Chapter 28 Dane #2
You know I love her like a sister. I loved Blake, too.
But he outgrew her spirit, and it scared him, her beauty.
She’s always been a wild moon child…. But…
. Fuck Dane, she changed when they lost Gracie.
She was fearless. Pain made her fear nothing, and she dove deeper into that darkness holding onto it like a dream catcher wanting it to take her to Gracie.
Wanting it to be the anchor to pull her down further into the pits of hell because she was finding it hard to stand and support him, so she stopped she just embraced the storm that was grief and went at it with all she had and no longer needed him to hold on to.
Not realizing it was her clothes and soul he clung to.
He hated it. He wanted a different story.
A different life. One that wasn’t laced with her shadow and the label of death of a child that hung deep around his neck.
She blames herself for Gracie dying, but it was Blake and his wayward zest for the wild side that caused that crash that night.
That nearly took them both from him. He wanted so much for it to be him, but God made sure he stayed to live with the pain of poor decisions.
You’ve been watching, you know. I’ve been walking through it with her for years.
She was always the rose, and he was always the sharp thorn stabbing anything that got too close to her remarkable soul and beautiful smile.
She was and still is so blinded by him. His eyes, his charm and all the lies he made her believe were promises.
He doesn’t make her laugh or take her out.
He’s never home anymore. He’s completely thrown himself into that fucking bar.
That is half the reason shit is this way.
It was always his dream to have a bar. Because he loves the taste of liquor and the feeling the attention gives him.
He loves the ladies too much. He and his old teammates have never grown out of that high school era and Penn did.
She was becoming bigger than he ever thought she would; she was blooming, and he hated it all.
Her dreams were coming true, and he beat them down and out of her.
He made her only want to chase his dream.
Chase him. He was the high school hero, and she was the candy that he had tied to his soul to make all around him love him more.
She would follow him down any road he led her until he couldn’t anymore.
But the sound of that woman will always haunt him.
All she had ever wanted was someone who made her laugh, wanted someone who would snuggle on the couch with her and watch funny movies.
She needs someone who will take care of her, be patient with her, and also be able to get her out of her own head.
And push her further than she thinks she can go.
To chase her dreams of owning her own publishing house.
To write her novel, to be her grandmother and her mother.
To be more than them but still hold their dreams with her own.
All he wanted to do was change her. Hide her.
Lock her dreams away in a dark attic where spider webs bleed so thick that she could no longer feel the power of her words and how magical her fingers are.
Her words bleed emotion; her fingers touch the souls of people, and her ever-changing passion for more draws out breaths of humans that only the best wish they could hold.
It’s a special power. She can make people’s blood run hot and cold at the same time.
Transport them away to a place where their souls are on fire yet dancing on shards of ice.
She’s magic, Dane, our Penn is pure white magic.
And Dane, it’s your time now. After years of boring, unfulfilling sex, I think there is a part of her that is waking up and wanting a little more.
Some adult romance. Some wild sex and some serious conversations, and a deep connection. She deserves it all, Dane.
Remembering that, like it just happened, has me wanting to fly home and give all of this to her.
To show her the boy who fell in love with her at four years old and watched her grow, fall and cry, but above all else, lose herself, and I want nothing more than to give that back to her.
Give herself back, taped together with washi tape, soft kisses and understanding.
I just hope when she knows it all she won’t run and I will lose her forever.
Forget me nots hmmmm… I remember them being on the walls of your bathroom and home. Your favorite huh?
Sure is. A girl way back when wore them on her dress, and I’ve loved them ever since.
A girl way back when. Should I be jealous?”
I can’t help but smile at her playfulness. I love it when she’s like this. Carefree. It’s when she talks to me like this that I brace for the crash landing, because I know Blake will make her crash, and I will always scoop her up to make her smile again.
Jealous no. No one has ever come close to her.
OUCH!! my heart…. Harsh….
I can’t help but laugh. She makes every high and every low feel better.
Oh, Peach, if only you knew.
Tonight, I need you more than I ever have… can you tell me about her?
Why?? What happened tonight?
Just Blake…
Oh….What a stupid question to ask… What’s he done now?
Tell me why do men think it’s ok to use a woman’s body as their personal playground, but where it borders pain more than pleasure and think that they would be into that?
Penn, what did he do?
It’s more of what did he say more than do.. It was the vulgar words that came from his lips. Lips that used to kiss my skin and now my skin crawls at the thought of it.
Not Pillow talk then Peach?
I ask her, walking from the massive window overlooking the harbor.
I wish you could see what I’m seeing right now, Peach. I type fast, my body humming for her. She is paradise, a place so pure I hate he has made her soul his private war zone and plays her like a toy gun.
That’s right, where are you? It feels like ages since I’ve seen you.
Pulling my lip between my teeth. Sucking the scotch from them.
I can’t tell her she will know I’m more than what I’ve told her.
She will know I’m a liar and a liar is not what she needs.
She needs a man. A man who has loved her since he was four years old and he’s wasted so many days, months, years.
