone knocked me in my chest.
“Adir wants me to…” I couldn’t even say it. My throat clogged horribly.
“Mom,” Heir started, “as much as this hurts, that baby is innocent. We’re innocent.”
I closed my eyes to stave off any moisture building up. “I know.”
“Then you have to do something,” she implored.
For a minute, we both fell quiet. Then Heir added, “If there’s anyone I know who’s able to love that baby despite what got him here, it’s you.
For almost twenty-one years, I’ve watched you be the best wife and mother any woman could be.
Your heart is pure and big, Mama. Dad is dead.
Don’t allow what he did to change the type of heart you have.
He’s in a grave, and I be damned if I sit back and let you allow him to control you from the pits of hell he’s burning in. ”
Swift pain seized my heart. The truth lied in Heir’s eyes.
“You didn’t have to tell me what you were going through, Mama. That weekend you came to see me, I saw how dead your eyes were, and I knew. After you left, I cried like a baby because I knew you were going home to a monster.”
Standing from my seat, I rounded the table and wiped my daughter’s tears before hugging her.
“I’m so sorry,” I told her.
“It’s not your fault,” she responded as I went back to my seat. “The same grace you need to give yourself, I want you to extend to the baby. He needs a family’s love. This family is where he belongs.”
We fell silent again as the waiter brought our food.
As we ate, we were both content listening to the chatter of other patrons and enjoying the scenery.
As much as I hated to admit it, Heir was right.
While he was alive, Duval had controlled so much of my life.
Once a vibrant, free-spirited woman, I allowed him to turn me into a reserved shell of myself.
I didn’t dress the same, talk the same, and I didn’t love the same.
All because I allowed myself to be wrapped up with someone whose values and morals depleted along the way.
Valentine’s Day was at the end of the week and instead of spending it wrapped up in love, I was spending it wrapped up in anger and grief. The lover girl side of me truly hated that. Even at forty-seven, I loved love and was a helpless romantic to my core.
After brunch, Heir and I went home and retreated to our separate spaces. While going through the motions of the rest of my day, I recalled everything Heir said and tucked it away.
As I laid down to sleep that night, I decided that facing my traumas would have to wait. I wasn’t ready to forgive Duval for the position he’d put me in. Neither was I ready to accept that my own son followed in his father’s footsteps.