24. Anna
Anna
T he breath in Anna’s lungs stilled as she watched Beau walk out the door. He had fun pretending they were together.
Alone in the room, the force of Beau’s words struck her in the chest. It had been more than fun for her. She’d loved it—basked in his adoration and attention, took advantage of the opportunity to touch him, and finally said the things she’d been dying to say for days.
Her breaths came quicker as the realization took root. She was falling for Beau—fast.
She’d always been one to jump into love.
It had always been easy to find the good parts of people and magnify them, but with Beau, everything was good.
He put God first, he’d come on this trip with her, he’d taken care of her and protected her, he’d listened, he’d worked hard and helped others. What was not to love?
Anna grabbed her phone and called her lifeline—the one person who knew how to bring her back to earth when she got lost floating in the clouds.
“Hey!” A dog barked in the background as Olivia answered.
“I have a problem.” Best to get right into it.
“What do you need? I’ll be right there,” Olivia said amidst rustling on her end of the call.
“No. Not that. I’m definitely falling for Beau. I mean, like really falling.”
Olivia chuckled. “I thought you said you had a problem.”
“This is a problem! I am head over heels!”
“Yeah, sounds terrible. Love is overrated,” Olivia deadpanned.
“Why are you being sarcastic? I just got my heart stomped on. I don’t know if Beau likes me back. What if people think I was cheating on Dean? It’s too soon.”
“First, who cares about what people think? If you two want to be together, don’t let anyone tell you it’s too soon after you broke it off with that loser. You deserve happiness, and you shouldn’t have to sit on the sidelines for a socially acceptable amount of time.”
Anna pinched the bridge of her nose. “But people will talk. ”
“Like I said, so what? Second, what makes you think Beau doesn’t like you back?”
“Well, I actually think he might, but I am terrified of being wrong about this.”
“Tell me about what’s going on. What led to these feelings?”
Anna spent the next half hour telling Olivia about different things that happened over the last few days that showed Anna a different side of Beau. Reliving the moments only strengthened her feelings for him.
Finally, Olivia let out a long whistle. “Wow. Girl, I don’t think you have anything to worry about. It sounds like he’s in this too.”
“You think?” She wanted to hope, but hope might only lead to more heartache.
“I do. I’ve never known Beau to act like that. This is different.”
Anna huffed out a breath and relaxed against the headboard. “It’s definitely different for me. I’ve forced more than my fair share of relationships, but being with Beau is as easy as breathing. I’m happy when I’m with him.”
“Bingo! That’s what I needed to hear. Just enjoy the rest of your trip and have a talk like responsible adults when you get back to the real world. If it’s meant to be, it’ll survive after the vacation is over.”
The dog continued barking next to Olivia. “Hey, let me call you back. Betsy needs to go out, and I have to suit up. It’s snowing hard tonight.”
“Go take care of your baby. We’ll talk tomorrow. Love you.”
“Love you too. Don’t worry. It’ll all be okay.”
Anna dropped the phone onto the bed and allowed Olivia’s encouragement to sink in. As expected, Liv had helped Anna breathe easily again. They knew each other so well, and they’d been friends since they were young. Even with the history, they still didn’t shy away from telling each other the truth.
Her phone vibrated twice in a row, and she reached for it. There were multiple messages from Brittany.
Brittany: Who designed the beige trench coat you wore today?
Brittany: And were the boots Stella Artour? Have they been released yet? I can’t find them.
At least Brittany had moved on from personal questions. Fashion was a safe subject.
Anna: The trench coat is Gretta Danse, and the boots are Stella Artour. Good eye! They’re actually in next year’s fall line.
Brittany would no doubt reply immediately, but Anna clicked over to check her emails. A message waited from TrueBlue, the exclusive boutique that designed and sent her custom wedding dress .
T rueBlue: Hi Anna.
We received the dress and wanted to confirm that it is still in good condition.
It’s unfortunate that you were unable to feature the dress since it was a custom creation.
We also think it would be in poor taste to offer the dress to another bride in light of the negativity associated with your wedding.
Though we were grateful to have the opportunity to work with you, we have decided to terminate our business arrangement. The design and production of the dress was too much of a loss to overlook.
We wish you well.
Sincerely,
TrueBlue
G reat. One of the biggest up-and-coming boutiques in America didn’t want to work with her. Not only that, but they didn’t care one bit that the day that was supposed to be the happiest of her life was a disaster.
It couldn’t be helped. She couldn’t feature the dress without a wedding, and she would not be getting married anytime soon.
Anna hung her head. She knew exactly the kind of bind she’d put these boutiques in, but she couldn’t change it now. As much as she hated letting people down, this was a necessary step in regaining her independence.
More messages from Brittany came through, but Anna silenced the phone. Even fashion had a dark cloud hanging over it right now.