She loved, lost, cried and laughed without me there and it’s the pain she endured that makes me so mad for not saving her, fighting for her when I should.
But I didn’t, I flew a white flag and allowed the jock to break the princess who he should have made a queen.
I’m nowhere too special, Peach. I just wish I was with you is all.
So, no mystery girl wearing forget-me-nots that I have to worry about?
Her question has a smile pulling at the corner of my lips as I slip my body from my suit.
Oh Peach, if only you knew.
Knew WHAT!!!
“Shouty capitals now? Fuck, Peach. Calm down.” A smirk tugs at my mouth even as my chest tightens around the truth I’ve avoided for years.
It’s nothing. No one. Well… she was someone once.
Someone I watched grow and fall apart and stitch herself back together in ways that made me ache.
Someone who kept trying to change pieces of herself she never needed to.
And I stupidly kept begging her in silence not to. Because she was already everything.
Steam spills over the bathroom as the shower heats, fogging the mirror, turning the small room into a confession booth I never planned to step into.
I can picture her in her room reading my message the way her breath would catch, her lip pulled between her teeth, her fingers trembling over the screen as she overthinks every syllable.
That thought alone has my cock thickening, throbbing with the frustration of wanting what I’ve never let myself touch.
I brace one hand on the tiles, the other brushing down my torso, imagining the way her eyes would follow the same path if she were here. God, the way she looks at me like she’s memorising each line and fighting herself at the same time it’s enough to ruin a man.
My phone buzzes.
I wish I knew this woman who had so much of you, Dane.
The hurt in those letters slices straight through me. I dip my head under the spray, letting water pound down my neck, trying to tame the need clawing up my spine.
I type back:
You did know her, Penn.
Three dots appear. Disappear. Reappear.
I wish I was her.
A punch to the gut.
Peach… you are parts of her you don’t even see. The soft parts. The fierce ones. The ones no one gets close enough to touch.
I drag my palm down my stomach and wrap it around the ache between my legs. Slow. Controlled. The way I imagine touching her for the first time, gentle, reverent, with my whole fucking world in my hands.
Another buzz.
Stop. You’re taking the air from my lungs. I don’t want to cry over a ghost.
She isn’t a ghost.
Water slides over my shoulders, my body tightening with every inch of her memory, with everything I’ve never been allowed to say.
Then who is she?
My head falls back. I stroke myself slow, painfully slow, breath catching in my throat. She doesn’t know what she does to me. Or maybe she does. Maybe she feels it too and it scares her just as much.
My thumb moves across the screen, dripping water, shaking slightly.
“She’s beautiful.”
Beautiful how?
My breath stutters. Beautiful like you.
Her typing bubbles pop up. Vanish. Return. She’s spiralling. I can feel it through the fucking glass.
My hand moves faster without permission, hips rocking into the rhythm, need burning low and heavy. I bite my bottom lip to swallow the groan threatening to escape.
Memories blindside me her curled in my bathtub in nothing at all just her naked body skin wrapped around a broken soul, the way she shivered when I touched her wrist, the way she breathed my name like it meant something.
A hot, violent orgasm tears through me, knees almost buckling as I brace against the wall, water soaking the mess I shouldn’t have made but couldn’t stop.
My thumb shakes as I type the truth I’ve swallowed for years:
Beautiful like you, Penn… because she is you.
I slide down the tiles, water pouring over my face as my heartbeat riots in my chest.
Seconds pass.
Minutes.
A lifetime.
Then:
She’s me.
I exhale sharp and broken.
She’s you, Peach. You always have been her. And I’ve been trying not to want you for longer than I should admit.
No reply.
The water turns cold. My heart turns colder.
She’s pacing somewhere, wine in her hand, head full of self-doubt and old wounds I’ve just ripped open. And I’m not there to steady her. Not there to keep her from bolting back into that cage she keeps herself locked in.
I scrub a hand over my face, swearing under my breath.
I should’ve said it to her skin, not her screen. I should’ve held her together instead of letting her fall apart alone.
And now all I can do is wait in the cold, listening to the sound of her silence
One hour passed no message back. Two hours and I had packed my room stuffing shit into bags and the files into my laptop bag. Ringing a car service, I was in the car typing a message to her as I drove to the airport.
Penn….Can I call you?
Nothing….Eighteen minutes later, there was still nothing. Firing a message to my lawyer.
Something has come up.. Heading back to New Zealand, reach me on my cell if it’s important otherwise you know what I require and I will pay you handsomely for the extra work.
Tearing myself to pieces as I wished the driver would drive faster. She’s like the seasons. My Peach. She can change just like that and I wish I was there to hold her in the current season just a little longer.
I miss you. I miss your voice. Don’t hide from me, Penn.
Now I sound like Blake hassling Pandora for the attention of a woman.
I’m no better than him.
The airport comes into view and my heart hammers as my palms sweat.
I’m coming, Penn. Please stay and wait for me. I will explain it all to you, Peach please just stay I will lay all my skeletons bare.