Chapter 16
From: Grace Rivera
To: Damon Knight
Subject: Loving Fall
Dear Damon,
You probably won't get this until you get back to base, but I miss our daily talks, so I decided to email you.
It's so quiet here. When we decided to move to Providence, I knew small town life would be a big adjustment, but there was so much going on in those two weeks leading up to the wedding that I didn't have time to get bored, thanks to you.
It's also very pretty. The Fall leaves are much more vibrant in the country than in the city. The weather gets colder every day. I just found out that I have to dress up on Halloween. I have no idea what I'm going to be.
I thought my mom had finally perked up—even though she wasn't anywhere close to what she was before the wedding—but it only lasted a week. She's right back to sleeping most of the day. I try to encourage her to sit up in her chair for a couple hours every day.
In case you didn't know, your family is amazing! Somebody is always checking in on us and dropping off food. Your Aunt Faith showed up yesterday (on my day off) and kicked me out of my own house! Can you believe it?
I'm sure you can.
I asked her what I was supposed to do while she sat with my mother who spends most of her day sleeping?
She told me to run errands or something, but I didn't have any errands.
So she suggested I go to the ranch and go for a ride.
So that's what I did. No one was available to ride with me, and I didn't trust myself to take Honey out alone, so I just rode her around the corral.
New bucket list item: Get good at riding horses.
I miss you!
Yours,
Grace
From: Damon Knight
To: Graciela Rivera
Date: October 15
Subject: Re: Loving Fall
Dear Grace,
That sounds like Aunt Faith alright. She's a force to be reckoned with when she sets her mind to something. I'm sure it's good for your mom to have someone to talk to besides you, Paige and Gabe. I'm sorry she's not doing well.
That's awesome that you are riding. I can't wait to ride with you again when I come home. You should buy yourself some cowboy boots and a hat and be a cowgirl for Halloween. Be sure to send me pics.
I wish it was quiet here. Besides the constant hum of the AC and generators, we have aircraft flying over at all hours of the day and night and convoys moving in and out.
Even though the shooting range is on the other side of the compound, the siren for various drills goes off every other day, I swear.
Then there’s King’s snoring. It’s worse than a tank.
And it's still hot. Dry and hot.
No trees with pretty fall leaves. Only sand, sagebrush and more sand.
Our routine has become monotonous. Not much happening right now, thank goodness.
Some days I wonder why we're even here. But I will be going out on special assignment next week.
It should only be for a few days. I probably won't be able to call or text during that time.
Don't worry. It's nothing too dangerous.
New bucket list item: Finish my tour without killing Howie.
He got a hold of my phone while I showered on Sunday and scheduled a mammogram in my calendar every Thursday for the rest of the year. And last week, he short-sheeted everyone's beds.
Can't stop thinking about you. I miss you so much.
Love,
Damon
From: Damon Knight
To: Marisol Rivera
Date: October 15
Subject: I miss our talks.
Dear Marisol,
I know it might be a while before you get around to reading this since it sounds like you still don't have much energy. I just wanted to tell you how glad I am that I got to know you and your family. You are a wonderful mother, who raised two amazing kids.
I see so much of you in Grace. Besides being a raving beauty like you, she is compassionate and driven. I love that she's courageous, outspoken and isn't afraid to tackle hard things. I find her stubbornness kind of cute.
Has she told you that she's thinking about becoming a Doctor of Radiology? I know she has reservations (who wouldn't), but I'm trying to encourage her to follow her dreams. She's so inspiring to me.
You are too. Your faith in God and the grace that you exhibit as you face your challenges is truly amazing.
I wish I could have spent more time with you and Grace. You are both in my thoughts and prayers each day.
With love and respect,
Damon (your future son-in-law)
Grace watched as her mom made her way from the bathroom back to the living room. She was ready to spring off the couch the moment it looked like her mom needed help. She tried to let her be as independent as possible, but her mom's health was failing fast, and she needed help more often lately.
It kept Grace's chest perpetually tight. She tried to keep a brave face, but she felt like she was always on the verge of tears. Not only did she miss Damon like crazy, she’d soon have to say goodbye to her mother. She wasn't ready to do that.
Instead of sitting in her chair, Mom sat beside her on the couch.
"You should sit in your chair, Mom. It'll be more comfortable for you."
Her last scan before leaving Richmond showed that the cancer had spread to her spine, which often caused her discomfort when sitting upright.
"I've been sitting there all day." Mom waved a hand. "And I'll sit there tomorrow. Right now, I want to snuggle with my daughter." She lifted her arm to put around Grace's shoulders.
Grace's chest constricted as she slid down to lean into her mom's side. She tried to ignore how frail her mom had become. Little more than skin and bones.
They used to snuggle on the couch all the time as they talked or watched a movie together, but since their move to Providence almost two months ago, Mom had spent most of her time in her bed or chair.
"How's Damon doing?" Mom leaned her cheek against Grace's head.
"Good. He says things are slow and boring right now."
"Slow is good, right? Boring is safe."
"Yes, thank goodness. I like that he's stuck at base camp for now, because I get calls and texts. When he leaves camp, he rarely has service."
Except for the five days he was away from base last week, she'd been able to talk to Damon almost every day for the past month, and she loved it.
Some days, they talked for the entirety of her lunch break, bantering back and forth.
On other days, their calls were cut short after only ten or fifteen minutes—either on his end or hers.
They rarely discussed anything important, but talking to Damon about even mundane things made her day.
She didn't look forward to next week when he'd be out on assignment again and unable to contact her.
