26. Anna
Anna
D inner with Brittany had been tense, to say the least. They’d talked a lot, but Brittany drove the conversation.
Her questions about fashion revolved around what Anna planned to do about the pieces she’d intended to feature during her wedding. An already sore subject needed to be picked apart and studied, laying Anna’s biggest problems out on the table.
Still, she didn’t have a good course of action. TrueBlue had already cut ties with her, and there was a good chance the other boutiques would as well.
One well-known boutique in particular had been extremely understanding. Not only had they asked Anna to keep the dress, but they’d sent a care package filled with beauty products that Olivia had intercepted from Anna’s porch a few days ago .
Still, Brittany was only interested in knowing what Anna planned to do to make things right with the companies. Each working relationship was unique, and there wasn’t a one-size-fits-all solution to the problems.
Brittany hadn’t really made her mark in the fashion world yet, but it wasn’t because Anna hadn’t tried. Brittany had degrees in fashion and business, but her skill was in design. Anna had connected Brittany with a handful of boutiques, and despite her gorgeous designs, the jobs hadn’t worked out.
Then, there were Brittany’s questions about Beau.
How could Anna really explain their relationship?
A week ago, he would have been just her best friend’s brother.
This week, he was the person she’d leaned on the most and thought about more than anyone else.
That was really saying something, considering her ex and her mom were both hounding her, making it impossible to forget about them.
Anna paid the bill for dinner and stood from the table. Hopefully, a change of atmosphere would bring on a change in subject.
“What are you doing later?” Brittany asked.
“I’m not sure. Beau has something planned for us, but he said it was a surprise.”
“Oh. Well, I guess I’ll talk to you later. I’m heading back home tomorrow morning. ”
“Thanks again for coming out here. It’s been great to hang out with you in person.”
Her earlier unease about Brittany was slowly fading. She just had an awkward way about her. It was their first time meeting in person. So what if it was a little different from an online friendship?
“Thanks for hanging out with me. Message me when you get back to the hotel and let me know you made it safely.”
There. She was just being a thoughtful friend. How many people really cared if someone else had a safe trip home?
“You too. I’ll be praying your trip home tomorrow is a smooth one too.”
“Thanks. Bye.”
Even the way Brittany said goodbye was stiff. Maybe she was still nervous about meeting in person.
Anna watched Brittany walk off toward her car and called Beau.
“Hello.”
“Hey. We’re finished with dinner. Did you eat anything?”
“Yeah. I had a sandwich at Stories and Scones. Jan can make more than cakes and cookies.”
Anna chuckled, imagining Jan doting on Beau like a mother. “She’s so sweet.”
“Don’t tell her, but I’ve missed Olivia this week. I haven’t had to think about what I would eat for lunch and dinner for years.”
Even though Beau was the elder sibling, Olivia had taken it upon herself to care for him after their mom died. It was Liv’s way of keeping her mother’s memory alive. Beau occasionally complained about his sister taking care of him like a mom, so it was good to know Liv’s efforts were appreciated.
“I won’t tell a soul. Where are you?”
Before he could answer, her car pulled up to the sidewalk where she was walking away from the restaurant. Beau ended the call and reached over the console to open her door.
“Curbside service. I like it,” Anna said as she slipped into the passenger seat.
Beau pinned her with a wicked grin. “Ready for some fun?”
Adrenaline tingled just beneath her skin. Beau’s idea of fun was sometimes different from hers, but she was coming to trust him. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”
Fifteen minutes later, Beau parked in front of an old warehouse with a dilapidated sign on the front of the building. The place wasn’t run down, and the wear on the sign was clearly intentional.
“Rage Room?” Anna asked.
Beau shifted into park and his smile grew. “Have you ever wanted to smash something before?”
“Um. No.” It was the truth. Most of her emotions weren’t allowed to see the light of day. Anger was the number one no-no.
“You’re telling me you didn’t want to punch Dean in the face last week?”
Maybe she’d wished some kind of physical pain on him when Misty had gone on and on about their affair or when he’d gotten mad at Anna for leaving despite his infidelity.
“Okay. I’ll admit it. I had some very unkind thoughts about him.”
Beau jerked his head toward the building. “Let’s go let it out.”
Before she could really wrap her head around what Beau was suggesting, he was out of the car and opening her door. She followed Beau through the registration process, then an intimidating woman with an eyebrow piercing and arms covered in ink led them to a room filled with junk.
“You have thirty minutes,” the woman said before closing the door on her way out.
“What do we do?” Anna asked. Vases, plates, old tires, and lamps were spread out around the room, while hammers, axes, and bats hung from the walls. A punching bag dangled from the ceiling, and a few logs were turned up on their ends.
Beau handed her a helmet, gloves, and goggles. “Whatever you want.” He put on his equipment before picking up a wooden baseball bat and pointing it at an ugly, oversized table lamp. “This one is Dean’s head.”
Beau lifted the bat over his shoulder and swung, sending shards of the lamp flying toward the wall in a loud crash.
The sound alone stole Anna’s breath. He really smashed it. The lamp was reduced to dozens of jagged pieces.
Beau stretched his neck to one side, then the other. “That was fun.” He handed her the bat, and she took the heavy weapon in her gloved hands.
“I can’t just hit something like that,” she said, gesturing to the non-existent lamp.
“Why not?” Beau asked, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Because it feels wrong.”
“It’s wrong to trash our hotel room.” Beau held his arms out to his sides. “It’s perfectly okay to let it out here.”
She looked around at the mismatched, breakables scattered throughout the room. Was it really okay? She’d never broken anything on purpose.
