48. Haelyn
FORTY-EIGHT
HAELYN
An unintentional moan slipped past my lips the moment his mouth covered mine in a hungry wave of need. His fingers clutched at the spot behind my head and I pushed into him, eager for more.
I was kissing Tristan after weeks of battle with myself, finally giving in to something I wanted for so long, but I couldn’t be all in. I couldn’t. Not when the question was still running in my head like an annoying song that I couldn’t get out.
Was it right to give him another chance?
Tristan broke the kiss and I pushed into my elbows to take some distance, but his hand remained behind my ear. His eyes could barely stay open when he watched me.
His jaw twitched. “I feel like I’m losing you forever.” He said it so slowly I thought I imagined it.
My chest tugged. It hurt when he said it out loud because deep down, I knew that restraining myself from what I wanted to do was eventually going to break us apart, but there was something… something in me that didn’t want to give in and forgive him for what he did.
I didn’t know what it was, but I knew it was loud enough to stop me from being happy if I decided to give him another chance. I had doubts about who he truly was. If he truly wanted me or I was just hard to get and that excited him.
So I couldn’t lie to him and say he wasn’t going to lose me. Instead, I kept my mouth shut and enjoyed the warmth of his touch.
Wasn’t this wrong? To seek and mourn someone’s warmth but to not be able to forgive them?
“I don’t know what to do anymore, Haelyn. I know enough time passed for you to be only a fling—trust me, I said to myself more than a million times that I would get over you eventually. But I can’t. I can’t forget how you made me a better man, or how you’re present in my mind non-stop. You make me want more and I don’t know if I’ve made myself clear, but I want the real thing with you. I want to be able to call you every day to see how you’re doing, I want you to be the first person to share the good news with, I want to fall asleep with you in my arms, I want to be there when you visit your Mom, I want all the stuff with you,” he breathed out, his chest pushing forward. “It scares the shit out of me, especially when it feels like I can’t do anything to get you back. I’m running out of options and despite what you think, I’m not afraid of trying anymore. I’m afraid that one day, I’ll have nothing else to do and I’ll lose you.”
I sucked in a breath, my eyelids falling over the unshed tears rolling on my under eye. His confession was honest and straightforward, truly everything I wanted to hear from a man.
For the first time after we fell apart, I believed him.
Was I wrong this whole time?
I opened my mouth, but he just got up to his feet, stretching his hand to me. He helped me raise, but then he immediately took his hand away.
Tristan looked to the side of the empty street where raindrops were still pouring from the sky. “You don’t have to say anything.” His tone was flat, distant.
The image of his slack expression reminded me of the person I met when I had the interview. Even then, I was attracted to him and his broodiness. I didn’t like cold men, but there was something about him that lured me in at first sight. Maybe somehow I knew that it was all a well-crafted shield and mask and that underneath was hiding a good person. I wasn’t sure.
Yet the Tristan I was looking at now was as different as it was similar to the one in the past. Now his eyes were dull and wet, with a sentimental distance between us.
I hurt him.
“I’ll get you home,” he said, but didn’t look at me as he spoke. “Is your leg okay?”
I wanted to laugh, but instead, a tear rivered down my left cheek. He looked as broken as ever by my silence and still, he asked me about the leg I didn’t even hit.
Why couldn’t I let go and jump on him right now? Explain to him that I missed him with every fiber of me even if we spent every day together. Why was I so stubborn? Why was I holding back?
Since I was young and saw my mother living in hell, I dreamed about the love they told about in books. I refused to believe it didn’t exist, so I kept imagining the way it was supposed to feel: butterflies, eagerness, and happiness.
And I had that with Josh. I mistook nervousness for butterflies because deep down, I knew he was just using me. I was eager to see him because I was desperate to have someone show me love, even if it was the fake side of it. And I thought I was happy because that was the first version of it I ever felt.
With Tristan, every one of these was real. So what was I afraid of?
Maybe of repeating the same mistake again and getting disappointed in the end, but was it better to regret that I threw away the chance of being happy?
Fuck, I was confused.
What was the right thing to do now?
My heart beat louder in my chest with each second passing between us. His brows lowered in a frown when I didn’t reply and he took a step closer, probably thinking something happened.
He didn’t know my heart was screaming at me to kiss those sinful lips of his while my mind begged me to walk away. The brain was the rational part in the equation—that I knew because the heart simply felt.
But then, which one won? The rapid thumps in my chest or the loud voice in my head?
