Chapter 35
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
COLE
Ella pulls away from me, the sudden distance shocking and cold.
She moves to stand behind the couch, turning her head to look at me.
Unreadable emotions dance in her irises as she swallows.
“I'm sorry about that,” she says, her voice barely audible as she shakes her head.
“You were never supposed to meet him. He was never supposed to come here.”
“I'm sorry I didn't get here sooner,” I retort, a frown pulling my lips downward.
She stares at me for a moment. She pulls her lips in between her teeth, biting down as she nods in agreement. “Thank you for coming. I’ve never had someone break into my house like that. I’ve never had to threaten calling the cops on anyone before.”
“I'm proud of you, Ella,” I say, my voice firm, yet there's a tenderness to it as I step up to her.
She shrinks backwards as I reach for her and I immediately freeze.
It's a blow to my chest and I know it's the lingering feelings from the events that happened this afternoon, but that doesn't soften the blow at all.
My breath catches in my throat and I immediately drop my arms to my sides. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to overstep.”
It's such a mind fuck and my face contorts as I'm overwhelmed with conflicting feelings.
I want to go to her. I want her to know she's safe with me, but I don't want to cross any boundaries that she's not comfortable with.
And at this moment, it doesn't seem like she even knows what she wants.
She's shook from her ex and from the reality he brought down upon her.
We're both stuck in a weird spot and I don't know what I'm supposed to do at this moment.
“No, I'm sorry,” she apologizes again, a frown sitting on her perfect lips.
I hate seeing her like this. I want to make her laugh, to chase all her worries away.
I want her to be light and happy, not bogged down by the bullshit from her past. “I think I need some time alone.
I need to get my head straight and process everything that's going on.”
My head tilts to the side, pain rippling through my entire body.
“Okay,” I concede, not wanting to push too hard arguing with what she said.
“If you need anything, I'm only a phone call away.
Whatever you need, whenever you need it, I'm here for you, sweets.” I pause for a moment, collecting myself, concealing the emotion from my expression.
I know I'm doing a shit job when her eyes scan my face and they glisten with tears. “I'm nothing like him, Ella.”
Her throat bobs as she swallows roughly.
Her nostrils flare and two tears streak down the sides of her face.
“I know you're not.” She lets out a breath, her forehead creasing.
“You're everything good in the world. You're the best person I've ever met. But you can’t fix everyone’s problems. This is something I have to deal with on my own.”
Her words are like a blow to my chest. “I want to fix this for you.”
“You can’t.”
Conflict tugs at my heart. I know I can’t do anything about her situation, but goddamn, I want to. It’s my natural instinct–to protect and be the one who handles things.
But this situation… it’s completely out of my hands.
“Okay,” I say, finally agreeing with her, resisting the urge to go to her. The corners of my eyes sting and I blink the sensation away.
Her lips part as if she's going to say something, but she quickly clamps them shut. Her face looks like she can break down at any second and fuck me--it kills me to walk away from her right now, but she thinks that's what she needs. And maybe it is.
Maybe right now, she doesn't need me.
“I don’t want to leave you alone,” I admit, my voice low. “I don’t like the thought of you being here by yourself after he was here.”
Her throat bobs and she nods slowly. “Wyatt is coming to bring Chloe home soon. I’ll be okay until he gets here.”
“El,” I start, my voice trailing off as she shakes her head at me.
“I’m a big girl, Wild. I appreciate your concern, but I’m not a damsel in distress.” She pauses, letting out a ragged breath. “I got me.”
Goddamn.
That last statement hits my chest like a ton of bricks. I know she’s felt powerless before and I imagine Jacob invading her space has her sense of control feeling threatened.
I have to walk away. I have to let Ella stand on her own two feet right now.
My eyes search hers one last time, memorizing the flecks of gray in her icy blue irises, the freckles peppering the bridge of her nose and the tops of her cheeks.
This might be the hardest thing I've ever done.
A sad smile lightly lifts the corners of my lips and I give her one last longing gaze before I force myself to turn around.
I can feel her eyes on my back as I reach for the door.
It takes everything in me not to look back at her as I slip outside. A ragged breath escapes me, my entire lungs deflating as my shoulders sag.
I'll give her what she wants... even if it's breaking my heart in the process.
Sitting on the dock, I stare out at the water with my hands planted on the wooden surface and my fingers wrapped around the neck of a beer bottle.
After leaving Ella's, I ended up heading to the marina, unsure of what the hell I’m supposed to do.
I still have to keep moving forward, even if it's not in the same direction as Ella.
Having to step away is something I'm not used to.
By nature, I'm a fixer. If I see a problem, I want a solution.
If I see someone who needs help, I want to help them.
Seeing Ella like this and knowing she doesn't want my help is literally killing me.
There's still so much I don't even know about her situation with Jacob and maybe that's for the best.
I never expected her to tell me, nor did I push for the knowledge because at the end of the day, it doesn't change the way I feel for her.
It changes nothing between us, so if she doesn't want to talk about it, she reserves that right.
It's her past, not mine. She needs to untangle herself from this mess without me.
Ella can't live in the past and that's exactly what she's doing right now.
She's been trying to outrun it this entire time and you can only run so far and so fast before these kinds of things catch up with you.
She has no choice but to deal with it head on now.
And she made the choice to do it on her own.
“I had a feeling I’d find you out here.”
I glance over my shoulder at Wyatt as he walks down the dock toward me. My best friend tilts his head to the side when he reaches me, taking in my disheveled appearance and tired face.
“What are you doing down here?”
I lift my beer, taking a long swig. “Watching the water.”
His eyebrows pull together and he motions for me to scoot over as he sits down on the wooden surface with me. “Ella said you were there with her when Jacob showed up.”
I stare out at the water, avoiding his gaze. “I should have gotten there sooner.”
“To do what, exactly?” Wyatt questions me, his voice low.
I lift my shoulders, letting them fall quickly. “I don’t know. Probably somethin’ that would have put me behind bars.” I look at him. “Where is Ella?”
“She’s at home with Chloe.”
My spine immediately straightens. “You left her there alone?”
Wyatt levels his gaze on mine. “Yes, Cole. I left her home alone, with her daughter. She’s been doing this by herself for long enough, she knows how to take care of herself.”
“But what about Ja–”
Wyatt immediately cuts me off. “He’s not coming back, Cole. And even if he did, she would call the police or call me.” He lets out a breath. “She’s fine.”
I let out a ragged breath, clutching the beer bottle in one hand and running my other through my hair. “I just–” My chest deflates. “I know I can’t help her, but I want to. I want to take all of this away from her.”
“I get it,” Wyatt says, his voice low and understanding. “You have to let her do this alone. It's all out of your control right now.” He pauses, his hand hand lifting to squeeze my shoulder. “Ella is strong and independent and believe it or not, she doesn’t need you.”
“I know she doesn’t,” I agree, my voice gruff. “I hate this helpless feeling.”
“Well, get over it,” Wyatt says, his hand dropping from shoulder. “All of this will work out in the end, you just have to trust her. Let her get this all straightened out and let her come back to you.”
A harsh laugh rumbles in my chest. “How can you be so sure that that will even happen?”
“Because she loves you, Cole.” He speaks the words as if it's a fact. “And even though this is my sister we’re talking about, a good guy like you deserves to get their happily ever after.” The corners of his mouth twitch. “And you’re the best person for her.”
His words play over in my head and I attempt to hang on to every syllable, letting it seep into the fibers of my heart. I hope he's right because I can't imagine a life without her and Chloe. And I don't want to.
I can't imagine a future that doesn't revolve around my girls.