Beau walked over to the wall and grabbed an ax. Lifting it above his head, he slammed it down on top of a thick stump where the blade jammed into the wood, splitting it in two.
The bat in her hands was heavy, and her palms itched. What would it feel like to break down the walls around her carefully guarded emotions ?
Beau picked up a clear vase and rested it on top of a table in front of her before stepping back. She stared at the vase as she tried to talk her guarded mind into allowing her to break it. Why couldn’t she just do it?
When she looked up, Beau was beside her. He reached for her hand, and she lowered the bat to her side.
Beau kept his gaze locked on hers as he said, “I know the difference in your smiles now. You’ve been pretending to be happy for a long time because you think it’s expected, and I don’t like it.”
His light-brown eyes waited as she absorbed his words. She had been hiding behind a smile for as long as she could remember, but Beau was the one who noticed. He was the one who claimed to hate it as much as she did.
She allowed herself to think about the wedding—how Dean had betrayed her and embarrassed her, how he’d yelled at her and blamed her. She remembered his lies. He wasn’t the Christian he claimed to be. At least he wasn’t acting like it. He hadn’t apologized or shown regret.
To top it off, he hadn’t waited for her. She only wanted to share her body with her husband, but he’d given in to his physical desires with someone else.
Then her mom’s angry words came to join the party. Her mom had tried to convince Anna to do everything within her power to keep Dean happy.
There were years of pent-up anger and heartache locked behind a door with her mother’s name on it. If she opened the door, could she ever stop the hurt inside from consuming her? Could she ever lock it safely behind that door again?
Probably not, but could she hang on the edge of this cliff her whole life? Would she ever be free if she didn’t make the move in this moment when Beau was offering it to her?
Anna pulled her hand from Beau’s and gripped the bottom of the bat with her uninjured hand.
Pressure expanded and heated in her chest. Boiling with the lid on.
Why didn’t she have the luxury of feeling?
She’d never been allowed to make a fuss over anything.
She’d been pushed to the side and erased her entire life.
And for what? Love? If Dean and her parents didn’t love her after she’d done all she could, maybe she was unloveable.
The vase sat temptingly on the table. When the pressure was too much, she raised the bat and swung, shattering it in one blow.
Her breaths came quick and hot. It wasn’t enough. She’d only cracked the door open, and she wanted more.
Gripping the bat with white knuckles, she smashed one fragile item after another until she’d destroyed everything that could be broken in the room, including her heart.
Gasping for air, she dropped the bat and raised her hand to her throat. Hot tears slid down her cheeks as the sobs came, and her knees gave out.
Beau’s arms wrapped around her before her knees hit the ground, but she pushed against him.
“No, let me go! I don’t want to be babied!”
“I don’t think of you like that. You’re strong. You just?—”
“Should just be perfect. I should be perfect!” she screamed.
“No, you’re not perfect. No one is, but it’s okay.”
“I can’t cause problems for anyone. I can’t make mistakes. I can’t inconvenience anyone!”
Beau swiped a hand over his face and propped his hands on his hips. “You’re not a problem. You’re not a mistake. You’re not an inconvenience. You can cry and kick and scream, and I’ll still think you’re amazing. Anyone who doesn’t isn’t worth your time.”
What was he even saying? Why was he here, begging her to be the person she’d tried so hard not to be?
Why did he make her want to be different? Why hadn’t he seen the messed-up parts of her and run?
Anna swiped her hands over her cheeks, smearing mascara over her palm and wrist brace. Beau stood right in front of her, witnessing her absolute meltdown.
He took a step toward her. Then another. His gaze remained locked on hers as he approached her the same way the Crocodile Hunter used to creep up on snakes.
When they were mere inches apart, he raised his hands and wiped her tears. His calloused hands were rough against her smooth skin, but she leaned into the touch. He wiped the tears on his jeans before running his fingers into her hair and cradling her at the base of her neck and jaw.
“You are amazing,” Beau whispered. “Strong, smart, kind, beautiful.”
Anna didn’t care what else he had to say. She’d heard enough. Pressing up onto her toes, she met his lips with hers.
Beau caught her the moment she would have crumbled. His arms wrapped around her, holding her in the safety of his embrace as he moved against her.
And she took her first healing breath. This was what she’d been missing. This was real and unfiltered emotion.
To say it was the best kiss of her life was an understatement. She might have gotten the ball rolling, but Beau was in charge here. He took complete control, leading her out onto a raging sea .
Beau’s movements slowed, and he tensed before ending the kiss. Her face heated as rejection burned hot inside of her.
“I’m…I’m sorry,” she whispered as she took a step back.
Beau grabbed her hand, pulling her back to him. “No. It’s not that. It’s… You’ve been through a lot lately.”
Anna shook her head. “No. This isn’t a rebound or a trauma response. I…I like you. I’ve had the best time with you despite the mess waiting at home. You’ve been so good to me when you didn’t have to be. You?—”
Beau wrapped her up, crushing her to his chest. “Stop. I’m right here with you. I’m surprised, but I’m also one hundred percent sure this is real. At least it is for me.”
Anna nodded against his chest. “It is for me too. I’ve never been so sure of anything. And the best part is, I’m not going to second guess the way I feel.” She lifted her head to look up at Beau. “Thanks to you, I’m not afraid anymore.”
Beau pressed another kiss to her lips that sent a shock racing down her spine. Being adored by Beau was both thrilling and calming at the same time.
He jerked his chin toward the shattered remains of the room. “Want to smash some more?”
Anna chuckled. The rage room was worth the price he paid for half an hour. Beau knew exactly what she needed and made it happen.
“I don’t need to hit anything else. Let’s go have fun.”