Chapter Twenty-Two Euan
In the middle of my work day, my phone buzzes with a text message.
Calder
call?
video?
A minute later, the notification pops up on my laptop for an incoming video call. I answer it and lean back in the library’s flimsy chair to get the full view of my brother.
Calder sits at his desk, feet kicked up, leaning all the way back in his chair, idly tossing a stress ball from one hand to the other. He’s probably picked up this pose from a movie he’s watched recently, though I can’t guess which one. “Well, you’re alive,” he states matter-of-factly.
“I texted.”
“Yes, a whole two words. ‘Arrived safely.’ Then nothing for three days.”
“I wasn’t aware I needed to do daily check-ins,” I reply dryly.
“You do when you fly across the country to meet some random guy. What if he was a mad scientist luring you into his secret lair to perform illegal experiments?”
I eye the scene around him and notice the haphazard paper stacks at the edge of the frame. “Are you working on a new story?”
Calder pauses, the ball frozen in one hand. “Maybe.”
“Did you only call me because you have writer’s block?”
Calder straightens and shoves the papers off screen. “I would never. I’m simply concerned about my baby brother—”
“I’m thirty-one.”
“—who flew across the country to meet a stranger from the internet.”
“Nick’s hardly a stranger. Marcus has met him in person multiple times, and we dated for months.”
Calder catches the past tense. “He’s broken up with you already, hasn’t he?”
The ‘already’ implies he knew it would happen, and I can’t say he’s wrong. Nick wasn’t my shortest relationship, but he set a new record for time spent in a room together: none. I sigh. “Is it that obvious?”
“No, actually. Usually when someone dumps you, you’re a mess. Hell, the fact you didn’t drunk dial me is weird enough. When’d it happen? Just now? Are you in shock? Do you need medical attention?”
“No, I do not need medical attention,” I growl. I’m surrounded by people with overactive imaginations. “It happened Saturday night.”
“Shit, seriously? That’s a long way to fly for a pump and dump. Though I guess he wouldn’t care if he’s not the one wasting money.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose and take a deep, steadying breath. If I’m not careful, Calder will trample all over this conversation. “That’s not what happened. We didn’t even meet.”
“What?! That’s even worse! You should at least get some ass out of this wasted trip.”
“Calder.” The library rooms are semi-private but not completely soundproof.
I glance through the glass wall to make sure our conversation hasn’t attracted attention.
A mother and her child walk past the window without glancing at me, so they hopefully didn’t hear anything.
The kid may be here to learn new vocabulary, but they don’t need any lessons from my brother.
Calder begins tossing the ball back and forth again.
It’s distracting, but he’s always needed something to do with his hands.
Mom tried to encourage him to take up knitting or crochet, but when he got bored and tied knots in all her expensive yarn, she never trusted him near it again.
“I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that this happened three days ago, but you didn’t bother to inform anyone.
You should call Mom, by the way,” he adds as an afterthought.
“I’ve been busy,” I hedge, not quite sure I want to spill all the sordid details to Calder. He’s never been the best at keeping secrets. All it takes is a glass of scotch to loosen his lips, and he doesn’t even have to drink it first.
“With what? The whole reason you went over there was to spend time with your boyfriend and those plans were obviously canceled.”
I’ll need to tell him something, even if I don’t explain the whole story. “I met someone else.”
The ball stops again. “No.” The one word is packed with the authority of an older brother who thinks he can tell me what to do because ‘Mom left him in charge.’
I ignored him then and I ignore him now. “His name is Alex.”
He drops his feet from the desk and plants them firmly on the floor with an audible thump.
“No, Euan, you can’t do this. You can’t jump from one boyfriend to the next.
First, you’re only visiting, so no matter how much you like him, it will be long distance.
Again. Because that worked out so well the first time.
Second, it’s been three days. Give yourself a little time to recover before diving into something new. ”
“It’s complicated,” I begin.
“Complicated how?” Calder’s eyes narrow. “Is he married?”
Evasion is one thing but lying to him will only cause problems later down the line. The annulment will invalidate the marriage legally. It won’t erase the knowledge that it happened. “Yes.”
“Euan—”
“To me.”
Calder stares at me for a moment. Then he starts searching around his desk.
He rifles through the stacks of papers, opens a few drawers.
Pushes his chair away and ducks his head under for several long seconds.