She got up, changed into comfortable pajamas, and washed her face. Exhaustion was catching up to her again despite the nap she’d taken earlier. When she slipped into the bed and wiggled into the warmth of the covers, her phone rang.
Her mom was calling…again. She hadn’t answered a single one of her mom’s calls since the wedding, and the longer she waited, the worse it would be when she finally confronted her mother.
When the call rolled to voicemail, Anna clicked to listen to the first message from her mother dated the same day as the wedding.
Her mother’s irate voice greeted her, followed by strings of curses and threats. She’d seen her mother angry plenty of times, but this was worse than she’d ever heard. The names her mother called Anna made her want to sink into a deep sea to drown out the sound.
But she wrapped up in the covers and kept on listening—letting every word hit her like a bullet to the chest. The tears came quickly, sliding over her temples and soaking into her hair.
She let the sobs have free rein. It was the perfect time to let it all out. No one was around to see her crumble .
There were so many messages. Some were long and hateful.
Some were quick and sharp like a bee sting.
Yet, Anna let them come. She let the blows hit their target and warp her into a bent and broken mess.
Her mom didn’t care that Anna had been betrayed.
She didn’t care that Anna was hurting or embarrassed.
In Catherine Harris’s eyes, Anna was the one to blame.
There were still more messages waiting, but Anna tossed the phone onto the bed and threw the covers back. She didn’t have to listen to the messages. Her mother was supposed to love her and stand beside her, but Catherine had never been that way.
Anna stormed to the bathroom and wiped her face clean.
So what if she didn’t have a supportive mother?
She had plenty to be thankful for, and she could still appreciate what her parents had done for her.
She’d never wanted for anything, and she’d been allowed to pursue the best education.
She had friends who would do anything for her.
She had jobs she loved and a home in the best town in the world.
She stepped out of the bathroom with a clean, dry face and spotted Beau’s Bible on the table.
She hadn’t even thought to bring hers on the trip, but Beau had brought his despite having only a few minutes to pack.
Anna had been using the Bible app on her phone when they read together in the mornings over breakfast .
That was what she wanted. That was the happiness she should have been chasing all along. Love from an earthly man wasn’t going to fill the hole in her heart. She needed Jesus. Only Jesus.
She sat at the table and brushed a hand over the worn cover. Beau’s Bible wasn’t pretty and pristine. The front cover had a slight hump in it, and some of the pages were bent.
Slowly, she opened it, only to find the spine separated from the pages.
The title page was covered in scratchy writing.
Verses, dates, and phrases covered the page.
Things like “Shut up and listen” made her chuckle, while phrases like “Jesus wins” made her stop and stare in awe.
Along the crease of the page was written, “Thank you for another day that I haven’t earned and don’t deserve. ”
As she scanned the page, one note stood out to her.
“Help. Psalm 34: 17-18”
Anna quickly flipped to the verses and read them aloud. “When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”
That was her problem. She hadn’t taken her anxiety to God. She hadn’t asked Him to help her through it. She hadn’t thanked Him for unanswered prayers. She’d been trying to do it all herself. No wonder she was lost. She’d turned her back on the One who promised to walk with her through everything.
Letting her chin fall to her chest, Anna closed her eyes and prayed aloud. “God, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I forgot about You. I’m sorry I haven’t let go of my own selfish wants. I’m sorry I’ve been so caught up in being loved that I forgot I already am.
“Thank You for staying, even though I don’t deserve Your love. Thank You for sending amazing friends.
“God, what I really need is You. I need to trust You, and I hope I can do that.” She sniffed and wiped her cheek.
“I don’t want to live alone anymore, but I don’t want to go against Your plan for me.
Can You guide me? Show me when I’m on the wrong path, and encourage me when I’m heading in the right direction?
I just want to do things right. For You.
“Yes, I want a man to love me, but only if it’s the man that You know is right for me.”
Images of Beau flashed in her mind. Sitting with her after she passed out and helping her after she injured her wrist. The way he listened when she spoke and encouraged her when she was afraid. Beau had been pointing her to God through all of this, and she’d been too self-absorbed to see it.
His name was on the tip of her tongue, but she couldn’t force another decision when she was asking God to show her the way.
She wanted Beau to be the man God had in mind for her, but His will was greater than her desires.
Beau might be selfless and kind at every turn, but was he just the man God put in her path when she needed him most?
The proposal at dinner was fake, but she desperately wanted it to be real. If she was going to give it to God, she had to let go of all her own wants. If Beau was the man for her, God would show her.
Finally, the truth sank in. God had provided for her over and over again throughout her life, and He would continue to do it. Whatever He had in mind for her was better than her own desires.
They had a few more days left in Freedom, and Anna would make the most of them.