Chapter 16
DODIE
Still half-asleep, I’m sure I’m misunderstanding Hordan. He seems to be projecting some strange fantasy of us living in a fancy-schmancy mansion.
I laugh it off and extract myself from the soaking furs. Only warm where our bodies have been snuggled, they’re cold and wet and positively filthy. I can’t believe we slept in them, but it’s testament to how exhausted we were from all the wondrous fucking.
I flash Hordan a sexy grin as I head for the bathing pool. “You coming?”
He has a strange look on his face, and as he strides toward me, he offers me a choice between an image of my bathing pool edged with ice or my bathing pool steaming with heat.
I shrug. “Does it matter?” I gesture to the stream’s cute little pool. “This is what I have.”
He frowns and quickly fills my mind’s eye with my cave full of treasures and the two proposed bathing pools to choose from, then prompts me to answer again.
I hold one hand out and show him it represents the cold pool while the other for the hot. I meet his intense gaze and pretend to weigh the options. “If I had the choice?”
He nods.
I look at my empty hands, wondering why he’s so insistent that I answer pointless questions when we could be washing the stank off ourselves. Sex mess is much less sexy the morning after. “Depends on the weather, I guess?”
His expression remains blank, and he shakes his head before touching his lips. “Nah cha,” he says and taps his head. “Sharr.”
I nod and show him a naked tree in snow and then a lush green tree and sunshine.
“What season is it when I’m making this fantastical decision?
” I ask while walking over to the pool that actually exists and climbing in.
“Because obviously a hot pool is nicer on a cold day, and a cold pool is nicer when it’s hot out. ”
Hordan follows and sits next to the pool, opposite me. Unsure of why he’s not getting in too, I don’t waste time sitting idle in the cold water and get to scrubbing myself clean. The sun hasn’t been up long enough for things to warm up in here, and my teeth are chattering before long.
I lift my gaze to find Hordan with a face like thunder, and I quickly duck my head again.
Why does he look angry? What changed between last night and this morning? I’m just trying to get clean, and I miss the way he’s held me in close in the pool to wash me before with gentle hands while he shared his warmth with me.
He stands immediately, enters the pool, and opens his arms for me to snuggle in close as the memory suggested I wanted, but I stay where I am and finish bathing.
Hordan steps closer and snorts hot breath at me.
I glare at him. “Don’t you dare get huffy at me for keeping my distance when you’re acting weird for no good reason.
It’s unsettling and it makes me wonder if I was wrong to trust you.
” It’s hard to say that to his face, but I need to express myself, and it’s actually easier when I know he doesn’t understand my language.
“I don’t want to believe this has all been a lie,” I confess as my eyes fill with tears. “I’m too in love with you for that.”
He reaches for me, but I lean back.
Hordan quickly retracts his hand and regards it as if it has offended us both.
He hides it behind his back, along with the other one, and then he searches my eyes and scans my body with great intensity.
His eyes get all squinty, like he’s trying hard to focus, and then he gets out of the pool and stomps around the cave collecting a towel, a blanket, and what I assume is the warmest looking clothes he can find.
He sets them on a rock next to the water, bows to me, and then goes to sit quietly by the fire, stoking it up until it’s blazing.
Maybe he gets crabby when he’s cold? That’s understandable, I guess. I’m feeling kind of crabby myself right now.
I shiver and leave the pool, grateful to have the towel he left for me. I pull it around shoulders in a tight hug and then hurry to dry off, dress, and wrap myself in the lovely blanket he gifted me.
Still unable to quite read his energy or gage his motives, I approach the hearth area like a skittish cat, ready to turn and run at any moment.
Hordan lowers his head into his hands with a sigh.
He flashes me an image of me cowering from him as if he’s some big scary monster bearing his teeth and claws at me, and he quickly follows it up with an image of my cave having a front door.
He shows me opening it to find him on my welcome mat with a gift basket and a smile, and then show my screaming, closing the door, and locking it.
He shows me peeking through a non-existent window to see him sitting sad and defeated on my doorstep.
Then him unpacking the gift basket, one item at a time.
And it’s a magical, physics-defying gift basket, too, because he pulls out far more than its capacity could possibly hold.
A golden crown covered in jewels and a pretty, broad, black velvet necklace with a little gold heart dangling from it. Then a throne.
And food. Spectacular food. The kind that makes my eyes feel bigger than my stomach. The kind that puts my little garden harvests to shame.
He pulls out a warm, soft blanket, silken pillows, and a beautiful big bed with a cushy-looking mattress. Glowing orb of flickering lights that look sort of like candles in jars. A grand bathtub, full of bubbles, with steam rising off it.
I shiver and sit across the fire from him, leaning in close to warm up after my cold water wash.
Hordan continues the vision of him setting countless gifts outside my door — one of which is an entire house with more rooms than I’d know what to do with.
He shows me looking out the window at all these things he wants to give me, and then shows me turning my back and choosing to sit alone in my dark, cold cave.
“That’s not fair,” I argue. “This is my home.” I gesture to the stone walls that have kept me safe from storms and my enemies. I look around at my indoor garden, proud of how pretty and productive it is. “You think it looked like this when I found it? I made this. And I did a damned good job.”
Hordan nods. He can feel my pride and my attachment. He sends me a burst of love, and makes me understand he’s proud of me too. But then he shows me all the gifts he wants to give me, while I’m standing on guard in my dark cave with my arms folded over my chest.