Finally, he picks up the laptop, and the images on screen move swiftly and jaggedly in a way that makes me motion sick.
“What are you doing?” I ask.
From off screen somewhere, he says, “Looking for the prank show’s hidden camera.”
“We’re already on camera—it wouldn’t need to be hidden.”
Calder sets the laptop down. It’s a little off center from before, angled more toward the rest of his home office. In the background, there’s a corkboard covered with index cards. “I hope your other victims have a funnier response because I don’t think mine will get you any good ratings.”
I huff a laugh. “It’s not a prank.”
“Ha ha, ha ha, so funny, but I know that even you would not marry someone you’ve known for three days.” He pauses and adds, “If you said you were engaged, I would believe you. But married?”
“We’re getting an annulment.” The admission burns my mouth like acid.
“You sound disappointed. Do you not want the annulment?”
“No, we both agree it’s for the best.”
“Good. Because you barely know this guy—”
“I know.”
“—and marriage is a big commitment—”
“I know.”
“—and a quickie marriage may have worked for Mom and Dad, but unless this guy is trans, you don’t have to worry about a baby even if you fucked him raw—”
“Calder.”
“—and for all you know, this marriage is part of an elaborate scheme to lure you into his secret lair to perform illegal experiments on you.” At some point in his ranting, he picked up a pen and is now scribbling furious notes on a fresh index card.
“Please do not use my life to fuel your plots.”
“All art is inspired by real life,” he says, though he does look up from his notes and carefully moves them out of frame, as if he’s worried I’ll steal his ideas.
“So, you married him and now you’re getting an annulment.
Unusual, but fairly straightforward. Where do the complications come in?
” It only takes him a second to connect the dots. “You like him, don’t you?”
“If there wasn’t some attraction, I wouldn’t have married him,” I say, aiming for dry but my voice gets clogged in my throat.
Alex’s face flashes through my mind, the way his blue eyes crinkle and his cheeks turn into round little apples when he smiles sincerely.
The few freckles scattered across his skin, and the darker mark right under his eye.
His full laughter at cheesy, old-school special effects.
The little furrow in his brow whenever I do something nice for him, and his determination to match me kindness for kindness.
“Shit, Euan.” The levity disappears from Calder’s voice, leaving it heavy and worried.
“Sometimes I can’t tell whether you’re chasing true love or heartbreak.
I’ve always thought the way you speedrun relationships is dangerous.
One of these days you’re going to crash, and I’m worried you won’t survive. ”
A muscle ticks in my jaw and it’s a struggle to keep my voice calm. “You’re being dramatic. A drunken marriage followed by a quick annulment isn’t going to destroy me.”
“Yeah, but you didn’t even give yourself time to recover from Nick. Hell, it sounds like you barely tapped on the brakes before picking up another passenger and racing toward the altar.”
“Can you please stop with the car metaphors?”
Calder holds up both hands. “You’re the one driving this conversation.
” His lips twitch. “Sorry, I had to.” Lowering his hands, he clasps them in front of him and leans closer to the camera so all I see is his face.
“I’m concerned that when all is said and done—when the annulment is finalized and you never see this guy again—”
My heart squeezes at the mere thought of losing Alex so completely.
“—that you won’t recover this time.” Calder’s quiet for a long moment, allowing the words to sink in. “Just be careful. Slow down, take a few deep breaths, and don’t get too attached to the guy.”
He waits for my reply. All I can manage is a curt nod.
“Good. Now, I have to go write about a mad scientist and the poor victim he marries and experiments on.” With that abrupt exit, he stops the video feed.
I sigh and slump in my seat. Calder has a point.
As much as I’m drawn to Alex, our marriage will eventually end.
What will our relationship look like afterwards?
Whenever I try to remain friends with an ex, the friendship dwindles over time.
Either they meet someone and become absorbed in their new romance, or we struggle to keep the conversation going beyond casual pleasantries. Will that happen with Alex too?
Is there a way to hold onto him, or am I bound to lose him to distance or someone else? The deeper I dig myself into this relationship, the harder it’ll be to climb out at the end of it.
At the very least, we probably shouldn’t be adding sex and intimacy into the already tangled mess. No matter how much I want to taste him again, to feel him writhe beneath my hands, to hear his impassioned voice crying my name—
Alright, now I’m just making myself horny.
When I return to Alex’s apartment tonight, we’ll talk, figure things out. Slow things down and decide what kind of relationship we really want.