“What’s wrong?” Tristan asked.
“I—” I started. “I don’t know what to do either, Tristan, and I’m sorry for messing with your feelings this way. I just… have no idea what to do about us. What if we’re not right for each other?”
He released a breath, giving me a shaky and slow smile. It was almost as if he was relieved I was thinking about us. “I can’t know if we’re right for each other, Haelyn. But what I know is that some people are meant to be part of your life, to teach you a lesson or to change you as a person and you, Haelyn Ross, are meant to be part of my life.”
My knees shook and my mouth filled with saliva. He was making it sound so easy and maybe that was how it was. Maybe I was overthinking everything instead of enjoying life for once.
When was the last time I made a mistake? When was the last time I had fun and let go of every principle of mine?
Tristan stepped closer. “Be my girlfriend. Let’s start over,” he said with so much hope, I gathered some of it too.
I smiled, my eyes teary. “What are we? Twelve?”
“Not twelve, but young enough that I’ve never felt anything like this before meeting you,” he confessed, caressing my face with his finger.
He was telling me all these adorable and romantic things and I barely got to make a joke. I was still caught up in my mind and I wanted that to end. I wanted to live freely.
So I raised up to my tip-toes and circled my arms around his neck before smashing my lips onto his. He immediately responded with a grunt, raising me by my ass and guiding my legs to hold onto his torso.
I breathed in relief, smiling on his lips. “This feels so good,” I admitted.
“God, I missed this.” He broke the kiss, then started walking. I didn’t bother asking him where he was going, I just sunk my teeth into the skin of his neck, arching my back at the squeeze of his hands.
Every time he stepped, the spot between my legs brushed on his hard stone dick. I suppressed a moan.
“Look away,” he grunted when we walked into the building, probably alarming the security team.
When we got to the elevator, he pushed me into the wall, hungrily kissing me as he continuously clicked the button behind my ear.
His tongue met mine halfway and a fire ignited in my stomach the second his teeth grazed upon my bottom lip. He sucked it into his mouth and I shivered at the sensation.
The elevator wasn’t hurrying up at all.
I pushed into his dick and opened his pants by sneaking my hands between our bodies and grabbing hold of it. He thrust it into it, letting out a guttural groan.
When the ping finally reached our ears, he got us inside and I didn’t even get to see the doors closing when he dropped me on my feet and ripped my jeans open. The button flew somewhere on the floor as he worked his way into my panties.
“Fuck,” he murmured when one of his fingers sliced between my lips.
I held onto one of the bars and opened my legs for him, giving him better access. I couldn’t believe we were making out in an elevator, but I didn’t care. I was too preoccupied with watching the glistening in his eyes as he fucked me with his fingers.
I rolled onto his hand at the same time my eyes did, already feeling the orgasm building up.
Gosh, it was better than I remembered.
The elevator’s doors opened and he dragged me outside, guiding us to his office. He wasn’t trying to hide how desperate he was or how aggressive his actions were. The moment we stepped inside, he flipped me on my front on the glass wall and got rid of my clothes for me.
I glanced to my left where the door was still open, my thighs clenching at the sight.
“Your first orgasm tonight will be with me inside you,” he said, and I heard a condom being ripped open then the sound of the discharge of his clothes. I felt his presence behind my back long before he stepped to me.
He took my legs and opened them, then kept a hand on my waist as he entered me from behind.
God.
I let my head fall back on his shoulder as he eased his thrusts inside me. He was bigger than I remembered, but when my body adjusted to him, I was the one pushing onto his dick and begging him for more.
Tristan circled a hand around my neck before bending me down with my breasts touching the cold glass wall. I bit my bottom lip, moving in tandem with him as he picked up speed.
“Tristan,” I moaned.
“I wanted to have you in my office that night so badly,” he murmured into my ear, his exhale brushing my skin. “I jerked off thinking about it.”
I moaned, remembering when we sexted about doing something just like this. He brought my fantasy to life.
His pushes became more aggressive, our bodies clapping over each other as his dick slid into me.
I didn’t know for how long we went like this, but it seemed like time didn’t exist anymore. It froze and we had nothing else to do but explore each other.
God and we did.
We went on until the sun almost shone between the blindings, covered in sweat on his floor as we hugged each other.
“I’ve never felt like this before,” I confessed from his chest.
He shook with laughter. “Does that mean you are my girlfriend?”
I smiled and looked up at him, giving him a quick peck on the lips. “I’m your girlfriend.”