Chapter 39
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
COLE
“Iowe you an explanation.”
I glance at the top of Ella's head as she's lying on my chest. I thought she had fallen asleep as her breathing had evened out and she's been quiet the past twenty minutes.
After I fucked her in the laundry room when I first arrived, we ended up coming to her bedroom for a second round.
She asked me to stay the night and I have no plans of going anywhere. .. ever.
“For what?” I question her, my voice quiet as she sits up on the bed.
She grabs the comforter, wrapping it around her naked body as I move farther up the mattress, sitting with my back against the headboard.
I reach for her, pulling her closer to me so she's sitting right beside my torso.
“You don't owe me any kind of explanation.”
Ella's eyes search mine and she gives me a soft smile as she shakes her head at me. “I feel like I do. I haven't been completely forthcoming about my past with you and I'm ready to tell you about what happened.”
My heart crawls into my throat and I slowly nod.
“Okay.” I never want her to feel like she owes me anything, especially diving into something like this that has caused her so much pain.
Since I met her, it was clear to see she was deeply affected by something and she was continually working to get past whatever it was that has been holding her back.
I know enough now, but if she wants to tell me more, I won't stop her from doing that.
She feels safe enough with me or she wouldn't have brought it up.
“When I turned eighteen, I really struggled with my identity and what I wanted to do in life.” She pauses for a beat, taking a deep breath, as if she's clearing her head before she continues.
“Wyatt had things figured out. He was going to school to be a doctor and I was living on a dream that I could make a career out of being an artist. My parents supported whatever I wanted to do, but they made it known I needed to figure something out, other than just painting.”
“After Wyatt and I lost our parents, I felt like I lost a part of myself with them.” She pauses for a beat, taking a deep breath as if she's clearing her head before she continues. “It was a really rough time for me. You know, Wyatt struggled that entire summer and it was so hard for me to watch. I felt like I became his parent and had to drag him out of the darkness and force him to get on with his life. Our parents would have been pissed to see him wasting away, so I made it my mission to make sure he didn’t mess up his life.”
Her chest rises, her lips parting as she blinks away her tears.
“Losing them was hard. I'll never forget sitting in that hospital and the doctor walking into the waiting room.
Our father died on impact. It was 4:07 in the morning and they weren't able to save my mom. They tried everything they could, but there was too much damage and she had lost too much blood.” She lets out a ragged breath.
“My life was already in shambles at that point and their death changed the trajectory even more.”
Words can't even describe how terrible I feel for her, listening to her recount the tragedy from her past. Ella maintains composure, but my heart breaks in my chest. I remember when they lost them and the aftermath, but I wasn’t there when they got the raw, brutal news.
“I'm so sorry, Ella,” I concur, my voice quiet, emotion washing over me.
She gives me a small smile and essentially waves it off as if it's nothing.
“It's fine. It happened and it was really hard to go through, but here I am.
I still think about them frequently and I really do miss them, but it's weirdly gotten easier over the years.” She shakes her head. “I feel horrible even saying that.”
“Time doesn't erase the pain, but it makes it more bearable.”
Ella nods before she continues with her story.
“I left Silverspur Springs with Jacob because I thought he could help me build a life. He was older and had his life figured out. Wyatt left for college, you were gone and my parents were focused on their lives after spending so much time raising their kids. In a way… I was just kind of left behind. And alone.”
Guilt strikes my chest.
“I was working at that old run-down diner on Mustang Way when I met Jacob. I was looking for a way out of here and I jumped at the first opportunity.”
My nostrils flare at the thought of her being that young and meeting him. “How old was he?”
“Twenty-eight.”
My blood boils. She was so vulnerable and looking for someone, anyone to help her feel seen... and that's who swooped in. A man who needed a younger, broken woman to feed his ego.
“Things were good with him at first, but it all moved so quickly. We got engaged less than a year after being together and married about a year after that. Jacob was charming and he made me feel loved. He made me feel like I was the most amazing person. It was everything I thought I needed at that time in my life, but I wish I hadn't been so ignorant to the red flags I saw from the start.” She pauses, shaking her head as sadness washes over her irises. “I didn’t realize that everything he was feeding me, he was also feeding to other women.”
My jaw tightens to the point that it feels like my teeth are going to crumble from the pressure.
“I was stuck in a loveless marriage with a serial cheater. The first time I found out was right before we got married. I didn’t want to go through with the wedding, but he convinced me that it would never happen again.
” She pauses, shaking her head. “But it happened again, not long after the wedding.”
“I'm sorry, Ella,” I breathe, my nostrils flaring as I conceal my anger. There's nothing either of us can do about it now. “I’m so goddamn sorry.”
“It’s not your fault,” she says, giving me a small smile.
“He worked all the time and was constantly away on business trips. I know now that a lot of those trips weren’t only for business.
He was sleeping with multiple different women wherever he went.
Every once and awhile he would take me on a trip with him, but even then, he’d still find a way to sneak off, only to come back smelling like perfume and alcohol, claiming I was making something out of nothing. ”
“The one that was the final blow was the woman he’s marrying now.
The one who he seemingly turned it all around for.
” She pauses, letting out a ragged breath.
“Wyatt was the one who caught them together. He was leaving the hospital one night and found them on a park bench on his walk home, making out. When he questioned Jacob about it, the woman went frantic and Jacob told her to go to the car while he explained everything to Wyatt.”
“It was devastating,” she says quietly. “And even after it all, he still begged me to stay. He wanted to have his cake and eat it too.” She purses her lips. “I think he was afraid I would take him for everything, but honestly, I didn’t want a single thing from him.”
“Ella…”
She shakes her head at me. “I found out I was pregnant the day we buried our parents. I refused to raise a child in a loveless home like that. So, I left. Wy, Remi and Iris were all waiting for me when the plane landed”
Pride lifts my heart in my chest. I can't help but feel sad for her that she was stuck with him for years before she finally left, but I'm so glad she was able to get out.
I'm glad she was able to see things for what they really were, rather than choosing to stay.
“That took a lot of courage, El. I'm endlessly proud of you for making that choice.”
“It was a really scary time,” she admits, her voice barely audible as guilt washes over her expression.
“I wanted out of the marriage and for a moment, it felt like something that could make me feel stuck instead.” She tilts her head back, closing her eyes as she takes a deep breath and looks at me again.
“The opposite happened. Jacob swore I cheated and claimed the baby wasn’t his. He wanted no involvement, whatsoever.”
She pauses, tears filling her eyes. “I don’t know where I would have been without my brother, Remi and Iris. They saved me.”
“You saved yourself, Ella.” I reach forward, wiping her tears away before pulling her into my arms. “They helped to guide you, but you did it. You got out and stayed strong. I am so fucking proud of you.”
She pulls away, her eyes searching mine. “I love you, Cole. I'm sorry it took me this long to finally say it. With everything with Jacob and finding out there was an error in the divorce paperwork, I wanted to make sure that was completely behind me so there's nothing that can get in our way.”
“I love you,” I murmur, cupping the sides of her face as my heart grows ten sizes inside my chest. “God, I love you. I have since the moment I first laid eyes on you.”
“I tried to resist you at first because I was scared. I was scared to ever let someone in again. Once I started to fall for you, I never stood a chance. I fell fast and hard and it terrified me.” She pauses, laughing softly. “The feelings I have for you still kind of scare me.”
“I don't want you to ever be afraid,” I breathe, stroking her cheeks with the pads of my thumbs. “You will always be safe with me. Always.”
“I know.” Tears shimmer in her eyes and the smile on her lips consumes her entire face. “We're safe and we’re loved.”
“And you always will be.”