He kicks away the house and picks up the bathtub.
He holds it out to me and then shows me where in my cave he thinks it could go.
He shows me in it, happy, surrounded by the flickering orb-lights.
He shows me him, also happy, sitting next to me and washing my hair while I sit in warm, soapy water.
Then he scoops me up, bundles me into a big fluffy towel, and takes me over to where he’s put the big comfy bed in a cozy nook beneath the stalactites, and he tucks me in and kisses my head.
He pushes the throne up close to the fire for me, and pushes a second, bigger one next to it that I assume is for him, and then he breaks the vision so I’m back with him in reality. He’s asking if I’ll let him make my life easier. Better.
And now we’re both wondering why I’m not letting him.
He shows me standing with his hands resting on the big throne.
He tilts it, ready to drag, and glances at the exit, as if asking me if I want him to take it out of the picture.
If I want him out of the picture. And how far out of the picture would I want him to go?
Can he sit on his throne outside my cave and make sure nobody bothers me while I live alone as I please?
I can feel his sense of duty to me, and how it is currently at war with trying to respect my demands. The vision continues before I can respond.
Should he move his throne to the bottom of the cliff and live in his fancy house alone down there, so he can protect me with my having to see him much?
Or should he drag his throne all the way back to the dark shadowlands of the monster realm, where I never have to see him again?
Where he will never again see me or be graced with my presence?
I gasp when he shares the way he sees and feels me.
Beautiful, surrounded by glowing light and radiating a love so powerful he kneels in worship, hoping to receive it.
He shares this without any intention or agenda other than for me to see myself through his eyes and learn how and why he loves me.
Why he wants to provide me with the best he can possibly offer — which is everything he has, mind, body, and soul.
He keeps his expression blank and tries to mask his pain at the thought of my sending him away, but I can feel his heartache as if it’s my own.
A big, strong monster he may be, but his sweet soul is as vulnerable as any other.
And I may not understand the words he says, but he’s communicating as clearly as if he’s speaking in plain English.
He wants to cherish and care for me. Give me everything I want and need to keep me happy, because that makes him happy — which is why he got moody when I shut down his offers of better things.
He thinks I deserve better things, and I’m fighting to keep the few things I have. I’ve learned to be so grateful for less that the option of more seems unachievable, but with Hordan, impossible things become possible…
I search his eyes and sense his sincerity, his integrity, his loyal heart, generous soul, and protective nature.
His aura comes with a guarantee — that I will never want for anything nor be in any danger, with him around.
He takes my hand in his and gazes longingly into my eyes as his soul speaks to mine. So please keep me around.
I’m very confused about a lot of things — like how he intends to introduce indoor plumbing through solid rock or how he plans on fitting a ginormous bed through the cave entrance when he barely fits through it on his own — but I’m more certain than ever that I want him in my life.
A wave of relief crashes into me, and I watch his whole body relax. He bows his head in quiet appreciation and then pours me some tea from the kettle steaming by the fire. I accept it with a smile and he kisses my head before heading to the bathing pool to attend to his own hygiene needs.
Kind of stunned by the emotional journey of the morning so far, I sip my tea and watch him with awe.
He’s frighteningly beautiful in every possible way.
Not only is he the most powerful and physically attractive being I have ever met, he’s also the sweetest, most emotionally stable and supportive creature I have ever had the pleasure of encountering.
And he loves me. I see it in his eyes every time he looks at me.
I feel it in every touch, be it a tender caress, a firm, grounding hand, or a frenzied and passionate collision.
I know it by the way he prioritizes my needs, how he spoils me and makes me feel safe.
How he drags himself through the dirt to be with me, and doesn’t complain about how often he has to duck his head as he walks around my cave.
He never seems to mind that my furs aren’t monster-sized, so his feet stick out the end in the cold, and I’m…
acting like an ungrateful schmuck, arguing to keep things as they are? What is wrong with me?
He’s made it clear that pleasing me is what pleases him, and he wants us to be happy.
But when I don’t allow him to please me, we both end up unhappy.
It’s so logical that my mind almost can’t comprehend the simplicity.
I’ve spent my whole life in struggle, wishing I could live a safe and happy life, and now that it’s here I want to lock it outside?
I shake my head at myself as I recall the vision of Hordan standing outside the cave’s front door with all the gifts he wants to share with the woman he wants to treat like a queen.
He offers so much, and I have next to nothing to offer him, and he doesn’t care because…
I look down at myself, sitting next the fire he tended for me, wrapped in a luxurious blanket… I’m the treasure.
The undeniable truth of the epiphany resonates with every cell in my body, because I have been treasured by this monster. Cherished.
I’m the treasure.
A diamond in the rough, perhaps, but a diamond nonetheless.
Every move he’s made, every word or vision or action he’s taken toward me is the evidence that it’s true.
And if his love is strong enough to make me believe that, then what was I believing before?
I stare into the dancing flames and try to piece together the parts of myself I want to keep moving forward with, because I was “happy enough” with how things are, but Hordan’s just shown me I’m afraid for things to be better — which, of course, seems an absolutely silly thing to be scared of.
He was right to be annoyed by my earlier reaction to his suggestions. I’m annoyed at me about it too!
I want to live happily ever after with him, and if I’m going to do that, I’ll have to leave behind my deeply ingrained defensive tendencies and trust in the love I know to be true.