"Is that Howie fellow still pulling pranks?"
She often shared with her mom the things she and Damon talked about, including his frustration with Howie and his practical jokes.
"Yes. Last week before they left on assignment, he swapped Flowers' body spray out with the deodorizer Chevy uses in his boots, and yesterday he traded King's boots with Romero's.
" Despite not approving of Howie's pranks, Grace found herself chuckling.
"The guy with the biggest feet was trying to cram his foot into boots that were three sizes too small.
And of course, Romero couldn't figure out why his boots were so loose no matter how tight he tied them. "
"I wonder if the jokes and pranks are Howie's way of coping. I'm sure it's hard to be so far away from home and family."
"Maybe, but he does it even when they’re stateside. I feel like it makes deployment harder for everyone.
"I like Damon." Mom patted her hand. "He's a good man."
The change in topic made Grace's pulse accelerate. "He is."
She loved that he had a good relationship with his mom and made the effort to reach out to her often. He often sent Grace inspirational quotes or thoughtful text messages.
"Have you told him yet?" When Grace gave her mom a questioning look, she clarified. "About your baby?"
Grace stiffened. They'd agreed years ago not to talk about it, because every time they did, she grew anxious and had trouble sleeping.
She shook her head. "I tried before he left, but I just couldn't do it. Telling him in a text or email feels like a cop out, but every time we talk, it just doesn't feel like the right time. Nor do I want to distract him from his job."
"I know it's difficult to talk about, but you owe him the truth. Keeping it to yourself will only make it harder to share. It will affect your relationship." Mom tucked a lock of Grace's hair behind her ear.
"I know, I just..." Grace let her words die off, because she wasn't sure how to finish her sentence.
Mom placed a throw pillow on her lap and encouraged Grace to lay her head on it. She did so, and her mother gently ran her fingers through Grace's hair. "Just pray about it, Mija. You'll find the words eventually."
Grace squeezed her eyes closed to stop the tears that suddenly flooded them. Prayer was mom's answer for everything. It was something Grace had struggled with off and on throughout her life. Especially since her mother's diagnosis.
Despite knowing her time was limited, Mom had found peace. Grace had tried to turn to God because she needed that peace too, but it was slow in coming.
"A little birdie told me you're thinking about going back to school to get your Doctorate of Radiology."
Grace jerked upright. "Who told you that?"
"I think you know who." Mom met her gaze.
Damon. Of course it was Damon.
He's the only one she'd told. But when had he told her mom? And why?
Grace was unsure whether she should be upset or not.
"When did he tell you?" And why had her mom waited until now to bring it up?
"A few days ago. He emails me every week, Mija."
"He does?" Grace had no idea Damon had continued to communicate with her mom.
The fact that he did made her love him even more.
Love.
She paused at that.
I love Damon!
The realization shouldn't have come as such a surprise since she'd known she was falling for him, but the depth of the emotion floored her.
"The question is, why didn't you tell me?" Mom's lips turned down.
"I don't know." Grace studied her hands. "I'm still not sure it's what I really want to do."
Which wasn't entirely true. Providence Hospital didn't have a Head Radiologist who read all the imaging. That fell on each of the doctors; Dr. Young, Dr. Henderson, and Dr. Waite She often stood near as they interpreted what they saw in the imaging. She found it fascinating.
"What's holding you back?"
"Time, for one. It will be years of schooling."
And I want to devote my time to you for as long as you're here.
"The way I see it, you've got nothing but time. Especially while Damon is deployed." Mom frowned. "I know you feel like you need to babysit me, but it really is disconcerting knowing someone is watching me sleep."
"I'm not watching you," Grace said in her defense, even though she did watch her mom sleep sometimes. "I just like to be close in case you need something."
"I appreciate that, but I feel like there is something else holding you back.
" Mom's gaze grew perceptive. "If you're worried about how to pay for it, don't be.
Mr. Henessy has continued to pay my life insurance even though I'm unable to work anymore.
" Mom patted her hand. "You and Gabe can split it when I'm gone.
It should be enough to pay for the bulk of your schooling. "
I would rather have you than your life insurance money.
The words clawed at Grace's throat, but she held them back. Her mother would only chide her about accepting the Lord's will and be willing to let her go.
"It's not that. It's..." Grace wasn't sure how to explain the hesitation she felt.
"What, Mija?"
"I've always played it safe since...you know.
" She'd become a veritable recluse after she was raped, thanks to the bullying she received at school after news spread that she was pregnant.
She'd tried to emerge from her shell in college, but then she'd retreated again after Alan dumped her.
"I was always hesitant to try new things and make commitments.
I didn't want to get hurt again or get in over my head. But since moving here..."
"Something's changed, hasn't it?"
"Yes, though I'm not sure what. I just feel like I'm supposed to do more with my life than what I've been doing."
"This is a great time to make a change." Mom gave her an encouraging smile. "A fresh start so to speak."
"Yes, but I keep second-guessing myself. Am I trying to become something that's not in my nature?"
"I know you went through a lot in high school and that has followed you ever since, but you don't need to hide parts of yourself here.
You don't owe anyone an explanation." Mom tilted her head.
"Except Damon. You need to tell him everything.
" She gave Grace a wry smile. "Do I need to give you a lecture about how you can be anything you want to be? "
"No, I just need you to tell me I'm not crazy for wanting to get my doctorate." Grace's lips lifted as her chest swelled with conviction.
"You're not crazy, Mija. Just be yourself. It's enough."