Chapter Twenty-two
The next site is not so much an intimate space in the woods as it is a massive field.
Jed shakes his head as we drive into the large parking lot.
‘Doesn’t really count as wilderness, does it?’ he grumbles, leaning forward and looking in both directions out of the windscreen to take it in in its entirety.
‘Bri said this was one of the places that inspired Declan,’ I tell him, glad to have some information for once.
Unlike Talking to Trees , I actually did read the itinerary in detail.
The event tonight is the biggest we’ll do on the entire tour.
It’s also the first time we’ll use the tents Declan and I – or Declan and Bri, now – have been carting around.
After tonight, we’ll have another two days to make our way further north.
Bri and Declan are already out of the van. They’re standing in the middle of the field and Bri is talking animatedly, gesturing with her entire body. She bounds across as Jed and I get out of the car.
‘Fancy seeing you two here!’ she says when she’s in earshot, opening her arms wide.
‘Hello, Brianna,’ says Jed in his usual semi-formal tone. ‘Thank you for the breakfast bowls. They were sufficient.’
I frown and look at Jed, who literally talked for five minutes about the qualities of the bowls this morning. He doesn’t meet my gaze, and this is so weird .
‘They were incredible,’ I tell Bri, in what is a direct quote from Jed. I look at him sideways out of the corner of my eye, but he doesn’t even flinch. ‘Did you make the granola yourself?’ I say, turning my attention back to Bri.
Bri nods. ‘The baby was up all through the night so I took shifts with my sister. It’s amazing what you can achieve with a four a.m. start.’
Jed nods too, like he knows what she’s talking about, and Bri tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. Behind her, Declan is approaching slowly, looking around at the field. His hands are tucked into his pockets, and he somehow looks both completely comfortable here and ill at ease.
‘There’s a great spot just through the trees on the other side of the field,’ says Bri. ‘We might set up the tents over there?’ She smiles at Jed, and he turns to Declan.
‘I’m happy to do it,’ says Jed. ‘Declan will help me,’ he adds decisively.
Bri’s face falls slightly, but she claps her hands together and nods. ‘Excellent,’ she says. ‘Clarrie, I’ll give you a hand with the books.’
My eyes automatically stray to Declan, only to find him already looking at me. He glances down.
‘Sounds great,’ I say.
‘Tents it is,’ says Declan, drawing his gaze away and back to Jed, and I don’t quite know what just happened, but I’m way too aware of where he is in the field as we both walk off to our respective tasks.
‘How is your sister?’ I ask Bri, pulling my attention back. ‘How’s everything with the new baby?’
‘She’s good,’ says Bri. ‘Tired.’ She shakes her head. ‘Her baby Lucy is wonderful, so beautiful and cuddly and warm. But I do not want kids.’
‘You don’t?’ I say, unlocking the van and reaching in to grab the table we use for the books. I’m surprised – not so much that she doesn’t want kids, but that she’s so sure she doesn’t. She must be at least a few years younger than me.
Bri shakes her head. ‘I love other people’s kids,’ she says, taking the table from me. ‘And I will be the best auntie in the world, but it’s really just not for me, you know? What about you? Do you want kids one day?’
She looks at me over her shoulder and I feel a little like a deer in the headlights.
It’s funny; I’ve never thought about it much before. I guess I always just thought that I would have kids one day. But being faced with the outright question, and with the possibility that there’s a different choice, makes me pause.
‘I do,’ I tell her, and it’s as if I’m learning the answer even as I say the words aloud.
I’ve never been someone who has a ten-year plan; most days I’m just trying to get through the next ten minutes.
But, even if I never have kids, there’s something about knowing my answer to a big life question that seems .
. . hopeful. I lift one side of the table as Bri lifts the other, and it feels like something has shifted inside me.
Maybe I have more answers than I think I do.
I don’t see much of Declan before the event. Unlike the previous two afternoons, we have no real indication of how many people are going to show up, and it’s as if by unspoken agreement we’ve decided the best course of action is just to be as prepared as possible.
Under Bri’s direction and promise that she’ll put it back exactly where it came from, Jed begrudgingly brings in a large rock from the woods beyond the field to place on the small platform we’ve apparently been carrying with us, ‘to look more authentic’.
Bri cordons off the area around it with rope, ushers Declan up on top of it, then makes me walk around with her viewing it from every possible angle.
Honestly, she’s so persuasive that it’s a small miracle that Declan didn’t give in and tell her sooner who the bookseller from the dedication was.
We all stuff the sandwiches Bri made – which are almost Milson/Wilson quality – in our mouths as we’re working, marking out the space people will stand in, setting up banners and organising technology for Declan.
Then, all of a sudden, we’re fifteen minutes out from the event and I’m standing at my table, rearranging books, watching Declan going over his notes. There’s a frown creased along his forehead, and he’s tapping his foot with a restless energy that seems so at odds with who he is.
‘He hates doing it,’ says Bri, sidling up to me with a cupcake in her hand. The words aren’t loud, but I still startle at having been caught watching him.
‘What?’ I say. ‘Hates doing what?’ But I already know. I’ve known since before the first event.
‘All of this,’ says Bri, waving her arm around and taking a bite of the cupcake.
‘He nearly pulled out of the tour about four times,’ she says between chewing.
‘Then we found you, and he was so mad about the publicity around the dedication that I’ve never been able to work out if he was going through with it to spite you or to help you.
Although, with Declan, it’s possible it’s both. ’
Declan looks up from the rock he’s sitting on to meet my eyes and I feel something unfamiliar pulse through me that I don’t want to touch with a ten-foot pole right now but should probably examine later. He still hasn’t even told me why he dedicated the book to me.
‘Is he okay?’ I ask softly.
Bri nods. ‘He’s okay. Sometimes, it’s just the starting that’s hard.’
I rub my chest, pulling my eyes away from Declan’s.
‘Enough about him, though,’ Bri says, finishing her cupcake and brushing off her hands. ‘What’s up with you and Jed?’ Her eyes flick to where he’s coming out of the bushes.
‘Sorry, what?’ I say, ‘Jed?’
‘I can see why you’re into him,’ she says. ‘He is hands down the sexiest man I’ve ever seen in my entire life.’
There is no trace of irony in her voice, nothing to indicate that she is joking.
‘Jed?’ I repeat a little helplessly, reaching for my water bottle.
Bri nods. ‘All those silver threads and the stern-park-ranger-exterior vibe really work for him.’
‘I’m definitely not into Jed.’ At least of that I’m certain.
Bri’s head spins towards me so quickly I’m surprised she doesn’t get whiplash. ‘You’re not?’ she says. ‘Would you mind switching cars with me tomorrow then?’
My head is pounding.
‘Are you trying to avoid Declan?’ I say, because I’m not sure if I’ve descended into imagining things.
Bri frowns, then shakes her head. ‘No,’ she says. ‘Why would I try to avoid Declan? Declan is great, but Jed is . . .’
We both turn to look at where he seems to be counting out how many steps wide the clearing is.
‘Passionate. Mysterious.’
‘Right,’ I say, trying to get my head around the fact that sunny, positive Bri seems to have a crush on park ranger Jed.
Bri wraps her arms round me.
‘Thank you so much, Clarrie,’ she says.
And, apparently, we’ve officially swapped cars tomorrow.
There’s a crunch of gravel, and we both look over to the car park, to where two burly men are climbing out of a van that has Arnold’s Security written on the side.
‘The guards are here!’ she says happily. ‘I wonder which one is Arnold.’
‘We have security?’ I ask her.
‘Never underestimate a crowd,’ Bri calls over her shoulder.